And the hits just keep on coming... Not sure how to proceed.

[mum2three]

SBN, this is exactly what my H did to me regarding the finances. You have the home advantage in that he is not in the country to do it himself. But he is twisting your arm and threatening to cut your funds for your son if you don't cooperate. Have you consulted legal about this? Seek legal to see how much support he has to provide for you and your son since you have custody. That way you don't have to answer to him for everything that you need.

 

It is unbelievable how the WAH is so controlling and how he is treating you about the money. I can't believe that these pattern of behaviours for waywards are all true. My h says the same thing about me making things harder and we'll have to waste more money, the sooner we get this over with the better for the kids and everyone blah blah blah.... It is all the same crap! You know where you stand with your H and you have decided that this is not the man for you. Take the legal action asap to protect yourself.

 

I know it is a big slap in the face. But your H's financial stance really speaks volumes for his position on saving this M or even being a "fair person". I went thru this 3 months ago and couldn't believe that my H was doing this. But this is what they really want and they are not going to help you in the least bit to getting back on your feet. You need to be proactive. You have been a pillar of strength for all you've been thru so far. Your son has an awesome mommy protecting him. Glad to hear you are taking care of yourself by GAL with your friends and support from your parents. You deserve so much better than this immature deserter.

[stubbornbutnice]

Thanks Mum...

 

Well I talked to my dad last night about the rent and he picked a number which I relayed to my H via email... I also asked him to mail me some things that he has of mine.. paperwork etc.

 

I havent gotten a response. He always wants me to respond right away... but when I email him asking something he doesn't respond. It's so frustrating. I'v never been anything but cooperative with him.

 

Oh well I guess. It's so sad how they can treat you like trash... especially when you have a kid together. It's so funny that they are the ones doing something wrong yet they make you feel like less than a person. I'll get there.

[sumdude]

The leaving spouse becomes totally selfish in every case. After all that's why they left. The one left behind usually starts off being willing to bend over backwards in the hope you can get back together.

 

Time for you to be selfish and self-centered. Stop communications except the absolutely necessary. Keep them all as short and businesslike as possible with no more talk about feelings, who did what when etc. Get a lawyer and a divorce financial planner. Protect yourself and your child from his selfishness. The time for talk is over.

[Gunny376]

I understand that I'm not dealing with some stereotypical dumb "blonde" here ~ but you do realized that you're married to a freaking idiot?

 

 

Who drops $20,000 on after-market car accessories on a depreciating asset? And, then complains about the bills and debts?

 

And you do realize, (per my earlier posts to this thread) that you’ve got him by the balls financially. (Per DOD and DOA regulations)?

 

As far as rent goes? Rent = BAQ

 

He’s trying to play you Girl.

 

Its not even gotten nasty yet. There’s CID, AI, NAS, ConGrits, FBI, all kind of nasty things you can do to this "officer and gentleman" before it even gets back stateside. If you want to get ugly about it ~ he’ll be damned glad to get and settle in divorce court.

 

I recognize the type. I use to have me one or two for breakfast every morning. I’d just tell them, "If I were you I’d ................................." Of course they wouldn’t listen. I’d just keep feeding them the line as they got out into deeper and deeper water. "You GO, LT! You the MAN! ~ KEEP GOING!"

 

I don’t know about the Army, but in the Marine Corps you don’t **** with Staff Noncommissioned Officers, (SNCO’s) Just like us SNCO don’t **** with those of lesser grades ~ they can and will ruin your day.

 

Its all about RESPECT!

 

They say you can’t make someone respect you. That’s true! But you can damn sure make them respect what they can do to you!

[dropdeadlegs]

Well, this sucks. I knew it would get ugly, it almost always does.

 

Legal advice is my best advice. I know you have seen an attorney. Follow his suggestions.

 

I am sensing a need to keep your self respect. Regardless of denim in the closet or after market car parts, self respect can be achieved.

 

SBN, you are in my thoughts. This is a tough place to be. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[stubbornbutnice]

Legs...

 

Do you sense my need for self respect from my email response? Just curious...

 

It's hard to rise above when they start to get nasty. I really want to though. I don't want anyone to be able to tell my son that I was anything but the better person when he's older... that's very important to me.

 

I have another update for you guys but I have to get it together... I'll be back.

