Author CATENZA Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 I can talk to him maturely... Depending on the time he comes home tonight, we will try to discuss. I guess in a way I am scared to hear what he has to say... I mean, all he's gonna do is apologies but thats not going to be enough for me. And I guess I can tell him that when he does. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I can talk to him maturely... Depending on the time he comes home tonight, we will try to discuss. I guess in a way I am scared to hear what he has to say... I mean, all he's gonna do is apologies but thats not going to be enough for me. And I guess I can tell him that when he does. Then I suggest you do this in a mature way. Your going to have to hear what he has to say sometime. Better to hear it now then later. Sure he's going to sorry. It's a reaction that anyone would say. What will be enough for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 I wonder if he will go out of his way this Valentine's Day... LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I wonder if he will go out of his way this Valentine's Day... LOL! I was wondering that myself. Maybe he will. There was this story I heard on the radio this morning and they were taking calls about best/worst valentines. Anyways this girl called and she said her bf messed up BIG time and to make it up to her he bought a box of those children v-cards. On each of the cards he wrote something different. It was so sweet and she did end up forgiving him and taking him back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 I know for sure I'll get chocolate covered strawberries... He gets them for me every year. Actually I don't even care.. Even if things are discussed before V-DAY, its still not going to making that much better. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I don't know. My H and I had a REALLY bad fight 2 days before Valentines day and I almost threw away what I got him. But when the day came around he got me a card, some candy and 2 dozen of roses. After I seen that I didn't care what happend. He did say he was sorry which is VERY hard for him to do so when he said it and some other things it meant a lot. Don't let something like this reck tomorrow. Even if your still not talking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Reading other threads and so now I am thinking... Did I bring this situation on?? Have I given my husband to much freedom? I have no problems with him going out for a drink to a local bar every now and then.. smoke his occasional joint every now and then. Watch porn everynow and then as well. Have I given him to much freedom??? Then again did he take advantage of it? Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Sounds like you let him do whatever he wants. Is there no boundries set? If you do have any set does he LISTEN? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 I would say, okeee.. maybe he went to the strip joint because he thought I would be ok with it.. But then why lie!! I just try to re evaluate everything in my head and make sense of it.. I could go on for years. At least I don't cry anymore thinking about it. Thats gotta be a good sign. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Ask him why he lied? There is a reason. Good to see your not crying thinking about it. Stop letting crap creep up in your head. It will do you no good. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Sorry double post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 I still have to either wash his clothes or throw them out.. Better off throwing them out. When ever he would wear his fleece I would be reminded! ughhhhh... its 11:40PM and he's still not home. This is why we can never talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Heres an Update... My so called husband didn't come home till about 2am, he was at the local bar with a pair of our friends that just got engaged! So I guess to him his friends engagement is more important than our marriage.... Pissed as I was, that it was 1:30am and still no sign I threw his pillow and a change of clothes on the couch and locked my bedroom door and went to sleep.. Still undiscussed! Happy Valentine's day to eveyone in a great and romantic relationship! The crying has returned. I can't understand how you can go out drinking and celebrating when there is a problem at home. Link to post Share on other sites
Sevenmack Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Not to be mean Catenza, but with your behavior at this point, I'm surprised he just hasn't simply left you. As I've said earlier, he's wrong for not being honest about getting a lapdance, but at the same time, you should realize that the lapdance isn't infidelity at all. But the way you're handling yourself is out-of-control. You need to chill out, sit down with your husband and discuss all these issues; believe me, there are more issues involved in this than just the lapdance. And the discussion should happen in a nice, conciliatory manner. If you want to save your marriage, you need to actually listen to him and work things out. But I suspect that you're not interested in working things out; instead, you just want to have your way. This isn't how real relationships work; there is compromise and reaching accords under which both lovers can feel satisfied with one another and not let bitterness creep in. None of this is happening now and it's a fault on both sides. I wouldn't want to stay in the house with you if I were in his shoes; you're acting ridiculously. At the same time, he needs to grow up, not lie about his whereabouts and not behave badly either. All these incidents are signs that none of you have grown up. The sad part is that you're having another child, who will suffer greatly because of the actions both of you -- especially you -- have taken. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 My Behavior??? Instead of my husband coming home and discussing our current problem he goes out drinking and I should be ok with that? Shows me he doesn't care. I am not blaming him for infidelity. I am so giving him the benefit of the doubt with my fingers crossed. I have chilled out.. Believe me! The first 2 weeks were horrible. The crying has calmed down. Today is just hard for me because its Valentine's day and I REALLY thought last night he was going to come home straight after work to be with me from the start of Valentine's day... But he didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 CATENZA, giving you a male perspective, if I was in your husband's shoes, I probably would have done the same thing (i.e. not come home). Look the situation. You've basically been at arm's lengths for several weeks now. There's been no real communication. And it sounds like you could cut the tension with a knife at your home. I think the last day of the year he'd want to get into this with you would be on Valentine's day (maybe excluding birthdays and/or anniversary). I'm going to re-iterate my previous suggestion of seeing a professional counciler. Indeed it sounds like there is more to work out than just the lie or the lapdance. It sounds like both of you have some fundamental relationship issues here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Well... My husband came home before with Roses and Chocolate covered strawberries which are my favorite and a whole bunch of things for my daughter. He gave me the roses and said Happy Valentines day and I bursted into tears. He did nothing.. I really wanted to run into his arms and tell him I don't want to fight anymore, but I ran the other way instead. Why didn't he console me? Thats what I need. I know this is stressing him out and he seems like he doesn't know what to do. He sat on the couch with his head down and his hand over his eyes while I cried in my bedroom. The crying DEF. has alot to do with the pregnancy... Link to post Share on other sites
