Letter from W

[ThumbingMyWay]

What kind of a human being does that to another? What kind of a human being destroys two lives single handedly like that?

 

A MM who choose to stray from his marraige does this kinda stuff.

 

A liar and a cheat. His game is up and he ran for the hills. Simple as that.

 

 

As soon as my wife confessed her A to me and then told her Mm that she told me....

 

his repsonse was "you did what? you told him!!!....you ruined everything!!!"

 

game over man. My wife, like OP guest got played plain and simple.

 

Yes like the guest, as my wife wanted answers, wanted closure.

 

But the bottom line is the whole relationship was based on lies and deception on the MM;s part. But of course women in love/lust want to believe everything is real...but its not, ite real for the moment, but the underling truth is its all a LIE. And when the game is up, the one taken advantage of is the one left wondering WHY WHY WHY. In this case as in my wifes.

 

The MM is a decietful cake eater, only out for his selfish wants and needs....he never had any intention of leaving his wife and as soon as the cover was blown....he was gone....

 

I understand it all too well.

 

I wish you OW would wake up to the game these preditor type OM are playing on you. Sad, I feel sad for OP guest...I really do...

[Guest]

There's no one to dump, she's already been dumped.

 

***giggles*** Good point!

 

I feel you have all stuck the knife in while I am at my lowest point. Yes I loved him, yes I am a fool, now I am alone and humiliated to think that I was only worth a few B*s. He told me he loved me too. Not one word from the snivelling coward. And to think that she has my address. If she comes her, she will be told even more than she knows already, I wont protect him, like how I once spent the night in their bed. Lets see what happens then!!

[Kathleen]

There's no one to dump, she's already been dumped.

 

***giggles*** Good point!

 

I feel you have all stuck the knife in while I am at my lowest point. Yes I loved him, yes I am a fool, now I am alone and humiliated to think that I was only worth a few B*s. He told me he loved me too. Not one word from the snivelling coward. And to think that she has my address. If she comes her, she will be told even more than she knows already, I wont protect him, like how I once spent the night in their bed. Lets see what happens then!!

 

Guest - you'll get more trouble & heartache if you do that. Just drop it & move on. Revenge is not worth it.

You have some support here if you need it. Ok.

[Blue Phoenix]

--"like how I once spent the night in their bed. Lets see what happens then!!"-- Even if it came to that I wouldent waist your time whats to say she would even belive you?? Nothing to be gained doing stuff like that dont let hate consume you move on for your own sake..

[norajane]

I feel you have all stuck the knife in while I am at my lowest point. Yes I loved him, yes I am a fool, now I am alone and humiliated to think that I was only worth a few B*s. He told me he loved me too. Not one word from the snivelling coward.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. Heartbreak, in every form, is heartbreak and it's painful to go through. There's no easy way to get through it, I'm afraid. Take comfort in your friends and family - they do truly care for you and will help you on your darkest days.

 

And, cold comfort though it may be, at least you now know his true colors rather than wasting more of your life on a loser.

[Jinxx]

its screwed up because shes takeing him back and putting him on a golden pedistil while demonizing the OW thats all I ment it takes 2 not 1 her H cheated on her yet she takes him back and spits venom at the OW..

 

I agree.

 

Guest -- think of all the trust issues MM's wife is now going to have with him. Although you don't know it yet, you are much better off without him.

[BeenAround_N_Back]

Dear Guest,

 

I am a BS. When I found out, I had thoughts of writing such a letter. It was MUCH easier to take it out on a stranger than my own H. It is MUCH easier to lay blame on another person than the H. And trust me, my H has never been on a pedastal and there ain't no way he is on one now with me. Yes, the MM threw you under the bus to save his a$$. And maybe he did love you or maybe he didn't but he certainly does love his wife more (hence the no reaction or returning phone calls trying to make nice nice with you). You are not his concern, his concerns obviously are with his wife and the family. My H basically told me every detail of the A, her physical attributes (i.e. jelly chest, raison bread a$$, huge n*pples). Really, I don't need to know that but as men are men, nothing is personal and sex with the OW certainly was not personal for him. But he lied to her the whole time. If the OW knew what I knew, she would flip and want to kill him I am sure cuz he told me many many personal details of her life. I am sorry you were used in this way. The MM took advantage of the situation and you were blinded to his lies. The wife and the OW are usually blinded by the lies. And the H's road back to the W's good graces is to sell you out. At least this is what happened in my case. If you tell her about the night in the bed, either she won't believe you or it will ruffle some feathers but it does not make you look any better in her eyes. The MM used you and the W is leashing out at you. Take the high road and let it all go. Revenge is living well and getting on with your life.

