how do u guys do it?

[Lauriebell82]

hey guys..i have a question about LDR. right now i am sort of in one..me and my bf are an hour 1/2 away from each other (i'm at college) but see each other every weekend. so my question for everyone is: for those of u out there who go months and months without seeing ur SO, how do u do that? i couldnt bare the thought of not seeing him for 6 months (which is what will happen in he goes into the FBI next year). i cant make him give up his dream but i was just wondering how everyone deals with that.

[yhan_627]

We'll I haven't seen my boyfriend for more than 8 mos now. I'm in Canada and his in the Phils.

 

I guess if you really really really want to make it work it doesn't matter how far you are to each other.

 

• You have to trust each other that they're not doing something fishy if you know what I mean.
  
• You should communicate with each other as often as you can. You really have to give time for that. Otherwise somebody might feel neglected and might make him/her things that they shouldn't be thinking.
  
• I gave my bf a personalized photo album with all our pictures together and even solo ones.
  
• Always be honest.

I think that's how WE ( my fiance and I) did it.

 

Yup, were getting married sometime this year.

 

Good Luck!

[LostHeart]

You have to be willing to trust the person like crazy. If you're an insecure person then it really does get a big difficult but it can actually still work out if you try. Communication is a MUST...if I didn't talk to my guy every night then I think we wouldn't make it very long at all. You have to be open about your life and be willing to hear about theirs without jumping to conclusions--just because they went out with buddies the night before doesn't mean that he's lying and really he met another woman--which comes in with the trust thing too. Telling about your daily activities and all actually helps the relationship even if you didn't do anything significant that day. Lastly, you MUST have hope. You have to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You have to find that hope and latch onto it, "Well, we'll be able to see eachother in 3 months for a long while..." or whatever it may be.

[sao2]

You have to realize and remember why you are in the relationship in the first place. You have to remember that they are the person you want to be with. If you are the type to waver in that thought than an LDR will be tough for you.

 

If you know that she/he is the one for you then it becomes easier to do.

 

My gf and I have been pretty far apart for 7 months now, although we saw each other a month ago. We keep things going by texting,(alot of texting) calls 1-2 times a week and email.

 

Good luck, and you are right, you do not want to prevent him from going for his dream because otherwise he will resent you for it.

[BlueEyedSarah]

My guy and I live in diffrent countries (I live in the UK and he lives in Canada) and the last time I was with him was 2 years ago.

 

You have to have trust for each other and be willing to go through obsticals with that person and also you have to have 100% trust for each other.

 

I am going to be with my guy on the 17th which I am very excited about

 

Also one more thing is keeping up the communication with each other quite a bit helps like using an instant messenger and phone calls. I think IM's is good with your long distance partner because you can both have webcams and microphones to talk and see one another.

[Lauriebell82]

thanks guys u helped..i guess i could never imagine the thought of being away from him that long. we can barely go a week without seeing each other. this isnt going to be happening for another year or so so its not an immediate problem. i just dont know how i could not be with him for that long.

 

when we were talking about the situation, i told him that i didnt want him to give up his dream. the other issue is that he would have to move around a lot if he did join the FBI as an accountant. i have made it clear to him that i do not want to move my family around constantly. growing up my dad got transferred all over the country with his job so we ended moving every 2 years. it was so hard and i refuse to do that to myself and my children. he knows this, so i think that is the hardest thing..not even that we wont see each other for like 5 or 6 months. (it would be hard but i could do it).

 

i love him with all my heart, but i dont know if i could move around constantly. he'd be traveling constantly to so i'd barely see him. i just dont know how i could deal with something like that. do u guys have any more advice?

[Guest]

Helloooooooo

I just randomly stumbled upon this forum and read your post. I totally agree with what everyone else has said. I live in the UK and my fiancé lives in Ohio. We have been together for 3 and a quarter years, and we have been doing long distance for just over a year. It's so hard, but we have an end date, we are getting married at the end of the summer, and that makes it bearable. It still sucks though.

 

It's difficult every time we have to say goodbye and we miss each other more every day.