Sevenmack Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 How much more can he do? Talk to you and you run away. Bring you flowers and chocolate and you run away. If I were in his position, I would have attempted to console you because I'm that kind of guy. But at the same time, I would have told you that you need to start talking and stop the crying. Issues need to be settled and that can't happen with this cycle of flight and recriminations. Littlepiggy is right; you need therapy at this point. There are more problems in this marriage than you're letting on. Nothing will be resolved until your husband and you start dealing with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Honestly, other than the current problem we are having there is no other issue. Unless I am blinded by it??? Link to post Share on other sites
Madea Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Did he call you at any point last night and tell you where he was or that he was going to be late? Or did you just sit up and wander all night what the hell was going on? If it's the latter, I say you have grounds to be upset, especially considering the strip club incident has not yet been put to rest. At some point, if you want to save the marriage, you are going to have to forgive him. I know it's hard but you can't live the next forty years with him the way things are now! And for God's sake girlfriend, get rid of those clothes you've been hanging onto. They do nothing but remind you of that night. I imagine your hormones do have a lot to do with you hanging on to the anger, focus on the baby as this is not healthy for it or you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Capatinacen Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 How much more can he do? Talk to you and you run away. Bring you flowers and chocolate and you run away. If I were in his position, I would have attempted to console you because I'm that kind of guy. But at the same time, I would have told you that you need to start talking and stop the crying. Issues need to be settled and that can't happen with this cycle of flight and recriminations. I agree. This relationship lacks COMMUNICATION and when there is no communication, the relationship fails. Not at first but in a slow but fast moving process. You are jumping conclusions with this WHOLE thing. He lied and you don't even know WHY. You won't even let him explain himself. You still have his clothes that he wore that night. GET RID OF THEM. There is no need in keeping them. I think you've hurt him enough don't you think? First the bow and now rejecting his gift by running away. I highly suggest you stop this crap and talk to your H today. Hormones or not this needs to be worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
ely Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Honestly, other than the current problem we are having there is no other issue. Unless I am blinded by it??? I am so sorry this is happening to you, but u are not the first or will be the last. What u need to do is get a grip cauze u are pregnant and all this is affecting ur child. He had a lap dance and I don't care what any one says in this forum it is still wrong! H wants to be amused by other women while ur innocent wife is home and one thing does lead to the other. If u stay together u both need to get help. Counseling is the best option for u at the moment and then if ur H is really remoursful then he can join you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 honey I know how you feel only my guy was unfaithful.I feel that even though you are saying you believe he never cheated in the back of your mind your thinking that maybe he did? When my guy did the wrong thing by me all I wanted from him too was to hold me in his arms and reassure me.Unfortunately guys don't think the same way we do and when faced in a situation they are honetly clueless how to react hence why your man was sitting on the couch with his hands on his face.He is confused with where to go,he is clearly trying yet you now are not meeting him halfway!What more do you want from him?You BOTH have to comprimise,you BOTH have to communicate and you BOTH have to meet each other somewhere in the middle here or the way things are going your going to get to a point of no return!. Anger,insecurities etc can cause so many emotions to come out that you never thought were there.By breaking his bow hon was a part of that..yes I am sure there are many readers out there that have done similar and I am not condoning it here but come on to the morons that are blaming his lady...it was not her fault but HIS!!!Don't lose insight on what really started this here but you do need to try and take control of your life.You have a beautiful baby to look forward to and you will want him by your side when the time comes.Get in control girl and stop crying for Gods sake! I know your emotional and being pregnant and feeling less of a woman right now does not help either.He would have walked out weeks ago if he didn't love you OK so you go to him....you take his hands in yours and you tell him you love him,your hurting but you want to make this work...for YOUR sake,your 3 yr olds sake,your husbands sake AND your unborn childs sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Virginia Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Hi I am new here but your post caught my eye. I am not the best person to get advice from on matters of jealousy because I am a jealous freak. If my SO did what yours done our relationship would be over. I would try my very best to get through it but I doubt I could. At the start of us we had a long conversation about cheating and what our bounderies are and we both decided going to strip clubs was out of the question,we both consider it cheating. I know not everyone feels that way and I think it is up to the two people in the marriage to decide on where they draw the line,so I am not saying your DH cheated but in my relationship it would be. I have four children,just gave birth a few weeks ago so I remember clearly how pregnancy can affect women. It is a very vunerable time in a womens life,we often feel unattractive and need a lot more attention. Hormones are everywhere and something that may not be a big deal to us when not PG can be when we are. I really feel for you because if I was you I would be the excat same way. Good luck to you and I hope you work it out Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Yea, I feel like my husband kicked me while I was down. Tonight will be exactly 3 weeks! Tension is less.. Still no communication or TLC which I'm in need of. Link to post Share on other sites
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