sadbuttrue Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Well that is easily remedied, just call her up and let her know what a lying bastard her husband is. If you TRULY wanted her to know, you could make it happen, so you'll forgive me if I don't believe you for one minute. io, i can not tell her myself because i do not want to hurt him. i have her cell number and have thought about calling her, but i would not want him to know it came from me. so i can not be the one to do it. i just wish she did know, even though i am not strong enough to do it myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Impudent Oyster Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 I don't understand that. You don't want to "hurt" him? He doesn't mind hurting you by making you an accomplice in his deception. He doesn't mind hurting his family, why all the concern for the big liar? HE's USING YOU, and you're letting him! If I were you, I'd tell him that he tells her or you do, his choice but you don't want to be his dirty little secret anymore, you deserve better, you deserve to be recognized and acknowledged. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Impudent Oyster Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Also, if you want her to know you could just send her an anonymous letter. I think you're afraid that if she finds out, he might throw you under the bus. I could be wrong though, but at least you would know where you stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Meredith63 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 As I posted on another thread.... I've been married to my MM for a long time now. Does he have character flaws? Who doesn't? Did he cheat all those years ago.. yes, he did. Is he proud of that? Absolutely not. Does that make him a bad person? No. He is unfailingly kind, to both friends and strangers. He is honest and works very hard at what he does. He does many hours of volunteer work EVERY WEEK and would never turn his back on someone who needed help. He has never, not one time ever, let me down. He has been a committed and loving partner to me, I have never caught him in a lie (and yes, once in a while I do check.. I would be stupid not to). Just like I do not let the fact that I was once an OW define who I am, neither does him having been an MM define the person he is. Has he cheated on me? I don't believe so.. but never say never. We agreed, early on, to not put ourselves into situations that lead to trouble (i.e. clubbing) and we spend all of our non-working hours together (he says we remind him of the Alabama song "she and I", lol). I have a happy, committed, loving partner and have had for some years now. While I will always be aware that my M could be affected by infidelity... whosecouldn't? I would be painfully aware of that fact regardless of who I married, as everyone else should. The possibility that infidelity could play a part in a M is applicable to ANY marriage, I believe. Anyone who does not keep their eyes and ears open is a fool, IMO. I would also venture to say that most BS's will agree with me there... blind trust is not a good thing (sadly). Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 io, i may be an accomplice in his deception, but i have had to come to terms with that and what we are doing to his family. i do not want to cause him any harm, i love him. and i do not see that he is using me, we are using each other i suppose to get something we need. i would love to have an open R with him, but that is not possible at this time. and of course there is the chance that our R will end if she finds out. i know that and i still want her to know because i do want a decision to be made. either he stays with his W and works it out or he could be with me. i wish he wanted to be with me bad enough to leave his W and kids and home and stability and life, but that is asking a lot i think. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Here we go. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I see LITTLE difference to this post and the "Sharks" post. They are both baiting BW's against OW/OM. Continually, it's a post about OW being ridiculously needy women desperately vying for attention from their MM (who's apparently getting their cake and eating it, something that was never apparent in the pain my MM went through in deciding to end his M) - if it wasn't for those pesky OW, everything would be just fine and dandy. Right? Wrong. I agree. As I started reading this thread I thought "here we go again".... Its another thread for the OW to battle it out and defend themselves to the BS's... Ever noticed how MM NEVER post on these threads??? I think ultimately MOST of the fault lies with the MM. And if you want to know why, I have backed that statement up in many other posts, and quite frankly the thought of typing it all out again makes me tired. Link to post Share on other sites
Just 'nother MM Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Ever noticed how MM NEVER post on these threads??? I think ultimately MOST of the fault lies with the MM. I agree. The MM (or MW) is primarily responsible for the difficult circumstances that surround most A's. But what do you think MM's have to offer on "these threads?" The affair cannot be justified or legitimized; they know that what they are doing is wrong. And just take a look at some of the angry comments made by some posters, which includes name calling and other insults. Yes, this is a public domain and people are free to write almost anything they want, but I doubt that many MM's are going to subject themselves to such abuse, even anonymously. Link to post Share on other sites
addicted2love Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I agree. As I started reading this thread I thought "here we go again".... Its another thread for the OW to battle it out and defend themselves to the BS's... Ever noticed how MM NEVER post on these threads??? I think ultimately MOST of the fault lies with the MM. And if you want to know why, I have backed that statement up in many other posts, and quite frankly the thought of typing it all out again makes me tired. I think it's safe to say that MM don't post here because they know they would be ripped to shreds by the "sharks" Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Yeah but the OW and BS's get ripped apart by eachother- isn't it only fair that the MM gets representation?. It would be kinda nice to actually hear what a MM really think/feels. It is anonymous. Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Just'notherMM is a MM, and I've read his recent posts answering questions to Frannie...really well put honest answers, I thought. I think it is refreshing to hear from a MM. Frannie's MM was also on another thread the other day... I agree with Just'notherMM, people come on this site to be supported and to air their opinions. It is unlikely MM would come here just to justify their R. Link to post Share on other sites
