Maybe cakemen have it right.

[noforgiveness]

Maybe affairs are the way to go.

 

My life is so boring weekdays with the kids. Same thing day in and day out. Wake up half hour before alarm. Chat with husband cuddle whatever.

 

Wake kids, make coffee, Make lunches, make breakfast, make sure kids dress, brush teeth, look presentable , have homework and get off to school at right time. Start quick load of laundry and dishwasher. Quick shower and out the door I go dropping little one off at daycare.

 

Interesting day at the office. Pick little one from daycare. Get dinner, started, get homework started, laundry in dryer. Drive sally to ccd and charlie to hockey practice. Take susan to dentist. Make dinner. eat clean up. Get kids to and from other sports. Check homework clothes for next day, showers. 8 everyone happy and watching tv or reading a book together.

 

Cake scenario. 3 o'clock quick phone call to wife. Honey I have to take a few clients out and discuss the new contracts with larry. Skip off to meet ow at a nice restaurant. Have some delightful conversation not concerning kids or dogs or sports or bills and saunter off to her apartment for some nice relaxing sex. Wander home around 8 to a nice peaceful happy family household. Wife smiling asking how your day was honey.

 

Oh and same with mornings. Oh honey I have to be in early today. So instead of boring morning routine I get ME ready and off I go to ow's apartment for some relaxing morning paper and conversation then a little sex mixed in and off to start my day.

 

Yes I think us who believe in fidelity have it all wrong. I think infidelity is much easier and much more fun. I mean think about it. Get three kids off in the morning and dog out to poop or skip out early alone to have a stimulating conversation with a gorgeous man. Hmmmmm.

 

Ok nice fantasy but I don't have the morals for it.

[Karma24]

I vote for skipping out early alone to have a stimulating conversation with a gorgeous man!!!! Whee!!!!!

 

 

 

Oh wait, I believe in fidelity.

[addicted2love]

Maybe affairs are the way to go.

 

My life is so boring weekdays with the kids. Same thing day in and day out. Wake up half hour before alarm. Chat with husband cuddle whatever.

 

Wake kids, make coffee, Make lunches, make breakfast, make sure kids dress, brush teeth, look presentable , have homework and get off to school at right time. Start quick load of laundry and dishwasher. Quick shower and out the door I go dropping little one off at daycare.

 

Interesting day at the office. Pick little one from daycare. Get dinner, started, get homework started, laundry in dryer. Drive sally to ccd and charlie to hockey practice. Take susan to dentist. Make dinner. eat clean up. Get kids to and from other sports. Check homework clothes for next day, showers. 8 everyone happy and watching tv or reading a book together.

 

Cake scenario. 3 o'clock quick phone call to wife. Honey I have to take a few clients out and discuss the new contracts with larry. Skip off to meet ow at a nice restaurant. Have some delightful conversation not concerning kids or dogs or sports or bills and saunter off to her apartment for some nice relaxing sex. Wander home around 8 to a nice peaceful happy family household. Wife smiling asking how your day was honey.

 

Oh and same with mornings. Oh honey I have to be in early today. So instead of boring morning routine I get ME ready and off I go to ow's apartment for some relaxing morning paper and conversation then a little sex mixed in and off to start my day.

 

Yes I think us who believe in fidelity have it all wrong. I think infidelity is much easier and much more fun. I mean think about it. Get three kids off in the morning and dog out to poop or skip out early alone to have a stimulating conversation with a gorgeous man. Hmmmmm.

 

Ok nice fantasy but I don't have the morals for it.

 

 

Serious question NF...I keep reading BS's refer to the "sex" part of an A but I've yet to hear anyone refer to the emotional affairs that some MM have w/ OW. Is it really the sex part that is the hardest part to get over?

I can't help but notice in your story you mention the H having relaxing sex w/ OW and you having stimulating "conversation" w/ a gorgeous man.

[noforgiveness]

Serious question NF...I keep reading BS's refer to the "sex" part of an A but I've yet to hear anyone refer to the emotional affairs that some MM have w/ OW. Is it really the sex part that is the hardest part to get over?

I can't help but notice in your story you mention the H having relaxing sex w/ OW and you having stimulating "conversation" w/ a gorgeous man.

 

 

I guess you missed this part?

 

 

Have some delightful conversation not concerning kids or dogs or sports or bills and saunter off to her apartment

 

or this part even though you quoted it?

