She's soooo sensitive...too sensitive

[beave]

TAYLOR:

 

Thanks for assuming that all that I want is an no strings attached lay and judging me so harshly. You actually remind me a lot of her. I may sound flip to you when I say something like "all I ever wanted was a cool chick". I've mainly only described one big elephant in the room and I haven't at all the other things I've endured with her. I won't go into details but you have no idea (because I haven't talked about it) how much EXTRA effort, above and beyond what I feel the average Joe would have offered, I have put into our relationship in terms of making her happy, being very communicative when the edges of the relationship crumble a little, offering myself in every way to her when she recently went through something that was also very devastating in her life (an unexpected death). In this last example, EVEN HER OWN SISTER TOLD HER THAT SHE COULD NOT HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HER AS MUCH AS I WAS THERE FOR HER. I want to say how dare you judge me as a jerk but I'll be fair to you to and acknowledge that you're basing your perception of me from the what I specifically wrote in my posts.

 

Bottom line is that I've gone not just that extra mile for her but probably an extra 1,000,000 miles for her. And I haven't done these things that I use as examples (and many, many other things that I have not written) for any credit or to have her indebted to me but because I wanted to do them for her. Not because I NEEDED to do them for her, because I WANTED to do them for her. Do you understand the difference?

 

As I said earlier, I've been extremely, overly tolerant of her but she, because she's a woman, because she's emotional, because she's hormonal, because she's sensitive, because she's vulnerable or however you choose to describe her - she has been much less than tolerant of me.

 

As far as the birth control pill or any other chemically based contraceptive, she's used them and they really mess up her body. But!, that's why there are non chemically based female contraceptives that, for her own suspect reasons, is opposed to.

 

I still say that in this day and age, with all the contraceptives that exist, two proactive people do not have a good excuse to "accidentally" get pregnant.

 

We've had some great times together but the stress she puts me through (shutting down, non-communication, fierce snapping when she's moody or hormonal, being taken for granted, little or no compromising in things I would like her to do for me, judgmental, etc.) is just out weighing all the good stuff (she can be/is loving, caring, supportive, pretty, educated, etc.) right now.

 

I obviously realize that a relationship is successful when there are compromises and I have compromised a lot but she has clearly and literally told me she's not willing to compromise on many, many issues. For it to only be 6 months, we've had way too many issues come up and I'm probably fooling myself to think that it will work out in such a one-sided relationship. I feel "damned if I do, damned if I don't" and unappreciated too often with her. Yes, I acknowledge that being a man, I do say some things that are perceived as being ignorant and insensitive, but how about some tolerance and communication!

 

I still want a cool chick, and NO, not a skank from a bar TAYLOR.

[beave]

If you just want a cool chick to have sex with, why don't you just go to the bar and pick one up? I'm sure she will come with a whole pack of birth control pills and a condom for you, too.

 

If you want a relationship with a girl you really care for, it can be more complicated because there are feelings, needs and desires involved that go way beyond sex.

 

I don't know if your gf wants a baby at this time and I don't know if she is trying to trap you into having one. But then I don't know her. You do. If you have any suspicions whatsoever that she is trying to get pregnant or trying to trap you by getting pregnant accidentally, then you need to run. She is using you. Besides, how can you enjoy sex with someone you can't trust?

 

It was obvious from reading your first post that you are terrified of getting your girlfriend pregnant, hence your insistence on multiple forms of birth control. You should be terrified and you should insist on every safeguard against pregnancy because every time you have sex you are choosing to take a risk that you might father a child. If the level of safeguards is inadequate compared to the risk, don't choose to have sex.

 

Your gf obviously is not as concerned about becoming pregnant as you are. She is willing to take a greater risk than you are. She shouldn't. She is in a brand new relationship with a man she hardly knows (6 months!) and who does not seem to be very emotionally attached to her. She has so much to lose should she become pregnant. It would be in her best interest not to have sex with you at all until you both were more sure of your feelings for each other. Perhaps a chastity belt??!!

 

I don't know why she is unwilling to use any form of chemical birth control. Ask her! Perhaps it's because she isn't as terrified as you are about the possibility of becoming pregnant. Perhaps she is fearful of the side effects of birth control. Perhaps she has religious or moral reasons why she wouldn't use birth control or abort a baby. Perhaps she isn't "over" losing her baby (there is a grieving process that takes place that involves a host of complicated emotions) and can't fathom the thought of "losing" another one should she become pregnant.

 

Or perhaps, as you suggest, your girlfriend is just a selfish, psychotic idiot too stupid to take precautions to protect herself.

 

Either way, she is leaving alot to chance. But you can't "force" her to put a chemical in her body that she doesn't want and you can't "force" her to abort a fetus from her body. If she is unwilling to take precautions or deal with consequences and you still want sex without the risk of pregnancy, you better look elsewhere.

 

I think what's at the heart of this matter is that you don't seem as if you really respect or care about this girl. You don't seem to have a true emotional attachment to her. She is probably questioning the depth of your feelings for her. Some girls are comfortable having sex with a man who isn't emotionally attached to the. Others girls aren't. Those girls can feel used or vulnerable and get angry if you make them feel that way.

 

You are a rational, logical person. But the reason you are so frustrated is because feelings and emotions are not logical and you can't rationalize them. You can only try to understand them, accept them, reject them, and act accordingly.

 

If you are emotionally attached to this girl and want to stay with her, you need to compromise. You are terrified of making a baby right now and your girlfriend is not willing (for whatever reason) to use birth control, so why don't you practice the rhythm method. Or, better yet, abstain from having sex with her until you are ready to bear the responsibility of having a child. That is the only form of birth control that is 100 percent effective. Those are logical, rational solutions to your dilemma.

 

If you are not emotionally attached to this girl, then I see two options. Tell her you don't see a future for the two of you but you still want to have sex with her. See what she does then.

 

Your second option is to just walk away. You and she are at a major impasse. You have every right to choose when you want to have children and you have every right to take every precaution to guard against it. If you do not feel comfortable with the level of precaution being taken in this relationship, then you need to get out of the relationship before an accident does happen.

 

You said you don't understand how accidental pregnancies happen in this day and age with all the forms of birth control available. They happen every day. Go talk to someone at planned parenthood. Better yet, research abortion statistics. Had that condom broke deeper inside your girlfriend, you could have been one of those statistics right now. That's how they happen.

 

From reading your posts, it's obvious you and your gf have communication problems. Red Flag. I also get the feeling there is not trust or respect in your relationship. Two other huge red flags. Without trust or respect, there is no relationship. It appears this relationship is doomed, regardless of the birth control/baby issue.

 

I think you should head to the bar and find what you are looking for...

 

 

TAYLOR:

 

Thanks for assuming that all that I want is an no strings attached lay and judging me so harshly. You actually remind me a lot of her. I may sound flip to you when I say something like "all I ever wanted was a cool chick". I've mainly only described one big elephant in the room and I haven't at all the other things I've endured with her. I won't go into details but you have no idea (because I haven't talked about it) how much EXTRA effort, above and beyond what I feel the average Joe would have offered, I have put into our relationship in terms of making her happy, being very communicative when the edges of the relationship crumble a little, offering myself in every way to her when she recently went through something that was also very devastating in her life (an unexpected death). In this last example, EVEN HER OWN SISTER TOLD HER THAT SHE COULD NOT HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HER AS MUCH AS I WAS THERE FOR HER. I want to say how dare you judge me as a jerk but I'll be fair to you to and acknowledge that you're basing your perception of me from the what I specifically wrote in my posts.

 

Bottom line is that I've gone not just that extra mile for her but probably an extra 1,000,000 miles for her. And I haven't done these things that I use as examples (and many, many other things that I have not written) for any credit or to have her indebted to me but because I wanted to do them for her. Not because I NEEDED to do them for her, because I WANTED to do them for her. Do you understand the difference?

