Maybe cakemen have it right.

[norajane]

we are all women. that's why we talk about meeting men's needs, at the same time meeting our own needs. i dress to make myself feel good, and make my man enjoy. i enjoy male companionship when we have great conversations. and i dump man when i don't feel appreciated.

 

believe it or not... men talk about meeting women's needs too (example xxxxx enlargement ) we just don't hear it here.

 

 

Oh, how I wish they sat around the poker table talking about how to meet their ladies' emotional needs!

"...anyone have any ideas on how I can show Mary how deeply she touched me the other night when she...?"

 

"...what can I do to let her know she's the most beautiful, patient, loving woman in the world to me...?"

 

"...our trip to the Bahamas was fun, but I want something more romantic for our anniversary..."

 

"...do you think she'd like it if I whispered 'I love you' before, during, or after I massage her feet...?"

[cbl]

 

Oh, how I wish they sat around the poker table talking about how to meet their ladies' emotional needs!

 

"...anyone have any ideas on how I can show Mary how deeply she touched me the other night when she...?"

 

"...what can I do to let her know she's the most beautiful, patient, loving woman in the world to me...?"

 

"...our trip to the Bahamas was fun, but I want something more romantic for our anniversary..."

 

"...do you think she'd like it if I whispered 'I love you' before, during, or after I massage her feet...?"

 

i just wish my SO is a woman trapped in a man's body.... that would have made things so much easier....

[addicted2love]

What happens when your husband finds out what you have been doing while he has been doing the things he should have done before, he shouldn't have cheated ever of course. But the fact, assuming he's not cheating now, don't you think he'll be calling you a hypocrite (his words, not mine). You WILL slip up sooner or later.

 

he can call me anything he likes...."Hello pot? This is Kettle...guess what your black!"

[addicted2love]

SC...Thank you so much for responding openly and honestly to my questions. I wasn't sure that you would but I'm glad you did. I still feel for you though. From your posts you seem like a very smart man with a ton of self worth and dedication to your family. You deserve personal happiness and love from someone who is completely dedicated to you.

 

Understand that my questions to you were posed from the state of mind of a BS. I know you have complete hate for my OW title and I understand why. It is a very conflicting possition I've allowed myself to be in. I've become what I HATED and I kick my own a$$ for it daily.

 

In all honesty if my H had remained faithful I would have NEVER had the nerve to start and EA myself. I also understand about the WS needing to be the one to make strides in rebuilding the marriage. But in all honesty it takes two. If you love her then you need to really and truly forgive her.

I know it is difficult and yes the trust will never be there 100%. I forgave my H the first time...the second and third time...nope..sorry...my give a damn's busted.

 

My H's first A was also 7 years ago. For the last 7 years I've put nothing toward rebuilding the marriage. (after his 2nd and 3rd A) I turned all of the focus and attention I used to give him around and started taking care of me (and my child of course) instead. I put that man on a pedestal for years and treated him with more love, honor and affection then he deserved but once he strayed...I kicked that thing right out from under him.

 

I don't completely trust him but these days he's always where he says he's going to be and that's about all I can ask for. He still ignores me but I no longer care. Maybe that's why it wasn't all that difficult for me to fall for the "I still love you" bullsh*t with my exBF. I felt I deserved some happiness. Still doesn't make it right I know...you don't have to say it.

 

I also understand the consequense aspect of what you're saying. I feel like there has been no consequense for my H's A's. I get all the hurt and he still gets to stay married to a very wonderful woman, he gets to keep his house and his life intact. I too have done a very good acting job...infact I think I should have been nominated for an Oscar by now.

From the outside we appear to be a happily married couple and truthfully we are great team when it comes to raising our child but that's about it.

 

Again I'm glad you responded. I too stay for my child and I do not have the heart to take her away from an everyday life with her father as well as I couldn't bare to be without her on a daily basis myself.

 

But what about happiness. True, parenthood is the ultimate happiness but I can't help but feel and have always felt a big void where it comes to my own personal happiness. I try to fill it by staying busy..working on my business and spending time with friends and family..but it's still there. How about you? Do you feel a personal void where happiness is concerned?

