Guest Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I know I can be a little jealous but... Here is the situation, my fiancee is a very friendly person, admittedly equally with men and women. The problem I am having is her friendliness with men. She acts like one of the guys, being very friendly and "playfully bantering," even if she has just met them or with her many male friends. Most of these guys eat it up. Nothing ever comes of it and I know I am being jealous but it gets a little tiresome watching these interactions.. I have told her how I feel, but she tells me it is just her, a friendly happy person. Probably true, but sometimes it gets to me. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, Thank you very much!!! New Guy Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 What exactly is "playfully bantering" in this case? At any rate, I'd say suck it up and work on your insecurities. If it's part of her personality, then why do you want to change her? Link to post Share on other sites
silentcharon Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Yes, work on your insecurities. Wasn't it what attracted you to her in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Yes, work on your insecurities. Wasn't it what attracted you to her in the first place? And its also what is going to attract many other guys and you know the rest of the story. Link to post Share on other sites
swifty Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Thanks for the replys!!!! I guess what really is my greatest concern is that her playful nature does attract lots of male attention, I fear that they may get the wrong idea. Just wanted to vent, well I work through my issues Thanks for listening Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 I agree with the first two posters, she sounds like a lovely person you should let her be herself and enjoy her. As for the sower crumb woman hater's "advice", well think of it this way : If she ever wanted to cheat on you you couldn't stop that no matter what you did, she is just being friendly nothing wrong with that. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 I guess it depends on what "playful bantering" is. Joking around and 'being one of the guys' is one thing, but if it has sexual undertones (ie - she is sitting in their laps, kissing them, etc) that is quite another. What exactly is it she is doing with these guys? Link to post Share on other sites
swifty Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 "At any rate, I'd say suck it up and work on your insecurities. If it's part of her personality, then why do you want to change her?" Yes she is a very lovely person and I am very lucky. I don't want to change her. I am simply looking for ways to cope, when we are in certain social situations, with my Insecurities. I have been seeing a counsellor, but other perspectives are always welcome. I have been very hurt before and I know its not her fault. I want to learn to let go of the fears and just enjoy. Thanks again for your replys "Swifty" the new guy Link to post Share on other sites
confucious Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 I can understand your problem 100% Guest. The problem lies in the fact it IS her personality and you cannot change it, and in a way have no right to WANT to. On the flip side - if you go out with her and she gives strange men or even male friends more attention than she gives you, it makes you feel small and insignificant. Why doesn't she look at YOU like that? Why doesn't she joke with YOU like that? etc. etc. I dated a woman for 7 months that had this glow in her eye, stood close, and generally made any man (admittedly women too) feel like they were her world, all that mattered at the time. It didn't matter if they were friends, strangers, or family, she was always trying her hardest to "win" people over and used this tactic well. This is fine and dandy - but me being her BF who very obviously loved her, didn't warrant this "special" attention cause I was already in the bag, she didn't have to try with me and took me for granted. I loved her but grew tired of watching everyone else be the recipient of her "rapt" looks... My point is - yes, there are insecurity issues involved with both your and I scenarios BUT...there is also the very human reaction of not feeling like we are the important partner we are because when in public THEY not WE get her "special" attention. Your feelings are somewhat valid - you are not possesive, crazy or needy - you are just tired of watching all other men in her presence be treated "special" (ie: flirted with) while you sit and wait for her to notice you. Not very fun... UNfortunately I have no real advice - like is said above, you cannot change her. Just be sure she is the one you want to marry....this will never stop and you don't HAVE to learn to cope, there are others! Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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