[Gunny376]

Legs...

 

Do you sense my need for self respect from my email response? Just

curious...

 

Not really ~ but the desperation comes across real loud and clear :p

 

 

 

 

... I'll be back.

 

Alrighty then ~ there "Arnold" (The Terminator)

[dropdeadlegs]

Legs...

 

Do you sense my need for self respect from my email response? Just curious...

 

It's hard to rise above when they start to get nasty. I really want to though. I don't want anyone to be able to tell my son that I was anything but the better person when he's older... that's very important to me.

 

I have another update for you guys but I have to get it together... I'll be back.

Yes, I do see your need. I also see that he is getting everything that he is asking for, and I want to see you get something out of this terrible situation. He asks, and you deliver. There is a lot of self respect in that. What about what YOU need"?

 

I see a lot of myself in you. I tend to get "above" him, and I also tend to lose. It's a big self respect thing for me. I give up too much in order to achieve "self respect." Taking the high road doesn't have to mean giving up what is due to you, and especially your child. My cases were different because I was the one wanting out, even though my second marriage was far more complicated than anyone wanting out. I felt a lot of guilt in my first divorce. That's another story/thread that has been posted/commented on more than once. The second case is too different to compare.

 

So, I am twice divorced and probably don't have any right to comment of your divorce. I only hope you will not make the mistakes that I did. I gave away the farm, when I didn't have to nor was expected to. As a result, I suffered, as did my children, in ways that could have been avoided.

 

Good advice (legal advice) is the way to go. In the long run it is worth it's cost in gold. It pays for itself.

 

I totally understand wanting to be seen as the bigger person in your child's eyes in the future. You will. It may take many years, as it did in my case. but they will see. Mine have seen this but they are adult age. Until then, they idealized their father, but they get it now. I was always supportive, at least as supportive as I could be, but his colors have shown through. It was hard, but I believed that it would take place as it was meant to, and it did. He had his good time, his good years, but my kids know who was the bigger person, despite his attempts to prove otherwise. That was all smoke and shadows. Be patient is my best advice in this area. Good comes to those who wait.

 

Really, my thoughts are with you.

[Gunny376]

Yes, I do see your need. I also see that he is getting everything that he is asking for, and I want to see you get something out of this terrible situation. He asks, and you deliver. There is a lot of self respect in that. What about what YOU need"?

 

I see a lot of myself in you. I tend to get "above" him, and I also tend to lose. It's a big self respect thing for me. I give up too much in order to achieve "self respect." Taking the high road doesn't have to mean giving up what is due to you, and especially your child. My cases were different because I was the one wanting out, even though my second marriage was far more complicated than anyone wanting out. I felt a lot of guilt in my first divorce. That's another story/thread that has been posted/commented on more than once. The second case is too different to compare.

 

So, I am twice divorced and probably don't have any right to comment of your divorce. I only hope you will not make the mistakes that I did. I gave away the farm, when I didn't have to nor was expected to. As a result, I suffered, as did my children, in ways that could have been avoided.

 

Good advice (legal advice) is the way to go. In the long run it is worth it's cost in gold. It pays for itself.

 

I totally understand wanting to be seen as the bigger person in your child's eyes in the future. You will. It may take many years, as it did in my case. but they will see. Mine have seen this but they are adult age. Until then, they idealized their father, but they get it now. I was always supportive, at least as supportive as I could be, but his colors have shown through. It was hard, but I believed that it would take place as it was meant to, and it did. He had his good time, his good years, but my kids know who was the bigger person, despite his attempts to prove otherwise. That was all smoke and shadows. Be patient is my best advice in this area. Good comes to those who wait.

 

Really, my thoughts are with you.

 

Sorry DDL's, I've got a lot of "love" for you and all, and a lot of respect for your opinion ~ but I just don't see where SBN is giving away the farm.

 

I'm the one of those that gave up everything to the wife and for the kids. Hell, I can go out an live in the woods, eat roadkill, and drink muddy water ~ literally ~ the Corps trained me to do so.

 

It never came to that ~ but that's not to say it didn't get rough, and that I'm not still paying out the azz for it. But, my objective was to provide and give my children the best childhood I could. I knew that divorce sucked, and that everyone loses. And I was determined to take as much of it on me as I could, even if it meant a world of hurt coming down on me.

