Pregnant And Husband Gets Lapdance

[IpAncA]

Can't believe tonight it will be a month!

 

I can't either.

[CATENZA]

I have a friend that is 29 - 30 years old and she always dates younger guys and her reason behind it is whats the point the never mature!!!

[Miss Jane]

That's true Catenza. After being married for 23 years, my husband hasn't changed much. He somewhat "prides" himself about being immature--he says it's what keeps him young. And he'll be 50 in a month.

 

In reality things, of course, do change and whether it's physical or mental maturity you do start to slow down. We go out on a weekend night and after dinner and a few drinks, he goes to bed by 10 and he's snoring by 10:01. I asked him how come we don't go out and do something more fun, like we used to. After all, the guys had the energy to go hang around the strip club after they went out to dinner--I know I was teasing him, but he went ballistic! Even when I go out with my girlfriends, no one seems to want to go out after a show or movie. Then again, it doesn't seem to be much to do but go to the bar. Lately, I think I'm just getting bored. It 's easy for people in the comfort of their personal relationships to start taking a SO for granted and to let their guard down. Relationships take a lot of effort--at least for me. I'm getting pretty bored with even trying anymore.

[CATENZA]

Its funny cause in my head, all I think about is what I am going to do after I give birth. After what my husband did, I came to relize that I need to start doing things for myself and whatever makes me happy and feel good. I need my life back! I'm sitting here pregnant not being able to do much and my husband went out did what he wanted without giving a crap about my feelings and disrespecting me. I'm not going to do anything spiteful but my views on alot have changed!

[VinaAmez]

Its funny cause in my head, all I think about is what I am going to do after I give birth. After what my husband did, I came to relize that I need to start doing things for myself and whatever makes me happy and feel good. I need my life back! I'm sitting here pregnant not being able to do much and my husband went out did what he wanted without giving a crap about my feelings and disrespecting me. I'm not going to do anything spiteful but my views on alot have changed!

 

Like what?

[CATENZA]

Whatever makes me happy!! I'm sitting here being miss little perfect housewive at 28 years old!! OK!! I should be out with friends have a good time like he does.

[stillafool]

I don't think you should get upset about a "lap dance". The stripper does not want your husband. She would probably rather watch "paint dry" than give him a lap dance. She only wants his money. If he gets a lap dance to blow off steam be thankful he isn't blowing it off in another woman's bed who might be a threat to your marriage. After your baby is born you will be too busy and tired to think about this stuff.

[a4a]

Its funny cause in my head, all I think about is what I am going to do after I give birth. After what my husband did, I came to relize that I need to start doing things for myself and whatever makes me happy and feel good. I need my life back! I'm sitting here pregnant not being able to do much and my husband went out did what he wanted without giving a crap about my feelings and disrespecting me. I'm not going to do anything spiteful but my views on alot have changed!

 

You really need to start communicating with your H...... he probably is totally clueless about your feelings unless he is a psychic.

[CATENZA]

I could care less if the stripper wanted him or not. Actually maybe it would of been easier if she did and something happened! I would of left and thats it!

 

My husband, my daughter and I live in a small 2 bedroom house! We have another baby on the way. The week he went to the strip joint, we discussed about buying a bigger house and money would be tight! The last eight months all i was doing was and still am stressing over our living situation and the money needed to get us out of here.. and he goes and blows it on some stripper! I don't understand his priorities!

 

If my husband is clueless about my feelings then I married a real Jackass!

[Star Gazer]

I cannot, for the life of me, understand why you're still talking to random strangers about this LAP DANCE (that's ALL it was for crying out loud!) instead of working things out WITH YOUR HUSBAND.

 

Like you said, it's been a MONTH already. JEEEEEEEEEEZ.

[a4a]

I could care less if the stripper wanted him or not. Actually maybe it would of been easier if she did and something happened! I would of left and thats it!

 

My husband, my daughter and I live in a small 2 bedroom house! We have another baby on the way. The week he went to the strip joint, we discussed about buying a bigger house and money would be tight! The last eight months all i was doing was and still am stressing over our living situation and the money needed to get us out of here.. and he goes and blows it on some stripper! I don't understand his priorities!

 

If my husband is clueless about my feelings then I married a real Jackass!

