ridingthebulls Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Besides the lap dance, how is the relationship otherwise??? Cause it seems we are ignoring the big issue here whatever that may be! Is he getting women to touch him and/or sleep with him frequently? Or was this just a lapse in judgment cause you didn't give him any for a while cause your stomach was in the way, or whatever excuse you gave? Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I really can't wait to have this baby and have my life back! I don't think a new crying whining baby will necessarily make your marriage any better, if not worse! I would try to straighten some of this out before the baby takes all of your attention away. Link to post Share on other sites
Virginia Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Either way it is a big deal to her. Her husband lied to her. Just because YOU would not find it to be a big deal if your SO lied to you about this doesn't mean everyone is the same. You would be fine with it, the OP is mad about the lie, I would leave my man for getting a lap dance in the first place. Everyone has the right to their own view on the subject. Unless you are dating them or married to them you have no right to tell them they are wrong. ITA. I hope you are doing better CAT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 Besides the lap dance, how is the relationship otherwise??? Cause it seems we are ignoring the big issue here whatever that may be! Is he getting women to touch him and/or sleep with him frequently? Or was this just a lapse in judgment cause you didn't give him any for a while cause your stomach was in the way, or whatever excuse you gave? When I think back to that week and that day, Our relationship was so perfect. I keep trying to think if there were any signs I missed... But there wasn't. As for him getting women to touch him and sleep with them, I should hope not. Maybe I'm in denial.. But then again.. I question it because I start to wonder if this was the first time he lied to me. Maybe all those other times he went out and told me he was at a local bar he was really at the strip joint. Not all strippers wear perfume. The only reason I found out is cause he smelled like the perfume. That night he told me it was the first time he did that and sweared up and down that he didn't get laid only "a few lap dances". Link to post Share on other sites
Guestmarvick Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I just want you to know your feelings are not wrong. There is no excuse in the world that your husband should lie to you unless hes hiding something! Mine done the very same thing to me and I was devastated!! Its been over a year since I caught my husband at a stripclub and it made me sick!!!. I am 53 yrs old. I take good care of myself and would never believe he would get caught up with his co-workers and go. He knew better but done it anyway. He looked at girls young enough to be his daughters! almost grandaughters! Yes, I looked at my husband differently afterwards to. How does a woman my age compare to what he was eyeing at for hours in a stripclub???? I looked at him like a nasty pervert. And his other aging co workers that he loaned money to for lapdances!!!! OOOOOh, But he didn,t get one......so he says.Let me tell you any woman comfortable with their men in a whore house is one screwed up lady. Yea,.... Its not about trust ladies, its about respect...... Its plain rude, ignorant and self centeredness.... You do it if thats your choice and not married. Its not about ladies being confident in themselves allowing their husbands to go......its about men liking variety. Plain and simple!! It dosn,t matter if your the best looking woman in the world its all about him getting his other brain to stand up. Ladies that trust it are foolish.Whats the difference.......If the lady next door comes into your house while you are gone somewhere........ or he pays admission for it at a club? Its one of the same. Its the intent of him going there for the purpose of his own enjoyment. Not the purpose of making his wife feel good. Lapdancing is cheating..... he allows a strange naked woman to sit on his lap.... to grind him untill............you know if hes got enough money to get him through enough songs to make him feel that good!!!!! Not to say..... how many other sweaty slime balls has she been riding bewfore you? NOOOOO we can,t catch anything........... No lice no crabs no WHATEVER!!!!!!!!! It happens and it did to one of my husbands coworkers. He lost his kids and his wife over it. And guess what he says he loves her more than anybody in the world.To sad for this guy isn,t it. To bad he didn,t have controll over himself when it came to possibly destroying his world. And if its all that innocent why do they have private back rooms? I don,t know you tell me. I understand the feelings you have completly. As long as our wonderfull husbands patronize them and some of their cool wives allow them this sort of entertainment. Why should any man respect us when it comes to supporting these establishments?? To each their own you say.........Well when something happens further because its not enough for them to just look.............you'll see it differently. Sorry you are hurting like me Marvick Link to post Share on other sites
kbah Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Catenza, Of the advice you have received, which have you taken? I'm just curious on the hopeful progress of your situation! Hope all is well (or getting there) Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted March 5, 2007 Author Share Posted March 5, 2007 Catenza, Of the advice you have received, which have you taken? I'm just curious on the hopeful progress of your situation! Hope all is well (or getting there) I haven't really spoke to my husband about the situtation. I just ignore him and pretend he's not around. I'm disgusted with him! Really can't stand the sight of him. In a way I wish he would leave me as it would make my life easier!