ultimatums

[herenow]

Again, I don't disagree. I would also say that this is the case in any R where someone is really just an "FB" (hey, lol, I'm being crude... how am I doing, Sal.. Crumb?) Who really wants to admit that?

 

Someone who lives in reality would admit that. When you get involved with someone who is married to another person, and has no intention of leaving their marriage, chances are you (if you let yourself actually care about the person) will be the one that gets hurt in the end. Who, in their right mind, doesn't know that? If you enter into a FWB relationship, you are adult enough to have sex, so you should be adult enough to live with the consequences if you choose to get emotionally involved and the other person doesn't.

 

I'm not talking about you, Meredith63, I'm using the word you as a general person.

[Meredith63]

Herenow...

 

I really do agree with you. My "who wants to admit that" was kind of flip.

 

While it is always wise to "be real" about your relationships, it is even more important to be real while in an EMR, because for whatever reason, they seem to devastate people for much harder and longer than the ending of a "normal" R (why that is, I am not smart enough to know. It's just what I've observed).

 

From reading here (I have a friend who recently became an OW... I am urging her to RUN, as I do anyone who enters into an EMR) it does seem like there are many delusions (again, I think we agree on all sides of the triangle). I also am a big believer that MM do what is best for them. All OW's and BW's need to remember that.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Yes boning...cheaters and people who "bone" other peoples husbands/wives need to hear it the harsh way.

 

What do you prefer? The horizontal mambo...waxing the weasel...giving him a warm place to put it....riding the high hard one....getting jackhammered?

 

Or when it comes to a woman like this who is having sex with another woman's husband...do you prefer "making love"?

 

Take your pick and I'll be sure to use that one from here on out.

 

Salicious Crumb,

 

Since Meredith63 has been happily married to her husband who was once her MM for a number of years, does that mean she's been promoted from "boning" to "making love" to him?

 

If that's the case then, I can't wait to be promoted because I never imagined it could GET any better than what I thought was "making love". Wow, boning is something I should recommend.

 

Sorry to talk about your love-life so candidly M63!

[herenow]

Herenow...

 

I really do agree with you. My "who wants to admit that" was kind of flip.

 

While it is always wise to "be real" about your relationships, it is even more important to be real while in an EMR, because for whatever reason, they seem to devastate people for much harder and longer than the ending of a "normal" R (why that is, I am not smart enough to know. It's just what I've observed).

 

From reading here (I have a friend who recently became an OW... I am urging her to RUN, as I do anyone who enters into an EMR) it does seem like there are many delusions (again, I think we agree on all sides of the triangle). I also am a big believer that MM do what is best for them. All OW's and BW's need to remember that.

 

OK, got it!

[Meredith63]

LOL. Je Ne...

 

No worries

[addicted2love]

LOL...you really want to ask about ultimatums to a married man you are boning?...LMFAO...*choke*...*sigh*...oh god....this is too funny.

 

Please don't bother posting a response to anything I post. I don't appreciate your venom.

[Salicious Crumb]

Please don't bother posting a response to anything I post. I don't appreciate your venom.

 

And people like me don't appreciate that you don't give a hoot about the lives you destroy.

[herenow]

Addicted2love, you have to know that when you post on a public forum, the public will answer. And, there is a large part of the public that find affairs repulsive and wrong.

[Guest]

HereNow can I just ask you to clarifysomething.

 

I am an OW who didn't used to feel used in the early part of the A when it was all new and fresh etc. But lately when he says things like "if you go sick from work next Monday and Tuesday I'll come over and f--- you in the afternoon" then alarm bells are ringing.

 

However he isn't going NC with me, although his time is getting more limited, and evenings are a thing of the past. So he isn't working on his marriage but obviously he is on a very tight leash at the moment. He knows that I won't be happy if our time together is further curtailed. The upshot is that his behaviour is becoming bizarre; he sometimes doesn't phone for days on end and then he will phone me 15 times a day demanding to know where I am when I didn't answer the phone because I was out with a friend at a museum and my cell was turned off.

And this is meant to be love--I don't think so. This is someone who alway puts himself first, whoever he is with.

So he hasn't gone NC with me but I am getting tired and weary of his behaviour.

 

I agree that if the MM stays with the W, then he is using the OW for whatever, and it will primarily be for sex. Of course he will take her out (occasionally) and talk to her and indulge her, as that is a small price to pay to keep the A going.

 

If the MM tells the OW that he doesnot want to have any communication with her then just take it at face value. If you work with him and he chooses not to sit in the chair next to you or to just say "Hello" and move swiftly on, then again the message is clear.

Do not analyse what it means--it means he is not that into you any more and has decided to work things out at home OR to move onto another OW.

