Letter from W

[Guest]

I am so hurt, I have just received a hate filled letter from W. The MM has disappeared (phone switched off, no emails or replies to mine). It is clear she knows very personal details about my life. Why would he tell her? Is it over? Why let her tell me with a poison pen letter? 2 years and this is how it ends?

 

Dear *****,

I am writing to let you know that your sordid affair with my husband is over. He tells me you turned to him for "comfort" when your own marriage ended, and your friendship with him spiralled. It seems that as you couldnt keep your own husband, you decided to go after someone elses. It is reassuring that you have young children, as I know **** would never go through all that again, not even for someone who likes giving *js as much as you do. I confess, they are not my favoutite thing, but our relationship isnt dependant on such things. You once told him you thought he only liked you for your oral skills. So much insight! I have decided to give my husband a second chance, as long as he kicks you into the gutter where you belong. He seems very eager to do this. Stay away from my family,........(obscenities)

[Blue Phoenix]

Thats screwed up realy it is shes the fool for even takeing him back and makeing you out to be the bad guy compleatly it takes 2!! And her H is cirtinly no saint in this situation eather. Sorry it had to come back to bite you in the @ss like that but take it as a lession learned. Most marryed guys arnt going to put there own heads on the chopping block when the sh*t hits the fan. Just let it go and move on with your life and find a single guy who you can have a happy stable relashionship with.

[elijahBailey]

Thats screwed up realy it is shes the fool for even takeing him back

 

Phoenix, how is that screwed up? IMHO, the W is not the fool here. She would be one, though, if she let him go.

[Blue Phoenix]

its screwed up because shes takeing him back and putting him on a golden pedistil while demonizing the OW thats all I ment it takes 2 not 1 her H cheated on her yet she takes him back and spits venom at the OW..

[YoMomma]

I am so hurt, I have just received a hate filled letter from W. The MM has disappeared (phone switched off, no emails or replies to mine). It is clear she knows very personal details about my life. Why would he tell her? Is it over? Why let her tell me with a poison pen letter? 2 years and this is how it ends?

 

Dear *****,

I am writing to let you know that your sordid affair with my husband is over. He tells me you turned to him for "comfort" when your own marriage ended, and your friendship with him spiralled. It seems that as you couldnt keep your own husband, you decided to go after someone elses. It is reassuring that you have young children, as I know **** would never go through all that again, not even for someone who likes giving *js as much as you do. I confess, they are not my favoutite thing, but our relationship isnt dependant on such things. You once told him you thought he only liked you for your oral skills. So much insight! I have decided to give my husband a second chance, as long as he kicks you into the gutter where you belong. He seems very eager to do this. Stay away from my family,........(obscenities)

 

Dear Guest - He had no choice but to tell her, he had to in order to save his sorry @$$. And as far as the bj's - heck she's probably giving him lots of them now - hysterical bonding - make up sex and all that. Be happy he is out of your life, don't even try to get in touch with him - it's going to be hard but you can do it.

[Meredith63]

I think there are several degrees of "being thrown under the bus". Beginning with where the MM blames the OW for pursuing him (poor baby ) and extending to where he tells the W all sorts of horrible and or personal things about the OW (truthful or not, doesn't matter). The latter is by far the worst, IMO.

 

Honestly, any time there is a D-day and the MM does not take the opportunity to get out of his M, that should be all you need to know. Him telling his W all those things about you just make it worse.

 

Sorry - I know it hurts, but, please cut your losses now.

[lover's rock]

its screwed up because shes takeing him back and putting him on a golden pedistil while demonizing the OW thats all I ment it takes 2 not 1 her H cheated on her yet she takes him back and spits venom at the OW..

 

The OW is a stranger to the W. It's easier to hate someone who's done you wrong (however directly or indirectly) when you don't know them. I seriously doubt the H is on a golden pedestal. All the letter and MM's reaction does is show a united front and that the W knows and won't stand for it. She is demonizing the OW but it's not personal. It's the situation it's under because it's possible that under other circumstances most OW and W's could probably be friends.

 

Fool you once, shame on him. His loss. If you go back into the affair...well, you know the rest. My best to you.

[Meredith63]

Have agree with Lovers Rock... I hardly think MM's life is a bed of roses at the moment either.

[Catharsis]

Guest, just think what a "prize" she is stuck with. You are lucky to get rid of him - and don't doubt for a moment that he might well do it again, now that his W set a precedent and took him back. She's a bitter, betrayed W and her H is only "sorry" and wants to "work on the M" because he got caught. True love....

 

Cheating Hs don't make for good company - neither to W nor OW. They have way too many issues and are not at all trustworthy. You dodged a bullet, girl.

[Lezbean]

Why are you feeling hurt? You were after all, bedding someone else's Hubby.

 

Or did he just trip and accidently fall "into" you?

 

Of course she's angry. She is hurt too! You guys have betrayed her. Your MM is a wuss for blaming you and not taking any of the responsibility. She will see that in a few days.