 

You know what? I succeded! Both of my children are very responsible, well adjusted adults. I don't give a damn about any credit, nor their knowing about what scarifices Daddy made for them. All I care about is them and their lives.

 

My satisfaction comes in knowing that I gave my best ~ I did my best. And that might pail in comparision to others ~ no doubt. But I can go to my grave that I gave my best ~ at the time ~ and that I did my best ~ at the time!

 

No doubt? I would have been a better father then ~ if I'd known then what I know now! Hell! I would have been a better husband! If I'd known then what I what I know now!

 

SBN's husband is where I was 30 years ago at age 18. The ignorant SOB, is casting his perals before swine.And that really PMO!

[dropdeadlegs]

I've been away for days, and I had to read many posts to catch up. I may have misread some things.

 

Maybe giving away the farm was a bad metaphor, but I feel like he is asking for lots of changes, and she has been pretty amicable in accepting them. I worry that he is taking too much control, when she has some right to a certain amount of control as the one being thrown for a loop, here. I don't think it's unreasonable to slow things down, even though I would be speeding them up in order for it all to be over. I'm kinda stupid that way.

 

There seem to be money issues, and while they may be a big factor, I think he is throwing them up in SBN's face as a way of deflecting his "fault" in the demise of the marriage. If money is the true catalyst, he should have said so from day one.

 

I just don't want her to accept financial losses, because that is what I did. I gave up any rights to 401-k's that I had an equal opportunity to share. Those funds were depleted by irresponsible spouses in the end and i would have made better use of that money (it would still be in IRA's, for example.)

 

I do not mean to put my own personal experience "spin" on things, really I don't. I simply wish I had made better choices and decisions because I should have been more concerned with my children's futures than in my appearance of having taken the high road. Taking the high road doesn't always make for "good appearances" and in every effort to avoid being considered a money grubbing bitch, I made life much harder for me and mine.

 

That's all.

 

I have much love for you, too, Gunny. And I definitely appreciate your opinions. You have quite a way with words.

[stubbornbutnice]

I just wanted to say hi... I'm still here.

 

I do have an update but as it will be very long in all probibilty I will have to wait because I am sick...

 

I'm typing this from bed (Wireless internet is great) so sorry it's not the real update.

 

I'll come back soon and give you guys the skinny.

[dropdeadlegs]

I just wanted to say hi... I'm still here.

 

I do have an update but as it will be very long in all probibilty I will have to wait because I am sick...

 

I'm typing this from bed (Wireless internet is great) so sorry it's not the real update.

 

I'll come back soon and give you guys the skinny.

Wireless internet is so cool, but with my desktop, I think my bed would be pretty uncomfortable!

 

I'm sorry you're not well. Hope you feel better very soon!

 

(Hugs)

[Gunny376]

Hope yu'r feeling better there Kid!

[mum2three]

Just checking on you.

[Gunny376]

Make damn sure, that when this is all said and done, and you've got your life back together, got a little sunshine rubbed on your face, and life is back to kicking for you, you're out looking good with a smile on your face that the next time you see his sorry azz you holler at him and say~

 

HOW YOU LIKE ME ~ NOW BOY! :lmao: :lmao:

[stubbornbutnice]

Well did you guys miss me??? I know... stupid question... of course you did .

 

Well I guess last we talked we were in the beginning of the wheeling and dealing phase of this whole thing and he still had me slightly wrapped around his finger. I was going along with him and what not but still secretly hoping it would all work out... blah blah blah.

 

I don't think much has changed in that department as far as the actual divorce proceedings... we are stalled as he is still deployed and therefore protected in some ways. We don't really talk at all about money. He sends me the agreed upon amount and has been for a while so there really isn't any discussion as far as that goes.

 

As far as the cars we are in a standoff but not a screaming at eachother one. He gets his car (paying me half the equity) and I get my car... nothing solid there though as he's still scheming I think.

 

So things have just been chugging along. I do admit that I went through a slightly baffling late onset denial period. I was talking to you guys and chugging along with my "new" life and I don't know what the heck happened but BAM I just derailed. It wasn't in a crying jag sleeping all day kind of way... more of a "she looks perfectly fine and seems great, but really she's sleep walking through her days" kind of way.

