Pregnant And Husband Gets Lapdance

[ridingthebulls]

This woman sounds like an emotional wreck= it's no wonder her husband never wants to be home. Men don't like conflicts and fighting, they'd best off not come home altogether.

 

Destroying his property now? You are a psycho!

 

And a fulfilling sex life can be accomplished even while pregnant! You sound either very lazy or overwhelmed and altogether uptight and boring. It's no wonder he needs some excitement and gets it elsewhere!

[Virginia]

This woman sounds like an emotional wreck= it's no wonder her husband never wants to be home. Men don't like conflicts and fighting, they'd best off not come home altogether.

 

Destroying his property now? You are a psycho!

 

And a fulfilling sex life can be accomplished even while pregnant! You sound either very lazy or overwhelmed and altogether uptight and boring. It's no wonder he needs some excitement and gets it elsewhere!

 

Not everyone can have a fulfilling sex life while pregnant,trust me.

 

Maybe she is over reacting in some peoples eyes but psycho? give me a break. The girl is pregnant,she is hurting,she feels her husband betrayed her in some way. It may not be a big deal to YOU but it obviously is to her.

 

I would be pretty psycho if my man was getting off on other women,sorry but that is MY job,if he wants to get off on little tarts he can do so without me in his life.

 

I really hate that she is being called a psycho just because she finds something a big deal that many others don't.

[kbah]

Cantenza, ignore the *******s that are calling you "psycho." People only say these kinds of things because they are too ignorant and don't have enough insight to see what it really going on with a person.

 

I appreciate Virginia's response and I feel the exact same way.You are choosing to react this way, because your body and mind is protecting itself. Your hormones are probably so high and you are feelings SO MUCH emotion (way more than you are used to) and you are kind of shutting down-which is not really functional for you.

 

Cut yourself some slack- you've been through a hurtful event and you're pregnant which is taking a toll on your body.

 

I say write your husband a letter- NOW. He's not a mind reader. Maybe he doesn't get it. Buckle down and write it in a letter so he KNOWS.

 

In the future, I wouldn't worry about feeling too guilty about your actions as some people on this thread have stated. But as long as you change your attitude now and stick to it, your okay in my book

[MoonGirl]

Cat,

 

The reason why your husband may not be consoling you is because men think differently than women. He is not a mind reader, and you need to tell him what you need emotionally.

 

Have you read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? If not, I suggest reading it before the 2 of you destroy your marriage. Therapy might also help.

 

Men tend to withdraw when they are upset; most men do not want to be consoled. Maybe that's why you're husband doesn't console you - he thinks that you're upset and need time alone to deal with your emotions.

[Miss Jane]

Catenza--I've just found this discussion site and I just want to share with you my experience. I am going through a similar situation as you are and I feel your pain!!! You've gotten a range of responses and sometimes I wonder if I've gone a bit "psycho". I'm so deeply hurt and I think everyone "feels" emotions on different levels and the responses that make light of your situation are ridiculous.

 

To make a long story short, I will just describe my situation briefly. Right before Christmas, my husband and I were out with friends for dinner. My husband's friend "slipped" and said something about the lap dances they had at the strip club last July when he and a few friends went to New Orleans for a weekend. I knew that they might go to a strip club, but I didn't think that much about it. I don't know anything about them or what goes on in them. I totally trust my husband such that I wouldn't even think to ask. So when I heard about the lap dances I started asking questions. I was really quite shocked. It really never occurred to me that my husband would do something like that. I just thought it was going and watching a stage show. But, one by one, he and his friends paid to go to a semi-private "booth" in the back of the club with a dancer (they don't seem to be strippers anymore because they are all already naked except for a g-string) and get a private dance. Trust me--you don't want to know any more details. My husband told me more then I want to know. Then I obsessed and did my own internet research. Way too much knowledge. All it did is make me more crazy in the head.

 

The fact that my husband didn't mention the lap dance made me feel deceived. He said it was nothing and didn't feel the need to tell me. He gave me an explanation--"it was nothing", blah, blah, blah. Then he got mad at me for being such a bitch and making such a big deal about it. He said his friend's wife knew and didn't care. So I asked her, and trust me--she cared! He forgot to tell her a few details!

