everil Posted October 20, 2002 Share Posted October 20, 2002 Quite a while ago, I got involved with a guy with a girlfriend. He was seriously getting confused between me and her, and knowing that he had already been committed to someone else, I told him that he shouldn't have feelings for me so that we could remain as friends. Things didn't go as clean as I wanted afterwards. He couldn't help having feelings for me, and one day he told me that he regarded me as his significant other. Although I heard this, I tried my best to keep the boundaries clear since my insticts told me that I shouldn't be doing this. (I didn't even ask if he was still with his gfriend because I thought it concerns his privacy.) But keeping boundaries is not as easy as it sounds.(I guess you would understand.) Now I also have feelings for him, and it seems as soon as he sensed that, he is trying to slip away from me. It's hurting and sad because I think although I am the one who played the game fairly, I am the one who is suffering the consequences. Letting go isn't all that easy. Any advice on getting over this as soon as possible and get on with my life? (Oh, I have tried to put an end to this relationship recently and strangely, he wouldn't want to do this. This is what makes things more difficult. Please help.) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 20, 2002 Share Posted October 20, 2002 Hah!!! Everybody wants to know how to get over hurt as soon as possible. If I knew I certainly wouldn't tell you here. I'd have my own paysite and you would have to put up some money for that answer. But a good answer doesn't really exist. Hopefully you've learned a lesson here. Stay away from this guy totally, have no contact with him whatsoever, and it shouldn't take you a lot of time to get him off your mind. That time will depend on you. You pay a price for everything in life...and now you're paying a price for getting involved with a guy you knew was totally wrong for you to have anything romantic to do with...from the very first. Next time, listen to yourself. This is one you have to take complete responsiblity for. There's no shortcut to getting over this but since it didn't get too intense, it shouldn't take a lot of time. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 20, 2002 Share Posted October 20, 2002 This sounds like a guy who can't fully give himself to any one person. While with his girlfriend, he started something with you. He wasn't putting all of his eggs in one basket, so to speak. He probably isn't self-aware enough to realize that he builds escape hatches into relationships, telling himself that he "just happened" to fall in love with you, or that for "some reason" things with his girlfriend weren't/aren't "working out" or "weren't enough" for him. Uh, yeah. Of course they're not when his m.o. is "don't get fully attached." So long as you're the escape route, the other woman, he'll be full of longing and angst for you. He'll say things like "I consider you to be my significant other." That's what allows him to keep from giving himself to his girlfriend, "I love my girlfriend, but I can't help what I feel for this other woman. Woe is me!" But if you become his main woman, he'll start looking for an escape from you. There will be another woman, or some reason why he can't fully give himself to you. You'll start banging your head against the wall wondering why, after all the longing and angst, when you finally have the chance to be together, he's not there. Not fully there. He'll never be there. Not for anyone. If you want to end the relationship you can. Breaking up CAN be a unilateral decision. It's something that one partner decides and the other must accept. Happens all the time. But as long as you're inclined to believe his bull***t, you'll have a hard time making that decision and sticking to it. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted October 20, 2002 Share Posted October 20, 2002 the above posts say it all. Link to post Share on other sites
everil Posted October 21, 2002 Share Posted October 21, 2002 Thanks a lot for your replies, Midori and Tony. I guess this will help me a lot in taking a good look at my past relatonship. BTW,I have started seeing another person recently-no "the other woman" with this guy, as far as I know :-)-I hope this will help me getting over with my past relationship soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted October 21, 2002 Share Posted October 21, 2002 Your new relationship might help you ignore the pain, but it will always catch up with you... Its best to just go ahead and grieve and get it over with... Link to post Share on other sites
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