[Kathleen]

Oh of course. The husband tells the wife a bunch of bull about how he was disgusted by the site of the ow's jelly chest & raisin butt. It sure didn't bother him though when he was all up in it. Now did it? That's just too funny:lmao:

He tells the wife all that stuff just to gain her trust again. Husband gets over on the wife & shortly after will see the ow again.

Geez.

[outofdarkness]

I am so hurt, I have just received a hate filled letter from W. The MM has disappeared (phone switched off, no emails or replies to mine). It is clear she knows very personal details about my life. Why would he tell her? Is it over? Why let her tell me with a poison pen letter? 2 years and this is how it ends?

 

Dear *****,

I am writing to let you know that your sordid affair with my husband is over. He tells me you turned to him for "comfort" when your own marriage ended, and your friendship with him spiralled. It seems that as you couldnt keep your own husband, you decided to go after someone elses. It is reassuring that you have young children, as I know **** would never go through all that again, not even for someone who likes giving *js as much as you do. I confess, they are not my favoutite thing, but our relationship isnt dependant on such things. You once told him you thought he only liked you for your oral skills. So much insight! I have decided to give my husband a second chance, as long as he kicks you into the gutter where you belong. He seems very eager to do this. Stay away from my family,........(obscenities)

so sorry that you received this letter. I recieved a d day letter almost identical to that one from the OW; main one. It doesn't matter which side of the coin you're on...OW or BW, things like that hurt to the core...sorry again..

[outofdarkness]

I am so hurt, I have just received a hate filled letter from W. The MM has disappeared (phone switched off, no emails or replies to mine). It is clear she knows very personal details about my life. Why would he tell her? Is it over? Why let her tell me with a poison pen letter? 2 years and this is how it ends?

 

Dear *****,

I am writing to let you know that your sordid affair with my husband is over. He tells me you turned to him for "comfort" when your own marriage ended, and your friendship with him spiralled. It seems that as you couldnt keep your own husband, you decided to go after someone elses. It is reassuring that you have young children, as I know **** would never go through all that again, not even for someone who likes giving *js as much as you do. I confess, they are not my favoutite thing, but our relationship isnt dependant on such things. You once told him you thought he only liked you for your oral skills. So much insight! I have decided to give my husband a second chance, as long as he kicks you into the gutter where you belong. He seems very eager to do this. Stay away from my family,........(obscenities)

also wanted to say that my H's OW's knew everything about myself and my family...even dog...down to every detail like what we eat, etc...It really rocks you to the core and is such a betrayal no matter which side you're on...

[addicted2love]

The wife has every right to spit venom at the OW. Imagine being the betrayed spouse for a minute or two....If your husband cheated on you (IF you were married) wouldnt' you feel the need to have a discussion or two with the OW who bedded your husband???

 

WWIU....normally I agree with your opinion and the blunt yet truthful way you express yourself. Infact I usually can appreciate and respect your insite. This time though I disagree with you on the last thing you said in this quote.

 

Yes the W has the right to have a discussion or two with the OW. But I do not agree that she has every right to spit venom at her. I've been the BS so I don't have to imagine how it feels. It takes a great deal of class and dignity to come out of the hurt and termoil caused by the WS.

 

I never blamed the OW as I felt that there wouldn't be an OW in the picture if it weren't for my H. He is the one that flirted, chased, lied to both of us, and hurt us both. She was told we were in the middle of a divorce (not true). I did however point out to her that the man she was starting to have feelings for was a scum bag liar. I told her the truth that our M was not in as bad a state as he made it out to be.

 

She was surpised to discover that I wasn't the cold hearted b*tch my H discribed me to be. I personally believe that if you want the A to end it's best not to make the OW your enemy. It's much harder for the OW to continue an A if she sees the W as a woman who is hurting like she is because of MM's lies. It's easier to continue the A if the W acts like the cold hearted b-yatch MM portrayed her to be. Worked for me.

[herenow]

I agree that the wife should be able to do what she wants. The affair happened in the first place because her H and guest did what they wanted. They certainly didn't care to be respectful, why is she expected to be?

 

However, I never contacted the OW. I put the blame on my H and he is the one that begged to stay and set out to re-gain my trust. The OW had nothing to do with anything, I had no desire to bring her back into our life or to give her anymore attention. We spent the time needed to fix our marriage and left her where she belongs, not part of anything.

 

You are right, the wife shouldn't have sent you that letter. Not because she owes you any kind of respect, but because she doesn't owe you anything. I would think it would be best for both the wife and her H to never contact you or speak about you ever again. I hope the wife never calls you because chances are you will only try to make things worse. She should stick to fixing her marriage if that's what she chooses to do and none of it is your business. You should leave them both alone and get your own life.

[Ladyjane14]

I think the energy behind the betrayed wife's emotional reaction is so often underestimated by OW. You never know if you're gonna be dealing with a lion or a lamb when you start f*cking around with somebody else's life.