 

Got news he probably is not aware because you are not blunt and to the point. They hear blah blah blah...... blah. Cripes I think like a man, I hear blah blah blah when women talk to me too..even my H sometimes lately...yada yada, got some new shoes, yada, mall, yada yada, new house, yada yada, money, yada shoes............

 

Tell him exactly what you wrote here.

 

minus the stripper having him and you not caring.

 

sit down set some goals..... communicate, communicate in a way he understands.

[rainfall]

I cannot, for the life of me, understand why you're still talking to random strangers about this LAP DANCE (that's ALL it was for crying out loud!) instead of working things out WITH YOUR HUSBAND.

 

Like you said, it's been a MONTH already. JEEEEEEEEEEZ.

 

 

A lap dance is cheating to some people. Whether the OP feels that or not it still is a very big deal to some people. Some people would feel betrayed over something like that.

 

If the OP decides she has a right to be upset because her husband lied to her about something then you don't have a right to tell her it is no big deal.

[VinaAmez]

If the OP decides she has a right to be upset because her husband lied to her about something then you don't have a right to tell her it is no big deal.

 

That's true but don't you think that she should talk to her H about this?

[rainfall]

That's true but don't you think that she should talk to her H about this?

 

Yes but if posting here is helping her then she should keep doing it. It takes some people longer to get over betrayal then it takes others.

I do think she should talk it over with her husband as well as posting here.

[VinaAmez]

Yes but if posting here is helping her then she should keep doing it. It takes some people longer to get over betrayal then it takes others.

I do think she should talk it over with her husband as well as posting here.

 

I wasn't implying that she shouldn't post here. She's free to do so but you shouldn't let a problem go on like this without talking.

[Star Gazer]

If the OP decides she has a right to be upset because her husband lied to her about something then you don't have a right to tell her it is no big deal.

 

Uhhh....yes I do. Under these circumstances, it ISN'T as big of a deal as she's making it out to be.

[rainfall]

Uhhh....yes I do. Under these circumstances, it ISN'T as big of a deal as she's making it out to be.

 

Under what circumstances? He lied to her about something. If he didn't feel what he did was wrong why didn't he tell her from the start. I can't think of any circumstances where lying about this would not be a big deal.......

[CATENZA]

Rainfall... I do believe half the people on here can not read!!! I've mentioned it 100 times!! I'M PISSED AT THE LYING!

 

Star Gazer why the hell do u come back to read and post on this thread!! Maybe your more addicted to it than I am!

[Star Gazer]

Under what circumstances? He lied to her about something. If he didn't feel what he did was wrong why didn't he tell her from the start. I can't think of any circumstances where lying about this would not be a big deal.......

 

I was responding to your statement that I "don't have a right to tell her it's no big deal."

 

YES, I DO have a right to tell her it's no big deal. IMO, based on what she's told us, it ISN'T. Call it a lap dance, call it a lie ABOUT a lap dance...it's all one and the same: not as big a deal as she's making it out to be.

 

DRAMA. Drama, drama, drama.

 

 

And to answer you, CATENZA... I click on "New Posts" to see what people are actively talking about...and you're ALWAYS still posting on this thread. It's been a MONTH - you won't let the subject or the thread die! I think that might be a record!

[rainfall]

I was responding to your statement that I "don't have a right to tell her it's no big deal."

 

YES, I DO have a right to tell her it's no big deal. IMO, based on what she's told us, it ISN'T. Call it a lap dance, call it a lie ABOUT a lap dance...it's all one and the same: not as big a deal as she's making it out to be.

 

DRAMA. Drama, drama, drama.

 

 

And to answer you, CATENZA... I click on "New Posts" to see what people are actively talking about...and you're ALWAYS still posting on this thread. It's been a MONTH - you won't let the subject or the thread die! I think that might be a record!

 

Either way it is a big deal to her. Her husband lied to her. Just because YOU would not find it to be a big deal if your SO lied to you about this doesn't mean everyone is the same.

You would be fine with it, the OP is mad about the lie, I would leave my man for getting a lap dance in the first place. Everyone has the right to their own view on the subject. Unless you are dating them or married to them you have no right to tell them they are wrong.

[a4a]

Either way it is a big deal to her. Her husband lied to her. Just because YOU would not find it to be a big deal if your SO lied to you about this doesn't mean everyone is the same.

You would be fine with it, the OP is mad about the lie, I would leave my man for getting a lap dance in the first place. Everyone has the right to their own view on the subject. Unless you are dating them or married to them you have no right to tell them they are wrong.

 

Well from my seat here in the LS theatre I think it is much more than a simple lie about a lap dance..... more, much more depth to this.

 

Sounds like maybe the H is not communicating with the OP overall... and she is not telling him how she feels..... stuck in tiny house, where is their and her future. She is not currently satisfied with their M for various reasons. This issue is focused on because it is easy to pick at it.

 

Am I on track at all OP?.... sometimes it takes something like this "lap dance lie" to get the deeper issues to surface.

 

Could be the OP thinks her husbands doesn't give a crap about her.... not just about this lie.

[CATENZA]

a4a your pretty much on track.... I wouldn't of been pissed about the lying, lap dance or the money or what ever else happened around that time if my H was straight with me. But because he did LIE, i'm pissed! I know my H cares about me because for the past month he's been going above and beyond with trying to i guess in his way make it up to me. Also, due to my pregnancy I do feel alone at times and what scares me the most is me feeling this way after the baby is born.

[Guest]

I was about 7 months pregnant with my 2nd child when my H started going to strip clubs with some of his work buds. He knew I didn't mind the occasional visit with friends or bachelor parties, but it was beginning to be a habit. He claimed part of it was peer pressure (gag) because the guys he worked with would make him feel PW'ed if he didn't go. I remember one night he came home and I hugged him and he asked if I could smell their perfume because "they were all over him". I lost it, I said thanks a F---ing lot and locked myself in the bathroom and bawled.

 

To backtrack a tad, before I got pregnant with my second it had been 10 years since we had our first child. I had gotten back down to my original weight and actually looked better than I did before our first child. We had a lot of sex, and I had no problems with self confidence. Being big pregnant really took a toll on that confidence. I felt big as a house (I make big babies, 9lber's and up), I felt I couldn't compete.

 

(I've been to strip clubs before with him, I know how they are. Most women are very business like, but like any profession, there are the bad apples.)

 

Well, after I got that upset, he didn't go again. Then, shortly after our baby was born, he was moved to another location, away from the turds he worked with, and the peer pressure. None of these men had decent relationships at home... I wonder why??

 

The thing is, we discussed it that night. My H is really big on discussing things right away. Once I explained to him how disrespectful it was, having skinny women rub on you while I was feeling insecure from being big pregnant, he understood. He felt awful and held me for a long time.

 

The bottom line is, pregnancy makes women so much more insecure. I admit, even though we had discussed it, it remained a sore spot with me. I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF... LOL Once I didn't have a huge belly anymore and I had my beautiful baby in my arms, it all faded away. Especially after I was able to get back into my pre-pregnancy jeans and I didn't have a big ole belly in the way of getting my freak on!

 

Take care Catenza, you will get thru this!

[Just a guy]

a4a your pretty much on track.... I wouldn't of been pissed about the lying, lap dance or the money or what ever else happened around that time if my H was straight with me. But because he did LIE, i'm pissed! I know my H cares about me because for the past month he's been going above and beyond with trying to i guess in his way make it up to me. Also, due to my pregnancy I do feel alone at times and what scares me the most is me feeling this way after the baby is born.

 

I've been divorced for six years from a woman I was married to for over 14 years. As I look back in retrospect, the marriage began to fall apart the night I went, with my wife's full knowlege and permission, to a "gentlemen's club" for a bachlor party. I did not intend to get a lap dance, but one time bowed to peer pressure and got one. I never told her that.

 

The picture of that woman would not get out of my head for a long time. I'm sure it changed my behavior toward my wife. While the divorce was going on, it was never brought up. But when I ask my self honestly when did things start to go down hill, it was that night.

 

It is never OK for a spouse to lie. Your trust was betrayed. You have every right to be hurt. If your husband was still trying to justify himself, things would be worse.

 

At some point, though, you either have to leave him or forgive him. Forgiveness means acknowledging the hurt, and the wrongness and your right to justice and revenge. And then choosing not to take your justice and revenge, even in "little ways".

 

From your description of his behavior, what he is doing to himself is worse than anything you can do to him. He needs you to help him understand your feelings, so when you do forgive him, he understands what a precious gift you are.

 

He sounds like a basically decent guy. Those are rare.

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[CATENZA]

I really can't wait to have this baby and have my life back!