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 When I think back to that week and that day, Our relationship was so perfect. I keep trying to think if there were any signs I missed... But there wasn't. As for him getting women to touch him and sleep with them, I should hope not. Maybe I'm in denial.. But then again.. I question it because I start to wonder if this was the first time he lied to me. Maybe all those other times he went out and told me he was at a local bar he was really at the strip joint. Not all strippers wear perfume. The only reason I found out is cause he smelled like the perfume. That night he told me it was the first time he did that and sweared up and down that he didn't get laid only "a few lap dances". I thought you were only worried about his lying to you. It seems from this post you are still hung up on the stripper situation. Does it matter if he was at a strip club when he said he would be at a bar or would you still be angry if he said he was at the bar but went to a ballgame? I'm not saying hanging out at a strip club is okay but women are being unrealistic if you think your man doesn't look at other women. It doesn't matter how good you look or how great your body is - he's still going to look at other women. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. If people felt they could be honest without their SO getting insecure they wouldn't lie. They lie to keep you from getting upset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted March 6, 2007 Author Share Posted March 6, 2007 I thought you were only worried about his lying to you. It seems from this post you are still hung up on the stripper situation. Does it matter if he was at a strip club when he said he would be at a bar or would you still be angry if he said he was at the bar but went to a ballgame? I'm not saying hanging out at a strip club is okay but women are being unrealistic if you think your man doesn't look at other women. It doesn't matter how good you look or how great your body is - he's still going to look at other women. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. If people felt they could be honest without their SO getting insecure they wouldn't lie. They lie to keep you from getting upset. I am pissed about his lying to me. There shouldn't be any lying at all. If he lied to me about a baseball game. I would be pissed!! He's my husband I should know where he is when he goes out! Especially being pregnant! He has done it before telling me he was at one bar and then i find out hes at another! OF COURSE I GET PISSED!! The difference is when he comes home he tells me where he went. That night he kept trying to lie to me and that pissed me off even more. If he would of told me from the minute he walked thru the door when I asked him, situation would be different. I know my husband looks at other women but it doesn't bother me. I look at other hot men. Theres no harm in it. Funny thing is my husband gets really jealous. MEN ARE RETARDED!! WHY LIE TO KEEP YOU FROM GETTING UPSET!! JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME UPSET! LIFE WOULD BE EASIER. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Well after catching up on all of this I would have to say that you both need MC. MEN ARE RETARDED!! WHY LIE TO KEEP YOU FROM GETTING UPSET!! JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME UPSET! LIFE WOULD BE EASIER. Sure life would be easier but it doesn't always work out the way we want it to now does it? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Why don't you tell your husband you would prefer he didn't go out with his friends any more until you have the baby? Tell him you need him home with you if that's what you want from him. BTW, you will also need him to be home after the baby is born. How old is he? Tell him what you've told us here on this board. Tell him you are sacrificing your freedom to raise a family and you want him there with you not out in the streets. Tell him you need him now! Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 MEN ARE RETARDED!! WHY LIE TO KEEP YOU FROM GETTING UPSET!! JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME UPSET! LIFE WOULD BE EASIER. Welcome to Real Life (patent pending). Link to post Share on other sites
Rhyla Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 I don't think you should get upset about a "lap dance". The stripper does not want your husband. She would probably rather watch "paint dry" than give him a lap dance. She only wants his money. If he gets a lap dance to blow off steam be thankful he isn't blowing it off in another woman's bed who might be a threat to your marriage. After your baby is born you will be too busy and tired to think about this stuff. what the hell does it matter if SHE wants him. the point is that HE wants her enough to want her rubbing her naked body all over him (i never said wants to marry or have a relationship with, so don't give me that BS. He did want to engage in a "sexual" activity with her, because thats what a lap dance is) while his wife is at home pregnant...It's disgusting and disrespectfu. Link to post Share on other sites
Virginia Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 what the hell does it matter if SHE wants him. the point is that HE wants her enough to want her rubbing her naked body all over him (i never said wants to marry or have a relationship with, so don't give me that BS. He did want to engage in a "sexual" activity with her, because thats what a lap dance is) while his wife is at home pregnant...It's disgusting and disrespectfu. And cheating,in my relationship anyway. If my man got a lap dance then he would be gone! Sorry but in our relationship the only people we have any sexual contact with is each other. If your partner met someone at work and got a lapdance would you consider that as cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Rhyla Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 If you think other people don't have it worse - you're wrong. A guy I know cheated on his wife while she was pregnant with their first child...no lapdance...full sex on several occassions with another woman while his wife was at home carrying their son. What sort of prick would you have to be to do that? It wasn't a shotgun marriage. He chose to marry her. They'd been together for around 4 years. That made me really, really sad. So because other people have it worse she has no right to be upset about the betrayl of trust from her husband. Christ people, get some brains. People are dying and starving and going through unimaginable horror all over the world - if that is your logic, none of us have any right to be upset about anything. Sorry for what happened to this couple you know, but I still feel for the poster and understand the hurt she is going through. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhyla Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 And cheating,in my relationship anyway. If my man got a lap dance then he would be gone! Sorry but in our relationship the only people we have any sexual contact with is each other. If your partner met someone at work and got a lapdance would you consider that as cheating? In mine aswell. As far as im concerned what "establishment" it occurs in makes no difference. Having someone rub their naked body on you in a relationship is cheating. If somehow the stripper not "wanting" your husband, and getting paid for it makes it not cheating, then hell, having a prostitute isn't cheating either. It makes no sense to me how some people can use that logic and not see how flawed it is. Im just thankful that my partner can understand that, and would be just as upset if I were to do something like the OP husband did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 Why don't you tell your husband you would prefer he didn't go out with his friends any more until you have the baby? Tell him you need him home with you if that's what you want from him. BTW, you will also need him to be home after the baby is born. How old is he? Tell him what you've told us here on this board. Tell him you are sacrificing your freedom to raise a family and you want him there with you not out in the streets. Tell him you need him now! Since the situation occured, he has been home. He went out once to celebrate a friends engagement in which he came home late. If anything he might come home 1/2 hour later than usual maybe once a week which he goes and has a drink. I don't mind. My husband is 30 years old. His tone of voice also is very sincere when he speaks to me. I called him at work today to tell him he had to pick up my daughter from school because I wasn't feeling good and he jumped. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 And cheating,in my relationship anyway. If my man got a lap dance then he would be gone! Sorry but in our relationship the only people we have any sexual contact with is each other. If your partner met someone at work and got a lapdance would you consider that as cheating? Okeee so here is my forget about the lying but he went to a strip joint theory.. He has been to strip joints before at bachlor parties and ONLY bachlor parties and has had lap dances. I ask, he tells me. If he had 10 lap dances, he tells me he had 10 lapdances. Whatever. BUT in the 4 years that we have been married he never mentioned to me that he went to a strip joint on any given night for the hell of it. It took me by surprise when he did. That night he said it was the first time he ever did that. So if he would of been straight with me and told me this when I first asked where he was and told me it was the first time, I would be over it. But because he LIED it leads me to believe it wasn't the first time that he has LIED! Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Okeee so here is my forget about the lying but he went to a strip joint theory.. He has been to strip joints before at bachlor parties and ONLY bachlor parties and has had lap dances. I ask, he tells me. If he had 10 lap dances, he tells me he had 10 lapdances. Whatever. BUT in the 4 years that we have been married he never mentioned to me that he went to a strip joint on any given night for the hell of it. It took me by surprise when he did. That night he said it was the first time he ever did that. So if he would of been straight with me and told me this when I first asked where he was and told me it was the first time, I would be over it. But because he LIED it leads me to believe it wasn't the first time that he has LIED! So you need to ask him why out of all the times he's told you, he then decides now to hide it from you? Also if he's been to strip joints before, why did he say it was his first time going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 So you need to ask him why out of all the times he's told you, he then decides now to hide it from you? Also if he's been to strip joints before, why did he say it was his first time going? It was his first time going on a random night. So he says... Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 It was his first time going on a random night. So he says... What did he say the reason was for lying? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 What did he say the reason was for lying? We didn't get to that yet... I am assuming and hoping it was to avoid conflict. He thought he could get away with it. He wasn't able to smell the perfume on himself. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 We didn't get to that yet... I am assuming and hoping it was to avoid conflict. He thought he could get away with it. He wasn't able to smell the perfume on himself. Yeah i'll agree and say that if you hadn't smelled the perfume, chances are he wouldn't have said anything to you about it. Most likely he didn't want to have a conflict but why lie about it if he's told you about things in the past? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 Yeah i'll agree and say that if you hadn't smelled the perfume, chances are he wouldn't have said anything to you about it. Most likely he didn't want to have a conflict but why lie about it if he's told you about things in the past? I'm trying to think back to that night. I think he told me about the strip joint before I mentioned the perfume... I kept asking him where he was and kept telling him to stop lying and then It was when I told him I was going to call his friends wife to see what time her husband got home, that is when he told me. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I'm trying to think back to that night. I think he told me about the strip joint before I mentioned the perfume... I kept asking him where he was and kept telling him to stop lying and then It was when I told him I was going to call his friends wife to see what time her husband got home, that is when he told me. If he told you about the strip joint before you mentioned the perfume, then he told you. Link to post Share on other sites
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