Guest who Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Ok here’s the thing, been married 2yrs during this time my wife has had some serious issues with me being in college. When we started dating I told her my plans for my future and what I wanted to accomplish, she said she understood and was willing to help in any way or form. She works all day and I am in college all day and I work full time to help so she don’t feel overwhelmed with financial issues, now that we have been married we have had major arguments about me attending college and I don't spend enough time with her, she has even said I need to quit. When we do have time together I try to make it the best, but she can't let it be, she has to poke and prod at the time we spend together bring up how I don't do this and that and we don't spend enough time together and by doing this she puts an end to quality time for our relationship. I have been patient and understanding I have gave up studying time for her, and she still don't understand or see my sacrifices I have made for her happiness. I have explained to her that what I do accomplish in life and college will benefit us. We have almost split up twice and just recently is the third time. I am lost and confused on what to do? We have different goals in life and are heading in two opposite directions. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 We have different goals in life and are heading in two opposite directions. This is why its a good diea to get your college education done before settleing down to get married. Don't get me wrong, there are alot of people who get married and one or both go back to school to further their education etc, and it can work, but not with demands from one to the other. May I ask how old you both are? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 We are both 27 and I am in no hurry to have kids and she is. She wants the family life and white fence. I want the education and accomplishment I will get from that before having kids, if I have kids now I won't see them until they are like 4 yrs old. School is a time eater. We have different goals in life and are heading in two opposite directions. This is why its a good diea to get your college education done before settleing down to get married. Don't get me wrong, there are alot of people who get married and one or both go back to school to further their education etc, and it can work, but not with demands from one to the other. May I ask how old you both are? Link to post Share on other sites
raybrown Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I am doing my Ph.D. and I have been living with my GF for quite a while now. Now that she doesn't work, our financial burdens are very heavy. I just don't think it is a good time to get married. I want to get it done first before I think about anything else. Often the other person doesn't realize the kind of time and effort we have to put in. It takes someone very tolerant, or have been in the situation, to understand this. My SO complains about me not spending enough time with her as well, and because of that, my productivity took a big cut. I wonder if it is worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 I am doing my Ph.D. and I have been living with my GF for quite a while now. Now that she doesn't work, our financial burdens are very heavy. I just don't think it is a good time to get married. I want to get it done first before I think about anything else. Often the other person doesn't realize the kind of time and effort we have to put in. It takes someone very tolerant, or have been in the situation, to understand this. My SO complains about me not spending enough time with her as well, and because of that, my productivity took a big cut. I wonder if it is worth it. Ok here's the thing, like my mamma told me before I got married that I am going to tell you. "DON'T GET MARRIED UNTIL YOUR FINISHED WITH SCHOOL" I should have listened to mamma. It does take someone very tolerant or understanding to comprehend the stress that school can put on a person, or like you said someone that has been through the college experience. I am finishing my undergrad in 1 year and then I am going back for my doctorate which will be an additional 3 to 4 years depending on specialty. I don’t think additional stressors are good for a PhD student that is why I am considering separation due to the fact that over the next few years I will not have time for additional stressors outside of school. Like one friend told me and some professors that I have had don’t sacrifice your grades for something that can be fixed outside of college. When looking for a job or even a teaching career they will look at GPA. Link to post Share on other sites
raybrown Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Ok here's the thing, like my mamma told me before I got married that I am going to tell you. "DON'T GET MARRIED UNTIL YOUR FINISHED WITH SCHOOL" I should have listened to mamma. I don’t think additional stressors are good for a PhD student that is why I am considering separation due to the fact that over the next few years How old exactly are you and your wife? Is your wife also in college, or has she already obtained her college degree? Just that you make the whole separation thing sound a little too casual ... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 How old exactly are you and your wife? Is your wife also in college, or has she already obtained her college degree? Just that you make the whole separation thing sound a little too casual ... Me and the wife are 27. She is not in college and has not obtained any college degree. I may make it sound that the separation thing is casual but here is the thing we have had the separation discussion before and just recently it was brought up again. We have tried to make things work but it doesn’t seem like it will, but we might give it one more try. But is one more try worth it? Am I just wasting my time and hers? We have different goals in life and with these goals in our minds how can it work? Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
raybrown Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Me and the wife are 27. She is not in college and has not obtained any college degree. I am sorry to say this. Because she has not been to college, she will not have a realistic grasp of the time and effort that one has to put in, especially in undergrad. Masters and Ph.D.s fare a little better, but this is still not quite easy. From what you wrote, I think she understands what you are going through, but she can no longer bear this situation. With both of your being still pretty young, I can understand her position. You just have one more year, what program are you studying? What are the chances that you will get into a graduate program (do you have A or A+ averages and are eligible for scholarship?) Has your study added value to your potential to the family, monetary or otherwise? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I am sorry to say this. Because she has not been to college, she will not have a realistic grasp of the time and effort that one has to put in, especially in undergrad. Masters and Ph.D.s fare a little better, but this is still not quite easy. From what you wrote, I think she understands what you are going through, but she can no longer bear this situation. With both of your being still pretty young, I can understand her position. You just have one more year, what program are you studying? What are the chances that you will get into a graduate program (do you have A or A+ averages and are eligible for scholarship?) Has your study added value to your potential to the family, monetary or otherwise? If you understand her position, please explain because I don't? My chances of getting into a graduate program are pretty good at this point unless I really mess up this semester. I am majoring in nursing and maybe med school after I finish or grad nursing school. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 Ok here’s the thing, been married 2yrs during this time my wife has had some serious issues with me being in college. When we started dating I told her my plans for my future and what I wanted to accomplish, she said she understood and was willing to help in any way or form. She works all day and I am in college all day and I work full time to help so she don’t feel overwhelmed with financial issues, now that we have been married we have had major arguments about me attending college and I don't spend enough time with her, she has even said I need to quit. When we do have time together I try to make it the best, but she can't let it be, she has to poke and prod at the time we spend together bring up how I don't do this and that and we don't spend enough time together and by doing this she puts an end to quality time for our relationship. I have been patient and understanding I have gave up studying time for her, and she still don't understand or see my sacrifices I have made for her happiness. I have explained to her that what I do accomplish in life and college will benefit us. We have almost split up twice and just recently is the third time. I am lost and confused on what to do? We have different goals in life and are heading in two opposite directions. any suggestions anybody that is reading this post? I would appreciate it, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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