VinaAmez Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 I know...but i don't know how to start it up. I'm waiting for him... Oh I see. If he knows you don't want to talk about it chances are, he's not going to bring it up until he can't take it anymore. You could try "I want to talk about the other night." I'm sure he'll know what you mean. Then go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 10, 2007 Author Share Posted February 10, 2007 Yea, I know... I just have to build up the strength to be strong. I don't want to end up feeling sorry for him. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Why would you feel sorry? You have no reason to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 10, 2007 Author Share Posted February 10, 2007 I guess cause I'm really vunerable right now. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Well I think the most important thing is to take care of yourself and if your strong enough to talk to him about this before he does then try. I hope you feel better though. I'm sure this is more stressful then you would like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 10, 2007 Author Share Posted February 10, 2007 Thanks!! I am totally stressed out. Link to post Share on other sites
che_jesse Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 During my pregnancy there were several months were I could not have sex with my boyfriend because I could not handel the smell of being that close to another person. It passed after a while. Anyway, during those few months somewhere in the middle I found some emails between my boyfriend and hos online, it wast all him cybering with them and using as a sort of interactive porn. I flipped out, I was a hysterical sobbing mess for weeks just like you are now and I refused to speak to him the entire time. I know exactly how you feel hun. First of let me say that pregnancy hormoes are deffintly part of it, they are not what is makeing you upset but they are kicking it up a few notches, you know this is true. I didnt want to be the one to broach the subject with my boyfriend either, for me it was because I did not want to sit there and listen to him lie to me, at the time I thought he was lieing, I dont even know about what but I was just sure he was. Eventually it happend like this: It was weeks later, I was hurt, upset, and and I missed him, so in the kitchen one morning while doing the dishes after breakfast I started throwing bread at my boyfriend while sobbing (yeah its funny now that look back on it later) he came over and hugged me and held me until I calmed down some, we then managed to talk about it. I think what finally ended it is me just wearing myself out being angry and hurt. I knew in my heart he never really did anything with those women. I dont know if any of this actually helped you but I just wanted to let you know that I know just how you are feeling right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 10, 2007 Author Share Posted February 10, 2007 Hi che Jesse... Thanks for your input. We are going into week 3 with no communication and I am at the Hurt, upset and missing point. I still have alot of rage inside. Instead of throwing bread I would like to throw sharpe butcher knives. Another thing that is making it hard for us to communicate is my 3 year old daughter. She understands everything!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
green eyes 17 Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 I just found out 4 months agao that my husband for the last two years was going to strip clubs. He began when I was pregnant with our third child. Buisness trips to NYC, Vegas, San Fran. He spend big $$$$$ He would stay out around the clock. The baby is now 18 month old. If I had found out when I was pregnant I don't know what I would have done. As for today, We live in a " Bubble" now I have complete access to phone records, bank statement, cash withdrawls, credit card statement etc. He goes to work and comes home. GPS on his cellphone. He does not travel. It has been a long road the last four months with an uphill climb still to come. He is sorry but TWO YEARS OF DECEIT is a long time .............oh yeah. He also lied about having work late but really was out having drinks with people............ You need to talk to him. Start writing things down so you have clear thoughts. It is Ok to be mad.......HE LIED.................... If he wants to stay and be part of your life then you have the power to set the ground rules and the path. Do it, I waited a month b/c I was so overwelmed. When I finally started some hard conversations, I started to feel better..I stoppped cying all the time....... Oh, one more thing.I have a huge pile of evidence. Even if my husband tries to keep on the same straight and narrow path there is always a chance I might need it in the future if he slips up again. I have it hidden away, and I do not look at it anymore. I am saying prayer for you and your unborn child. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 I'm amazed how the words "I'm sorry" comes out when they get caught. Thats horrible. For 2 years. How did you find out? Link to post Share on other sites
