LegalEyz Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 I have poste here a few times and my last post was that my husband was leaving. That i "Finally did it". Well that was about a month or so ago and we are still together and it is to the point of insanity. We have a few good days out of the week and then he makes his choices and things go back to chaos .. Well this last incident was the final straw and I wrote a letter to tell him that I cannot go on like this any longer and he needs to go. We have been discussing the separation thing on and off since we got back together in December. Well the last incident I called the police because things got pretty heated and I thought that with the police involved that he would just go. Well the police told him that he has every right to be in the apartment. He can come and go as he pleases and if I were to file a domestic violence or if either one of us were putting our hands on each other then we would both go to jail. So we left it at that and he agreed to find an apartment and leave. We have not spoken since Saturday and I need to know what he is doing as far as getting out. We have a financial situation that sux and I just want to know why he won't leave when he sees what he is doing to us, me. I am working on my own issues of low self-esteem, people pleasing, enablish, codependency, etc etc. LOL and with the two of us together it seems almost impossible to move forward. Why won't he leave???? Just venting. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 I have poste here a few times and my last post was that my husband was leaving. That i "Finally did it". Well that was about a month or so ago and we are still together and it is to the point of insanity. We have a few good days out of the week and then he makes his choices and things go back to chaos .. Well this last incident was the final straw and I wrote a letter to tell him that I cannot go on like this any longer and he needs to go. We have been discussing the separation thing on and off since we got back together in December. Well the last incident I called the police because things got pretty heated and I thought that with the police involved that he would just go. Well the police told him that he has every right to be in the apartment. He can come and go as he pleases and if I were to file a domestic violence or if either one of us were putting our hands on each other then we would both go to jail. So we left it at that and he agreed to find an apartment and leave. We have not spoken since Saturday and I need to know what he is doing as far as getting out. We have a financial situation that sux and I just want to know why he won't leave when he sees what he is doing to us, me. I am working on my own issues of low self-esteem, people pleasing, enablish, codependency, etc etc. LOL and with the two of us together it seems almost impossible to move forward. Why won't he leave???? Just venting. I don't know your whole story, but why is it that he should leave? Why don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LegalEyz Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 Well long story short, we separated in October/November and I left our home and went to stay with my sister. We had financial problems and sold our house and are now renting. I originall found the apartment we are in on my own and later agreed to give it another try, so basically the apartment was mine and I am tired of leaving and running away because of his wrong choices. He is a drug abuser and refuses to see that he cannot control this poison on his own. He thinks he can and it has proven him wrong time and time again. I've given chances, offered to go with him to NA meetings, etc etc and he says yea yea yea and then does nothing. He also agreed to go to counselling with or without me and he did 2 times with me and has since done nothing. I have continued to go on my own and I am trying to find myself again at 38 years old. He has his own construction business but sorta lost touch of that in the past 2 years with our move to a different location and basically has not worked steady in those 2 years. I have supported us and have watched our investment in our home dissappear as well, only to be harrassed by him as to "WHERE IS ALL THE MONEY" ... So basically, I don't feel that I should leave. I would if it was our home and he had nowhere to go, which basically is the problem. He has places to go but is too "proud" to do so and uses the excuse that he needs time to find a place/apartment. During his search for a place, he sweet talks me and makes empty promises, etc etc and here we are 2 months later and I am worse off than when I left him in October. Should I leave??? Do you think that would be the answer?? Make it that much easier for him AGAIN. I don't understand why we have talked about it and he says he knows he would have to leave and then when the time comes he just doesn't. I feel so lost and confused once again, and I guess I am looking for any type of answer here ... As we all are .. Thanks for taking the time to respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Ok..thanks for clearing that up. No I asked why he should leave because i didn't know the whole story. If he has squandered your money on drugs, then you are definitely justified on asking him to leave. My guess is that he is dependent on you and thats why he doesn't leave. If he won't leave, you just might have to do the leaving..as unfair as it would be to you. You didn't cause this situation, he did. But you may need to cut your losses and leave so he doesn't drag you down with the ship. Link to post Share on other sites
shelliezdesign Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 I tried to get my drunk boyfriend out of my house. I live in Oregon. It took longer than I ever wanted and expected. Basically if anyone lives with you at all...even for a few days-- you must file an eviction notice to get them out, especially if you own the property. But it may take 30 days. I hate to admit it...I own a house let my drunk boyfriend move in and in trying to get him out, I couldn't, legally, without an eviction notice. So I moved in with cousins and waited it out for 30 days...i finally got my house back. Really not fair. But legal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LegalEyz Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 I'm beginning to think the only answer to this is for me to move out. It is NOT fair but not very much in my relationship was fair. It was always about him and making him comfortable. I am trying to get my sense of self back and staying with him in these circumstances are not going to make that easy. He keeps trying to make nice nice and I am sticking to my guns, but am soooo afraid of weakening again. I so want him to change and help this relationship work, but he feels that this is something he can do ALONE and that is not possible. Thank you all for the great advise. I just pray that I can take it and do what I have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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