Meaplus3 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Just wondering why a MW or MM who is VERY happily married would be very tempted to cheat on their spouse? For if a person is SO happy in most way's with their other half, them why on earth would that MM or MW even want to consider such an act? AP Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 If they are happily married I don't think they would consider cheating..... Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 My wife who I have proof cheated when we were engaged, but I didn't find out until after we were married and had kids, told me that it just happened and it was stupid. Now do I care about her explanations? Hell no. I don't care why....the problem is that it did happen and I'll never trust her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Weak! Willful! Wasted! Wanton! Take your pick! Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 If they are happily married I don't think they would consider cheating..... I agree. The thing is we usually assume, based on the outward appearances, that they are happy. Let's say that their sex life is zero, you would not know that. Maybe the husband is abusive verbally or controlling. This may never be known. So when the MM or MW cheats we assume that the partner is completely innocent. This is usually not true. Link to post Share on other sites
StayClose Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 There are two kinds of cheaters. The first kind has no respect for their partner and the cheat at any opportunity pretty much from the start of the relationship. The second type beleives that monogamy is the ideal, but succoms to an affair after years of their emotional or physical needs not being met. Happily married monogamous people don't have affairs. When someone who has been faithful for years cheats, it is almost always a result of problems in the relationship. The problems may not be visibile to outsiders, and even one or both of the partners themselves may be in denial and not willing to acknowledge the issue, but the issue is there nevertheless. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 RE: Just wondering why a MW or MM who is VERY happily married would be very tempted to cheat on their spouse? Oh. No. Answerplease37. MW or MM is NOT happily married. Deep down he/she knows. The person lives through years convincing themselves that the relationship is OK, when in reality it is totally off the radar. The temptation is always there. A MW or MM usually tries to suppress the temptation but only to realize that he/she is willing to do it to fill the void. For if a person is SO happy in most way's with their other half, them why on earth would that MM or MW even want to consider such an act? Selfishness. This is the word. MW or MM often wants to experience the pleasure of both lives, knowing that it will somehow repair his/her marriage, and transform him/her into a better spouse. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Just wondering why a MW or MM who is VERY happily married would be very tempted to cheat on their spouse? For if a person is SO happy in most way's with their other half, them why on earth would that MM or MW even want to consider such an act? AP Never cheated, never will. Even after being betrayed, I still won't cheat. Unlike some people I take marriage vows seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 There are two kinds of cheaters. The first kind has no respect for their partner and the cheat at any opportunity pretty much from the start of the relationship. The second type beleives that monogamy is the ideal, but succoms to an affair after years of their emotional or physical needs not being met. . I completely agree . The first type are just cheqaters simply that , and their spouses could do little to change the outcome . Theese people I think of as fishers , always fishing the line to see if they get a hit , they are the type that just wants whatever they can get and as long as nobody knows , hey it won't hurt them . I have two women in my family that are married to fishers , and you can just watch them go , I have no idea how their wives don't know. The other type does have unmet needs or an "unfulfillment" in their lives wether from something they themselves are doing or their spouse is witholding . So they either look for or stumble into something else to distract them as humans tend to get bored easily , so the new seems like love when really it is a most welcome distraction . The affair very likely won't fix the original problems and adds a whole new layer of "fun" stress. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyStar26 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Just wondering why a MW or MM who is VERY happily married would be very tempted to cheat on their spouse? For if a person is SO happy in most way's with their other half, them why on earth would that MM or MW even want to consider such an act? AP I think a number of factors contribute to giving into the temptation of infidelity. Listing them all would be impossible and quite frankly very tedious, but my opinion goes something like this.. Monogomy is no longer a cultivated art. Men and Women are marrying later today after having had many sexual partners. Getting used to one person is something some people find enourmously challenging. Marriage is mistakenly represented as being about friendship. Men and women choose wives / husbands who are their partners and put very little time into nurturing an erotic life together, which quickly leads to sexual boredom. Also, the rampant availability of pornogrophy, especially on the internet doesn't help the situation. Even on commercial TV it seems that women can barely keep their clothes on. As a result, men are trained to see women in a sexual light, thereby vastly increasing the possibility that casual acquaintances will lead to casual sex. Happily married or not. To a point, we are in an age where people are taking the "well, why should I deny myself?" approach. For many WS's, the reasons for infidelity dont go much deeper than that. They can do-so they do. And they have no morals, religious beliefs, or sense of commitment to stop them. Moreover, single women today wouldn't take someones watch or kidnap their children, but they believe it's socially acceptable to steal another woman's husband. Men and women cheat primarily for one reason: they're bored. Their wives / husbands are a known quantity and they want variety. Seducing a Husband / Wife does not make them feel "excited", since no seduction is really necessary. I have never cheated on a BF, but I am not married so I have never experienced alot of the ebbs and tides that partnership brings, but what I do know from experiences I have seen friends of mine go through is that It doesn't matter how "outwardly" happy a marriage may seem, its not necessarily "sexually" satisfying and unfortunately there are too many people out there who just cant say no. Link to post Share on other sites
