inde4544 Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 My ex from my first LTR will not let this thing die. I barely speak to her and she knows I feel like she is a mess, yet she insists on being friends. She says she lost her best friend. I have no interest in being her friend and she calls me all the time. I just ignore it but it still bring up crappy memories. Why do these dumpers who break peoples hearts want to keep lingering around to try and make them miserable? Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 My ex from my first LTR will not let this thing die. I barely speak to her and she knows I feel like she is a mess, yet she insists on being friends. She says she lost her best friend. I have no interest in being her friend and she calls me all the time. I just ignore it but it still bring up crappy memories. Why do these dumpers who break peoples hearts want to keep lingering around to try and make them miserable? Guilt. If they stay your friend, the feel absolved of it. Continue to ignore her, since you DON'T want to be friends. Her issues are not your problem. Link to post Share on other sites
McFadden Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 That is so inconsiderate, it is up to the dumpee to decide if they want to be friends since they are usually the injured party and the other person needs to respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inde4544 Posted February 11, 2007 Author Share Posted February 11, 2007 Should I tell her I do not want to be friends or just continue to ignore her? Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 Should I tell her I do not want to be friends or just continue to ignore her? Since telling her you don't want to be friends and have no contact with her doesn't seem to work. Show her by ignoring her... if you respond, you are only "rewarding" her behavior... think Pavlov's dog... stop ringing her bell Link to post Share on other sites
Adrenaline Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 I am still friends with some of my "dumpers". It really depends on the person. If they did something malicious to you, or something unfair and hurt you greatly then they are definitely not your friends. Friends are there to help you, not hurt you. Now if there was a valid reason for the breakup. Such as, they need to be alone to find themselves because all their life they felt trapped, or the relationship was causing too much stress and damage in their life. But they still love you on a friend level. Then it's respectful to be their friend. Though it hurt hearing them say they no longer want to continue an intimate relationship, they still want to know you and respect you for everything you have done for them. Playing games with them is immature and does not solve anything. In return you are painting a negative image of yourself, and most likely will not learn much when something like this happens again. Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 I've stayed friends with almost all my exes, both dumpers and dumpees, but only after time has passed for all to heal. I agree with the post about Guilt; I've been guilty myself of trying to "stay Friends" for that very reason, back when I was less seasoned in the Love thing. If she won't leave you be, then ignore her, please, so you have time to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 She isn't happy so she wants to make sure you aren't either. :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
justagirlforever Posted February 11, 2007 Share Posted February 11, 2007 Hey, I'm still friends (very good friends) with two of my exes. Yep, they broke up with me. That said, there's another I had a real problem with and he just would not let go. He was an emotional nutcase. I told him I didn't want to be friends but he didn't listen. He practically stalked me. Getting in touch with people at my work to try and find out what's going on in my life. And for almost a year after we broke up, continually sent text messages and emails to me with all sorts of emotional blackmail nonsense. I changed my phone number and blocked his emails (though he cottoned on and invented new email addresses all the time). Eventually he got the picture. So be clear and spell it out. And ignore *any* contact from her. If you honestly wish not to remain friends. Link to post Share on other sites
ratingsguy Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Should I tell her I do not want to be friends or just continue to ignore her? Both... and in the order you mentioned. Just be up front, honest and polite. I don't care what anyone says... it's just not possible to be friends with someone who does not reciprocate the romantic feelings you have for them. Tell her that you can't be friends right now, and perhaps after a few months you can, but you need time for your heart to heal. Like other posters here, after being completely healed, I was able to become friends with an ex who dumped me. It is possible... but certainly not at your stage of the game. Stick to no contact. If she continues to contact you, ignore it with every ounce of strength in you. Trust me... it will hurt now, but overall the pain will be less if you are able to resist the temptation to contact her. Contacting her will just prolong the misery. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 My ex from my first LTR will not let this thing die. I barely speak to her and she knows I feel like she is a mess, yet she insists on being friends. She says she lost her best friend. I have no interest in being her friend and she calls me all the time. I just ignore it but it still bring up crappy memories. Why do these dumpers who break peoples hearts want to keep lingering around to try and make them miserable? Can't you see? It's filling a selfish need for her. She can have friends if she wants them. She chooses you because she thinks you will be available for her to listen. And maybe to keep you around as a back up plan (plan b, so to speak). Never settle for being someone's plan B. Ever. Make yourself scarce. Especially if you still have feelings for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Never settle for being someone's plan B. Ever. Make yourself scarce. Especially if you still have feelings for her. I've been an OPTION B and been equally responsible for aiming the same selfishness on an EX (it backfired on me BTW). Call if stupidity on my part from years gone by thinking you might return to an EX fro convenience if a new person is not the one or you are alone, but the second you let someone else do it to you call it stupidity in the present. Being friends is possible I suppose and seemingly other posters either have or are successful at it, however when I think of former LTR EX's, I was already their friend in the relationship (not meant to support the theory that EX's can be friends) but when I examine the reason for the LTR, primarily there was a spark, an attraction, an intimacy that brought and kept us together over and above the friendship. In other words the friendship was a bond but it was samll in comparison to the other factors. Therefore, my opinion is much like Ratingsguy, if a lot of time has not passed since the b/u and in that time both persons can honestly admit the spark, the attraction and the rememberance of intimacy ARE NO LONGER A THOUGHT or barely a rememberance a "friendship" could be possible (I still couldn't do it). Although in a more practical explanation I beleive a friendship pushed by the dumper could very well be a fall back plan. IMHO anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
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