what2donow Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I'm just needing to vent here. I'm a full-time mom to our 2 kids and teach piano lessons. Love both, but now that kids are in school every day, I'm ready to get back into the "real" world. H said he understands I need to do this for myself, so go ahead. Since money isn't really an issue, I've been waiting for the right opportunity. It finally came. So I asked H if he was ok with me applying for this job. He said he didn't care. So I did it. Told H I did it. H didn't really talk to me the rest of the day and had that pissy attitude. Next day I asked what's wrong, and of course, got the "Nothin'" response. Since we've been trying to improve communication, I asked if he was upset about the job. He said no. The next day, today, he just turns to me and asks why did I apply for the job?!!! I didn't even know what to say. I explained the why's and all that and then reminded him that he said it was ok. WTF???? I'm just tired of the mental games. I don't know if it's controlling, manipulation, passive/aggresive, or what. I'm just tired. Feel a little better getting it out here. That and a nice glass of merlot!!! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I'm just tired of the mental games. I don't know if it's controlling, manipulation, passive/aggresive, or what. I'm just tired. Could be. Maybe its not that he doesn't want you to get back in the work force, but maybe he feels a bit scared. I know you are thinking, huh? what? What I mean is, if you have been a stay at home mom for awhile, he probably got used to you, being there for the kids, having dinner ready, running errands etc, etc, and YES working mothers can still do all of those things too. But maybe in his mind he feels you will neglect those things and him as well, from being tired with a new job. Talk with him about it. Ask him if thats what his fear is. If so, reassure him that you feel you can handle what needs to be done. However, also make it clear to him, that if you do go back to work, (which will be a new experience getting back out there after being home for awhile), that he still needs to help pull his weight and help you with things too. Its a team effort. It should be if two people are working or not anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I am with Jadestar on this one. As a guy, I think it is fear. What is he afraid of? Not knowing him, I can't say, but some of my fears were... 1. Change. As Jade said, things will change around the house. Supper times may be different, schedules may be different. And you will be different. 2. You may make new friends. This is a strange one, but if you have been at home, then you have had certain friends, but your H is the main one. You will now meet new people....how will that change you? Will you want to do things with them? You will have a second life. 3. You may meet new guys. Not as crazy as this sounds, I know that when my wife has started new jobs, I think of this. What if she now works with a guy who she will become close to? What if she has an affair? Can I compete with the guys she works with? Will she fall for her boss? Hey, it happens in Hollywood all of the time. Funny thing is, I trust her...it is the other guys who I don't trust. As far as I am concerned, they have never met such a woman as my wife....I would be smitten, too. 4. He will need to pick up more responsibility around the house. Up until now, he has had certain things he did and you did. He could expect you to have the house cleaned and the meal cooked when he got home....I am assuming. Now this may not be. Now he may have to help clean up and cook. Or he had a schedule of things he did every day or evening. This may change. I know that I had many of the above concerns. I don't think I ever really voiced them to my wife, but they were there. Even today at different times, I wonder who is she working with? When our marriage is not going as well...I wonder. Having said that, I can truthfully say that none of my worries have been true. Yes, there was change. Yes, I have had to clean more. And yes, I have had to help alot more. In fact, I have had to do ALOT more. But I have gotten accustomed to the idea. Will he vocalize his concerns? Maybe, but if he normally doesn't, he won't now. The best thing I can tell you is to tell him how things will not change, and how you will try to keep it the same as much as possible. Then let him know that "could he please help with such and such?" Gradual change is always best. As for other guys and friends, you don't even know whom you will meet. But maybe scheduling lunch dates with him will make him a part of your work life and you part of his. Link to post Share on other sites
Author what2donow Posted February 9, 2007 Author Share Posted February 9, 2007 Thanks JadeStar and James. We did talk about most of those issues before I even updated my resume and he said he was fine with whatever changes would come. I guess that might not be 100% now. I'll just start talking to him about how some things won't change and how together we can approach those things that will. Maybe that will get him to open up! By the way, just got the call for an interview on Monday! My first in over 12 years! Looks like a shopping trip is called for this weekend!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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