How to i stop worrying and just learn to trust him?

[Kimi]

Hello LS friends ,

 

I hate how my insecurities get in the way of my happiness. My bf has showed me that he loves me, and that he's serious about marriage.

 

But in the past, he's also lied and treated me badly. I have just recently caught him lying about how much contact he's had with his Ex, and have found some things that he shouldn't have had.

 

Is there anything that i can do, to just let go and trust him? I am scared that i'll end up hurt and looking like a fool in the end, but i can't leave him with out proof. I can't leave years invested in this rel, and wonder if i was the one that was wrong. But i can't help but wonder because he's secretive. He has cheated in the past, but in his view, it was ok because we weren't committed to eachother as we are now. But i just think back and... all of pain comes back and wonder if he's going to do it again.

 

I am completely open (or have tried my best to be) with him, I wish i could get he same in return. Then things keep popping up that are suspicious, and they worry me.

 

Thanks for reading and i'd be happy to hear any advice or anyone dealing with a similar situation

[Motor35]

WOW! I am not sure what to tell you. Your relationship won't move forward if you cannot trust him. And you might be wasting good times worrying about it all.

 

I am a worry-wart too. BUT, it sounds like you have good reason to worry. Can you and your boyfriend take advantage of couples-counselling?

 

I am also reading a good book called "Women Who Worry Too Much." Interesting.

 

Keep us posted and good luck.

[polywog]

Is it possible that the contact with his ex was nothing really big and that he was afraid to mention it because you are mistrustful? Just a thought, as my exH was a very jealous person who was suspicious of my innocent, infrequent contact that I had with long ago exbf's who remained friends.

 

I don't mean to be pointing a finger at you by telling you this, tho upon rereading my post it looks like it. I agree with Motor that couples counseling might be a good way for you two to shed light on the issue. It's a little hard to tell from your post what's really going on. If your sweetie is serious about marrying you then therapy should not pose a problem for him.

 

Good luck, post again to tell what's happening.

 

[Kimi]

Is it possible that the contact with his ex was nothing really big and that he was afraid to mention it because you are mistrustful? Just a thought, as my exH was a very jealous person who was suspicious of my innocent, infrequent contact that I had with long ago exbf's who remained friends.

 

Well, that is a possiblity, but i have (had?) reason for it to bother me, because he left me to pursue her in the beginning of our rel. about 2 years ago. I know that they aren't fooling around behind my back so i guess that it shouldn't bother me all that much right?

But it does bother me that they talk about OUR rel. and is it normal to ask your ex for pictures of her?

 

He's also very possesive and insecure also. There are alot of things that i am limited in doing. If he found that i was posting on this site talking to strangers, he'd be very upset. So maybe couselling is worth a try.

 

I don't mean to be pointing a finger at you by telling you this, tho upon rereading my post it looks like it. I agree with Motor that couples counseling might be a good way for you two to shed light on the issue. It's a little hard to tell from your post what's really going on. If your sweetie is serious about marrying you then therapy should not pose a problem for him.

 

I agree, this is a good idea, that i really hadn't thought of. Thank you.

Good luck, post again to tell what's happening.

 

 

 

Things between us are fine now, we aren't arguing anymore. But there always seems to be calm stretches until we hit a bump and have a blow out.