work and my fiance

[sunshine79]

i didn't know exactly where to post this...but since i'm getting married, i figured thsi is the place.

 

my fiance and i have been doing wonderful...i love him dearly. i know he loves me just as much. lately he has been working 11-12 hr days, getting home around 8 each night. i understand his work means a lot to him and does consume a lot of his time since he's trying to get managerial position with a fortune 500 company but can i just say sometimes it sucks!!! lol

 

fridays he gets home around 7, we normally go out or have people over and hang out.

 

i just talked to him, he's busy with work, getting ready to have a branch meeting...one of us always asks the other "what are we doing tonight" especially on friday nights...so this morning i asked...he gave me a "i dont' know right now, that's definitely not a priority for me to plan what's going on tonight" so it bummed me out. he wasn't saying it in a mean way, i know that...but it just made me blah. i todl him "one of us was going to ask, so i figured i'd ask first" he said "i know, just don't want to think abut it right now"

 

wtf...i look forward to friday's because i want to go to dinner or have people over and just let go of the week...whys' he being like this? it is cause he just got to work and is in a work mindframe? it just makes me feel like he feels he has "control" over the night because i asked first and he was the "adult" and said "i dotn know, got a lot on my mind"

 

does that make sense?? i don't know what i'm getting at or what i want to ask...i just don't understand wht i'm to do. do i just not call him anymore today and let him have his "busy work day" and when he calls me to ask waht i want to do just say "whatever" and not care?? it's not fair....

 

i have a kick ass job and make more money than him, not that that matters, but maybe h'es tryingto be "the bread winner" of our house?? i don't kow...i just wish he wouldn't get ot me with commetns that make me feel like he thinks he's above me...in a sense...

 

okay...any comments/ideas/advice???? thanks in advance! : )

[allina]

Sounds like he is super overworked and is really busting his a*s. For him Friday means rest, something he probably doent get much of during the week. He also probably has a million work related issues on his mind so thinking about going out tonight isn't his #1 focus. Try to be a little more understanding.

[norajane]

i just talked to him, he's busy with work, getting ready to have a branch meeting...

 

he said "i know, just don't want to think abut it right now"

 

wtf...i look forward to friday's because i want to go to dinner or have people over and just let go of the week...whys' he being like this? it is cause he just got to work and is in a work mindframe? it just makes me feel like he feels he has "control" over the night because i asked first and he was the "adult" and said "i dotn know, got a lot on my mind"

 

As someone who has had to deal with the 12 hour days and one type of "branch" meeting or another, I can tell you he's not doing this to control or to hurt you or make you feel like you aren't important. The stress is what's causing him to behave this way toward you - he honestly can't focus on the fun part (Friday night with you), because he's stressed about his job and that meeting.

 

What do you think happens at meetings? People have to present what they're doing, or they hash through a problem, or they ask questions and demand answers...it can be very stressful, especially if your boyfriend feels at all unprepared.

 

Think of it like this: you have a big exam Friday, or a trip to the dentist to fill a cavity. You're probably not going to be able to concentrate on what happens Friday night until after that exam is over, or you're back from the dentist.

 

Cut him a little slack, and plan something nice, but low-key for you two. Take the planning for your night together off his shoulders, and let him unwind after his day, which is coming after a long, stressful week. I'm sure he'll appreciate it, and you'll both be able to enjoy being together instead of feeling at odds with him.

 

I'm sure he loves you, but he's going through a rough time right now and needs your support. 12 hour workdays suck.

[sunshine79]

thank yall for your posts, thanks for helping me see waht i needed to see. i am sure he is really tired after all this work he's been putting in and another thing is i found out he has to work tomorrow morning...working a saturday is no way to end your friday evening lol so i'm trying to be understanding. also our house just lost heat so we're having to figure out taht and wondering how much that's going to cost us.

 

stress sucks!

 

we'll make it but thanks again for helping me realize and see what i needed to see. he wasn't at all trying to hurt me or feel like he's got control...he's overworked and NOT compensated for it YET. i'm sure he's got a lot on his mind. i do too with my work but not even close to the pressure he has right now.

 

thanks again. ireally needed to hear all that.

[Guest]

I totally understand where you are coming from!

 

I have been w/ my very ambitious boyfriend for almost four yrs and for the past yr, he too has been working 11 hour days. We are young (only a couple of years out of college) and i still look forward to having some exiciting plans for the weekend! He, on the other hand, insists it is difficult to make plans as he works until 7 or 8 on fridays and most saturdays! Unlike you, I am not engaged, but his new working pattern has really made me question if i want a life with someone who puts so much emphasis on his work.

 

His work seems to override everything about him (mood, personality, etc) and about our reltionship (when and how much time we can spend together, how he treats me, etc). I have tried to talk to him about my doubts and he insists he is working hard for "us" and for our "future", and wants to work hard while he is young so we can enhoy life later. Sure, I love hearing these comments, but isn't a worKaholic always a workaholic? and can we even make it to the future if we don't spend quality time together now?

[Mirage222]

He is just busy at work... Would you rather have a husband that can support you? Or some strap hanger who you have to support? Let the man breathe with you because at work, he obviously is not getting that.