juk Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 Hello, I've posted a few times about the break up with my wife and things are looking a little better than they were 4 months ago. She now wants to take things slowly and go out on dates together etc and see how we feel. This includes marriage counseling (her choice) We are due to go next week and I would like some tips or advice on how to present myself when we go. What I mean is, I don't want it to turn into a slagging match so should I just put my point of view forward and just agree with what she says? I want to be confident yet at the same time i don't want seem like I have an attitude with the whole thing. Not sure how to conduct myself for the best, please advise. thanks
MotherGooze Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 don't really know what has happened with you two in the past. But I think it would be best to just be honest, most importantly towards yourself. If you don't agree with something she says, you don't have to. But don't attack her either, just be calm and in control. The counselling is there to help you two get over some issues, so I don't think you have to worry on how to act, just do what you think it's best. I'm happy that you too are trying to work things out, I really wish you all the best. If you two both put an effort in this, I'm sure things could work out.
Canuck2006 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Hello, I've posted a few times about the break up with my wife and things are looking a little better than they were 4 months ago. She now wants to take things slowly and go out on dates together etc and see how we feel. This includes marriage counseling (her choice) We are due to go next week and I would like some tips or advice on how to present myself when we go. What I mean is, I don't want it to turn into a slagging match so should I just put my point of view forward and just agree with what she says? I want to be confident yet at the same time i don't want seem like I have an attitude with the whole thing. Not sure how to conduct myself for the best, please advise. thanks Wow..this is great news. I'm very happy for you and your wife. I agree with the goose...keep things calm. While you were seperated, what was the interaction like? Was she distant and trying to move on, or did you always kind of have that bond there? BEST OF LUCK:)!!!
Salicious Crumb Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Well, I am sure there are good therapists out there...but I have heard some horror stories. Some of the people I chat with say that when they went to therapy..the counselor pretty much blamed the betrayed spouse and made it out to be their fault the other cheated. On top of that, they put the burden of greater effort in making the marriage work on the BS!! I think if I was in a session like that, I'd lose it with the therapist.
Author juk Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 Well it's just a waste of time, im sick of it all now ive given up. We tried a session with a therapist and i got all the blame from my wife which i new deep down would happen. We had a few days out together since then and it's not and never ever going to be the same again. To be honest im gutted but have to face up to it that it's over, gone, finished time to move on. When your partner cheats on you and they blame you and find faults in just about everything you say or do or did in the relationship what 2nd chance have your got? NONE I really really wish that 5 months ago i said fine you move out and went NC apart from our son and moved on then and made a new life for myself like she has. I feel so cheated out of 10 years of my life for such a spoilt bitch that doesnt give a toss about anyone but herself, even in her own words "im a very selfish person, i cant help the way i am" You know for the last 5 years of our marriage i hardly ever had a penny in my pocket, i gave everything to her that i earnt so she could look good and not go without and made sure my son had everything he needed. I tried so hard to be a good husband and a good dad and now i feel like such an idiot and hurt like nothing else ive ever been through in my life. I'm considering going somewhere hot and nice for a month or 2 to get myself strong again and for my son's sake, i need him to see a strong role model of a father and not the worthless peice of crap i feel like now. I know this happens all day every day around the world but that is no comfort to me to be honest, i really dont think i can ever trust anyone again in my life and that is a really sad thing to say. When your family and friends tell you your being taken for a ride and being strung along by your wife when she leaves you and you don't listen then your are exactly what your wife is treating you like because you will not listen to anyone and only your heart. I just pray to god i don't end up very bitter and twisted over this but i can see it going to happen. I really don't know where to live or what to do with my life now, what a mess.
eloquent Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I don't know what to say to make things better, but I'm keeping you in my prayers. I really hope things get better for you, and I KNOW that they will! It just takes time. You will get through this!
thecount Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 JUK, I went to marriage counseling, and the best thing to do is to be honest. I dont' know your whole story, but just agreeing with everything she says, so you don't argue... hummmm NO!. This is your life too, right or wrong, you have something to say, say it. When I went to Marriage counseling I was the one that wanted to go. The first session she didn't show up. It was painful. The 2nd she was there, and all she did was talk about herself, and then she was faced with a question, "where do I fit in with her life plan"? She couldn't answer. At that point I knew that it wasn't going to workout. She left to fulfil her plan, and when she came back, I was no longer available. I moved on. Marriage counseling, and her actions helped me to see that. People think that they go to marriage counseling, and talk, and everything is going to be great afterwards. Not at all. You go there to see if it can be fixed. Go in there with an open mind. Listen to what she has to say, and take it from there.
Woggle Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 I say cut your losses and move on. She will always blame you for everything and always try to excuse her cheating. It is not worth it.
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