Tee Posted August 28, 1998 Share Posted August 28, 1998 Please help! An old friend of many years and I became reacquainted 5 months ago. We shared an intense mental connection. Within 2 weeks of our running into each other, he left his wife of 8 years (no kids). Over the course of these months, our friendship has deepened into love, although our relationship remains strictly platonic, and it will until his divorce is final. The thing is, he claims that his marriage has been over for years, but he didn't have the courage to leave until now. He speaks of wanting to marry me as soon as he can, and I'm struggling with feeling responsible for everything, although he insists it's not true. Add to all of this the fact that I have been working as a temp for the last 5 months, due to the terrible economy of this area. I want to leave to go where there are more and better jobs, but I love this man with all my heart, and he begs me to stay. We haven't been getting along very well lately. I feel angry and frustrated and I'm not even clear as to why. He treats me with the utmost love, respect, and friendship - but my finances and self esteem are suffering. I don't know what to do. My family thinks I am insane to continue to live somewhere so economically repressed just because of another person - but I truly care for him. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan Posted August 29, 1998 Share Posted August 29, 1998 First of all....this guy just dropped his wife of 8 years. I don't particularly care what people SAY if it isn't echoed by their actions. He's saying he wants to marry you right away. You'll be on the dirty end of this same situation in 8 years. I don't think money is the issue here, but I don't see what is so valuable here that warrants holding back your ability to reach goals for yourself. There's no way he could have time to learn and grow from this past marriage before rushing in with you. I think locking yourself down into this horribly chaotic situation is going to cause way more pain than it could ever be worth. You need to worry about doing the best for YOU right now. Don't become another heap in this dirty mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Tee Posted August 29, 1998 Share Posted August 29, 1998 Ryan- I don't know if you'll get this, but anyway thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my "challenge". I'm going to think long and hard on what you said. Of course, you make a very good case - especially about the time a person needs to take to heal from divorce. I think he's trying to hide from it all by his feelings for me. Whatever......I DO need to put myself first. You quite possibly have saved me from making a huge mistake. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan Posted August 30, 1998 Share Posted August 30, 1998 No need to thank me, but it is appreciated. My goal is to help people help themselves. If you should desire further counsel on this situation, our door is open. Link to post Share on other sites
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