Does this describe normal motherly behavior?

[MistyNights]

My mom is pretty strict. I can't play sports because she thinks someone will molest me. At first she was saying maybe I could if I was a boy.ooooooookay. Like people don't molest boys.She thinks someone would take me somewhere and hurt me. The only thing I'm really allowed to do is band.

 

I can't date until I am 17. Does that seem a little strict to anyone? At first she said 16, but she found out I was really starting to like boys so she changed her mind. That didn't seem fair. Then there is the car debate. I wanted to start making payments on a car when I turned 16 and had a job that could pay for it. She said I could do that as long as I could pay.We're talking about a cheap car, like something $2000 or under. Now she's talking about making me wait until I am 17 or maybe even when I graduate because she wants more control.

 

Most of the parents are fairly lenient about letting their kids socialize. Like if a friend's parents would take me to the movies, I wouldn't be allowed to go. Rarely I get to spend the night at a friend's house. Is this normal? I feel like my teen years are wasting away. The thing is she won't let me get involved but she'll get mad when I get bored and find some trouble.

[witchbreed]

Your mom does sound overprotective to me and I am 40 and a mom myself. Often people who are that protective have either had some very bad experiences themselves or someone they are/were very close to had them or they have a problem with trust.

 

Have you ever tried talking to her about it. Tell her that you are a responsible girl and that you are feeling really hurt by her mistrust in you and in your ability to judge. Try to make her see, that she has raised you well and that therefore you have learned good judgement and that she can trust you.

 

There is a grain of truth, that there is sports coaches who molest kids, sad to say some professions (coaches, teachers and priests foremost) have an above average share of paedophiles - on the other hand, most abuse is still happening within the close family (brothers, fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers, uncles and occasionaly a female predator in the family) or the neighborhood and family friends. The best defense against abuse is not to stay homebound because of the bogey-man, but to raise ones kids to have a healthy self-esteem, to know right from wrong and to dare say NO to a person of authority or a so called boyfriend, when they want something of you, you dont want to give.

 

If you cant get through to your mom, talk with a counselor in your school, maybe some counseling togehter with your mom might help you both. But I do believe you will have to find a way, both you and your mom can live with. Otherwise there is a big chance that you will start to resent your mom and "run" away as soon as you are a legal adult. Which in my opinion is very young to have to fend for yourself. But as I said, I am pretty shure - at least with the help of a counselor - you will find a good way together. Best luck.

[Ally Boo]

My parents were very strict too. TOO strict in my opinion, bc for a few years after I left home, their strictness impaired my own ability to use my judgement and make good decisions..bc I was always worried if it was "right." I've worked through a lot of that on my own.

 

My parents wouldn't let me spend the night at anyone's house. Couldn't go on Church or school trips, unless they went, etc.

 

Fastforward a few years.....I got married, got divorced, lived on my own by myself for almost a year, asked to move back home so I could catch up on my bills...and then they gave me an 11:00 curfew...couldn't sleep at my boyfriend's house, etc.

 

The key is, you gotta know they mean well. You can either fight it, or just deal with it until you are old enough to do what you want, and are out of their house.

 

It can REALLY suck, I know.

[HokeyReligions]

Doesn't sound too strict to me - sounds like your mom is worried and trying to look out for you.

 

There are a lot of things that scare the bejeebers out of parents these days - child molesters, drugs, date-rape, indiscriminate violence, etc. Perhaps something has happened between you two that makes your mother feel you need more guidance or sheltering. Maybe something happened to her that she is projecting onto you.

 

I had an opposit experience. My mother never seemed to give a damn where I was or who I was with or anything. It was not because she didn't love me or care, but she had a ton of problems that she was dealing with and she was not well. If I wanted to stay out all night I could and did. If I earned my own money I could spend it anyway I wanted. If I wanted to joing a club or group of any kind I could. She never even met the boys I dated -- and by the way -- I did not start dating until I was 18 a year after I graduated from high school. I was having fun with groups of friends when I was in school. There was a lot I didn't learn and I stayed immature for a very long time.

 

I wish that my mother had been more strict and shown more concern for me and had taken more interest. I brought a lot of baggage into my marriage and it's taken a lot of years to work through it and I work very hard to keep all of my relationships healthy.

 

It's funny how we can go through the same things and approach them the same, and yet have such different backgrounds.

 

Talk with your mom, and just accept that she's doing this because she loves you and wants you safe and happy. Sometimes it hurts the parents to watch their kids be unhappy, but they have to in order to keep them safe. It tears us apart too and sometimes our (parents) anger stems from the hurt.

[Ally Boo]

Alright...she said you have to wait til you are 17 to date. Trust me, when you are 24, dating isn't that big of a deal. She probably just doesn't want to have a grandbaby living with her any time soon. I mean, truth be known, you can do what you wanna do....to an extent. She can't totally control you. But if you respect her, you'll do it anyway.

 

So I guess what I'm saying is....do whatever you want. But just remember what you are going to do when they get found out.