 

I mean I did some traveling and spent time with friends and family. Went to the beach, went to parties, hung out at the beach. I appeared new and improved I'm sure... but really I just stopped thinking about EVERYTHING! Not productive but I didn't do it on purpose and didn't notice until my dad grabbed ahold of my butt and firmly pointed it out. Sooooo... I've been trying to move forward with my eyes open as of a few weeks ago.

 

The H and I haven't really been speaking except for the occaisonal necessary conversation about money or paperwork... things we still need to deal with because legally we are husband and wife. Our conversations are generally pretty short and to the point. I don't let him lead me in any particular direction when we talk and don't stoop to any level he tries to bring me to. He seems to have a lot of anger directed at me for whatever reason... blames me for his lot in life or what not.

 

He calls his son once a week maybe. When he's with his parents visiting he calls everyday. Of course! He didn't call his son on his third birthday a few days ago. I thought that was real sweet... but as he's running around Europe for his mid-tour leave what can I expect. I guess it was to much to think he might choose to come back and see his son (who he hasn't seen in 8 months) rather than party in Europe. He told me once that it might be akward to see me so he thought it better to go somewhere else for his vacation. What a bunch of bullsh*t. I told him that it shouldn't matter what he has to go through to be with his son... he's his dad and seeing him should be what matters. Well... I guess not. I don't even want to know where he got the money to pay for this trip. Three weeks in Europe is a serious chunk of change.

 

So that's how things have been going... dissappointed? Oh, I know you are so let me give you the skinny on the latest nightmare just because I find it both completely obvious and ridiculous.

 

So my son went to stay with the H's parents for a few weeks... summer break and all and I had a wedding to go to up north (I had a great time by the way). So, when they fly back in with my son the plan is for them to drive back in my H's car, as I am sick of taking care of it at this point. It lies in storage but needs to be driven often, and it's not the kind of car you drive your kid around in... no Cat. converters, loud, smells like gas etc. Anyway, I thought the easiest thing to do would be to drive both my car and his car to the airport so that his parents wouldn't have to drive the 45 minutes to my house just to turn around and head north. I was trying to help them out by having the car waiting.

 

So... I drove the H's car and my friend (think 6'3'' beach volleyball player... I'm not gonna lie he's hot) drove my car and followed me to the airport. Well the H's dad is completely cold to him... my H's mother on the other hand starts pumping him for information. How do you know her, how old are you, blah blah blah... He tells her he works with my father, that he's an engineer, and is vague with her about whatever. So she starts talking up her family. No doubt my friend is more successful and better looking then her son... not being mean as obviously I married him, but what's true is true. So she's just going on and on about how great her family is and trying to get info from him on the side (he was to smart for that).

 

So... what do you figure happened next?

 

I get an email from the H who is having a freaking fit. He was going off on me for everything under the sun that he could think of. Now I had just spoken to him the day before and we discussed most of what he was ranting about and he was fine... but now all of a sudden at 1 in the morning he's going off on me about everything... car agreements, money, our son being in school (again)... how much happier he is at his parents, and the fact that he's going to file for divorce immediately!

 

WTF ever... GOOD! I can't because of the soldiers sailors act but if he files everything can go forward no problem. I'm not going to lie though. When I read the email and it was so sudden and left field I was like "what happened?" I mean he was going off on me about everything when a day before he was just fine. Civil.

 

So I sat there for a second and then it hit me smack upside the head! Duh! This was all because I showed up with a hot guy at the airport. Silly me. I mean really he sent me two of the meanest emails I've ever received from him... they were rough. Way below the belt, calling me a bad mom really. He never once mentioned my friend just redirected everything at me using other topics.

 

I told him to call me if he wanted to discuss anything (divorce related of course), and calmly and without stooping to his level I told him to calm the heck down and remember that I've been nothing but sweetness and light while he's been nothing but a cowardly jerk. I told him to stop harrassing me and be polite. I haven't gotten a repsponse to that as he's on vacation and all.