 

some relaxing morning paper and conversation

[Just 'nother MM]

Serious question NF...I keep reading BS's refer to the "sex" part of an A but I've yet to hear anyone refer to the emotional affairs that some MM have w/ OW. Is it really the sex part that is the hardest part to get over?

I can't help but notice in your story you mention the H having relaxing sex w/ OW and you having stimulating "conversation" w/ a gorgeous man.

 

 

IMO, the "sex part" is very difficult to deal with, and understandably so. It is also much easier to describe an affair as only a sexual liaison than to think that there could possibly be a significant, emotional attachment that developed over time. If it's just sex, then the WS and the OW/OM can easily be demonized as vile, amoral creatures (after all, anyone with a little cash can simply buy sex). But an emotional attachment between a MM/MW and an OM/OW, while still violative of society's morals, might be viewed just a little differently. Because while there is never a reasonable excuse for an affair, there are important considerations concerning the failure of the marriage - and both spouses' conduct within it - that sometimes come into play when discussing a LTR with a strong emotional component.

[addicted2love]

I guess you missed this part?

 

 

Have some delightful conversation not concerning kids or dogs or sports or bills and saunter off to her apartment

 

or this part even though you quoted it?

 

some relaxing morning paper and conversation

 

 

nope didn't miss it...just wondered why he has sex and conversation...you just have conversation...maybe he strayed cuz he needs both?

 

I was sitting in a McDonalds the other day listening to three women complain about their H's wanting sex and them being too tired. "He just doesn't understand...I chase the kids all day...etc." Not one of these women had even so much as run a comb through their hair that day. Baggy clothes...no make up. I wanted to tell them...ladies...you promised to put this man before all others yet you turn him down when he comes to you for love, affection and sex. He is the reason you are so tired...you wanted to be a stay at home mom...he made you one...you signed up for this. Now you reject him because you're too tired? They will be the very same women crying a year or two from now when he finds an OW to fill the voids she left her husband with.

[addicted2love]

IMO' date=' the "sex part" is very difficult to deal with, and understandably so. It is also much easier to describe an affair as only a sexual liaison than to think that there could possibly be a significant, emotional attachment that developed over time. If it's just sex, then the WS and the OW/OM can easily be demonized as vile, amoral creatures (after all, anyone with a little cash can simply buy sex). But an emotional attachment between a MM/MW and an OM/OW, while still violative of society's morals, might be viewed just a little differently. Because while there is never a reasonable excuse for an affair, there are important considerations concerning the failure of the marriage - and both spouses' conduct within it - that sometimes come into play when discussing a LTR with a strong emotional component.[/quote']

 

very good point

[noforgiveness]

nope didn't miss it...just wondered why he has sex and conversation...you just have conversation...maybe he strayed cuz he needs both?

 

I was sitting in a McDonalds the other day listening to three women complain about their H's wanting sex and them being too tired. "He just doesn't understand...I chase the kids all day...etc." Not one of these women had even so much as run a comb through their hair that day. Baggy clothes...no make up. I wanted to tell them...ladies...you promised to put this man before all others yet you turn him down when he comes to you for love, affection and sex. He is the reason you are so tired...you wanted to be a stay at home mom...he made you one...you signed up for this. Now you reject him because you're too tired? They will be the very same women crying a year or two from now when he finds an OW to fill the voids she left her husband with.

I don't think I worded it that way on purpose. I was having sex with the hot guy too. Guess it was a freudian slip since I just can not imagine having sex with anyone but the man I am married too so I could not even type it. LOL I meant to.

[noforgiveness]

nope didn't miss it...just wondered why he has sex and conversation...you just have conversation...maybe he strayed cuz he needs both?

 

I was sitting in a McDonalds the other day listening to three women complain about their H's wanting sex and them being too tired. "He just doesn't understand...I chase the kids all day...etc." Not one of these women had even so much as run a comb through their hair that day. Baggy clothes...no make up. I wanted to tell them...ladies...you promised to put this man before all others yet you turn him down when he comes to you for love, affection and sex. He is the reason you are so tired...you wanted to be a stay at home mom...he made you one...you signed up for this. Now you reject him because you're too tired? They will be the very same women crying a year or two from now when he finds an OW to fill the voids she left her husband with.

 

 

:laugh: Did you miss the part that this wasn't a real scenario? This is not my life.

 

I can not even comment on the rudeness of you judging these womens marriages by their appearance when they are playing with kids. and basically saying they deserve whatever happens if their man is with someone like you. WOW just WOW talk about being judgmental. My god they were with three year olds and didn't have make up on. Maybe they were going to the gym next and then showering and getting ready before husband comes home.