Flyin in Clouds Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Just wondering why a MW or MM who is VERY happily married would be very tempted to cheat on their spouse? For if a person is SO happy in most way's with their other half, them why on earth would that MM or MW even want to consider such an act? Variety. Sex with the same person after 10 or 20 or 30 years gets rather - routine, provided any sex is going on at all. So yes, I would be tempted. However giving into that temptation is entirely different than just thinking about it. My desire not to hurt my wife (and other considerations) out weigh my desire for a little variety in the bed room. If my wife agreed to it, swinging might be an acceptable release for both of us, but only if we both agreed to it. And while she has no interest in wife swapping, the thought turned me on. But that would only be if it was something mutually pleasurable for all concerend and something we did as a couple. Link to post Share on other sites
Flyin in Clouds Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 ... Marriage is mistakenly represented as being about friendship. Men and women choose wives / husbands who are their partners and put very little time into nurturing an erotic life together, which quickly leads to sexual boredom. So true. .... men are trained to see women in a sexual light, thereby vastly increasing the possibility that casual acquaintances will lead to casual sex. Happily married or not. Hey, come on. It's not the internet. Have you any idea of the erotic imagery of the ancients? Rome? Orgy? Come on sex has been happening for a very long time. And yes I see women as sex, sexy and sexual beings. Thank God a few of them actually are. We'd all be happier if more women would accept their own sexuality, aa a desireable sex object, the object of a man's passion and desire. We don't want a plastic doll replacement anymore than women are satisifed with a dildo all the time. We want a living breathing flesh and blood woman that is sexy and sexually stimulating. What's wrong with that? Is there anything more desirable to look at in the universe than a woman? Not from behind this man's eyes. Men and women cheat primarily for one reason: they're bored. Their wives / husbands are a known quantity and they want variety. Seducing a Husband / Wife does not make them feel "excited", since no seduction is really necessary. Bingo. That is the temptation. Giving in to it is the lack of strong moral prohibitions not to. Hey, life's short. If it feels good do it. Right? So much for my generations main philosophy of life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Variety. Sex with the same person after 10 or 20 or 30 years gets rather - routine, provided any sex is going on at all. So yes, I would be tempted. However giving into that temptation is entirely different than just thinking about it. My desire not to hurt my wife (and other considerations) out weigh my desire for a little variety in the bed room. If my wife agreed to it, swinging might be an acceptable release for both of us, but only if we both agreed to it. And while she has no interest in wife swapping, the thought turned me on. But that would only be if it was something mutually pleasurable for all concerend and something we did as a couple. Flying, If your wife did not know than how would it hurt her? Are you too afraid that you might fall in love with this woman of desire and possibly want to leave your W? Or would it be the fear of simply getting caught with an OW? AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Lennox Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I think nearly everyone gets tempted to cheat at one time or another, but that doesn't necessarily indicate how happy the marriage is. There's a huge difference between going out and cheating and merely getting tempted to cheat. Temptations come and go. It's a normal part of life and hopefully we are mature enough to let it pass and not take action on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Flyin in Clouds Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 ... If your wife did not know than how would it hurt her? Are you too afraid that you might fall in love with this woman of desire and possibly want to leave your W? Or would it be the fear of simply getting caught with an OW? The risk of getting caught and the damage that would do to my wife would also be very hurtful to me, (my hurting her. Every time I slip up and say something hurtful to my wife I hate myself afterward for being so stupid and careless with my words... doing such a hurtful thing would be so much worse... ). And the potential hurt done to her and me would far out way a little extra nookie. There are many times I wished that the moment I had said "I do" all other women would have immediately become unattractive to me. Unfortunately that didn't happen. And it causes me a lot of internal turmoil. My wife's best female friend (also my friend - long time family friend) is, like my wife, a hot blue-eyed blond, and very attractive. Being around her is ... well ... stimulating. My wife and her friend took belly dancing lessons years ago. I have always hoped for a little private dance showing off their talents... Oh, well... Family has always been important so I wouldn't want to risk that either just for a little "variety" in the bedroom. Keeping my vow is also important to me. So many reasons conspire to keep me faithful. But you asked about temptation. Yes, temptation is all around and damn hard to resist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted February 9, 2007 Author Share Posted February 9, 2007 The risk of getting caught and the damage that would do to my wife would also be very hurtful to me, (my hurting her. Every time I slip up and say something hurtful to my wife I hate myself afterward for being so stupid and careless with my words... doing such a hurtful thing would be so much worse... ). And the potential hurt done to her and me would far out way a little extra nookie. There are many times I wished that the moment I had said "I do" all other women would have immediately become unattractive to me. Unfortunately that didn't happen. And it causes me a lot of internal turmoil. My wife's best female friend (also my friend - long time family friend) is, like my wife, a hot blue-eyed blond, and very attractive. Being around her is ... well ... stimulating. My wife and her friend took belly dancing lessons years ago. I have always hoped for a little private dance showing off their talents... Oh, well... Family has always been important so I wouldn't want to risk that either just for a little "variety" in the bedroom. Keeping my vow is also important to me. So many reasons conspire to keep me faithful. But you asked about temptation. Yes, temptation is all around and damn hard to resist. Flying, You sound like such an honest loving husband. Your wife is a lucky girl! Thank's for your thought's and imput. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
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