Help!!! What will happen noW??

[Amneris]

I have been sobbing all night, can't eat, you know the deal..

 

This was so stupid! Okay, last night I spoke to my boyfriend and he asked me what I had done during the day, so I went over everything. He kept asking me to tell him more, then he confessed that he felt I was hiding something behind his back. (I became frightened because I HAD DONE something behind his back which was not harmful:

I had called his daughter and thanked her for not having told her father (my boyfriend) that we had discussed the relationship together. She was very happy to hear from me and I told her about some of my anxieties about the relationship, but in a VERY GENERAL manner. She told me that she had told her father that she really likes me and she thinks we could be very good for each other. I told her that I loved him very much and that I wasn' t the type of person that would leave him if things got bad or if he got sick, and she ackowledged knowing this about me. Both of us agreed that we would not talk about the relationship anymore behind her father's back because it wasn't fair to anyone.

 

For some reason I didn't want to tell my boyfriend I had called his daughter because he had told me before that he didn't want me to call her, and if I did not to keep her long if she was busy. He told me he sensed I had done something, so I finally told him I had, but it was "harmless" but felt scared telling him. I asked him to not get upset, but he didn't seem very "supportive" of me so hesitated in telling him. "Well it can't be harmless if you did it because it must involve me!" he snapped.

I felt like a rabbit being cornered by a wolf.

"Okay I'll tell you, but please don't get upset."

He then changed his mind and said "I don't want to know about it now! YOu had your chance, you notice I use the word chance, and you lost it, so I don't ever want to bring this up again! You lied to me."

I insited on telling him, but he then told me not to push him and that he wanted to say goodnight and not to call him back that evening.

 

I felt devastated and couldn't do anything the whole night except sob and scream in my pillow.

What does this mean? I asked him if he was breaking up with me and he didn't even want to talk anymore.

 

SHould I just leave him alone for a few days and let him cool off? I didn't do anything to intentionally hurt him. Why do I have to get beaten like this for doing something so minor?

[quankanne]

don't have a guilty conscience for talking to his daughter about the fact you care for her father and that you're not interested in sabotaging your relationship with him.

 

the fact that he's tried to trap you into telling him about your conversation with her leads me to believe he's a control freak when it comes to relationships. I've met people like that: they'll whine and sob and boo hoo when things aren't going their way with the one they love, then try to unearth information about their "loved" one from you, so they can use it against that person later. Sort of like the letter posted (I think it was) by butterflyz about her obsessed ex. That kind of s**t is plain sick and you need to put your foot down the next time he tries to do it to you. It's a mindgame that he's playing with you, and one designed to let him always "win."

 

Don't try to justify yourself to him -- you've got every right to talk to whomever you want, and because you're not spilling the beans about your relationship to the girl's father, you don't have anything to hide. If he brings it up, tell him to get over it, and that you're not putting up with that kind of baloney. Be firm when you do it. Otherwise, he's going to keep on thinking that he's got you where he wants you.

[butterflyz]

for you to seriously evaluate what it is that you see in this person.

 

this may not be the best relationship fit for you. you may need someone more gentle and kind. this arrogant, control freak, intellectual is a jerk.

 

your actions tell me that if this guy breaks up with you (which you ask him everytime he's upset with you) your whole world will collapse.

 

lose him. find some nice student on campus (i believe you are a student, please correct me if i am wrong) that will treat you like a gem.

 

bye.

[Amneris]

I hope you guys aren't sick of me yet because I know you are trying to help me and I thank you for your patience.

 

Some people get frustrated with people like me because they can't understand why I can't just "pick up and leave" like Butterfly (was is you?) that told me yesterday to loose him and find someone else at university. It's not so simple as that, especially since most of the students at my university are at least ten years younger than me and I've always preferred older guys.

 

Yesterday I was so exhausted by all the upset that I started thinking that I don't care anymore what happens, then I checked my voice mail from campus and there was a message from him saying, "Honey good morning, please call me, bye." His tone sounded a bit on the down side, but I was in no condition to engage in any type of converstation with him I was so tired and physically weak.

I know you guys think this is probably pathetic (it is) but I'm just wondering if he might have called to REALLY break up this time. I haven't called him since and he hasn't looked for me further.

 

I must explain something to you in order for you to understand the details of my living situation: I have TWO places where I live; one close to the city where I share a house with room- mates and another in the suburbs where I keep a room at my parent's place where I usually go on week-ends. I keep a voice mail line at my parent's place, but my boyfriend doesn't really understand much about computers or technology meaning that he probably doesn't realize I can pick up messages from anywhere.

 

I know you guys will want to shoot me for asking this question again repeatedly, but here it is one more time:

Does this sound like he is calling to break up with me? Should I prepare myself for this possibility?

[Kelley]

the end of the world if he does? Really? You sound so unhappy in all the things you are saying. I would not feel comfortable for myself to be so insecure in a relationship. I would want for myself to be somewhere that I felt loved. Ditch this guy and find one who will be more supportive towards you. This one does not sound like he really loves you. If he did would he put you threw this all the time?

[butterflyz]

you are entering a cycle of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

eventually, it will happen because of your response to the situation.

 

so, either talk it out with him, explain your uncertainties, or leave.

[Amneris]

I want to call him so badly, but I'm afraid that if he breaks up with me I'll suffer more than I am now, and this would be very detrimental to my concentration at university.

 

He hasn't called back since he left the message on Monday for me to call him. Usually (in the past at least) if he wants to talk to me or get ahold of me he will look for me everywhere (leave lots of messages and be persistant). This time it is so disturbing because he hasn't called at all although he did mention the last time we spoke that he might go to visit his daughter for a few days (in another city), so maybe this is what happened.

 

What do you think is going on with him? Is he wondering why I haven't called and thinks I am breaking up with him? How much longer should I wait before calling?

[Ally Boo]

He wouldn't have called you honey, if he was going to break up with you..in my opinion.