green eyes 17 Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 His behavior started to change.....short with kids, I seemed invisible, missed all the kids end of year functions, seemed to be traveling way to much. I picked up his phone one day and saw time of calls that were in the early AM, people on speed dial I did not know, text messages from women at 3 AM. I went online and checked all the phone bills, credit cards etc. This was in June...........it took me until OCT to stumble across the right statement....their was a credit card linked to an investment account that I never saw. tens ( upon tens ) of thousands of dollars gone........... I am lucky only in the way that he makes a good living and did not have to worry about paying bills. Even when the statements were in front of him he still kept lying. From June till Oct I thought I had a small problem.there was no affair he says. Just him being emotionally unattached to me. Almost leading a double life. Anyway, I have become a VERY good detective. I can tell you the corporate name of almost any strip club in NYC, Vegas or San Fran. The marriage is very odd. Why am I still here? The kids, I guess............plus we have been together for 19 years ( 12 married) i came from a divorced family and I am not sure enough that it is over to not give it a chance to play out. He is REALLY TRYING and currently I have a better husband then I have ever had. No matter what he does, however, I will never fully trust him again. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 Wow. Have you thought about the both of you going to counseling? Sounds like your marriage has some stuff to work out. Especially when he doesn't feel emotionally attacted to you. You can't keep him in the bubble forever. That's not a way to live. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 11, 2007 Author Share Posted February 11, 2007 The marriage is very odd. Why am I still here? The kids, I guess............plus we have been together for 19 years ( 12 married) i came from a divorced family and I am not sure enough that it is over to not give it a chance to play out. He is REALLY TRYING and currently I have a better husband then I have ever had. No matter what he does, however, I will never fully trust him again. I;m trying to quote the above but it never works for me... Anyway!! I don't want to not trust him ever again! I wouldn't be able to survive in this marriage. These past two weeks have been so stressful. I can't see spending the rest of my life like this. That just hurts to much! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 11, 2007 Author Share Posted February 11, 2007 Here is an update.. We couldn't discuss much because my 3 year old was around. But of course I started crying and he said he knows what he did was bad but not as bad as I'm making it seem with how I am acting. The reason behind that is that I am distroying everything i know he loves. He's a big hunter so the first week I took a sledge Hammer to his Brand new expensive Bow. It took some of the rage away! And for the past 2 weeks a few things here and there have be disappearing. Its making me laugh alittle as I see him running around trying to figure out what I did with his things. I actually laughed at him today. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 Here is an update.. We couldn't discuss much because my 3 year old was around. But of course I started crying and he said he knows what he did was bad but not as bad as I'm making it seem with how I am acting. The reason behind that is that I am distroying everything i know he loves. He's a big hunter so the first week I took a sledge Hammer to his Brand new expensive Bow. It took some of the rage away! And for the past 2 weeks a few things here and there have be disappearing. Its making me laugh alittle as I see him running around trying to figure out what I did with his things. I actually laughed at him today. You are out of your ever loving mind! He went to a strip club, he didn't commit adultery! You've previously had NO PROBLEM with him going to strip clubs before, so your switcharoo with the rules here is totally irrational and unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 11, 2007 Author Share Posted February 11, 2007 There is a real difference. The other time he went to a strip joint was for bachlor parties from my family. My ISSUE with him is the lying! Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 Here is an update.. We couldn't discuss much because my 3 year old was around. But of course I started crying and he said he knows what he did was bad but not as bad as I'm making it seem with how I am acting. The reason behind that is that I am distroying everything i know he loves. He's a big hunter so the first week I took a sledge Hammer to his Brand new expensive Bow. It took some of the rage away! And for the past 2 weeks a few things here and there have be disappearing. Its making me laugh alittle as I see him running around trying to figure out what I did with his things. I actually laughed at him today. Well that's a mature response. You need help. Professional help. Destroying his possessions is just going to make things worse, not better. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 I just found out 4 months agao that my husband for the last two years was going to strip clubs. He began when I was pregnant with our third child. Buisness trips to NYC, Vegas, San Fran. He spend big $$$$$ He would stay out around the clock. The baby is now 18 month old. If I had found out when I was pregnant I don't know what I would have done. As for today, We live in a " Bubble" now I have complete access to phone records, bank statement, cash withdrawls, credit card statement etc. He goes to work and comes home. GPS on his cellphone. He does not travel. It has been a long road the last four months with an uphill climb still to come. He is sorry but TWO YEARS OF DECEIT is a long time .............oh yeah. He also lied about having work late but really was out having drinks with people............ You need to talk to him. Start writing things down so you have clear thoughts. It is Ok to be mad.......HE LIED.................... If he wants to stay and be part of your life then you have the power to set the ground rules and the path. Do it, I waited a month b/c I was so overwelmed. When I finally started some hard conversations, I started to feel better..I stoppped cying all the time....... Oh, one more thing.I have a huge pile of evidence. Even if my husband tries to keep on the same straight and narrow path there is always a chance I might need it in the future if he slips up again. I have it hidden away, and I do not look at it anymore. I am saying prayer for you and your unborn child. LOL that's crazy, thats not the answer to "live in a bubble" and no matter what he did he's like in the 1984 novel now, what a relationship that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 You need help. Professional help. Destroying his possessions is just going to make things worse, not better. I totally agree. And I can only imagine your sick little laugh at his response to having his worldly possessions destroyed. Sick. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 You are out of your ever loving mind! He went to a strip club, he didn't commit adultery! You've previously had NO PROBLEM with him going to strip clubs before, so your switcharoo with the rules here is totally irrational and unfair. You are out of your ever loving mind if you think that just because you find strip clubsa and lying ok that everyone does. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 You are out of your ever loving mind if you think that just because you find strip clubsa and lying ok that everyone does. Look it RAIN. Welcome back RAIN! I think strip clubs can be fun , but not unless both parties can agree on them . Some people don't agree . But anyway Rain , Hi. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 Look it RAIN. Welcome back RAIN! I think strip clubs can be fun , but not unless both parties can agree on them . Some people don't agree . But anyway Rain , Hi. To some people strip clubs are fun to others they are cheating. It is up to a couple to decide what works for them. However in the OP case her husband should have been honest from the start about where he was going. And hi Tink Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 Here is an update.. We couldn't discuss much because my 3 year old was around. But of course I started crying and he said he knows what he did was bad but not as bad as I'm making it seem with how I am acting. The reason behind that is that I am distroying everything i know he loves. He's a big hunter so the first week I took a sledge Hammer to his Brand new expensive Bow. It took some of the rage away! And for the past 2 weeks a few things here and there have be disappearing. Its making me laugh alittle as I see him running around trying to figure out what I did with his things. I actually laughed at him today. Oh he's not going to be pleased when he finds out. Especially about the bow. Those can be expensive if it was made for him. Okay I think your making things worse by breaking his stuff. Word of advice DON'T BREAK ANYTHING ELSE! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 11, 2007 Author Share Posted February 11, 2007 Vina... I Broke his Bow that same week that it happened and he knows, you know what he said?? Absolutely nothing!! He had no arguement. Surprisingly he let it go. I use to threaten him alot about breaking it when we had our little fights and he used to get pissed this time he said nothing. As for everyone out there that thinks I need "Help", This is my help. Breaking his stuff is my therapy. It makes me feel better!! Why can he go to a strip joint to make himself feel better and I can't do what I want to make myself feel better! Link to post Share on other sites
green eyes 17 Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 I made my husband throw away jeans and some shirts he bought for himself over the last two years. I threw out some books and magazines. I threw out a Father's Day shirt with all the kids hand prints on it. While i was home trying to make it for him, he had stripper boobs in his face. The lying is what hurts the most. I am embarrassed that he showed others how very little he respects me. ( That is how I view his actions) As far as the " Bubble" It has at least given us a chance to make it. We are seeing a counselor. Everything has to be done slowly. Link to post Share on other sites
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