 

I think our secrets of survival are talking on the phone/Skype (Skype is essential in a long distance relationship!!!) every day and emailing back and forth during the day. We have been luckier than some in that we have only been apart for between 2 and 6 months at a time, and also luckily I am a student so those long summer holidays have come in handy!

I have friends in similar situations and I think talking to them when I'm feeling down also helps.

 

A lot of people don't understand, and I get mad when people talk about how they're not going to see their bf for 3 days and how tragic it is, but I really don't think anyone can truly understand what it's like to be in a long distance relationship unless they have been in one.

I've rambled a bit there, it was just nice to come across a forum like this, and I am missing my man more than usual this last week so it's good to talk about it!

 

I admire all of you, and I think that at the end of the day we will be that much stronger and independant than people who have not had to go through this. Xxx

[thatmatt]

A relationship expert came and spoke at our school my first day of college, and there is one thing that he said that I will never ever forget, and carried with me for 4 months of Long Distance.

 

"Most of the time, Long Distance Relationships don't fail because of the distance, they fail because of problems that were already in the relationship to begin with."

 

Now, im not trying to scare you with talk of failed relationships. You have a few doubts, and it's okay to have doubts, and the best thing to do is talk about them with your partner. Open communication is the most important thing in a relationship, and that multiplies by a million when distance is added. This will be something you both have to plan for, and being on the same page, or at least knowing what the other person is feeling, will help the transition greatly.

 

I think the distance will teach both of you a ton about what you want from a relationship, communication, and help you see problems that may not be present now, but could impact both of you down the road. My best advice is to keep your eyes open, and know that there is a whole lot to be learned about each other and a relationship when you add distance, and especially at this stage, where he is starting "the rest of this life", so to speak. I hope this helped, although my LDR didn't work out, it was a great learning experience, and I went into it pretty green, and it's always nice to hear from people who have gone through similar things. Best of luck!!!!

[Sweetie2007]

"Most of the time, Long Distance Relationships don't fail because of the distance, they fail because of problems that were already in the relationship to begin with."

 

In my opinion, that includes personality things which from either partner, which could somehow hinder the relationship. (Thanks for the cool quote Matt!) That's something to think about before starting a LDR...

 

My SO and I live in different countries, he in Germany, and me in the US, 5000 miles. The longest period of time we were apart was 17 months, and it was like hell! I'm not going to lie to you, a LDR can be wonderful, and it's provided me with opportunities that I never would have gotten otherwise, but there are down sides too. My SO and I talk on messenger every day, or send messages at least, during the week when we're both in school and working, on the weekends we chat. We use ICQ to chat, and Skype for cam and mic, sometimes MSN, or other messengers which support video and voice. We don't call on the phone, because international calls cost a lot, plus he doesn't like the phone...the mic which is attached to the cam is way easier, and idc because its the same quality cuz of good technology. Communication is MUST! trust, honesty, commitment...

 

good luck! Stay strong...

 

ooh yea...one thing that helped me in the long absence, was that I had stuff of his, he came to visit me, and I kept some of his deo, he gave me his soccer jearsey, and I had some other small stuff, including pictures. He took my perfume back to Germany with him, so we were never without the memories.... it was raining when we had our first kiss, so I bought a sound machine, and set it to "spring rain" then slept with his deo sprayed on my pillow... that's how I got through 17 months.... just a couple hints...i hope they help!

[Andrea1234]

its very hard being in a LDR

[taiko]

Being seperated by the Pacific Ocean it is the computer that makes it possible. How people stayed together by the postal service alone amazes me.

 

We plan out trips to see each other on a regular basis. We chat everyday. Use emails to send little, this just happened messages because of the difference in time zones. We carry phones able to handle instant messanging, email, etc so if awake we can be in touch.

 

We tend to sleep earlier then those around us and shop at 24 hour stores to get our time schedules closer together. Otherwise someone would have to split their sleep into 2 parts just to stay in touch.

 

We share photos and such as much as we can.. But it is all bareable because we have that date on the calender when we will no longer be in a LDR but by each others side.