IpAncA Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 No, I think your HUSBAND needs to get laid!!! Hence getting lapdances and staying out all night from your psychotic butt! It's no wonder he runs out and comes back in the morning- your attitude- you sound really nuts and restitive! I don't understand you. If it was about the lying, then why are you going so into detail in trying to figure out HOW exactly she gave your husband a lapdance and what parts of her body were on him? Do all the other lapdances (or women throwing their breasts in his face) in the past not matter cause he didn't lie? Lying was the ONLY problem.. your above quote SCREAMS different! I guess you don't trust him enough to ask or even try to discuss the problem with him like an adult without going crazy or tearing apart his possessions.. If ANY man wanted to get laid, let me tell you one thing, they would refrain from marrying your crazy as$! Much less, if they wanted to keep their property intact! Boy I'd love to hear HIS side cause I'm sure he'd have a LOT to say! I don't think him getting laid will solve it. But I do agree with you a little bit. If it WAS just about the lying then yes why care about the other stuff? If you knew about it then would you still want details? I'm not trying to jump on you OP but are you sure it's the LYING that's the ONLY thing bothering you? Now I know you went into the "he lied so he must be hiding something," but you don't know why he lied. Your assuming. And if he did tell you that he went, would you trust his word if he just said it was only a couple of lap dances? Would you STILL wonder all the details and whether or not he did something else? I think a lot of this comes down to trust. Do you REALLY think he would do something else? I really do hope that you both end up talking about this soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 HAHA! This thread has turned pretty comical. Seriously though, you need to speak to your husband. How much will a 3 year old understand, much less remember, anyways? Sounds like an excuse. Get the 3 year old to watch Sesame Street and talk with your husband already! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 The situation with my husband is better. We just haven't discussed the "incident". And believe me, my 3 year olds hears and knows all. The first week she was able to notice that my husband and I weren't showing each other affection. And she would ask me, "Mommy whats the matter, my daddy don't like you anymore?" My issue was the Lying and the Money!! But because he lied, I get this sick thought in my head that it was more than just a lap dance. and because he lied, even when he did tell me he only had lapdances I still doubt him. If as soon as my husband walked thru the door that night and told me when I specifically asked him where he was told me the truth, It wouldn't of been a big deal. I know my husband hes a horny perverted bastard, we have watched porn together we have tried sex toys together!!! we have SEX everynight!! Does everyone on this thread understand me?? Also, My husband and I have been married for 4 years. Been together 11!! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I believe you too are just moments away from shaving your head. Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 You think it was more than just a lapdance? WHy? If he had his clothes off most of the time, there wouldn't be perfume on his pants.. if anything the perfume smell would be all over his boxers, so was it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 No. the perfume weren't on his boxers! Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 So you are thinking that he kept his pants on and just whipped it out and she sucked him off in a vip room? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 HAHAHA!! Galaxy!! Maybe? Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 You mentioned that he went with a coworker.. do you think he'd go that far when he has a pal with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 He had one of his employee's with him.. So he says and I question as well. Honestly I don't know.. I'm just embarassed to show my face at the job. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Jane Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Catenza, On your first post you mentioned talking to the wife of the friend that your husband was with that night. Did you ever talk to this person? Do you know her? This is the problem that I get into with my husband and his friends. The husbands and wives all are "friends" so it is hard to say anything without it coming right back. That is how I found out in the first place. The little bit of info that my husband didn't tell me. I posted a new thread today--Is not telling the same as lying? Remember, I found out 5 months later! Would have been never, if his friend hadn't joked about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Hey Miss Jane, what was ur friends wife reaction? I spoke with his friends wife and her husband was home 2 hours before my husband was. Thats who I knew he was out with. But after his friend went home, he went to the strip joint with the other guy he was with, his employee... Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 My issue was the Lying and the Money!! But because he lied, I get this sick thought in my head that it was more than just a lap dance. and because he lied, even when he did tell me he only had lapdances I still doubt him. If as soon as my husband walked thru the door that night and told me when I specifically asked him where he was told me the truth, It wouldn't of been a big deal. I know my husband hes a horny perverted bastard, we have watched porn together we have tried sex toys together!!! we have SEX everynight!! Does everyone on this thread understand me?? So, if he would have told you up front you would have been okay with it. But if you don't trust him then why trust him if he would have told you first? What makes those two so different? I can understand what your saying but the reason for him lying could go a ton of ways. Can't you see that? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Jane Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 When I found out (in Dec), we were going on vacation with one of the other couples. I wanted to ask his wife about it and my husband knew it so he cornered his friend at the airport to ask him if his wife knew about the lap dances. He told my husband he had told his wife everything as soon as he came home and it was no big deal and I could say anything I wanted to her. Right away, my husband came back to me and told me this in a tone that showed me he was making me out to be a b**** because he thought I was making a big deal out of it. Well I asked her about it and she said her husband told her they had done it but that it was no big deal--so she didn't think twice about it. Sorry to say, I was so pissed at the time that I told her the details I got from my husband and she was not so happy anymore! Similar to my husband, he left out some details that made the whole thing more upsetting. Unfortunately this came down during a vacation, but I couldn't help the timing. I haven't talked to her since our trip except to make plans to go shopping this Thursday. I'm not sure I should go--I won't be able to control myself from giving her an earful! And on Saturday we're having a dinner party with this couple and a few other friends. Actually, I kind of want to hit her over the head because I don't see how she can be so stupid. I think she should have told me. The third guy in this matter is the one that wanted to go to the strip club in the first place. He's a bad influence on our husbands--not that anyone had to twist there arms or anything. He and his wife have a terrible relationship and have both cheated on each other. He was the one that ditched the guys for almost an hour and went "upstairs" with one of the girls. Gag me! Hope he got an STD. And gave it to his ******* wife! I realize I'm still angry--can you tell? Link to post Share on other sites
Cowgirlluv07 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 You were are very right to be upset, I would be trust me...I do think you might have over reacted a bit though, no it's not right to go to a strip club esspecially when your married and expected a child. That just makes you feel un desired and unwanted and it's just a waste of money and it shouldn't have happened. But you have to remember that yelling and screaming will not get through to a guy , as much as we would all love for a guy to just sit and lay down when we want them to they are very stuburn at time ... The best way to deal with a situation like this is to sit down one on one ask him why he went there, and if he's honest and sincere he'll tell you the honest truth...if he's saying I just felt like going you've got a problem with that he needs to grow up, be smart, Show love, but don't show weakness, be firm but not mean...and You are right for being mad...at least his pants didn't smell like SEX...that's the best thing...be thankfull but you can also be mad but let go to you hang on to it you can distroy a relationship...let it out let it go and if it repeats then take a stand Link to post Share on other sites
LosingIt Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Strippers get paid plenty to strip...there's no need for them to do anything extra. Nothing goes on in the champagne room...just like Chris Rock says. He just got some lap dances. Okay..he lied but imagine being him? Are his friends "getting in trouble" for going to a strip club? Is there even one documented case of a guy being out with his boys and saying: Gee guys a strip club? I dunno if my girl will let me. We'd more likely fake a heart attack... So he probably had some drinks. Then someone got the idea to go to the club. He didnt want to wuss out. He went and had his male-bonding experience knowing you'd not approve. So he fibbed...because he knows he didnt do anything "bad" (male brain)and that you weren't going to understand. So I'm not approving...I'm just telling you what I've seen happen with my friends. He doesn't love you any less or want to be with anyone else. He just went on a male-bonding rip with his buddies. I'd suggest telling him: Baby I'll make you a deal. I'm not mad about you going out and misbehaving with the boys. Him: Really? You: Nope...not if you hold me all night while we watch My Best Friends Wedding! -Chris Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 OMG, I feel for you! I don'tknow what I would do if I were in your shoes. My fiance already discussed that he is to be NO PLACE, not even his bachelor party night that naked live women will be. I swear, now I wonder if he just agreed to that to shut me up, or what. I wonder if 10 years down the line he will do something like that. I mean, no matter how pretty a woman is, this is what they do the freaken pigs!!! I hope you feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 What I don't understand is why so many here make the lying to be not that big of a deal. Is that what a marriage should be like to you? Maybe you can go to a male strip club and get a lap dance catenza... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 If I wasn't pregnant, believe me I would of been at a strip joint myself!! At least it would make me feel 2% better. Maybe I should go anyway and make the male stripper rub my pregnant belly.. Think my husband would like that?? LOL. As of today we haven't discussed it, I'm giving him some slack because hes really sick... Flu or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Jane Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 OMG, I feel for you! I don'tknow what I would do if I were in your shoes. My fiance already discussed that he is to be NO PLACE, not even his bachelor party night that naked live women will be. I swear, now I wonder if he just agreed to that to shut me up, or what. I wonder if 10 years down the line he will do something like that. I mean, no matter how pretty a woman is, this is what they do the freaken pigs!!! I hope you feel better. What I don't understand is why so many here make the lying to be not that big of a deal. Is that what a marriage should be like to you? Maybe you can go to a male strip club and get a lap dance catenza... If I wasn't pregnant, believe me I would of been at a strip joint myself!! At least it would make me feel 2% better. Maybe I should go anyway and make the male stripper rub my pregnant belly.. Think my husband would like that?? LOL. Still thinking about this subject and when I posed to question to my husband--what if I went to a strip club. . . he said he wouldn't care because it is all about "intention" and it's just entertainment. Personally, this kind of entertainment wouldn't do anything for me. As you said Catenza--2% better. Most say that women are looking for intimacy in relation to sex and guys look at sex as sex with no emotion--except in their pants:D. I've come to the conclusion, after internet research, that gentlemen's clubs are basically legal brothels, where guys can solicit sex acts from women. LIVE PORN. Those girls/women are prostituting themselves within the confines (not always, I'm sure) of the law. I thought strip clubs meant women were stripping and it was a stage show. Now the emphasis is that they are already naked, doing girl-on-girl, and the private sessions with customers. And amazing to me is that some girls can be this sexual, such a tease, and be selling it at 18. I have an 18 year old--it's a scary thought. And my husband's friends each have teenage daughters--what are they thinking? Is there no decency left? TV is just sex, sex, sex. And I'm not a prude--I just think it should be more private. Whatever happened to love? On this Loveshack forum there are so many posts on cheating, lying, infidelity, and how does anybody trust anybody and more? I think it is just sad, sad, sad. I'd like to trust my husband again, but I know he's so pissed, that I'm so pissed that I'm sure there'll be a next time--the guys will just be sure not to let the word "slip". I think it's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 Hi Miss Jane, My husband is upset that it hit me so hard. He didn't expect me to be this hurt and feels bad. I would say that in his head he thought I would be ok with it, but then again he LIED! Your husband is the opposite, If he wants you to be ok with it and not get mad then maybe you should tell him that one night you would like to go with him to a strip joint. Link to post Share on other sites
Sevenmack Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Once again Catenza, you really need to get your head together. This thread has gone on for 15 pages. Readers have given you plenty of advice about how to deal with the fact that your husband got a lapdance and lied about. Numerous readers have also told you that the manner in which you've handled all of this is just out of line. Please do everyone a favor and go to a shrink to work out your own issues. Sit down and talk to your husband about all this and come to some sort of accord. Or leave him altogether if you don't want to work things out. Just do something. And move on. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Strippers get paid plenty to strip...there's no need for them to do anything extra. Nothing goes on in the champagne room...just like Chris Rock says. He just got some lap dances. Okay..he lied but imagine being him? Are his friends "getting in trouble" for going to a strip club? Is there even one documented case of a guy being out with his boys and saying: Gee guys a strip club? I dunno if my girl will let me. We'd more likely fake a heart attack... So I'm not approving...I'm just telling you what I've seen happen with my friends. -Chris Gee so men care more about being macho in front of their buddies then they do about they feelings of their partner. How sweet. I can only hope my boyfriend is this wonderful. (notice the sacrasm please.) Link to post Share on other sites
Noos Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 If you think other people don't have it worse - you're wrong. A guy I know cheated on his wife while she was pregnant with their first child...no lapdance...full sex on several occassions with another woman while his wife was at home carrying their son. What sort of prick would you have to be to do that? It wasn't a shotgun marriage. He chose to marry her. They'd been together for around 4 years. That made me really, really sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 I know my situation is not the worst based on other threads I've read. Actually some make my husband look good. LOL As they say, men think by acting macho it adds inches to their penis! Can't believe tonight it will be a month! Link to post Share on other sites
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