 

So, I think it's completely funny that he went off on me. I know it's becuase of the guy. It's so freaking obvious. What nerve. What the heck does he have to be pissed about? He dumped me on my a*s 7 months ago. Did he really think I would be sitting here waiting for him after the way he's treated me? Does he really get to get so darn angry at the mere thought of me moving on with my life? OOOOOOOhhhhhh the nerve. I'm sure his mom told him whatever she needed to to get him all wound up. I just don't get why he's so freaking upset... he's had it easy throughout this whole thing... and apparently I was also supposed to be pining away for him this entire time. How do you think you can treat someone like crap for an entire year and come back and have them still be sitting on the front porch waiting for you, on the off chance you may have changed your mind? What does he also want the satisfaction of having me wait so he can dump me all over again in person? What the heck???

 

So he's really, really pissed off. Whatever. As for me I'm sticking with school getting my focus back. My son is amazing and adorable. My friends are great. I'm still doing my IC although part of my denial was me not going... but I am going again so I get over this hump. All in all I'm doing ok I guess. Nothing has really changed becuase he's not here so I'm not having to deal with him yet. It will be interesting when he gets back and we are face to face for the first time in a year. I dread it but at the same time I think I can handle it.

 

My friends wrote on the back of a card the exact date and time of a day a few months ago... they all signed it and gave it to me. Naturally I asked what it was for and they told me...

 

This is the exact date and time when we all told you that he will come home and kick himself for leaving you. I have the card somewhere and I think my friends have cash riding on it at this point. hahaha.

 

I have my ups and downs but there are more ups then downs so that's good. What's funny is that I haven't felt like myself in a long time and lately I do more and more... and I remember that I was pretty great before all of this. Ironically I'm probably a lot more like the person my H fell in love with today then I was when he left. Go figure.

 

Well... I'll keep you posted now that the drama has returned.

 

I missed you all... stop by and say hi!

[Gunny376]

Sounds about normal ~

 

Its good to hear from you, thanks for the up-date!

 

I would have sent the DH an e-mail saying "Oh, NO! You AZZ relinquished your "Bitching" rights over a year ago, along with any and all commentary about me and my life and how I live it!" And then I'd told him when he gets back to the big "Sandbox" to go pound sand in his azz!

[child_of_isis]

Yes. Believe it or not, he thought exactly that.

 

I would let him think (or know) that you are dating. It will drive him up the wall.

" Did he really think I would be sitting here waiting for him after the way he's treated me?"

[Ladyjane14]

I'm in agreement with Gunny and Isis... 'Yeah, he REALLY thought that' and ...'He's lost his bitching rights and can go pound sand'.

 

Good to see ya, SBN.

[mammax3]

Whew! That IS a lot of drama!

 

Thanks for the update.

 

Stay strong sistah!

[stubbornbutnice]

Well hello everybody! how the heck are ya?

 

Well I'm finally at a point where I thought I should come on here with my tail tucked between my legs and end all of the suspense... perhaps it was only suspense for me Gunny and LJ (although not really because you guys called it ) but either way I've got some new info for the crew.

 

I kicked and screamed the whole time about the OW not exsisting. You guys would bring it up and I would shoot it down... "that's not him" "he would never" "it's not about that" "he's just going through something" wah wah wah... I know... so here it is nice and loud for the people in the back...

 

 

YOU WERE RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

A freaking year and a half later the pieces finally fall in to place. Fellow service member and fellow officer, younger than me (by a year), shorter than me (I'm 5'9")...

 

I know none of this matters really but my best friend called it. She said it would be some mousey average girl so that he would be in control because really he wasn't with our realationship. I was the grownup. I was the outgoing one who drew attention while he chose to shy away.

 

How was he busted you ask??? Well I had heard whispers from some of my Army friends. The Army or military in general is a small small world and everyone knows everything. So outside of that phone records and physical evidence of that nature. My dad is in the intelligence community and he would just laugh and say that I should work for the CIA, mumble incoherent things about betraying women, and wander out of the room.

 

So now I have to deal with these stupid girly emotions that have resurfaced now that I have a name and a face and a person to go with the feeling of betrayal that I have been living with for so long. I don't want to become a bitter little woman and I think I've avoided that very large pothole while on this journey... but still I fight with it every day.

 

My stbxh is out of the Army but she isn't. I know I could call IG or her chain of command and put in a complaint. The military never wants to hear about officers messing around with eachother and screwing up a family... especailly when children are involved. BUT... part of me thinks that I should just be over it and that even though I could completely screw with her career wouldn't that involve a level of emotional involvement that I shouldn't be giving him or them?