[noforgiveness]

I just love when someones true colors come out. :laugh:

[guin_girl]

My life is so boring weekdays with the kids. Same thing day in and day out. Wake up half hour before alarm. Chat with husband cuddle whatever.

 

Wake kids, make coffee, Make lunches, make breakfast, make sure kids dress, brush teeth, look presentable , have homework and get off to school at right time. Start quick load of laundry and dishwasher. Quick shower and out the door I go dropping little one off at daycare.

 

Interesting day at the office. Pick little one from daycare. Get dinner, started, get homework started, laundry in dryer. Drive sally to ccd and charlie to hockey practice. Take susan to dentist. Make dinner. eat clean up. Get kids to and from other sports. Check homework clothes for next day, showers. 8 everyone happy and watching tv or reading a book together.

 

Then again. some us just want to get to this "fantasy"...

[addicted2love]

:laugh: Did you miss the part that this wasn't a real scenario? This is not my life.

 

I can not even comment on the rudeness of you judging these womens marriages by their appearance when they are playing with kids. and basically saying they deserve whatever happens if their man is with someone like you. WOW just WOW talk about being judgmental. My god they were with three year olds and didn't have make up on. Maybe they were going to the gym next and then showering and getting ready before husband comes home.

 

you are right that does sound very judgemental...maybe I should have added that these women were thin and attractive...their husbands obviously find them to be hence thier advances....however if you reject someone long enough they eventually get tired of being rejected and get thier needs met elsewhere. I don't wish these woman harm...quite the opposite...I wanted to warn them.

 

I've been the frazzled mom...stressed out tired, etc. I've been at the McDonalds looking a mess...the result? MY HUSBAND CHEATED ON ME!!!! Even though I thought I was taking care of him and being the best wife I could be....washing his underwear, cooking, cleaning, being a good mother to his kid etc. All of those things do not replace the intimacy in a marriage. The kids don't replace the husband. They were flat out complaining that they were too tired to tend to the intimacy in thier marriage. It's like a plant...if you don't water it it dies!!!! OR someone else comes along and waters it for you!

 

I wanted to tell these women...pay attention to your H give him what he needs or someone else will. Not wish them heart ache and pain. I NEVER said they deserve a WS. My point is simply that mothers tend to get so wrapped up in the kids that they forget to take care of themselves and the marriage.

[NeverLate]

From the OM POV, I had my A not because I wanted the sex. It was because I was willing to leave my W for the promise of a better life with someone else. Yes the OW and I clicked on many levels. I do think though in looking back that I thought the OW would allow me to be myself and not judge me. She saw my failings and shortcomings and yet still she would be there for me. For that I was willing to leave my W. She on the other hand when given the opportunity to move on, didnt and for that matter neither did I. I often think that if I had moved out first that things may have worked out differently with the OW and me. But again looking back I realized that both the OW and I are weak and are either unable or unwilling to go the distance for what we thought was true love. Its so hard to overcome so much history. History generates so much inertia. So for me it wasnt at all about the casual sex or the light conversation or any of that stuff. For me it was about the connection and the longing and the caring I had for this person. Feelings that in many ways I still have for her. Its so hard to take all of that and transfer it to my W. Again history is a huge obstacle. I just hope that through NC I can move forward to the point I can experience the caring and the longing and the connection I so long for.

 

NL

[yousaveme]

Me 2:laugh: :laugh:

 

 

 

 

I just love when someones true colors come out. :laugh:

[ratingsguy]

I can not even comment on the rudeness of you judging these womens marriages by their appearance when they are playing with kids. and basically saying they deserve whatever happens if their man is with someone like you. WOW just WOW talk about being judgmental. My god they were with three year olds and didn't have make up on. Maybe they were going to the gym next and then showering and getting ready before husband comes home.

 

I have to side with A2L... generally speaking. It amazes me how some women complain about men's attitudes towards them. Yet, some of these women go to absolutely no lengths to make themselves attractive. I don't think that's shallow or judgemental at all. Not to discount the intrinsic qualities a woman has to offer a man, but it amazes me how some women put absolutely no effort into presenting themselves well. Some don't care, but those who complain about not being able to attract men... well there's your problem lady. You wouldn't sell a car without giving it a wash first, would you? And if you have, you're just downright foolish.

 

I'm attracted (in-part) to a woman who is interested in making herself attractive for me. I also care about my appearance so my woman is attracted to me. Call me shallow if you must.