 

So I guess the question is that if MM continues to want to see the OW when things are rough at home, he is just getting away with as much as he can for HIS own needs, and not that he can't give up the OW because he loves her..

 

HereNow or anyone else agree?

[addicted2love]

...if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all!

 

 

Just for the record my MM lives 9 HOURS AWAY FROM ME!!! kinda hard to "bone" someone from that distance.

 

Also....I have known and been in love with this man for 17 years.

This isn't some stranger I met one day and thought...hmmm maybe I'll destroy someones life today!

 

This R Is and always has been about love, and emotions. This man is the one I SHOULD have married. We've started contact again after 13 years of NC. Both realized we are unhappily married and via telephone discovered that YES we are still in love. Neither one of us could get over the other and YES we should have married when we were both single and had the chance.

 

Also----I have NEVER asked advice on how to get him to leave his W. Or how to get him to commit to me...etc. Simply put...this man always has put up a wall with me when his feelings got too deep. He backs off pulls away etc. I'm trying to figure out how to break this old habit with him instead of running away like I did 13 years ago. I'm trying to do things differently this time and get him back to the point of open communication so that we can figure out whether or not we actually stand a chance of ever having the happy relationship that we have both longed for with each other all of these years.

 

So please people like SC don't waste your time thinking that you know everything about a person and the situation they are in. You are absolutely intitled to your opinion but please keep it to yourself. People here on LS are in enough pain already and seriously don't need people like you throwing stones. I seriously wonder why people like you even read let alone bother to post on the OW/OM board. Do you have so much time on your hands that you feel the need to be out right rude, crude and abuseive to strangers?

[LilDarlin]

And, there is a large part of the public that find affairs repulsive and wrong.

 

***Raising hand*** ME! I DO!

 

I just don't get the attraction of wanting to be with someone elses man, taking crumbs for a relationship and destroying a family..... but that's just me I guess.

[addicted2love]

Addicted2love, you have to know that when you post on a public forum, the public will answer. And, there is a large part of the public that find affairs repulsive and wrong.

 

 

HN very true...however it just makes my blood boil to be judged so viciously by a complete stranger. I believe I read another post where SC stated they have never been a BS or OW/OM. If this person has never been in the situation in any way shape or form what is the point of posting here? The only reason I can see is to purposely try to hurt others. What a waste of time..IMO.

[Meredith63]

Heck, I was in an affair and I think they are wrong. I am most definitely not proud of how my marriage began. But I adore my husband and am thankful every day that he is in my life. In my case, it wasn't that I didn't care that I was hurting someone else, I did. But - I put my happiness first. Selfish, yes absolutely. But, also painfully honest. Affairs are very selfish.

 

I know that I am new here, but I really have not seen anyone saying that they think there is absolutely nothing wrong with being in an A and that it is perfectly ok. Am I missing something?

[herenow]

***Raising hand*** ME! I DO!

 

I just don't get the attraction of wanting to be with someone elses man, taking crumbs for a relationship and destroying a family..... but that's just me I guess.

 

No, not just you. I think the majority of society feels the way you do.

 

BTW, interesting picture you've got there!

[addicted2love]

And people like me don't appreciate that you don't give a hoot about the lives you destroy.

 

Do I know you? You must be a pretty close friend of mine to make such a statement. My closest friends would disagree with you about me not caring about other peoples lives. That couldn't be farther from the truth.

 

I'm done defending myself to you SC...you are officially on ignore.

[herenow]

HN very true...however it just makes my blood boil to be judged so viciously by a complete stranger. I believe I read another post where SC stated they have never been a BS or OW/OM. If this person has never been in the situation in any way shape or form what is the point of posting here? The only reason I can see is to purposely try to hurt others. What a waste of time..IMO.

 

Actually, I'm not sure, but I think he said his wife was unfaithful.

[addicted2love]

Heck, I was in an affair and I think they are wrong. I am most definitely not proud of how my marriage began. But I adore my husband and am thankful every day that he is in my life. In my case, it wasn't that I didn't care that I was hurting someone else, I did. But - I put my happiness first. Selfish, yes absolutely. But, also painfully honest. Affairs are very selfish.

 

I know that I am new here, but I really have not seen anyone saying that they think there is absolutely nothing wrong with being in an A and that it is perfectly ok. Am I missing something?

 

Believe it or not I too think they are wrong. I've been a BS 3 times! I know the pain first hand. But I also know that you can't help who you fall in love with. I never thought in a million years I would be in this situation.

[Salicious Crumb]

...if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all!

 

 

LOL..you are correct there....its much nicer to screw other women's husbands isn't it?

