Dayse24 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 OK, There's a guy at work who flirts with me a little. We talk everytime he walks by my desk. We are both newly single. About a month and a half ago he started Instant Messageing me at work. It was just small talk. He's funny so we would make eachother laugh, and started sharing personal things about our lives. We both talked about how hard it is to date and would encourage eachother. We talked about our families and just life in general. He started bringing me candy kisses when he saw I was having a bad day. In the IM's he would say things like, "Your skin is glowing today", or "You look good in every color you wear". Not long after we started talking he told me in an IM he would have asked me out along time ago but coworker relationships don't work. I agreed but we both said we still wanted to be friends and still talk, and we did. He even gave me his home email address and said we should get on messenger at home, which we did a couple times. Then all the sudden he kinda stopped talking. When I try to IM at work and at home he always seems to busy and can't talk long. He has also stopped coming by my desk as often and talking to me. After that happened a couple times I stopped trying to IM. Then Wednesday he IM's me to tell me he would be off for a few days because of a death in the family. It was so nice because we talked like old friends again. I love talking to him but I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I want anything more than friendship with him, but his mixed signals are making me thing he doesn't even want to be friends. Can anyone explain what his actions could mean? ~Lost Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 I don't know what the time line is but perhaps he reduced the IMing, etc. because of the person that died -- I mean maybe there was an accident or illness that was preoccupying. In any event I wouldn't spend a whole to of time thinking about him or wondering what move to make. Just let him make the moves. If he doesn't then you haven't wasted any time or effort. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 I don't know what the time line is but perhaps he reduced the IMing, etc. because of the person that died -- I mean maybe there was an accident or illness that was preoccupying. I agree, it could be that, depending on the timing. Or he could have met someone that he started dating. As a friend, just take your cues from him and don't worry about it. If you want more, then you need to find out if he's dating someone else, and even if he's not, you still might not get anywhere since you both still work together. I wouldn't hold out too much hope for a dating relationship unless one of you is planning to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 More poor communication stuff. Why not just ask him whats going on? I see two possible things here # 1 he has very strong feeling for you and now feels they are not appropriate in the workplace so in his mind best thing to do is avoid you #2 he has met someone out side the workplace he has moved on. One simple direct conversation would solve the whole thing. who knows maybe the self imposed workplace prohibition will seem silly and the two of you just relax and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
the_total_package Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 is to totally back off. Don't initiate any IMs, phone calls, nothing. You have already had too many long IM talks with him, the mystery is gone, he has lost the desire to pursue you. This will drive the man crazy and suddenly he'll start pursuing and probably make it real and ask you out. IMs are nothing and you should not accept this as true communication. It's all fun and games until he calls. If he initiates an Im don't answer it. Perhaps you were away from your computer. The next time respond, but be very brief and don't stay on very long. With this one, you're going to have to firm in not calling, not initiating IMs, not being available, not jumping to be available for him on a date unless he asks you out at least 3 days in advance. I HIGHLY suggest buying the book The Rules and sticking to it, because he is the kind of guy who wants to pursue and feel the thrill of the hunt. And I mean stick to it until he proposes, don't back off. You're going to have to be much more elusive and stop the deep IM chatting with him. At work, don't go out of your way to talk to him, be...nice...but not too eager to have small chit chat if he stops by your desk. Be friendly, but don't flirt. Seriously, you're gonna have to follow the rules on this one. P.S. I have been dating a guy for a month and The Rules are working wonders, he is calling like crazy. He's used to women falling all over him (he's good looking and very successful), so it's refreshing for him for me to be cool and collected and not chase him like he's used to. think this way with this guy. He will end up treating you like gold, this guy has already asked me to fly with him to Lake Tahoe for 5 days, and has already stated he considered me his girlfriend (it's only been a month.) people on here are going to say "OH this is all games" but it's NOT. I'm getting a guy I really like, he's getting the opportunity to date me and fall in love with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 who is the author of the book "the rules and sticking to it". I can't seem to find it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts