haunted by past

[Joe]

Something happened a while ago that is coming back to haunt me.

 

I got burned out of my apartment and found a new place, but I could not move in for four weeks. My fiancee, who was living out of state at the time, said I should give her girlfriend a call. She said her friend had a two bed room apartment and would be willing to help me out. She also told me that under the circumstances that she would have no problem with me moving in with her friend and that she trusted me.

 

Well I did move in with her and found her very attractive and I couldn't help look at her with desire. I told t my new roommate how I felt about her and that I felt guilty about it. She thought it was funny. She started teasing me about it and tried to keep me feeling guilty. Sometimes she would try to turn me on by wearing a skimpy little nightgown that barely covered her, then proceed to ask me about how I felt about my fiancee. She replaced a picture I had in my room of my fiancee with one of herself. When I would talk on the phone with my fiancee, she would try to distract me by hugging or kissing me. She used to introduce me to her friends as her lover and when I would deny it, she would laugh. To her it was a game.

 

One night, things went to far, she came out wearing a negligee that I bought for my fiancee for our wedding night. She said she wanted to model it for me and asked how I liked it. I asked her to please go back to her room and take it off. She said I would have to take it off of her myself. She said I could use the practice. I called her bluff and she did not back down. She just stood in the middle of the room while I took the negligee off her. I enjoyed stripping her and without being to descriptive, I also admit to taking liberties with her while I did this. After I moved out it took a long time for me to get my mind off of her.

 

I never told my fiancée and we did get married. In retrospect I think I should have gotten a different negligee for our wedding night.

 

Now, this ex roommate of mine asks my wife if she could live with us in our apartment for a week or two while her apartment is being renovated. My wife is real eager to help her and let her move in with us. She feels, since my roommate helped me out when I needed a place to stay, she should return the favor. I am afraid of her moving in with us. What should I do?

[Wiser Woman]

Hindsight is 20/20 but when your now wife suggested that you move in with her girlfriend and these things started happening, you should have found another place. I understand it was a very difficult time for you, being displaced by your apartment burning, but when this person started that kind of behaviour you should have left. If your fiancee asked you why, you could have been upfront with her and discussed what was happening and why you wanted to find another place.

 

To let this friend (some friend!) parade around in your fiancee's wedding night attire, well... you should have run like hell and been as mad as that! How disgusting that she not only felt she had some right to wear something that had such special meaning but that you let her and then took advantage of the situation she presented to you.

 

Now you're in a very tough spot - your wife wants to help out this "friend", no doubt because she believes this friend helped you out when you needed it and she wants to return the favor. My opinion is that this friend is trying to get back to you and put you in the same position you found yourself in before - only now in your home with your wife in the same place.

 

I think it's time to suck it up and tell your wife the truth about what happened before. I would suggest leaving the detail about her wedding night attire out of the discussion if you can - it will only cause unnessary hurt to your wife - but it's time to come clean about how this person threw herself at you and about how you didn't have the backbone to stand up to her and tell her to get lost or to move out when you should have.

 

You obviously feel guilty about what transpired before and the best way to get rid of the guilt is to be upfront and honest with your wife. Anything other than the truth will cause you to lie to your wife about why you don't want this person moving in with your and your wife and the more lies you tell the more lies you'll continue to tell until you get caught up in your own web. Honesty truly is the best policy.

 

There has to be a way for you to approach this with your wife without causing her undue pain and hurt and I hope you can find the best way for you to handle it and tell the truth at the same time. If you don't, it will keep coming back to haunt you and if this person moves in with you, it may cause more damage than you can ever repair. It seems it would be best to just tell the truth - she threw herself at you, you took advantage of it to a degree and now you are sorry and unhappy it happened. If this person wants to move in to continue to entice you and you let her move in, you may find yourself in a truly bad situation that you can't get out of and it will only cause distress and heartbreak for you and your wife if your wife finds the two of you "fooling around" in her own home.

 

Another benefit of telling the truth is it will let your wife know that her friend is certainly no friend - if she was a friend to your wife she wouldn't have tried to seduce you in the first place. With friends like her, who needs enemies? If you don't nip this in the bud NOW with the truth who's to say this friend won't spill the beans anyway and then where will you be?

 

It's a difficult situation and I hope you are able to tell your wife the truth, that she will listen and accept your abject apologies of which you should give her many and you can both move forward without fear of the past. I wish you the very best of luck in handling this.

[Lianne]

Are you crazy, do not let this woman move into your house, she's a vamp, stay clear of her! If you don't want to tell your wife about what happened, that's on you but don't let her move in. Also, shame on you, of course you hould have bought new negligee for your wife.

[carol]

You disgust me. Don't you have any control over your own body? You don't deserve advise. You made your bed now lay in it.

Something happened a while ago that is coming back to haunt me. I got burned out of my apartment and found a new place, but I could not move in for four weeks. My fiancee, who was living out of state at the time, said I should give her girlfriend a call. She said her friend had a two bed room apartment and would be willing to help me out. She also told me that under the circumstances that she would have no problem with me moving in with her friend and that she trusted me. Well I did move in with her and found her very attractive and I couldn't help look at her with desire. I told t my new roommate how I felt about her and that I felt guilty about it. She thought it was funny. She started teasing me about it and tried to keep me feeling guilty. Sometimes she would try to turn me on by wearing a skimpy little nightgown that barely covered her, then proceed to ask me about how I felt about my fiancee. She replaced a picture I had in my room of my fiancee with one of herself. When I would talk on the phone with my fiancee, she would try to distract me by hugging or kissing me. She used to introduce me to her friends as her lover and when I would deny it, she would laugh. To her it was a game. One night, things went to far, she came out wearing a negligee that I bought for my fiancee for our wedding night. She said she wanted to model it for me and asked how I liked it. I asked her to please go back to her room and take it off. She said I would have to take it off of her myself. She said I could use the practice. I called her bluff and she did not back down. She just stood in the middle of the room while I took the negligee off her. I enjoyed stripping her and without being to descriptive, I also admit to taking liberties with her while I did this. After I moved out it took a long time for me to get my mind off of her. I never told my fiancée and we did get married. In retrospect I think I should have gotten a different negligee for our wedding night. Now, this ex roommate of mine asks my wife if she could live with us in our apartment for a week or two while her apartment is being renovated. My wife is real eager to help her and let her move in with us. She feels, since my roommate helped me out when I needed a place to stay, she should return the favor. I am afraid of her moving in with us. What should I do?