 

As I said earlier, I've been extremely, overly tolerant of her but she, because she's a woman, because she's emotional, because she's hormonal, because she's sensitive, because she's vulnerable or however you choose to describe her - she has been much less than tolerant of me.

 

As far as the birth control pill or any other chemically based contraceptive, she's used them and they really mess up her body. But!, that's why there are non chemically based female contraceptives that, for her own suspect reasons, is opposed to.

 

I still say that in this day and age, with all the contraceptives that exist, two proactive people do not have a good excuse to "accidentally" get pregnant.

 

We've had some great times together but the stress she puts me through (shutting down, non-communication, fierce snapping when she's moody or hormonal, being taken for granted, little or no compromising in things I would like her to do for me, judgmental, etc.) is just out weighing all the good stuff (she can be/is loving, caring, supportive, pretty, educated, etc.) right now.

 

I obviously realize that a relationship is successful when there are compromises and I have compromised a lot but she has clearly and literally told me she's not willing to compromise on many, many issues. For it to only be 6 months, we've had way too many issues come up and I'm probably fooling myself to think that it will work out in such a one-sided relationship. I feel "damned if I do, damned if I don't" and unappreciated too often with her. Yes, I acknowledge that being a man, I do say some things that are perceived as being ignorant and insensitive, but how about some tolerance and communication!

 

I still want a cool chick, and NO, not a skank from a bar TAYLOR.

[sb129]

Argh- damn the multiquoting tool.

 

 

Taylor, I think alot of your first post was a little idealistic, but knowing your background I will forgive you for that.

 

However, I have read your second post and I think that your naivety is showing through loud and clear. I actually think you owe Beave an apology.

Just because Beave wants to have sex does NOT mean that he wants to go bar trawling... he sounds like a pretty respectable guy, but he isn't a mindreader. He can't respect his GFs wishes etc if she keeps blocking him out. And her behaviour is so immature that I would lose respect for her wishes pretty damn quick.

He wants to be able to have sex with his girlfriend (not that unusual), she is someone who he cares for, BUT he wants to be able to have it without all the rubbish that keeps getting brought up by his girlfriend and HER issues with it.

I DO agree that they need to TALK about birthcontrol, what happens in the event of pregnancy etc etc, NOT TEXT!!

 

I agree with you Crazygrl.

And you too Beave.

 

Sex is between two consenting adults. It is a grown up activity therefore people who participate should behave like grownups. They should both be aware of the consequences of having sex, and because of that I think they should be jointly responsible for (a) making their opinions and wishes understood, and (b) if that involves birth control, they should be both involved in making the decisions about which works for them.

 

As a woman, I know that if a pregnancy occurs, ultimately it is MY body that the child will be carried in, therefore I feel it is up to me to be at least partially responsible for making sure that does or doesn't happen.

I know my partner would support me should an unplanned pregancy occur, but I would involve him in any decisions about the future of said pregnancy, so wouldn't be a case of him supporting me whatever I decide, its about us coming to a joint decision together, about whats best for us, and our unborn child.

However, i really don't want to get pregnant right now- so initially we used condoms until we were both given the std all clear, then I switched to the pill. For my own piece of mind- I don't mind having the responsibility, thats fine by me. I know my BF really doesn't want a baby now (neither do I) but we both do in the future. Together, hopefully.

 

Now I know that alot of women don't agree with the pill.

 

But there are alot of other options out there- MAINLY for women, so I think it is up to the GF to at least discuss this with her BF.

 

I think Beaves GF has been totally hypersensitive, and a bit callous about his feelings over all this. Sure, he isn't perfect, but she has become so absorbed in her feelings and how everything makes her feel, she can't see how her actions may have an effect on him.

And if she IS holding something back, and is offended because of some things that happened in her past, then how can she expect him to be sensitive to that if she won't tell him.

If they have only been together six months, a pregancy probably isn't a great idea right now- babies are hard work. And if she does want kids, shes only 30!

I think she is holding some stuff back. But Beave you can't be expected to pander to all her s**t that happened before you came along. Thats her problem.

 

Beave, I sympathise. Sex should be fun, and a way of expressing your love for someone. It shouldn't come with a massive set of obstacles and hurdles to overcome before it can get that way.

 

Your GF sounds high maintenance, and there is only so much you can do for her. She sounds like she has self esteem issues, control issues, unresolved problems due to her miscarriage etc etc etc.

If she isn't willing to face these head on and deal with them herself, then how on earth can she expect you to?

 

Compromise is important- to a point. But communication is key. And six months- you should still be in the honeymoon phase!!!

You should be at it like bunnies on every surface available!

 

I don't blame you for not wanting to get her pregnant this early on... I think a couple should be together for at least a couple of years before the sleepless nights, endless feeds, nappies and stress of kids. Its the time that you get to know eachother and live for just eachother.

 

Thats what my first six (8,9,10...) months was... (and no I am NOT a skank, I am an educated, successful woman)

[beave]

sb129: Thank you!!!!!!!! I glad some of you can empathize with me.

[sb129]

Most of us can dude.

I haven't always been the sorted, rational, smart, fantastic hot babe I am now.

 

Before I met my guy I went thru a fair amount of mental soul searching. But I realised it wasn't up to anyone else to deal with my insecurities.

So with the help of counselling and antidepressants, i sorted my head out. Unfortunately I was in a really toxic relationship at the time, and when I realised my self worth, I got out of it. My ex had issues about sex. Which were exhausting to say the least. I had to be the ultimate sex goddess 24/7, otherwise I would get into trouble with him. That was tough (esp if you are on antidepressants which totally kill your libido and make you want to sleep all the time).

Luckily my current guy is totally on my wavelength and we have just the right balance of hot and horny and if one of us is tired, we can say so without fear of serious mind-twisting repercussions.

Sorry off the topic a bit, but it all comes back to communication. And support and respect.

[taylor]

Beave,

 

I am sorry if you felt as if I were judging you, It truly was not my intention and I apologize for making you feel that way.

 

I am also sorry if you felt as if I had some kind of impression that you were a jerk. I do not and I did not use that word in either of my posts to you.

 

Sometimes it's hard to get a handle on a person's true intentions just from reading a couple posts. But I will admit that I did assume from reading your prior posts that you were involved in somewhat of a "no strings attached" relationship - a "one foot out the door" kind of relationship. Some excerpts from you posts which led me to believe this are as follows:

 

"I know I should walk away."

"I have thought many times of the likelihood that we won't last."

"I may choose not to put up with having to walk on egg shells around her and dump her."

"We haven't been together long enough to know if we will stay together permanently."

 

Then, in one of the posts, you say, "I have told her that I am committed to her."

 

Do you see how confusing this can sound? It's very hard to tell if you are committed or not.

 

With the addition of your last post, it seemed somewhat clearer that you have worked hard to make this relationship work. I can see, now, that you truly do love this girl (I couldn't "see" it in your other posts). But, despite your good efforts to make this relationship work, it isn't working.

 

Relationships, especially in the beginning, should be easy. This one has been anything but easy for you. If there is this much difficulty and work involved now, just imagine what it will be like in 3, 5, or 10 years from now?

 

The differences between the two of you are immense: communicative/non-communicative; doesn't want children now/may want children now; pro-birth control/opposed to birth control; rational and logical/hypersensitive and moody; comporomising/non-compromising; open-minded/close-minded.

 

On top of that, she comes with alot of baggage. It would be nie if she could just check it at the door and start with a clean slate with you but it doesn't work that way. If you want her, you get the whole package. If you don't want the whole package, then walk away from the headache.

 

I also want to apologize for the bar comment. Again, the comment stemmed from my assumption that you really weren't interested in a permanent, long-term meaningful relationship with your girlfriend (see the quoted excerpts from your posts above).

 

I guess the "All I want is a cool chick. Damn it!" comment also through me. I'm sorry but the comment just made me think: "That that's exactly what guys think when they are scoping girls out in a bar."