[addicted2love]

From the OM POV, I had my A not because I wanted the sex. It was because I was willing to leave my W for the promise of a better life with someone else. Yes the OW and I clicked on many levels. I do think though in looking back that I thought the OW would allow me to be myself and not judge me. She saw my failings and shortcomings and yet still she would be there for me. For that I was willing to leave my W. She on the other hand when given the opportunity to move on, didnt and for that matter neither did I. I often think that if I had moved out first that things may have worked out differently with the OW and me. But again looking back I realized that both the OW and I are weak and are either unable or unwilling to go the distance for what we thought was true love. Its so hard to overcome so much history. History generates so much inertia. So for me it wasnt at all about the casual sex or the light conversation or any of that stuff. For me it was about the connection and the longing and the caring I had for this person. Feelings that in many ways I still have for her. Its so hard to take all of that and transfer it to my W. Again history is a huge obstacle. I just hope that through NC I can move forward to the point I can experience the caring and the longing and the connection I so long for.

 

NL

 

NL...my A isn't about sex either...as we live in different states physically it is imposible. It's about connection..acceptance, love and understanding that person gives you. It's impossible for some people to believe that some A's are about the emotional connection and not physical desire.

I'd like to discuss this with you further but I am holding back out of fear of being flamed.

A2L

[noforgiveness]

I have to side with A2L... generally speaking. It amazes me how some women complain about men's attitudes towards them. Yet, some of these women go to absolutely no lengths to make themselves attractive. I don't think that's shallow or judgemental at all. Not to discount the intrinsic qualities a woman has to offer a man, but it amazes me how some women put absolutely no effort into presenting themselves well. Some don't care, but those who complain about not being able to attract men... well there's your problem lady. You wouldn't sell a car without giving it a wash first, would you? And if you have, you're just downright foolish.

 

I'm attracted (in-part) to a woman who is interested in making herself attractive for me. I also care about my appearance so my woman is attracted to me. Call me shallow if you must.

 

Ratingsguy there is a big difference between a wman at mcdonalds midday in baggy clothes and no make up and one that goes out to dinner or what have you like that. I do not put make up on to go to the gym. I put my hair in a ponytail. I wear baggy sweats. I may stop at a store on the way home. I am confident that I can go out without makeup and hair done sometimes. She knows nothing of these women. These women were not at a nice restaurant. They were playing with their children.

[addicted2love]

I have to side with A2L... generally speaking. It amazes me how some women complain about men's attitudes towards them. Yet, some of these women go to absolutely no lengths to make themselves attractive. I don't think that's shallow or judgemental at all. Not to discount the intrinsic qualities a woman has to offer a man, but it amazes me how some women put absolutely no effort into presenting themselves well. Some don't care, but those who complain about not being able to attract men... well there's your problem lady. You wouldn't sell a car without giving it a wash first, would you? And if you have, you're just downright foolish.

 

I'm attracted (in-part) to a woman who is interested in making herself attractive for me. I also care about my appearance so my woman is attracted to me. Call me shallow if you must.

 

Thanks for the support RG. I'm glad someone understands what I am trying to say. I like your car wash reference btw. So true...most people care about appearence when a R is new but tend to let themselves go a little when life get's hectic. I've done it myself. When my H decided to sleep w/ multiple women I took a long hard look at myself. I made a decision right then to take better care of myself and focus more on what made me happy. In my career we have a motto...dress for what you want to achieve. It's so true, when you look good you feel good.

[noforgiveness]

Hmm so to keep our men we all have to put on full make up and do our hair to play with our children at mcdonalds.

 

Check got it.

 

 

I will NEVER be that insecure that I would think my man would leave because I was in a ponytail with no makeup. Who would want a man that shallow.

[ratingsguy]

Ratingsguy there is a big difference between a wman at mcdonalds midday in baggy clothes and no make up and one that goes out to dinner or what have you like that. I do not put make up on to go to the gym. I put my hair in a ponytail. I wear baggy sweats. I may stop at a store on the way home. I am confident that I can go out without makeup and hair done sometimes. She knows nothing of these women. These women were not at a nice restaurant. They were playing with their children.

 

I said generally speaking. I'm telling you what my experience has been. It's unrealistic to wear an evening gown to the gym, but I would hope that you understand what I'm saying. Some women don't care about their appearance a lot of the time, and again, call me shallow if you want, but it is unattractive.... and likely the reason men aren't interested. Women who give a damn about the way they present themselves will get my attention. It's not the deciding factor of whether I would want to be with that person, but it can be an eliminating one.