 

SC did you read this?

[Salicious Crumb]

SC, It almost sounds like that you're playing your wife on, I mean she thinks all is good, but, in a few years when she may be more overweight, and you're still slim, and the children are grown, 18+, then you're Divorce your wife, and really hurt her badly, is that what you are going for

 

No, thats not what I am going for....but if she doesn't start bowing down at the alter of Salicious Crumb....that will be what happens.

 

She has some major sucking up to do.

[noforgiveness]

SC how did you find out after all this time. Do you have your whole story anywhere?

[addicted2love]

No, thats not what I am going for....but if she doesn't start bowing down at the alter of Salicious Crumb....that will be what happens.

 

She has some major sucking up to do.

 

Curious as to what "hoops" you are wanting her to jump through.

What will it take for you to forgive her? My husband swore up and down that he would do absoluely anything to get me to forgive him. I must not have demanded too much from him because I let him back in and he cheated again.

 

I really think he is the one with the issue...maybe he's just addicted to the chase because (don't mean to sound like I have an inflated ego) I'm beautiful, smart, funny, loving, supportive and have "mad skills" in the bedroom. I've never denied him anything he desires. Maybe I give too much and make life too easy for him..hell I don't know. Sometimes I think I've got "doormat" written on my back.

[Salicious Crumb]

SC how did you find out after all this time. Do you have your whole story anywhere?

 

I found out from a friend that she once had that came back to town and I saw her in the local store. First, I think she thought I knew and somehow the conversation got to that point...but this friend was one my wife treated like dogcrap before she left town.

So this "friend" was probably getting even.

 

My wife...after much interrogation, admitted it. I kicked her out of the house and she went and stayed with her mom for a few days, and both her and her mom came back...both were crying begging me not to destroy the family.

[Salicious Crumb]

Curious as to what "hoops" you are wanting her to jump through.

 

hoops about 10 inches in diameter and 10 feet off the ground.

 

What will it take for you to forgive her?

 

Time, and for her to never go clubbing or out drinking with the hos she calls friends again.

 

Sometimes I think I've got "doormat" written on my back.

 

And thats where I think people that suggest that we forgive and fully trust again are off base. I may be able to forgive, but I will never trust her again.

[addicted2love]

SC..I'm curious to know what explaination your W gave you for cheating.

Was it some random person she cheated w/ or someone she already knew?

[addicted2love]

hoops about 10 inches in diameter and 10 feet off the ground.

 

You're a very funny man! Where does one purchase such hoops? I think I need some!

[Salicious Crumb]

Hey, I expect any man I am with to take care of himself. He should take pride in his body. If I am interested in a man it is generally initially on first sight attraction...if he had a 32 inch waist when I met him and ballons up to a 48 inch waist I am likely to be less physically attracted to him...

 

That is not shallow that is human attraction.

 

It is human attraction when first dating. But if you fall in love with the person and want to leave them because they gained a few pounds...then it IS shallow.

 

My wife is heavier and has some pretty bad stretch marks...yet do I leave her and cheat on her?...No.

[Salicious Crumb]

SC did you read this?

 

Yes I read it. About the happiness? Well..I'm happy with my kids. Even if I were to get divorced, and I'm only 38, I wouldn't care to date again, much less get married.

 

That is crap I don't need.

[Salicious Crumb]

SC..I'm curious to know what explaination your W gave you for cheating.

Was it some random person she cheated w/ or someone she already knew?

 

Was a one time thing, like that matters, and she said she was just stupid.

 

regardless...I am not interested why...all that matters is that she did.

[frannie]

Yes I read it. About the happiness? Well..I'm happy with my kids. Even if I were to get divorced, and I'm only 38, I wouldn't care to date again, much less get married.

 

That is crap I don't need.

 

Happy with your kids but not with your spouse.

 

Now where have I head that before..? *thinks*

[addicted2love]

Yes I read it. About the happiness? Well..I'm happy with my kids. Even if I were to get divorced, and I'm only 38, I wouldn't care to date again, much less get married.

 

That is crap I don't need.