 

Believe me, I never would have thought that if you had ended that post saying, "That's all I want is a loving, understanding girlfriend who respects me and respects herself enough to use some birth control so that neither one of us has to worry about becoming pregnant before we want to."

[beave]

TAYLOR:

 

I recognize a back-handed apology when I see one. Not that I even needed an apology. None of us like to look bad and many of us don't like to back down and I'm sure you'll have a rationalized response to this reply.

 

It's inevitable that when one posts in a forum, there will be those who irk you but hey, that's ok too. I knew that before I posted.

 

There are just so many way's of looking at things and so many opinions and I did want responses to my original post. I'm not going to filter who can and can't respond and I've gotten some replies that really make sense to me and received opinions from people I can really relate to and who can relate to me: Yay crazy_grl!, Yay sb129!

 

UPDATE: She is willing to start discussing additional birth control! She say's that she "Loves me and feels I'm worth working for". That was nice to hear. Who wouldn't want to hear that. I know I need other issues (as I've described earlier) also addressed and worked on before I would feel that our relationship will progress positively if it is to progress. I know that I've received many suggestions to "dump her" and that "she's psycho". I really do need to proceed with caution if I proceed at all given that it seems that she is now willing to work with me on this major issue.

 

At this point, I feel that if our relationship will continue, it will be almost like it was when it was brand new. Meaning that this major issue we had was major enough to make us both very aware and careful with each other. Returning to the bedroom will also be a very cautious time also.

 

Since she is now willing to be more open minded, this "should" be my last post. But, you never know, right? Well I hope it is my last post anyway.

[crazy_grl]

UPDATE: She is willing to start discussing additional birth control! She say's that she "Loves me and feels I'm worth working for". That was nice to hear. Who wouldn't want to hear that. I know I need other issues (as I've described earlier) also addressed and worked on before I would feel that our relationship will progress positively if it is to progress. I know that I've received many suggestions to "dump her" and that "she's psycho". I really do need to proceed with caution if I proceed at all given that it seems that she is now willing to work with me on this major issue.

 

At this point, I feel that if our relationship will continue, it will be almost like it was when it was brand new. Meaning that this major issue we had was major enough to make us both very aware and careful with each other. Returning to the bedroom will also be a very cautious time also.

 

Since she is now willing to be more open minded, this "should" be my last post. But, you never know, right? Well I hope it is my last post anyway.

 

Glad things are looking up. I hope it works out. Like you said, you've got to be cautious. Take things slowly.

 

And if she's not in counseling, I think she needs to go. Though I'm not sure how you can suggest that to her without her taking offense. If any relationship is going to work for her, she needs to work through her issues and work on her hyper sensitivity. Unless she does that, it's going to be really hard for anyone to have a relationship with her.

[sb129]

Glad things are looking up. I hope it works out. Like you said, you've got to be cautious. Take things slowly.

 

And if she's not in counseling, I think she needs to go. Though I'm not sure how you can suggest that to her without her taking offense. If any relationship is going to work for her, she needs to work through her issues and work on her hyper sensitivity. Unless she does that, it's going to be really hard for anyone to have a relationship with her.

 

I second that.

 

Don't let that be your last post Beave, I for one will be interested to see how things work out for you guys in the future.

Good luck.

Relationships can turn around if you both want them to and are both willing to put in the work.

[beave]

Hi. Well I guess my previous post wasn't my last

 

You know, counseling is something she does need in my opinion too. I suggested she get counseling after that recent, traumatic death that she just experienced. I was actually surprised she didn't because help was readily available (and at no cost - school psychologist). But I feel she needs counseling for quite a few other issues and baggage that she carries (she has two other MAJOR issues; past and current, besides the miscarriage..). Stuff that not only affects her but people in her life, like me. I have told her that she will have difficulty with any personal relationship, ours or if ours doesn't work, any in her future if she doesn't deal with and try to help herself with those issues. I always offer myself to her but I know women don't always want their men to try to "fix" them.

 

She does carry a lot of baggage from quite a few different things and it's funny, if it were one of my buddies in my shoes, I probably would have told him to walk away a long time ago. I found out these issues but took her on at face value believing those past issues wouldn't be huge factors based on the knowledge that she's very educated. In my naivety, I equated education with a level head, sanity and emotional stability. I was wrong obviously. But, It looks like she feels that I'm worth the "trouble". I'm trying to keep positive but I'm realistic too.

 

I will keep you who are interested posted.

 

Thanks for the good words and opinions!

[sb129]

As somebody who has both an education AND had to deal with baggage/issues, I totally agree that until the issues are dealt with, its hard to have a successful relationship.

 

I think I hid my issues etc behind the fact that I am a smart educated woman. But man did they get let loose every time my emotions came into play.

 

Counselling is definitely a very good idea. It allows the person with the baggage to dump it on someone who is emotionally neutral. And also introduces the opinion of someone who isn't biased.

 

Maybe you could gently suggest that to your GF?

[beave]

**UPDATE**:

 

Ok, I originally posted regarding the sensitivity of my girlfriend. As I continued to post, I described some of her other issues. Things got mostly back on track since the last time I posted *but*, I am really getting fed up with her continual moodiness and sensitivity. It's just getting way out of hand and if I confront her about it, she either shuts down or gets more out of hand. In other words, she can be verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry bitchy.

 

I called her tonight, as I do every night, and she was so rude, she wasn't even really listening to me. She does this at least once a week. When she wants to treat me good, she treats me very good but when she treats me bad, she treats me very bad. I've been verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry tolerant, probably more the the average guy with any self respect probably would be. I don't want to have our relationship continue to slide only to her side because that's what the relationship seems to be doing, you know what I mean? She's taking me for granted in many ways. She snaps at me, cancels dates with me to hang with her single "and ready to mingle" friends, she's rude to me and so far, I've taken it. Yet she still tells me she's so in love with me and she would be very sad if I ever broke up with her. I love her too but she can be just soooo......uhhhhhhh!!!!!!

 

I'm not getting any younger (35 y's./o) and I'm am just so ready to meet someone with the same great things that my current girlfriend has going on but without all the bitchiness (there are some great things about her).

 

I'm sure that if you were to ask her about me, she would have a few negative things to say about me but I don't even come close to treating here as poorly as she treats me so frequently.

 

I have been wanting to get some of the things I have at her apartment back from her in anticipation of the event that I may break up with her and I will get those things the next time I'm over there. We have a few of events to attend together for the next three weekends, we'll see if we even make it to this weekends event because as disillusioned as she has me, I'm close to breaking up with her.

 

I haven't really talked to her about how bad she makes me feel sometimes and I'm sure that, she being so self righteous, that if I broke up with her, she wouldn't even try to make amends with me.

 

I can read the minds of the guy's who are reading this, they're probably saying "grow some balls and dump her ass".

[Trialbyfire]

Not only the guys are thinking that...

 

She has issues upon issues. This woman is a headcase. Tell her to be careful of the door hitting her arse on the way out.

[sb129]

Beave, it doesn't really sound if they got "back on track".... she is still treating you like sh**.

 

One day she may realise what a great guy you are, but I think by the time that comes round it will be way too late.

She still needs to deal with her issues, and you can't carry her baggage for her anymore.

 

You are right- you are 35, and deserve to meet someone who treats you well. You sound like a decent kind of guy, and I am sure there are lots of considerate, smart women out there for you.

[Sand&Water]

Reply:

 

The tension is building. Certain things can happen at these events that can trigger stuff -lying under the surface -so be careful. For how long will you be able to put up with this? I doubt for long.

 

Both of you are mature adults, with sensible morals and values. IF you do decide to break-up with her, you may want to ask: Why?

 

Why is she doing this? Why? What is she running away from that it's costing her everything [love/relationship with you]?

 

Some sort of closure would do wonders for you -perhaps her as well.

 

Sand&Water

[Erik]

" BUT, in this day and age and being the rational minded person I am, I don't see how a woman can become accidently pregnant."

