Wendyrite12 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 My ex and I broke up in December because he wasn't sure he was ready to get married. Since then we've texted politly for the past couple months not really addressing anything but being friendly. The "i miss you", et. kindof emails but never "let's hang out or get back together" types. I finally decided to go no contact. 7 days later he emailed me he wants me to go furniture shopping with him and could I please look at, and give my opinion on a new couch and bed he wants to buy. I don't get it. Is this his was of trying to continue a friendship or is he starting to open the door and doesn't quite want to put himself out there? Why does he care what I think of his couch or any other furniture for that matter?? Do most guys try to be friends like this?? I'm really confused. He had never mentioned actually getting together before. Link to post Share on other sites
taylor Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Who knows? But in either case, IMO, it's way too soon to start letting him back in. If I were you, I would suggest, in a very nice tone, that he ask his mother or sister to help him pick out his furniture because you just don't have time and you have other plans. (That way you let him know you are not going to waste your time playing games with him). Then go NC. Take time to clear your head, think about what you really want in a relationship, and what you don't want. Focus on you. Seek strength and wisdom. Wait to see if he reaches a point where he misses you so much that he is begging for you to take him back and pleading with you to give your relationship another chance. Only then will you know he is CERTAIN he wants to be with you 100 percent. Then the ball will be in your court. Unless, of course, you WANT to "just be friends" with him. Then, by all means, go help him pick out his furniture. But keep in mind that down the road it may be a new girlfriend sitting on that furniture you helped him pick out. As his "friend", could you handle that? If not, NC, and spare yourself further heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
taylor Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Who knows? But in either case, IMO, it's way too soon to start letting him back in. If I were you, I would suggest, in a very nice tone, that he ask his mother or sister to help him pick out his furniture because you just don't have time and you have other plans. (That way you let him know you are not going to waste your time playing games with him). Then go NC. Take time to clear your head, think about what you really want in a relationship, and what you don't want. Focus on you. Seek strength and wisdom. Wait to see if he reaches a point where he misses you so much that he is begging for you to take him back and pleading with you to give your relationship another chance. Only then will you know he is CERTAIN he wants to be with you 100 percent. Then the ball will be in your court. Unless, of course, you WANT to "just be friends" with him. Then, by all means, go help him pick out his furniture. But keep in mind that down the road it may be a new girlfriend sitting on that furniture you helped him pick out. As his "friend", could you handle that? If not, NC, and spare yourself further heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I think he's trying to keep the door open because he is still unsure. I agree with the other poster. Turn down contact unless he gives a sign that he wants to revisit his decision. I doubt he wants to be just friends, but even if you do, I would suggest on holding off the contact until you are fully over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Grrlish Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 My ex and I broke up in December because he wasn't sure he was ready to get married. Since then we've texted politly for the past couple months not really addressing anything but being friendly. The "i miss you", et. kindof emails but never "let's hang out or get back together" types. I finally decided to go no contact. 7 days later he emailed me he wants me to go furniture shopping with him and could I please look at, and give my opinion on a new couch and bed he wants to buy. I don't get it. Is this his was of trying to continue a friendship or is he starting to open the door and doesn't quite want to put himself out there? Why does he care what I think of his couch or any other furniture for that matter?? Do most guys try to be friends like this?? I'm really confused. He had never mentioned actually getting together before. If he wants to 'open the door', then he should be asking you to dinner or something, not furniture shopping. After dating and getting to the point of discussing marriage to such a degree that it ended your relationship, the only way to 'open the door' is directly. Exchanging "I miss you" TMs? Why? He's keeping you hooked, girl. If he wants to have a friendship - it wouldn't be continuing because that's not what you've had with him - then he will have to be more direct about it. I think going furniture shopping would be a bad idea, personally. You still have feelings for your ex. Decline the invitation to go shopping and don't start back up with the TMs. If he's interested in reconciliation, he'll speak up. Otherwise, wait a while before testing the friendship waters...for your heart's own good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wendyrite12 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wendyrite12 Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Wow thanks you guys. Can I ask one last question? I'll make it mulitiple choice to make it easier . Should I then: A) Decline politley and then immediatly go to no contact, not tell him im in NC. B) Just go to no contact now and not even respond about the furniture shopping. C) Decline furniture shopping and tell him Id rather not see him in person as I've been moving on quite nicely and do not want to set myself back by seeing him Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Wow thanks you guys. Can I ask one last question? I'll make it mulitiple choice to make it easier . Should I then: A) Decline politley and then immediatly go to no contact, not tell him im in NC. B) Just go to no contact now and not even respond about the furniture shopping. C) Decline furniture shopping and tell him Id rather not see him in person as I've been moving on quite nicely and do not want to set myself back by seeing him A or B -- C just tells him that you are still hung up on him. A is nicer, but if he is a pushy type, it leaves the door open for him to talk you in to it. Link to post Share on other sites
the_total_package Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 NC totally means not even responding to his emails. Plus, if he doesn't even have the balls to actually call you, then his little ploy to get your attention doesn't warrant a response. Not responding will give him a wakeup call more than anything. See what happens if you don't respond to his email. his next step needs to be him CALLING you and asking you out to dinner, and proposing. Or coming straight to your house with an engagement ring and setting a date. DON'T LOWER YOUR STANDARDS WITH THIS GUY, HE'S GOTTA GO THE WHOLE 9 YARDS NOW, ACCEPT NOTHING LESS. NC NC NC UNLESS HE'S GIVING YOU A RING. Link to post Share on other sites
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