 

My dad says to leave it alone... that I've moved on and shouldn't waste my energy. I know he's probably right.

 

I saw him for the first time in 14 months in January. I went to pick up my son. I was sooooo nervous when the plane landed and I was getting ready to get off. All I kept thinking about was if I would see him and miss him, or want him, or love him still and want to throw myself at him.

 

I walked down the hall leading off the plane and the first person I saw was my son smiling at me waiting, then I saw my husband. As I was walking toward him I was sizing him up of course and doing little self checks to see how I felt... and as I stood there and really looked at him I felt...

 

Nothing.

 

So why if I feel nothing, if I don't love him or want him, then why am I so bothered by all of this other woman nonsense? Why do I care what she looks like or how there relationship is doing? Human nature? It must be becasue I really don't want him back. I guess it's just trying to reconcile in your own mind that someone you loved so much and who was supposed to love you could hurt you so badly.

 

As for me...

 

The divorce papers are signed. Sigh. They should go through in a few weeks according to the lawyers. So that's that I guess. His behavior was completely asholehish all the way up until I signed. He claimed it was becuase financially he couldn't move on until they were signed but of course I know that is BS and it was really about the other woman.

 

Outside of that he took the car... or rather he gave me crap and I stuck him with it. It was a happy day when I rolled up to the dealership and bought myself a brand new car in only my name that's two models higher than the one I used to have. I also ended up with a great job making more than the X which made me smile. I think he wanted my lifestyle to suffer greatly which makes no sense considering he did all this... ended it.

 

That cracks me up how the offending party always wants the innocent party to suffer.

 

I met someone in June. I didn't really pay attention to him at first... after all what the heck do I want a man for after all this? But he's turned out to be wonderful and I'm pretty happy. He's a wonderful person and wonderful with my son. We'll see what happens I guess. But I feel pretty blessed.

 

Soooooo... there you go. I wouldn't quite consider this the epilogue. I'm sure I'll have a little more before it's all said and done but I just wanted to give a semi-ending to this for now. I know that when I was dealing with the begining of this I always wanted to know how things turned out for people. So here's my version of a mess... well a slightly cleaned up one at this point. Even if it's only been swept under a rug .

 

I hope everyone is doing well... I'll look back for your comments... I'm sure Gunny will have his opinions. Lol.

[Gunny376]

Glad to hear back from ya! And even more so to see that your life has taken a turn around for the better.

 

I'd go slow with any new relationship ~ just yet? We're talking "Andy Griffin and Hellen Crump slow!

 

Your curiosity about the OW is just your ego working over-time! "The old "What's she got that I haven't got!"

 

But your right? The best revenge in the end? Is to live the Happiest and most Successful Life that you can?

 

Just look out for the "land mines" out there and committ yourself to living a happy and successful life.

 

Some types to watch out for?

 

HuntersThese men come in different suit, but their role is the smae. They love women, the chase, and the satisfaction that comes from catching them. Identiying characteristics include: a history of a large number of sexual partners, boredom after winning the chase, prize their freedom, give up very little of themsleves, loads of fun, can be quite romantic and good for a limited but highly charged period of time?

 

Warning lable: Watch for sign of interest in other women.

 

Emotionally Unavailable: These men ae not adverse to love and commitment, but the aren't in the modd for it right now. How long until they are depends on the depth of their injuries or bumping into a woman that knocks them off their feet. Identifiying characteristics include: A love affair that left them wounded, remnants of a broken heart, an unwillingless to expose their emotions, quick to save face, a desire and need to for love, seaching within themselves for answers and the determination to date around. The EU won't be rused or talked into love. A timetable for readiness is complety out of your hands.

 

Warning label: If there are indications of emotional withdrawal or you tally less time with him than any other woman he is dating, you're sliding out of the picture.

 

Singularly Satisfied: He should be easy to spot despite the tender side of him that he reluctantly shows from time to time. Identifying characteristics include: likes to do as he pleases, when he pleases, and as he damn well pleases, puts himself first, steers clear of commitment, isn't eager to share his resources or space, can go anywhere un-accompanited, has stringent qualifications for the women he dates, likes to have female travel compaions, might partake in a live-in relationship and isn't like to be monogamous or faithful. The quintessentiall SS man is not a good prospect for a permanent loving mate/

 

Warning lable: Generally the SS guy isn't the one to initiate the breakup unless he finds someone who is more attractive and who satisfied him beetter in bed that you do? Watch for him to become distracted from you and attracted elswhere.