 

Then drop rationality, because 'accidental' pregnancies happens all the time, especially if the woman likes you, and this one sounds like she's trying very hard to become just accidentally that. Believe me, I've been there, she's classic. Run. She's trying to manipulate you with the whining and all the convoluted reasons not to use birth control. At her age, her biological clock is not only ticking, it is chiming like Big Ben, and the best of women have trouble ignoring that. Nothing personal, they just want a baby.

[Ripples]

<snip>

 

I always use condoms, she selfishly chooses not to use any female birth control. Pills apparently don't agree with her but there are so many other choices for women but she is close minded to ALL, except the condoms I use.

 

That rings huge warning bells with me. Not the fact that she chooses not to use birth control herself, but the fact you think it's selfish.

 

No method of birth control except the Femidom is without health risks, side effects and longer term problems.

 

I wouldn't mind betting there's more to this tale than we're hearing and the advice and comments you're getting are merely reinforcing your opinion that your girlfriend is broken and you have nothing to do with it, which is not going to help either of you to create a healthier relationship with each other.

[beave]

(Hi sb129!)

 

Yup, I need to listen to the advice I'm getting because I know it's right. I don't think she's very fixable or for that matter, open to the idea of fixing herself. Her overall attitude is very selfish, not materialistically speaking but emotionally speaking.

 

She has short term and long term goals that weigh kind of heavily on her and that's part of the reason she treats me poorly sometimes (but that's no excuse either!).

 

She has three single girlfriends, who in my opinion, try to sabotage our relationship to a certain degree. She tells me that when she's out with them, they use her as "bait" to get guys to come over, buy them drinks and whatever else that happens in that situation. My g.f. has confusingly stated to me that she's told her friends that she can't do the "single girl thing" anymore because she has a boyfriend and doesn't want to "party" like that anymore yet recently, she's even cancelled some dates with me to go hang with her friends willingly. It's fine, she doesn't need my permission to go out it's just that her friends are on the wild side and get my g.f. into wild situations. She's 30, not old, and I guess that she still wants to cut loose once in a while. I use to trust her completely in situations like that but now I even question trusting her. I have caught her in little lies (tells me two different stories about hanging out with her friends) but I haven't made a big deal about it.

 

Bottom line is that after about half a year together, I see that she takes me for granted and doesn't appreciate me or respects me very much, like she use to. She say's she loves me and is in love with me but maybe, subconsciously, she's trying to ruin things because she doesn't want me.

 

I have my own personal headaches and goals to deal with which GREATLY increase my day to day anxiety and she doesn't help the situation any, she just tremendously adds to the anxiety. I don't need or want that.

 

There's is a saying in Spanish (I'm Latino) - "Mejor solo que mal acompañado" Translated it means: "Better off alone than with bad company".

[Bree]

if she can't take birth control try the VCF strips. She just puts one in, wait 15 min. for it to desolve and wala! she'll have no side effects from it and it last for up to 3hrs.

[Bree]

oops sorry you can get them at Wal-Mart where the condoms are

[Trialbyfire]

There are also other birth control methods such as the Nuvaring or different types of patches.

[sb129]

Beave, you said that you were going to discuss alternative forms of birth control with your GF. Did that happen?

 

I think that with regards to birth control, women have a right to choose what is right for them and their body, but if they DO get pregnant accidentally, there are TWO parents who are involved.

Personally, I am happy to take the pill right now, bc it suits me.

We have both had STD checks, and neither of us like condoms, so after the all clear, we stopped using them.

 

But the key is communication! My BF knows that if I got pregnant now, I wouldn't terminate. I think it would be a shock initially, but I know he wants kids eventually...we have talked about it. I am 29, he is 33. We are at stages of our lives where kids wouldn't be the end of the world, and being able to talk about "scenarios" is great... no stress...

 

The thing is Beave, I think something is holding you back from fully committing to this girl. We can't hear her side of the story....I am not sure if she wants to settle down or party with her pals?

Do YOU want to settle down? With her?