 

I hope you dump him now.

[the_total_package]

plain and simple, he loves her and not you. He wants to make it work with her, not with you. I commend him for talking to his W about his affair. It hit him hard in the head that his affair with you was a mistake and he'd rather work on his marriage.

The woman's letter,yes, she is blaming you, I'm sure she already had it out with her husband, she doesn't owe it to you to tell you he is at fault, the letter is to YOU and focusing on YOUR role in the affair. Apparently he told her personal details because she asked and he really had a long talk with his wife and was straight about it with her...WHY would he do this? Well...he loves her. He realized he made a mistake and you were pretty much a sexual release or you were filling a void in his marriage, well now he has smelled the coffee and realized that having an affair with you wasn't fulfilling him at all, and didn't fill any voids, it just made him realized how horrible and guilty it made him feel because he is still in love with his wife. So...you provided a wake-up call to him in that he realized he wanted to work on his marriage.

do NOT call him, thinking he deserves to tell you an explanation because he doesn't. He probably knows all about the letter, and he will not be contacting you because he prefers his wife over you and is really going to be trying to make up his awful behavior of having an affair up to her and that means not contacting you whatsoever.

I hope this helps and you got your answers.

[the_total_package]

I hope you dump him now.

 

 

There's no one to dump, she's already been dumped.

[herenow]

I think this BW is being very nice to you considering what you did to her. There is no doubt that she has blamed her H, but that is none of your business. All I can say is if I were to write a letter to the OW, I wouldn't be so nice. I'm sure you weren't complaining when the MM told you things that he shouldn't have, so why do you mind so much that he shared info with his wife? Why is it OK for a man to hurt his wife, but so awful when the OW gets hurt? This I will never understand.

 

To answer your question, yes, two years and this is how it ends!

[Lezbean]

I hope you dump him now.

 

 

There's no one to dump, she's already been dumped.

 

***giggles*** Good point!

[Tomcat33]

WOW so much anger in this thread and so many malicious words.

You know tough love works on those we love (notice the word "love" in the expression "tough love"?) But when it's put out in this manner to complete strangers in distress it neither helps the one in distress nor the one who was once in distress and is now seeking revenge on complete strangers. This isn't tough love this is revenge in thr form of words.

 

And you know what the people on here ARE innocent by-standers of your own situation. The BW here are not the wives of your MM and the OW are not the OW who were strung along by your husbands so why all this misdirected hatred? what do you gain?

 

It blows my mind how many people just want to vent at anyone and are looking for payback from all the wrong places. Being mad at the WORLD is not going to change what happened to us.

 

Really people does it do anyone any good?

[whichwayisup]

I am so hurt, I have just received a hate filled letter from W. The MM has disappeared (phone switched off, no emails or replies to mine). It is clear she knows very personal details about my life. Why would he tell her? Is it over? Why let her tell me with a poison pen letter? 2 years and this is how it ends?

 

The best thing you can do for yourself now is move on. Grieve and get over him. He wasn't yours to begin with, as he was a married man.

 

He fed you lines of crap, made you feel good, yet he probably had no intention of ever leaving his wife...maybe in the heat of the moment he wanted to, but when the chips were down, he chose his wife over you.

 

His silence IS telling you it's over for good, so accept it, get therapy to help you cope through it if you need extra help, but whatever you do, DO NOT call, email or try to see him. If you do, you'll be dealing with his wife. Their marriage is their business and you may not want to hear it, but he DID lie to you. Their marriage more than likely wasn't as "bad" as he made it seem when he was with you.

 

You have every right to be upset, but put your anger on him, not his wife. Imagine how she feels....I think you got off pretty easy, just an email and not a visit or a phone call.

 

Thats screwed up realy it is shes the fool for even takeing him back and makeing you out to be the bad guy compleatly it takes 2!! And her H is cirtinly no saint in this situation eather. Sorry it had to come back to bite you in the @ss like that but take it as a lession learned. Most marryed guys arnt going to put there own heads on the chopping block when the sh*t hits the fan. Just let it go and move on with your life and find a single guy who you can have a happy stable relashionship with.

 

Are you serious?? Any OW who gets involved with a MM has to take responsibility for her actions and part in the affair. Yes, he is the one who lied to his wife and cheated on her, but the OW helped him cheat on his wife. She isn't so innocent here......It takes TWO to create an affair.

 

His wife is not a fool for taking him back. People deserve another chance. I hope they work on their marriage, go to counselling and fix things. And, you don't know if they are children involved, it's not so easy to just up and leave, even though the H deserves any crap now that comes his way.

 

its screwed up because shes takeing him back and putting him on a golden pedistil while demonizing the OW thats all I ment it takes 2 not 1 her H cheated on her yet she takes him back and spits venom at the OW..

 

Huh? Where does it say that she put her own husband on a pedistil? I'm sure he's in doghouse BIG TIME right now and has ALOT of work ahead to try to fix the marriage and regain his wife's trust and faith in him.