 

 

Just for the record my MM lives 9 HOURS AWAY FROM ME!!! kinda hard to "bone" someone from that distance.

 

Well...that makes it all better doesn't it?

 

Also....I have known and been in love with this man for 17 years.

This isn't some stranger I met one day and thought...hmmm maybe I'll destroy someones life today!

 

And this mitigates the damage you are doing how???

 

 

This R Is and always has been about love, and emotions. This man is the one I SHOULD have married. We've started contact again after 13 years of NC. Both realized we are unhappily married and via telephone discovered that YES we are still in love. Neither one of us could get over the other and YES we should have married when we were both single and had the chance.

 

If the both of you are so damned unhappy, why are you still married?

 

So not only are you the OW, you are cheating on your husband? This just keeps getting better.

 

 

So please people like SC don't waste your time thinking that you know everything about a person and the situation they are in.

 

It doesn't matter what the situation is or how you got into it...you are WRONG for having an affair with another woman's husband. I don't give a crap if he should have been the one you married or not.

 

And just by what you said it sounds like you are cheating on a husband.

Again, its wrong and despicable.

 

You are absolutely intitled to your opinion but please keep it to yourself.

 

No, this is a public forum and I'll post if I like.

 

People like you, cheaters and homewreckers make me sick. If you don't like it...tough. Truth hurts.

 

 

People here on LS are in enough pain already and seriously don't need people like you throwing stones.

 

Are you really this dumb? YOU are the one causing pain..whether your husband of this other man's wife knows it or not.

 

You didn't come in here in pain of being cheated on or anything like that....people LIKE YOU ARE THE CAUSE of other people's pain.

 

And you come in here complaining about your other married man....that takes the cake.

 

I seriously wonder why people like you even read let alone bother to post on the OW/OM board. Do you have so much time on your hands that you feel the need to be out right rude, crude and abuseive to strangers?

 

Whose more abusive...me...or you towards the other man's wife....or you towards your husband.

 

Tell me something...does your husband know you are cheating? If not...why don't you tell him?

[Meredith63]

I thought I read that somewhere about SC also. It also seems like it was fairly recent, so he must be pretty raw. If that is the case, just my humble opinion, but he definitely should be cut some slack. He may be going through a really tough time...

[Salicious Crumb]

HN very true...however it just makes my blood boil to be judged so viciously by a complete stranger. I believe I read another post where SC stated they have never been a BS or OW/OM. If this person has never been in the situation in any way shape or form what is the point of posting here? The only reason I can see is to purposely try to hurt others. What a waste of time..IMO.

 

I am a BS....but you are correct...never a OM or been involved with a MW.

 

See, its a thing called decency....I wouldn't expect you to understand.

[Salicious Crumb]

I thought I read that somewhere about SC also. It also seems like it was fairly recent, so he must be pretty raw. If that is the case, just my humble opinion, but he definitely should be cut some slack. He may be going through a really tough time...

 

Ya, its pretty new, but I have thick skin.

 

My wife just lost some priveledges of an adoring husband when I found out what she did. That means she is no longer to go out to clubs with her friends if she wants to keep the family together. If clubbing is more important to her...she can pack her bags and leave....without my kids.

[herenow]

Last thing then I gotta go get the kids. You said at the beginning of this post that you think you are being strung along. How can it be true love if he leaves you with that feeling? Once again, you can't pick and choose what you believe to be true. His actions are telling you that you are not as important to him as he is to you. Only you can choose if you want to believe what is really going on or if you want to create your own truth. Good luck.

 

SC, if you are hurting, I hope to be able to give you some words of encouragement, but I need to go now. Talk to you later. PM me if you can.

[sadbuttrue]

even if sc has experienced pain recently, it doesnt give him the right to be so hateful. there are ways to state opinions without deliberately trying to hurt someone else.

[addicted2love]

Actually, I'm not sure, but I think he said his wife was unfaithful.

 

Maybe I've got SC confused with someone else. Either way there are others out there that sling mud as well and it's just so rude.

 

I have started to post less and less because of people like this. I come here to seek advice from honest people who either have been in a similar situation or have some insight on my own. I don't come here to be judged, talked down too or ridiculed by anyone. I view LS as a place people can go to get and give support. I see SC throw stones at many OW/OM on these boards and it just makes me angry. These people (myself included) have sincere questions and seek help and understanding. They should feel comfortable doing so without being thrown to the sharks!

 

Every time I think it's "safe" to go back in the water...the sharks start to circle again.

[LilDarlin]

I don't think he is being hateful.

 

I think he is being dead on honest.

 

It may sound harsh to those he is talking to. But the truth is....he is right.