I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe I'm just stupid!

[thecount]

Ever since I stopped seeing my ex, She's been doing all the calling. She's the one that wanted out. With the ol' I love you, but I don't know if I want you forever. Why would I want that. So I said good-bye. You would think that this is what she wanted right?

 

Hey, I made the commitment, I wanted her, and I loved her. She's the one that wanted out. She's the one that when I was home alone doing her paper, and other projects for school went out with her friends and ex b/f and had the time of her life. while I was home working for her. She ended our relationship by saying that she doesn't want to make me miserable anymore. well, thank you very F***ing much. Stop making me miserable. I know she does have a very messed up family life. She's was in therapy, but needs another therapist. (read my past post "more therapy stories")

 

So today she calls me and asks if I would like to go to the beach with her and our dog. (it's cold here by the way) So out of my loney miserble life I said sure. (A$$ move I know), She was telling me about her family, and what they are doing to themselves. I really didn't know what she wanted from me. She walked into my house and just hugged, and kissed me. Like we're still together.

 

I'm not calling her, she calls me. Sometimes I answer sometimes I don't. most of the time I don't. I think that she's regreating the fact that we're no longer together. I think she now knows that she took me for granted.

 

When she left today, she rolled down the window and said "I love you baby". I was in shock. all I did was nod my head. and she drove away.

 

Did she expect me to say I love you too after all the s**T she put me through?

 

I would Love to hear from a woman on this one. what is she up to?

[sb129]

Messing with your head thats what.

This is why no contact is so good. Because it doesn't allow for the ex to worm their way back into your affections. as a "friend" when clearly its too early for you to be just friends.

 

Either she wants you or she doesn't and this "having cake and eating it too" attitude is selfish.

 

I can't speak for her, but if I were you I would discourage such activities (dogwalking) etc. In fact, keep contact with her to a minimum...

 

I was about to say if she wants you back, NC will make her work harder to get you and realise that she can't mess you around, but that reeks of gameplaying and I am not a fan of that.

 

Do you want to get back with her though???

[thecount]

I wrote in one of someone else's posts that in order for it to work Both parties have to want it.

 

you have to forgive and forget. Forgive what that persone put you through, and forget the pain they put you through.

 

Fogive, well I keep reading that to forgive is divine. So i think I can do that. But forget the pain. Ouch! I can't forget the pain. It still stings.

 

My only hope is to forget her. I'm trying really hard. sometimes she calls and I cringe, other times I'm happy to hear from her. Love is a Mother F**ker, No one has been able to explain it to me. Why we put up with people that hurt us, and why I still love her so much?

 

I do fall under the catagory of the "nice guy" and I am pretty proud of it. there's no shame in it, but this past christmas when we broke up and her ex was being an a$$, I showed them how I can also be mean. I sent the ex a picture of me and my ex well...hahahahah I was drunk though. She even thought it was a good one. She never thought I would do something like that. I wrote what scum they both were, and please enjoy the picture. lol -- I know it was immature, but it felt so damn good to do that.

 

Now do I want her back? Only if she changes, i mean, she would have to go to therapy with a good therapist, I know it won't be a quick thing. She would need to really make me believe that she's not the piece of garbage that she ended up being, and to show me love. Don't tell me you love me. show me. Her words don't mean anything without her backing it up. And then see if we have a future. I will not take her back the way she is. I won't do that to myself anymore.