long chase-crunch time

[Guest]

hi,

 

I am pretty much in the same situation as described by many (mostly guys) in this forum. Certainly it is somewhat a cliche. I am infact, 'in love' with a friend.

 

I say 'in love' because although i am past the heart-wrenching despair, agony, and mental torture as side effects of the superficial early stages of a first love (unrequited) scenario, I consciously (choose to) think about this person on an almost perpetual basis.

 

My friend and i met when we were 16, both are now 22. Soon after meeting her i knew i had feelings for her, so, a year and a half later i told her how i felt. Suffice to say i got the dreaded friendzone speech. After that I pretty much became an emotional doormat for this girl. Through the ages of 18, 19 and 20, everytime we met up which was every 1-3 months she would talk to me as if i was an absolute loser. Lines such as 'I feel sorry for your [future] wife' come to mind. I would then get really stressed and im sure this was her motivation, although back then i had no idea of such emotional games that girls play. Before i told her how i felt, she was genuinely a very good friend.

 

 

The problem was that once we left college (im in england) aged 18 our friendship changed. Crucially, our friendship was always that of one within a group. Our group consists of me,her and her BEST FRIEND (the emphasis hers), who happened to be my best friend for a very long time. They have been best friends for 6 years and she has come to depend upon him which is exactly where he wants her.

 

Infact, this guy is of the worst kind, even the scum of the earth would turn their noses up at him. In a nutshell, this guy is a shell of a man who sucks up hard to the real playas and whos cynicism knows no end. Me and this guy were best friends for something like 8 years, aged 10-18. However, once i realised what he really was i cut my friendship with him like a bad habit. I trusted him and he abused that trust many times.

 

This girl used to talk to, and about me, with so much respect. All our friends were wannabe thugs and lowlifes but i was more of an independant nerd, something of a social reject. But she respected me for it and gave immense affection. One of our closest friends once described us as 'partners'.

 

However, once we left college I believe this guy has been badmouthing me to her ever since. Thus her change in attitude towards me. I have noticed that for the past 4 years (18+) he has only spoken of me in bad light to her. Everything he has said has been calculated to make me look stupid, immature, needy etc. I believe that he was threatened by the genuine connection shared by me and her. Sadly, he has been somewhat successful and her opinion of me has gone down.

 

Which brings us to the present. Up until now, i have remained in a place somewhere between friends and acquantances. I have not had the guts nor the know-how nor the confidence to maintain a proper friendship with her , independant of her best friend. We have talked on the phone consistentyl (every few months) but never meet up on our own. She relies on her friend to get us to meet up.

 

Anyway, after 6 years of loving her i guess it's time for me to step up a gear. I am about to give it one last push, which means i need to come between her and her best friend and also become a closer friend to her (not necc in that order).

 

It feels like something of a mammoth challenge so any insight will be well appreciated. If anything it has been good to write this as a way to getting my thoughts in order.