 

If the answer is no, or I'm not sure, then maybe you should set yourself (and her) free....

[beave]

Hey guy's,

 

The birth control issues, of course, was a BIG part of my posts here in this thread. We have discussed it and she was open to searching for female birth control that wouldn't be detrimental to her in any way, BUT, it probably isn't surprising to some of you who either have read this entire thread or are familiar with me already that.....she has yet to look for/research/use any type of female birth control that she would use IN ADDITION to my consistent condom use. I'm a dummy, I've continued a sexual relationship with her and have not insisted on her ALSO using additional birth control since the last time I mentioned it and she blew up. You would think that some of the things that I ask of her that seem normal to you or I are the equivalent of me asking her to kill puppies from some of her reactions.

 

More so than the birth control issue, is just her interaction with me. I love her a lot and I could see myself with her indefinitely and starting a family with her IF IT WEREN'T FOR HER TREATMENT OF ME. When things are fine or "lovey dovey" between us, I WILL often talk in future tense. I've talked about pictures that we've taken and "looking back at them, together, in 30 years of when we were young". I think that should describe my mentality and remove any doubt in terms of my wanting to be with her in a committed, lonnnnnng term relationship. And I have committed to her, she also has supposedly committed to me based on her actions and what she's told me.

 

As I've said many times before in this thread, I am not without faults but I know who I am and I strictly believe in treating people as you would like to be treated and that is how I've been with my g.f. I can guiltlessly say that she does not put herself in my shoes and often DOES NOT TREAT ME THE WAY SHE WOULD LIKE OR ACCEPT TO BE TREATED. I've told her quite a few times that I could NEVER get away with saying some of the same things she tells me. She takes me for granted as I've said. It's just that she is successfully ruining our relationship wether it be consciously or subconsciously.

[sb129]

Beave, you sound really angry.

 

You may have answered this question, but does your GF KNOW you feel this way?

She might think things are great.....

 

She can't be blamed 100% for her behaviour if she doesn't know how much it bothers you.

 

Sorry to sound negative, but if I were your GF and you felt this way, I would want to know so I could try to work on it, instead of getting dumped for it (which may come as a total shock to her)

[beave]

Beave, you sound really angry.

 

You may have answered this question, but does your GF KNOW you feel this way?

She might think things are great.....

 

She can't be blamed 100% for her behaviour if she doesn't know how much it bothers you.

 

Sorry to sound negative, but if I were your GF and you felt this way, I would want to know so I could try to work on it, instead of getting dumped for it (which may come as a total shock to her)

 

 

She may think things are better than how I see them to be. Thing is, she herself say's she's hyper sensitive, that term has come straight out of her mouth. I agree she is hyper sensitive, I always have so I don't like to make mountains out of mole hills as she does with me. That being the case, I haven't put my foot down with her when her tongue starts stabbing. I guess I want to show her that you don't need to be so sensitive to every little situation. But I think she has taken advantage of my natural passiveness and now has no quams in making me feel like crap and often, as was the case last night on the phone and MANY other times in the past.

 

I do need to put my foot down, she's very assertive and say's what's on her mind - politely or rudely. She uses the excuse that she's been around five year old students for so many years, that they're lack of "gauge" in interactions has rubbed off on her...I think that a load of bull crap for an adult to use as an excuse.

 

I do feel angry.

 

I need to lay everything out on the table. She is debating taking on a two year specialized teacher refinement "fellows". It has it's good points and bad points. To my face, because of lack of "gauge" or whatever the hell you want to call it she said regarding this training, "I have nothing going on in my personal life so I might as well do something with my professional life"... that's a direct quote. Those words burned themselves into my mind. And I didn't confront her about it, I regret not saying anything. How do you think she would feel If I said those exact words?

 

My nature tells me not to look for fights, she admittedly is a squabbler.

She even say's (direct quote again) that she, "used to be a huge bitch that didn't care who was around when (she) I went off". She say's her attitude is nothing compared to what she use to be like, I shutter to think!!!!