 

I could go one forever because this has been on my mind almost 24/7 for the last two months. After reading all the responses you have gotten, it is funny, but I have actually done almost all the things that people have suggested to you. I did the crying, the letter, the tantrum, and I may seek professional help. I can't seem to let go. And what is so frustrating is that my husband just makes light of it even though he now knows how upset it made me. And I thought I knew him. I know what you mean about looking at them--knowing what they have done and seen--up close and way too personal--and wondering who they are?

 

You're pregnant--I'll be 48 next week. My husband hasn't been to a strip club since before we were married (23 years ago). He said he did it because of "peer pressure" from his friends. You'd think they would have grown up a little by the time they're almost 50. We have two grown daughters in college. The guys were at the Barely Legal Hustler club--it makes my stomach turn.

 

And for those of you that are out there that thinks these things happen for lack of sex--that's not an issue in my relationship. I do truly believe my husband loves me, but the thought of him having been with another woman/girl in any way makes me feel like he cheated. I know that 18(?) year old girl is more "beautiful", hot and sexy, then I am, but why can't husbands find and embrace the love in their own relationship without cheapening it by live porn?

[CATENZA]

I think ridingthebulls needs to get Laid!! LOL...

 

Anyway, Miss Jane, I did the internet research too and it drove me crazy too... I live in New York, so i'm not sure what the laws are for strip joints. The thought of my husband going into a private booth or VIP lounge area, in other words anything private, IT DRIVES ME NUTS! I kept trying to figure out exactly what happened by the smell of his clothes. The crotch of his Jeans smelled like perfume, the outer part not the inside or his briefs and his sweater, mostly the chest area. I guess she was straddling him and her breast were against his chest??

 

You know I try not to thinking of it as cheating. But if another women is sitting on my husband and humping his D!ck and pressing her breast against his chest how is it not.

 

Would it be cheating is I hooked up with an ex boyfriend and humped him??

[VinaAmez]

Your going to drive yourself nuts trying to figure out what this girl did to him. You don't know for sure unless you were there or seen a video of it.

 

She did was she was paid for and he wasn't the only one she did it to.

[Star Gazer]

Still no communication or TLC which I'm in need of.

 

If I made a mistake, and despite my explanations and apoligies my BF/H/SO went around destroying my most prized possessions, I wouldn't want to show him any TLC either.

 

Two wrongs do not make a right.

 

Again, I think you're blowing this entire thing way out of proportion.

[Krytellan]

As I said before CATENZA, please get some help. You need to get yourself straightened out dear. Worrying about someone else right now seems like putting the cart before the horse.

[CATENZA]

I want to get professional help. But i don't know where to begin. If I don't cure myself, I am going to have severe Post partem Depression when the baby is born!! I hate my husband even more just thinking that I am the one that needs the help and for the state of mind he put me in.

[Star Gazer]

I want to get professional help. But i don't know where to begin. If I don't cure myself, I am going to have severe Post partem Depression when the baby is born!! I hate my husband even more just thinking that I am the one that needs the help and for the state of mind he put me in.

 

He didn't put you in this state of mind.

 

Seriously, you need help. Stop blaming your husband for what you're thinking and how you're behaving - you ARE in control of your mental health, and you're spiraling out of control. You're spending FAR too much time and energy here on LS rather than doing what you need to do: communicating with your husband and speaking with a professional.

[CATENZA]

Star Gazer.. So ur saying I shouldn't be mad at my husband or blame him at all?? How do you see the right in what he did?

[Star Gazer]

Star Gazer.. So ur saying I shouldn't be mad at my husband or blame him at all?? How do you see the right in what he did?

 

"Mad" is completely different than how you're reacting, and I don't see what "blame" is to be had here other than that you should be blamed for having an absolutely ridiculous reaction to the fact that he went to a strip club after you have had no problem with him going in the past.

 

Was he an angel? No. But you are far surpassing him on the "wrong" scale.

 

You said that he's been to the strip club many times before, and that never bothered you. You explained that the reason why it was okay previously was because he was always going with your cousins, and because of that, you knew they wouldn't LET him do anything bad there. YOU HAVE SOME HUGE TRUST ISSUES THERE, and from what I have read, he hasn't done anything to make you think like he is GOING to do something bad at the strip club.