 

I understand not wanting to get married again. For me it's because my whole view of marriage has changed. Trust (or lack of it) has a lot to do with that. That and the fact that I gave my heart away and it was handed back to me in pieces. The whole once bitten twice shy thing.

Also I don't want to deal with the whole "step parent" thing. I think that is that strongest reason I stay M. I can't even allow myself to truly think about my child having a "step mom". I've had a step mother since I was 10 yrs old. I call her mom. It would kill me if my child were to want to call another woman by my title! But then that was my mothers doing...she walked away from both me and my father. I can't imagine doing that to my own child.

[addicted2love]

Was a one time thing, like that matters, and she said she was just stupid.

 

regardless...I am not interested why...all that matters is that she did.

 

I understand the "details" don't help and don't matter. For me it's the "why" that drives me crazy!

[Salicious Crumb]

I understand the "details" don't help and don't matter. For me it's the "why" that drives me crazy!

 

Well for one thing...when people ask "why" they did it, it is almost the same thing as saying...there was something she wasn't getting or the betrayed is somehow responsible for what happened to them.

 

That may be in some instances true...but there was no neglect from me and if treating her like a queen wasn't enough...then f#ck it.

 

Most of the times, cheaters are just selfish people who have a sense of entitlement and its all about "me me me!!!"

[puddleofmud]

I have gotten quite "tickled" reading this thread (in a good way:) ) and have a few observations:

Please do understand that these "thoughts" of mine are directed at NO ONE, but are just thoughts:

-If men are involved w/ their children then wouldn't they also have mussed hair full of boogars, one shoulder that constantly smells like spit-up, stains on their sweat shirts, and a van full of abandoned french fries, tu-tus and sweaty baseball gear, fall into bed exhausted only to be awakened by a child who refuses to go to his/ her own bed? Then upon awakening can't find his shoes and runs out the door to work w/ his clothes askew?

-when three moms go to McD's w/ 15 kids are these women looking for dates? or just to be w/ other Mom's who don't give a rip about hair and make-up for some honest and much needed adult female to female adult conversation while said 15 wild babies climb about on something other then their literal walls?

-what is the nature of intimacy? For some it may be finally getting a shower..for others it may be dreaming of finally getting a shower, a shave and some peace and quiet w/ their spouse about three times a year

Intimacy is the day to day shared things--like boogars in one's hair and laughing about it

-what is sexy? being able to laugh about said boogers w/ one's partner

-life in in the details even the smelly poopy details or the teenager who is so morose-- sexy is being able to relate and find that being a parent and partner is just down right SEXY as all get out!!!

-warts, bumps, weight and stretch marks are sexy--that's a road map of a life together (funny how men are considered sexy w/ crow's feet and women are considered "old" ) hmmmm...

-if men were the ones to give birth would a little left over belly be sexy?

-why do men say they "babysit" when they are alone with their own children? more so why should they not be required to be with their children in a suit, white starched shirt and a tie and hard soled shoes shined to a luster for hours on end?

-why isn't a woman considered "sexy" for the kind of Mother she is rather than the fact that she left her fish-net stockings somewhere back in 1982?

-W to H: "could you shave my legs for me, please? I have three seconds in the tub before dinner burns...?

-H to W: "I just ordered a pizza and vodka, the kids are asleep, do you want sex, booze or food, we don't have time for all three!" ))

 

In my opinion intimacy is about FUN and making FUN, laughing, cutting up, being silly about small stuff and just appreciating life together as it comes.

Precious as they are children are only children for so long, work it just work, but a partner in crime is priceless!

[Sup]

he can call me anything he likes...."Hello pot? This is Kettle...guess what your black!"

 

 

So.... You're just saying you don't care, not that he did when he had his. I'm just curious though. I hope you aren't doing this in your home where your husband may see this happening. Lastly, I hope you stop this, just my 2 cents.

[addicted2love]

So.... You're just saying you don't care, not that he did when he had his. I'm just curious though. I hope you aren't doing this in your home where your husband may see this happening. Lastly, I hope you stop this, just my 2 cents.[/quote

 

The answers to all of your questions and comments are in many of my previous posts. If you really would like to know please feel free to go back and read them.