 

The wife has every right to spit venom at the OW. Imagine being the betrayed spouse for a minute or two....If your husband cheated on you (IF you were married) wouldnt' you feel the need to have a discussion or two with the OW who bedded your husband???

[Meredith63]

plain and simple, he loves her and not you. He wants to make it work with her, not with you. I commend him for talking to his W about his affair. It hit him hard in the head that his affair with you was a mistake and he'd rather work on his marriage.

The woman's letter,yes, she is blaming you, I'm sure she already had it out with her husband, she doesn't owe it to you to tell you he is at fault, the letter is to YOU and focusing on YOUR role in the affair. Apparently he told her personal details because she asked and he really had a long talk with his wife and was straight about it with her...WHY would he do this? Well...he loves her. He realized he made a mistake and you were pretty much a sexual release or you were filling a void in his marriage, well now he has smelled the coffee and realized that having an affair with you wasn't fulfilling him at all, and didn't fill any voids, it just made him realized how horrible and guilty it made him feel because he is still in love with his wife. So...you provided a wake-up call to him in that he realized he wanted to work on his marriage.

do NOT call him, thinking he deserves to tell you an explanation because he doesn't. He probably knows all about the letter, and he will not be contacting you because he prefers his wife over you and is really going to be trying to make up his awful behavior of having an affair up to her and that means not contacting you whatsoever.

I hope this helps and you got your answers.

 

I disagree with the part about him not owing her (the OW) an explanation. They were in an R (whatever type it was...). If this happened to me, I personally would not want or need an explanation from the jerk. HOWEVER, he was in an R with her and does owe her an explanation if she wants one, however worthless it may be.

[whichwayisup]

She may need closure, but bottomline, he was MARRIED. Isn't that reason enough for WHY it had to end?

 

His wife found out, and she gave her husband a choice. Never speak or see the OW again, and he made his choice and did what his wife asked him to do.

[Kathleen]

The energy put into that letter should've been used to work on getting the marriage back on track. Just like some of the wasted energy used here to tell off the other women.

[Meredith63]

She may need closure, but bottomline, he was MARRIED. Isn't that reason enough for WHY it had to end?

 

His wife found out, and she gave her husband a choice. Never speak or see the OW again, and he made his choice and did what his wife asked him to do.

 

 

I really do, and yes, it should be enough. But - apparently, for "guest", it isn't. That being the case, he was man enough to enter into an A with her, he needs to be man enough to end it with her.

 

The letter would be more than enough for me, lol, but I do think that there is some stuff that is "owed" in any type of R.

[Tomcat33]

I disagree with the part about him not owing her (the OW) an explanation. They were in an R (whatever type it was...). If this happened to me, I personally would not want or need an explanation from the jerk. HOWEVER, he was in an R with her and does owe her an explanation if she wants one, however worthless it may be.

 

EXACTLY!! HE has to face up to what he started to all the lies he concocted, just like he had to spill his beans to his W he has to do the same to the OW because he lead her on. What kind of a human being does that to another? What kind of a human being destroys two lives single handedly like that? YES his duty is to his wife but an explanation to the OW is well in order.

 

C'mon why is that so hard to understand?

[norajane]

EXACTLY!! HE has to face up to what he started to all the lies he concocted, just like he had to spill his beans to his W he has to do the same to the OW because he lead her on. What kind of a human being does that to another? What kind of a human being destroys two lives single handedly like that? YES his duty is to his wife but an explanation to the OW is well in order.

 

C'mon why is that so hard to understand?

 

I don't understand why you find it so hard to believe that a man who couldn't face up to his marital problems and instead had an affair, would now find it impossible to face up to the OW and deal with the situation in a straightforward way.

 

He set off on the path of destroying lives when he entered into the affair in the first place. It was his duty to tell his wife their marriage was on the rocks instead of sneaking around for 2 years in an affair, and he shirked that duty. Now you expect honorable behavior from him to the OW? Why?

[Meredith63]

I don't understand why you find it so hard to believe that a man who couldn't face up to his marital problems and instead had an affair, would now find it impossible to face up to the OW and deal with the situation in a straightforward way.

 

He set off on the path of destroying lives when he entered into the affair in the first place. It was his duty to tell his wife their marriage was on the rocks instead of sneaking around for 2 years in an affair, and he shirked that duty. Now you expect honorable behavior from him to the OW? Why?

 

My response was not regarding whether or not the weenie would actually have the conversation with the OW, it was with regard to the concept of "owing" her an explanation. I am not surprised that he won't have the conversation with her, hence the letter from the W.

[Kathleen]

Oh, and another thing. The husband might have schooled his wife on what to write in the letter. He should've signed it at the end together with his wife. That would've been the closure his other woman needed.

[whichwayisup]

coulda shoulda woulda...What's done is done, and the affair is over. Nothing the OW does or says is going to change that. She needs to heal herself, get into therapy to help her cope and make her own closure, move on with her life. I really hope she doesn't try to contact him.