 

I'll say it again. The above is a generalization. Not all women behave this way.

[ratingsguy]

I will NEVER be that insecure that I would think my man would leave because I was in a ponytail with no makeup. Who would want a man that shallow.

 

I used to think that way, too about my own appearance... even if I was just making a quick trip to the convenience store. But sometimes you never know who you're going to bump into.

 

I think appearance is also about attitude like someone else pointed out. When you dress well, you emit a confidence. It works the other way, too when your appearance is poor.

 

I don't think someone would leave a woman for that reason... that's a little extreme.

[addicted2love]

Hmm so to keep our men we all have to put on full make up and do our hair to play with our children at mcdonalds.

 

Check got it.

 

 

I will NEVER be that insecure that I would think my man would leave because I was in a ponytail with no makeup. Who would want a man that shallow.

 

once again you are ignoring my point....I give up

[Crash]

Maybe affairs are the way to go.

 

My life is so boring weekdays with the kids. Same thing day in and day out. Wake up half hour before alarm. Chat with husband cuddle whatever.

 

Wake kids, make coffee, Make lunches, make breakfast, make sure kids dress, brush teeth, look presentable , have homework and get off to school at right time. Start quick load of laundry and dishwasher. Quick shower and out the door I go dropping little one off at daycare.

 

Interesting day at the office. Pick little one from daycare. Get dinner, started, get homework started, laundry in dryer. Drive sally to ccd and charlie to hockey practice. Take susan to dentist. Make dinner. eat clean up. Get kids to and from other sports. Check homework clothes for next day, showers. 8 everyone happy and watching tv or reading a book together.

 

Cake scenario. 3 o'clock quick phone call to wife. Honey I have to take a few clients out and discuss the new contracts with larry. Skip off to meet ow at a nice restaurant. Have some delightful conversation not concerning kids or dogs or sports or bills and saunter off to her apartment for some nice relaxing sex. Wander home around 8 to a nice peaceful happy family household. Wife smiling asking how your day was honey.

 

Oh and same with mornings. Oh honey I have to be in early today. So instead of boring morning routine I get ME ready and off I go to ow's apartment for some relaxing morning paper and conversation then a little sex mixed in and off to start my day.

 

Yes I think us who believe in fidelity have it all wrong. I think infidelity is much easier and much more fun. I mean think about it. Get three kids off in the morning and dog out to poop or skip out early alone to have a stimulating conversation with a gorgeous man. Hmmmmm.

 

Ok nice fantasy but I don't have the morals for it.

 

This was a good post. Thought provoking, constructive, and honest (even though the scenario is not real for NF - it's real enough).

[justice]

I'm sorry but I don't agree with you. I am an attractive woman who was never to tired to initiate sex with my husband, now ex husband. I take great pains with my appearance and my home and still he had an affair just because he could. The flaw was within himself. I was also just reading the Shark posting. I've found great support here at the ow/om board, even though to ask their advice in the beginning was painful, I wanted to know what it was like from their standpoint. I never once, bashed or snarked in comments. Most OW are decent, I came to that conclusion, unfortunately, the one in my case wasn't. The hurt and pain I felt at my exhusband's hands is nothing to be played down, and even after their A, I tried to work it out with my H and in our M. If I can come to the OW/OM boards and be decent then what is the problem? Not trying to be a "shark" here or anything but if you can't handle honest opinions, then why come here at all?

[NeverLate]

How about this for a scenario.

 

Man and Woman meet at work. Both are married. at first they are friends and then they discover there is more. Much more. Then they start an A that is so powerful so strong. Then they decide to leave their spouses to be together. Then She tells her H and He tells his W. Right before he goes to move out she calls and says she cant go through with it. She tells the OM shes so sorry but shes staying with H. In spite of this their A continues for another year. It goes up and down and meanwhile she does things that cause OM so much pain and suffering. Through it all OM hangs in there and then one day MM wakes up and says enough is enough. She doesnt want you. She wants something other than you. MM decides after 2.5 years that NC is the way to go. He starts NC and shes furious. She calls and says "why does it have to be this way???" He says because you dont want me. She says "but I want to be friends" Translated she wants the rush of him throwing himself at her to continue. He stays strong and doesnt let her back in. A few weeks go by and she contacts him again to tell him she has given back to him things that he had given to her with love. She hangs up without saying good bye. Through it all he doesnt respond. He stays strong and doesnt contact her. He is finally free. He can move on to focus on whats left of his M and to be the best H and F he can be.

 

He is free. He has moved on.

 

NL