 

"The Complete Idiot's Guide to Handling A Breakup" by Rosaan Rosen, Alpha Books, ISBN 0-02862928-0

 

And there are others, and more news that you could use in this book ~ its got self tests, etc.

 

Me, myself and I? I've comitted myself to reading a least one or more books about interpersonal relationships and personal finance a year. Even if its one that I've already ready ~ but its been awhile?

 

Its really more about raising your self consciouness and awarness than anything else. That and perpetual self improvement.

 

I'm long past the ponit of even caring if I ever get into another relationship ~ let alone marriage? I'm not looking for marriage? Marriage is going to have to find me ~ because I'm not looking for it.

 

Not that I'm oppossed to it? Its just that I'm too busy with my own life ~ to waste my time, effort, and enegy chasing after some woman who still has a school-girl mentality. Or someone who's looking for a meal-ticket, an early retirement or who thinks they were born with everything that they need to get through life with?

 

The EX-HEX? Your better off without his weak-minded @ss! You certainly didn't fail him ~ he failed you and your DS!

 

Just make damn that like your car? You trade up!

Clearly define what you want and need (if anything) in a man? Look for someone that's emotionally mature and on the same level as you (Hint ~ He's probally about five or ten years older than you! As a general rule ~ women out of the gate are about ten years more emotionally mature than men) Someone who's part of the solution ~ and not part of the problem? Someone who's part of the answers and not part of the question? Someone who compliments you, and makes you a better you!

 

You've got a lot going on for yourself ~ and a lot to offer the right man. As a woman you've been told over and over not to "sell your wares and what you have to offer cheap"

 

You? You got more to offer (like most LS ladies) than your average gal on the street? Hold out for the highest bidder, and for the guy that's not afraid to "earn it" and "work for it?" (The relationship ~ not just sex ~ but that works too! )

[stubbornbutnice]

Thanks Gunny! As always...

 

And just so you know the "guy" is nine years older than me.

 

I kind of figured the same thing out after what I went through. A 29/30 year old guy is not old enough or mature enough for a wife and child. And now my STBXH has neither...

 

Thanks for the book tips. I have been reading like crazy too.

[Ladyjane14]

Your dad and Gunny are right, SBN. Getting even isn't worth the trouble, and you are far better off without this assclown in your daily life.

 

Think about what you posted here:

I know none of this matters really but my best friend called it. She said it would be some mousey average girl so that he would be in control because really he wasn't with our realationship. I was the grownup. I was the outgoing one who drew attention while he chose to shy away.

Think about what it REALLY means for a man to feel the need to hold a woman down and keep her under his thumb... what it says about the weakness of his character and personality.

 

Think about the way this guy gaslighted you, all the while... he KNEW it was he, himself, who was cheating and lying. Think about the kind of man who cannot take personal responsibility even when he knows he's done wrong, a man who can't apologize and mean it genuinely.

 

Think about how this guy fought with you about money and possessions, all the while KNOWING that it was his intent to abandon you. And again, what that says about his control issues and his inability to find fault within himself.

 

Think about the way he consistently tried to turn it all around on you and make it YOUR fault instead of his own.

 

Once you've considered all these things and see him for the rather small and pathetic specimen he really is.... you're going to KNOW IN YOUR HEART that you've 'missed the bullet'. Miss Mouse doesn't need your attention. She's signed up voluntarily for the misfortune and subservience that you have so luckily escaped.

 

People create their own monsters, SBN. These two have made their own misery. Leave them to it.

It's better vengeance than any you could design and place upon them.

 

Meanwhile, you'll have peace of mind, knowing that your vision is clear and your priorities are worthy, that you're living your life purposefully and without the pettiness that will become the bane of these two soul-sick people.

[dropdeadlegs]

Wow! I was surprised to hear this thread had resurfaced, but pleased that you are doing so well.

 

I know it's hard, but let the OW be. It's definitely ego driven to wish her harm and I think it would drive you backwards to "go there."

 

Have a happy life, SBN, that truly is the best revenge! For you and your son.