addicted2love Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 (It would be kinda nice to actually hear what a MM really think/feels. It is anonymous) I would like to know myself. Us OW are on here constantly defending how we feel about our R w/ MM. It would be nice to hear his side of the story for a change. Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Out of a survey of 4,100 men, 3% of them admitted they met their current spouse as a result of an affair. How many met their current spouse under those circumstances and didn't say so? I've looked and looked, and this is the only survey I can find that has any figures on this, and it's flawed in itself. People on this board say all the time... no one knows how their marriage started as an affair. How can the figures reflect reality..? Can I just add to this, the survey was conducted of 4,100 men who were in "executive or professional" roles. I would assume that being an executive or professional also adds other variables to the actual research outcomes. Link to post Share on other sites
Meredith63 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I hardly think that, if asked, my H would admit we began as an A. That is not really the kind of thing you go around telling people. How can these stats be accurate? Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla chai Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 io, i was responding to something someone else had posted when i said that. i did not "offer" myself to MM, we developed a friendship that turned into more. i do not feel like i have to keep him from being bored, but i do listen to him and love him and hold him when he is upset. i care about him and i tell him this. i show my love for him, and i think that is what he is missing at home. his wife does not show him how much she loves him anymore. How do you know this? did you see it first hand? or are you listening to you mm. Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla chai Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 io, i may be an accomplice in his deception, but i have had to come to terms with that and what we are doing to his family. i do not want to cause him any harm, i love him. and i do not see that he is using me, we are using each other i suppose to get something we need. i would love to have an open R with him, but that is not possible at this time. You don't want to hurt him,but you are willing to hurt innocent people(wife and kids) Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I agree. The MM (or MW) is primarily responsible for the difficult circumstances that surround most A's. But what do you think MM's have to offer on "these threads?" The affair cannot be justified or legitimized; they know that what they are doing is wrong. And just take a look at some of the angry comments made by some posters' date=' which includes name calling and other insults. Yes, this is a public domain and people are free to write almost anything they want, but I doubt that many MM's are going to subject themselves to such abuse, even anonymously.[/quote'] Well Just'notherMM, I would like to take this opportunity to applaud you for putting yourself out there. I think your take on things is invaluable to these kinds of discussions, otherwise not all sides of the story are being covered. In an A there is so much hurt, mistrust, deception etc, so its easy for alot of people on here to fling insults and angry comments, more often than not because they are still hurting themselves. I appreciate that sometimes affairs can result in a good relationship. What I am trying to say is that each situation is different, and usually has three sides to it. I think that the few MM and MW that DO post on LS have just as much right to tell their story. I also think that they are brave, as they know they are risking being flamed, and post anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Just'notherMM is a MM, and I've read his recent posts answering questions to Frannie...really well put honest answers, I thought. I think it is refreshing to hear from a MM. Frannie's MM was also on another thread the other day... I agree with Just'notherMM, people come on this site to be supported and to air their opinions. It is unlikely MM would come here just to justify their R. Yes, my MM has been posting on the Separation and Divorce forum. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 io, i can not tell her myself because i do not want to hurt him. i have her cell number and have thought about calling her, but i would not want him to know it came from me. so i can not be the one to do it. i just wish she did know, even though i am not strong enough to do it myself. Whta cell phone company does she use? Send her an annonymous text. All the companies have a website to send texts from and the sender is not known unless you want it to be. Verizon is vtext.com. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I think it's safe to say that MM don't post here because they know they would be ripped to shreds by the "sharks" ummm actually anytime I have seen a mm post here they have been attacked by the ow's and accused of being trolls. They were never attacked by the bs's. The ow's do not want to see the truth of the affair from an annonymous mm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Impudent Oyster Posted February 9, 2007 Author Share Posted February 9, 2007 Yes, my MM has been posting on the Separation and Divorce forum. Is he getting divorced or what? What's he waiting for? Oh, that's right. He hasn't even told his wife about you yet. That would be nice of him, don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 My my, somebodys shell is razorsharp today. Impudent Oyster, you certainly are living up to your name. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Impudent Oyster Posted February 9, 2007 Author Share Posted February 9, 2007 Why thank you! That's exactly why I chose it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Impudent Oyster Posted February 9, 2007 Author Share Posted February 9, 2007 Quick question, why is my little button red and yours is blue? What does it indicate? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Mine is red, and yours is blue! I think red means that you are the person who wrote that post. Link to post Share on other sites
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