 

I'll tell you why you're mad this time. You're mad because he didn't go with your cousins this time...which in your mind means that you didn't have anyone protecting your marriage while your H was at the strip club. What is wrong with YOUR MARRIAGE that you have to rely on 3rd parties to prevent from from being a bad boy? You should have faith and trust in your husband not to be a bad boy there REGARDLESS of who he goes to the strip club, assuming he goes at all.

 

Let me analogize to something totally trivial and chick-related: shopping for shoes. H's generally aren't thrilled with the idea of their W's running to Nordstrom when the paycheck comes in, the same way W's aren't jumping up and down in excitement at the thought of strip clubs. Your H is no different, and at while he isn't thrilled with your shoe shopping, he doesn't say anything to you when you go. This is because on previous occasions you'd go shopping with your H's mother. Your H never mentioned his concerns to you over your shoe shopping previously because every time you went in the past, you happened to tell him ahead of time, and because you were going with his mother he knew you wouldn't go crazy spending ridiculous amounts of money. Either way, you were "allowed" to go shoe shopping every other time...until one day, he FLIPS OUT.

 

Now, let's pretend one day after work you go with a shopaholic girlfriend to the mall and buy some shoes. You've gone shoe shopping before, so it shouldn't be a problem...right? How reasonable would he be if he dug around in your closet, found the new pair of shoes, and flipped out at you because you went shoe shopping?? Wouldn't you look at him like he's crazy? And if he was all upset because you didn't go with his mother this time and was totally worried about how much cash you had spent and were hiding receipts from him, wouldn't you question how much he trusted and respected you not to do that? And if in response to your unannounced shopping trip with his mother, he went and took a baseball bat to your brand new BMW or threw all of your Coach and LV handbags in the fire WHILE LAUGHING like a crazed person, wouldn't you think he had just lost it?

 

There are HUGE trust issues in your relationship that extend FAR BEYOND this one isolated trip to the damn strip club. You're blaming him for how you feel... but how you're feeling is WAY OFF THE MARK for ONE trip to the strip club. It's a STRIP CLUB.

[CATENZA]

Like I've mentioned before its not the fact that he went to a strip club, its the fact that he lied about it. He Drinks, He smokes his Joint, and when going to bachlor parties he goes to the strip joints and gets the dances. I know before hand.. I don't get mad. I DID have faith and trust in my husband. What pissed me off is that he lied that night when I asked him. WHY LIE? If it was innocent WHY LIE? This is the first time I ever acted like this.. he couldn't of expected it. So there wouldn't be a reason in his head to lie to me about it. Then when i called him out on the perfume smell, and mad him smell his clothes he said he smelled nothing. Trying to make me look dumb!! Yet the following morning he couldn't put on his fleece sweater or jacket cause she smelled like cheap perfume!

[rainfall]

"

 

Let me analogize to something totally trivial and chick-related: shopping for shoes. H's generally aren't thrilled with the idea of their W's running to Nordstrom when the paycheck comes in, the same way W's aren't jumping up and down in excitement at the thought of strip clubs. Your H is no different, and at while he isn't thrilled with your shoe shopping, he doesn't say anything to you when you go. This is because on previous occasions you'd go shopping with your H's mother. Your H never mentioned his concerns to you over your shoe shopping previously because every time you went in the past, you happened to tell him ahead of time, and because you were going with his mother he knew you wouldn't go crazy spending ridiculous amounts of money. Either way, you were "allowed" to go shoe shopping every other time...until one day, he FLIPS OUT.

.

 

 

Shoe shopping and having a stranger naked on top of you are two totally different things. Also not all women like shop shopping and spending their husband's money. How can you even think the two things come close? Unless the women is getting off to buying the shoes.

[CATENZA]

LOL Rainfall.. Yea, I ignored that. Funny thing with that is My husband has been over generous handing me more money than usual for the past 3 weeks. I love to shop but this doesn't solve anything. You know, that day he went to the club, my husband gave me less money with some excuse and I had an extra bill house bill that needed to be paid. When he came home and we were fighting his wallet was on the counter and empty.. I picked it up and threw it at him. How can you tell me you have to give me less this week and then that night go give a whore my money??

[Star Gazer]

Shoe shopping and having a stranger naked on top of you are two totally different things. Also not all women like shop shopping and spending their husband's money. How can you even think the two things come close? Unless the women is getting off to buying the shoes.

 

Duh! I specifically used something trivial to remove the emotion from the equation. I'm not saying you specifically have a shoe shopping fetish - JEEZ. It's an ANALOGY.

 

It's okay for him to have a naked stranger on top of him when he's being "babysat" by someone, but not okay when he doesn't have an approved babysitter. And then she totally flips out to the level of violence - destroying his belongings - because he went to the stripclub without the perverbial babysitter.

 

I'm not saying it is or it isn't okay to go to a strip club. But if it's okay one minute, for whatever reason, you can't get mad at him if he goes again...and you certainly shouldn't destroy his prized possessions.

 

Whatever. There's no getting through to you. You WANT to be mad, you WANT this to be the end. Fine, let it be.

[CATENZA]

Star Gazer.. Its The Lying That Pisses Me Off!!!

[Star Gazer]

Star Gazer.. Its The Lying That Pisses Me Off!!!

 

Okay.

 

ANOTHER EXAMPLE. My friend's husband has often lied about having to work late so that he could go to the gym. Kept him away from his family for about an hour 3-4 times a week. She found out when she borrowed his truck and found a month's worth of stanky gym clothes in the cab (eeww!). But it was a harmless lie, right? Would you be THIS MAD and filled with vitrol if he had told you THIS kind of lie?

 

Are you angry simply because he lied? Or is it because of what he lied ABOUT?

 

It seems to me that based on your whole "it WAS okay, but not THIS time" rationalization to yourself that YOU DO NOT TRUST YOUR HUSBAND. You don't trust him, and that he lied about anything, anything at all, has driven you over the edge. Adding insult to injury is that he lied about going to a strip club, something "sexual."

 

Why didn't you trust him in the first place?

[CATENZA]

If my husband lied about the Gym I won't be mad. He did that once before, he was going when we were engaged and lied. The reason he lied is because incase there was no results. I didn't get mad.

 

What I don't understand is why would he lie about going to the strip club when he knows I had approved of it before??? It makes me think he did something wrong, WHY LIE? I feel like he took advantage of my trust for him. I trust him enough to go out for drinks, smoke his joints, attend a strip joint. WHY WOULD HE LIE?

[VinaAmez]

What I don't understand is why would he lie about going to the strip club when he knows I had approved of it before??? It makes me think he did something wrong, WHY LIE? I feel like he took advantage of my trust for him. I trust him enough to go out for drinks, smoke his joints, attend a strip joint. WHY WOULD HE LIE?

 

I understand why your upset and I would have the "why lie" running through my head like crazy.

 

And what your asking is WHY you NEED to talk to your H. You have NO idea why he lied. Sure it would make me wonder too BUT this is where the TALKING comes in and whether or not you believe what he says.

 

Your making assumptions and going out of your mind smelling his clothes, trying to figure out where this girl touched him, what he was doing, etc...

 

You know, that day he went to the club, my husband gave me less money with some excuse and I had an extra bill house bill that needed to be paid. When he came home and we were fighting his wallet was on the counter and empty.. I picked it up and threw it at him. How can you tell me you have to give me less this week and then that night go give a whore my money??

 

And now there is this ^. If there was a bill to be paid, then why give you less and go hog wild with spending it that night knowing full well that it was SUPPOST to go somewhere else? Was there REALLY a bill to be paid? Not to make assumptions here but if he was just lying about that then it makes me wonder why he wanted the extra money. Why LIE?

 

I think you and HIM could both benefit talking to someone.

[CATENZA]

There really was a bill to be paid. He knows this, because after that I haven't paid any bills or taken any money he has offered. Bills are now his problem.. Anything to do with money is his problem. Food shopping, I made a list he saw it and threw money on it. NO i made the list so he can go shopping!!!

 

I am sick of being this faithful housewife and getting treated like ****!!! I do nothing wrong.

[VinaAmez]

Oh so he just pi**ed away the bill money?

[CATENZA]

All I have to say is that I hope this was all worth it for him.. I hope he really enjoyed his lapdances!

[VinaAmez]

No it probably wasn't worth it. I don't know what was going through his mind but if he KNEW bills had to be paid, then he shouldn't have spent that money so freely.