chandler_813 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 My ex-boyfriend and I had been together for almost a year and a half when we broke up a few days ago. I'm 19 and he's 21. We had a very serious relationship for two people that were so young. We lived with his parents for a while but then he decides he wants to make it more serious, so he buys a house and keeps talking about how much he wants to marry me and how much he loves me and tells me that I am perfect for him. Then out of nowhere he wants to start hanging out with his friends and going to parties whenever he wants. I'm not much for this so I didn't really agree with it and the next thing I know, he doesn't "want to do this anymore." So I got all of my stuff and moved in with my dad. I realize that he is a complete jackass but that doesn't change the fact that I miss him like crazy and cry when I think about him. He was pretty much my life for the last year and a half so I don't really know what to do with myself (pathetic huh?). I mean, I'm just baffled about this situation because we were so happy together. We fought more than average because I had just quit school a month ago and was looking for a job so we were around each other all the time (and were both under a lot of stress). But damn, we were perfect together and had so much fun. He snuggled with me all the time and was always hugging me. It was just perfect. So I'm hoping he will call me back and come crawling back because this has happened about three times before. We broke up after 4 months and got back together the next day. Then about 2 weeks later we broke up again but got back together the next week. Then we broke up after 8 months of our serious relationship and he came begging back a month later, he even got rid of his myspace and cancelled his cell phone because he knew they had caused us problems. And he quit talking to all his friends just to give me his full attention. Will he come back this time though? I just don't understand why you would date someone for a year and a half, buy a house, talk about marriage, get them close to your family and then just dump them out of nowhere....what the hell? I need to know how to get him back. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Honey, if his having friends or a cell phone is a problem then probably this is for the best. If you want to spend a life with someone then you understand their need for friends and family and hobbies or atleast personal space. Two people who are joined at the hip without outside interest don't bring much to the table to offer each other. You do not want a life with a man that you feel you must police - there is no joy in that, it's like being a warden 24/7 and will drive you crazy. Good luck, at your age there are plenty of guys out there. Oh, and I know that you didn't ask for advice on the subject BUT here's my .02 anyway, GET BACK IN SCHOOL - for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mythical Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hey, I don't think that is/was a heathy relationship. No one should ever have to get rid of thier friends or a cell phone to rpove anything. Maybe he did it for you, yea but that is defiently not something that will work. I am 20 years old and was in a 4 year relationship and I thaught "everything was so perfect" and we were so happy too. for him having to cancel friends/cell phone/my space this early and even at all in a relationship is bad news and to be honest will prob never get anywhere good and you both will end up being un happy. Sorry if I sounds really harsh I mean its just not a happy relationship if it has to be like that. You said he came" crawling back and wonder if he will d it again...thats defiently not a good thing. he should not have to cancel those kinds of thgins for you...nobosy should and i guess you could live that life but like i said neither of you would be happy, and if you did saty in that kind of relationship...it would be very isolated and lead to problems Good luck your young you have a lot you cn do with your life! Beleive me I figured that out Link to post Share on other sites
Author chandler_813 Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Yeah, I guess you guys are right but he had so many female friends and that just always bothered me...i guess i was a little controling, it was my first relationship. I've been realizing the controlling aspect lately. Should I let him know? Link to post Share on other sites
Mythical Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hey Chandler, I def think you should let him know if you want to continue being with him. Honestly is one of the most important things!! And it will only make it better, at least you can admit it, so you can work on it. I agree about too many female friends...id feel the same Link to post Share on other sites
Author chandler_813 Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Okay, so I'll definetly let him know that regardless if we get back together or not. But how long should I wait to try to talk to him about this. We broke up on Monday....does he need more time and space? I don't want to scare him and have him think I'm just saying anything to get him back.....Thanks for the advice guys and especially you Mythical! Link to post Share on other sites
chrissymcal Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 man, this is exactly what im going through...and ive realized something and you should too...hes getting cold feet because your not letting him have his way...i wish i couldve realized this a few weeks ago, maybe id still have my bf now...he just wants some time to himself, with his friends... i get pissed off with that **** too...but eventually he will grow out of it,...but if you really want to be with him, you have to let him do his own thing a little bit (wish i couldve taken my own advice...) im doing the no contact thing because its the only thing that seems to work...im hopeing he realizes his mistake and comes back... chances are this dude will get sick of partying and being hung over all the time and miss you.. after all, its not his buddies that will be keeping him warm at nite! Link to post Share on other sites
Author chandler_813 Posted February 9, 2007 Author Share Posted February 9, 2007 I just have a bunch of stuff I have to move out of our house and I hate to have to move it all if we are going to get back together in the next couple of weeks. Its very cold right now where I live What to do....what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Well first of all congratulations on realizing you were controlling....I personally wouldn't want anything to do with someone that pressured me into getting rid of friends or cell phone (lol??) I would suggest that you need to work on your insecurities before getting back with him or anyone else in a relationship for that matter or it wouldn't work. Admitting a problem is the first step in solving it but it's just that - the first step it doesn't solve the problem itself... Link to post Share on other sites
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Personally I think you should follow the "three strikes and you're out" rule. If he's done this to you three times before, kick him to the curb for good. There's no reason why you've been going through this multiple times in only 18 months. I know. I've been there. I followed my own advice and ended it for real the third time he pulled that breaking up-getting back together crap. I was miserable for a little while but really am doing awesome now I don't have to deal with his mood swings, his porn and video game addicitons, his constant blaming me, his intolerance to my sensitivity (he even got mad at me because I was crying when my grandma died.... he could not tolerate tears in the least). Anyway, best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Don't be so generalizing oh_what_, each situation is different and in this case I believe she was in the wrong. You shouldn't tell your SO to dump their friends, cancel their cellphone (LOL I still can't believe that!) or myspace account SHE was the one being insensitive and controlling here. Link to post Share on other sites
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Don't be so generalizing oh_what_, each situation is different and in this case I believe she was in the wrong. You shouldn't tell your SO to dump their friends, cancel their cellphone (LOL I still can't believe that!) or myspace account SHE was the one being insensitive and controlling here. I agree that she in the wrong to want him to cancel those things (who can live without a cell phone for pete's sake?!?!?). But that wasn't my point. What I was trying to say is that after three times, a pattern is developing. It doesn't really matter who is at fault. I'm sure they both are- that's the way it usually goes. She does some things wrong... he does some things wrong... a breakup ensues.... they hook back up but have problems again.... yada yada. A cycle is formed and it is unhealthy. That's all I was trying to say. Why put yourself through the roller coaster crap when there's someone out there better? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chandler_813 Posted February 10, 2007 Author Share Posted February 10, 2007 Actually guys, I never wanted him to do those things. He just wanted to do them. Again, Never once asked him to do it.....man, sometimes people jump to the wrong conclusons... Link to post Share on other sites
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