..How can I get that attraction back?

[Hailey1000]

I started talking to this guy at the end of October. I thought he was good looking and I was very attracted to him, but there were so many little things about him that got on my nerves. Not important things, just little things that drove me nuts...how he eats, his manners, how he talks. I know it sounds silly, but I have had this same problem with past boyfriends. So, in that sense, I know it was my fault. What I found after dating him, though, was that he was wonderful to me.

 

He took me out, he wanted to be with me all the time, he was sweet, always coming over with takeout, movies, inviting me to go to everywhere with him. The problem: In the first couple of months of dating, besides that these little things were getting on my nerves, my company I work for went out of business, I had some health things going on...so I would blow him off sometimes and (according to him) was just rude and not appreciative. So, I've noticed over the last week that his whole demeanor has changed (not as sweet or coming onto me). Saturday night, he literally got up at a restaurant and left me. B

 

roke up with me. Told me to find someone who likes me for who I am, because he doesn't! He said that I am high maintenance and b&tchy and that when I act like that, it totally turns him off. He pointed out all he has done for me through this time I've been going through and that I didn't appreciate it. We texted a few times Sunday, which he said he missed me. I e-mailed him yesterday, which he responded and was nice, but I know him, and he's not being the same. I know he feels differently about me. I know I just wore him out and he has lost that attraction.

 

But, I realize now what a good person he was and how much I enjoyed spending time with him. I don't care about all those little, trivial things I used to complain about. I'm truly sorry and feel terrible for not appreciating who he was when I had him. I really, really miss him and it's driving me crazy. I don't want to be needy and scare him off, but it's so hard to just let him go. Is there anything I can do? How can you get that attraction back?

[Hailey1000]

I just wanted to state that I don't think if someone is not attracted to you, there isn't really anything you can do. I think I worded it wrong. I just meant that I know my ex was extremely attracted to me, told me he loved me all the time, was trying SO hard to be with me... he said that he feels differently after months of me pushing him away and that my attitude made him "less attracted" to me... Can it just go away for good that fast? Is there any way to fix that?

[CaliGuy]

You pushed him away and you can't make him be attracted to you again.

 

What you really need to do is focus on yourself and why you act that way. Sounds like you need an attitude adjustment from the inside out.

 

Attraction is a funny thing. It's not logical, you can not force it to be there and once you've been with someone and gotten to know them, if you lose that attraction, it's very hard to get it back.

 

Instead of focusing on how to get this guy back you really should be focusing on what you can do to change your outlook and attitude.

[Hailey1000]

Thanks for the response, and believe me, I am working on myself. As soon as he told me about his concerns, I started doing whatever I could to try and change (for him, for myself, and any future relationships). It's how I ended up on the internet looking for help. I'm taking steps to change me, I just wish there was a way that I could get him to want to hang out so he could see this. Maybe it's just too late???

[CaliGuy]

I just wish there was a way that I could get him to want to hang out so he could see this.

 

Then you are changing for the wrong reasons. Change should be initiated for yourself and no one else. If you don't, the changes won't be permanent and he won't really care. He'll see you as a door mat.

 

Your statement above proves you aren't changing for the right reasons.