He moved out...but left a bunch of his things

[LMoney]

Okay, so bottom line, bf and I broke up after 1 year. WE lived together but after he decided that "it just wasn't going to work" he moved into the spare bedroom for a week when it was clear that wasn't going to work I had a difficult time with the whole seperate rooms etc. He won't talk about anythinga nd just continues to say "your only making this worse"..okay whatever..YOU broke my hurt..JERK!

 

Anyway, so he moves out yesterday but leaves a lot of things still. Like clothes, tools, financial paperwork. Course he doesn't call or txt all yesterday so I spend the day crying and in my pj's...trying to gather myself.

 

So, here is the question.....he has maintained all along the message that he loves me but it just isn't going to work...my book its a cope out but whatever. Then he leaves stuff at the house...WHY? Is this a window of opportunity.."just in case" or what. I am confused..starting to get pissed off and have been crying my eyes out all morning....

 

Anyone have any insight as to why he didn't just take all his *hit when he left???? Mind you he isn't calling me or busting down the door to come home. Oh yeah, he still has the keys an garage door openr and pays half the rent...

[polywog]

He may have had all sorts of reasons for leaving the stuff, but he broke it off with you, left, etc... He made the decision to no longer live with you ( fool!), so he must take his stuff, or explain why he has decided to leave it there. I've been in similar situations and it just sucks to have to look at all the things that someone left behind. Good luck, and my sympathies... I Hate Break-ups:(

[LMoney2]

Yes it seriously does suck that he left and was sux worse is that he hasn't tried to contact me....so I get to sit here with is memories and the what does him leaving some things behind mean thoughts running thru my head! So, it seems to me that although right now he is sure it is over and moved out....he isn't that damn sure to get all his crap out of our house.

 

Am I reading into it????

[Final Destination]

I'm sorry for your pain.

 

To answer your question because leaving was more important than just "stuff". Its safe there until he makes time and room to come get it. I know you want to read more into it than that. I'm sorry.

 

I've seen this time and time again. The best thing to do is box it up or put it in trash bags and let him know he has a week to come get it or it'll be placed on the curb for trash day. Your place is NOT a free storage unit.

 

I know you might be scared of pushing him away but he's gone NOW. Do not let someone use your hope and your fears to take advantage. If he wants to go...then go. That means his stuff too.

 

Don't be surprised if he acts cold and plays the blame game once he realizes you aren't going to just roll over and die.

 

Good luck.

[Zankon]

I think he just needs time to find a place or where to put his stuff. It's not easy to move and for most people it's emotional too.

 

I broke up with my ex and she chose to leave the apt 3 weeks ago. I have taken the keys back, she didn't pay rent or anything but all her stuff is here except some clothes (the majority is still here). It's not bothering me cuz I know she found a place she's moving in to and it;s just a matter of time.

 

moving is a burden and trying to find a new place to call home is not an easy task and i think you should try to be understanble... I think...

[mav100]

My situation is a little different, however, it might shed some light on things for you.

 

I caught my ex cheating on me after she asked me for a couple of days by herself (we had just moved into a house together 2 weeks before from our apartment), and subsequently, I moved out. I spent the majority of the a weekend moving my things out and into a storage shed. I moved my things out so quickly that I just managed to miss 2 or 3 small boxes, but nothing of importance. That is in mid November. She's back full on now with her ex she was cheating on me with, and quite honestly, I just don't have the heart to go over there now to get them.

 

However, the point is if he moved his things quickly to avoid a confrontation, he may have just missed some stuff, and was not trying to be sneaky.

[LMoney]

Yeah I keep thinking that he just left in a hurry and gathered what he could quickly, but he had all day and new I wasn't coming home until he called and told me it was over so the "hurry and get out" factor wasn't there.

 

Last time he walked out he said after we got back together..."if I really wanted to be 100% gone dont' you think I woudl take EVERYTHING and be done, but instead I left you my most valuable things"....which in this case IS THE SAME THING...so of course I am sitting here thinking, hmmmm, well maybe he just needs time.

 

He has a place to live with a friend who just got divorced and has alot of extra room (misery loves company) so space I am not sure is the motivator. I am soooo damn tired of trying to second guess his actions, bottom line is he moved out on Saturday and hasn't called/txt or sent morse code..NOTTA yet. I am trying to go NC at least for awhile and if he comes back, I will hopefully be in a place where I can set the ground rules rather than just being an open doormat to his irrational whims.

 

As for now, I guess I will box it all up and just put it in the closet and when he's ready he'll either call and come get it or call and talk....either way I will be working on healing myself and moving on.

 

Okay, so knowing that he has done this before and his statements of "if I really wanted out I would have gotten EVERYTHING and been gone".....think he's just buying time and playing games or do you still hold true to your original thoughts...ITS OVER?

 

I KNOW....I KNOW...I am in denial of it all..can ya tell?

[LMoney]

Well, you guys were right......the whole "leaving stuff behind" had NOTHING to do with a foot in the door. He actually came over and picked the rest of the stuff up..didn't even bother to call me and let me know! Needless to say, I did call him and ask that if he was going to stop by that it would be courteous to let me know. Since then, things have gotten worse, he doesn't take my calls, despite we have a joint account and I need to pay bills. Last we talked he was mean, cruel and downright rude to me. When I say look you don't have to act like that, you are supposed to be in love with me "remember" he jumps down my throat saying "that is not what this is about I do love you and will always care about you"....I was like yeah okay, thus you being rude.

 

Anway, I honestly don't believe that he is ever going to come back and I should probably go NC, despite our joint affairs.

 

What do you all think? He obviously doesn't want to talk with me or see me or know I am on the planet! GRRHHH Oh, but he still loves me..get a grip dirt bag you dont' treat someone this bad if you "love them"....

 

So, now that my rant is over.......NC? Will he ever come to his senses and miss me or is this whole deal OVER?

 

thoughts appreciated!!!!!

 

Thanks....insanity is just around the corner!!!!

[the_total_package]

PLEASE don't ever consider taking him back, or hope he will come back. He has broken up with you what, two times now? Two times...he doesn't get another chance. Tie up loose ends with your mutual affairs with money, etc. Settle the joint checking acct thing, get your own.

I don't know why he keeps you on the line with the "I do love you and still care" bit, but I have a feeling it's so you are satisfied and quiet for the moment so that there isn't a big blowout emotional scene if he says the truth "Well I'm not in love with you anymore", he's afraid he will get the emotional scene from you and....well....you might, I don't know. But I wouldn't read anything into the final "I still care, I love you" thing, because I don't think he does, actions speak louder than words, it's really true.

Ok I would look at this as a chance to have a clean slate for your next relationship. Next time, do NOT live with a guy. I think you moved in with him WAY too soon. Let the relationship develop naturally. Get the book "The Rules." This will be especially helpful for you in developing a happy relationship with a guy. oh and NEVER have a joint checking acct. with a guy unless you are married.