 

The raw energy of the "lion" can be translated to a desire for violence... to bust that OW's teeth out with a ballbat, to break her bones, to pull her hair out by the roots. This kind of RAGE is mindless. It doesn't care if YOU agree with it. It doesn't care if YOU, the OW, think it's fair or deserved. It's not rational and it doesn't THINK. It just wishes YOU were dead and in Hell.

 

You might just as easily encounter the "lamb". The energy of the lamb is just sad, and hurt, and confused. The energy of the lamb doesn't want to hurt anymore, and it doesn't want to hurt anybody else either. This is energy that can be reasoned with.

 

BUT.... you never know what you're going to get. That's the bottom line.

You end up running afoul of a "lion" who has REALLY poor self-control, and getting a nasty-gram isn't the worst thing that can happen to you.

 

Honestly, if I was pissing around with somebody else's husband... I'd be looking over my shoulder every minute and that's the truth. You can sit around arguing about what ought to be fair and right in the betrayed wife's reaction to the OW. But when emotions run this raw.... all bets are off. Chaos rules, and even a fortune-teller won't be able to predict the outcome.

 

One little bitty nasty-gram is probably small potatoes. Just a pressure vent for something that FEELS a whole lot bigger.

[Seen_It_All]

.....like how I once spent the night in their bed. Lets see what happens then!!

 

I really can't believe the gall of some people.

 

Truly, I can't.

 

Let's make this real simple, Guest.

 

You CHOSE to enter an affair. You CHOSE to get involved with someone you knew would eventually lead to an unpleasant ending. You CHOSE to disrespect his wife and his marriage by HELPING him deceive her every single day. If you WEREN'T calling her and telling her about the affair, if you WEREN'T letting her know that you SLEPT in her house in HER bed, and if you WEREN'T telling her the TRUTH about your oh-so-special relationship with him, then guess what? You were LYING AND DECEIVING right along WITH your now xMM.

 

She has every right to be angry as hell with you.

 

You completely DISRESPECT her by screwing her husband in her OWN HOME in her OWN BED, and you have the nerve to cry foul because she told you off in a letter???? You're LUCKY she didn't give you the beat down you so richly deserve! But then again, she does know where you live.

[lindya]

I feel you have all stuck the knife in while I am at my lowest point. Yes I loved him, yes I am a fool, now I am alone and humiliated to think that I was only worth a few B*s. He told me he loved me too. Not one word from the snivelling coward. And to think that she has my address. If she comes her, she will be told even more than she knows already, I wont protect him, like how I once spent the night in their bed. Lets see what happens then!!

 

Perhaps you should make up your mind who you really are. The tender-hearted flower who can't cope with abuse and obscenities from your ex-lover's angry wife, or the spitting revenge-merchant who will deal robustly with whatever happens once you've told the wife about the night you spent in their bed?

 

Based only on the small amount you've posted here, you sound like a fragile individual. A bit of bravado could maybe motivate you into starting a confrontation with this guy's wife, but it sounds as though the inevitably aggressive response from her would send you straight back into your vale of tears. You'd really do better to concentrate on just accepting your role in this sorry business instead of portraying yourself as a helpless "he done me wrong" victim . Learn from it, and put it behind you.

[mopar crazy]

Guest, I haven't read all your replies so I apologize if I may repeat anything.

 

The BW is feeling very angry right now, and rightfully so. I thought she was pretty calm in her letter to you TBH. If I ever wrote my WH xOW a letter it wouldn't be so calm. Maybe it was b/c I thought she considered us friends and then to turn and sleep w/ my H was a major back stab. Yes, it took two for their A so my H got a lot more blame than she did. Even though she was the one that pursued him for three years, I blame him more.

 

I didn't have actual proof of WH's A until he called me (after we separated) and admitted to everything on his own. He took the chance of me not taking him back but he said he couldn't lie to me anymore.

 

I do believe a M can survive infidelity but it takes A LOT of work on both parts.

[Babybird]

Both women have the right to be pissed.

 

Obviously, BW has every reason to feel that way. She had every right to send you that nasty letter. Put yourself in her shoes. What would you do? I know I would'nt let it fly.

 

OW has a right to be pissed at MM. If he told his W for whatever reason if he ever cared for her at all he would've let her know, told her they were through, and never left her hangin wondering WTF happened.

 

This guy sounds not only like a liar but a big wienie too.

 

I bet this hurts. Like a SOB. And I'm sure it will for a while. You will make it through and realize he was a piece of crap.

[Guest]

Perhaps you should make up your mind who you really are. The tender-hearted flower who can't cope with abuse and obscenities from your ex-lover's angry wife, or the spitting revenge-merchant who will deal robustly with whatever happens once you've told the wife about the night you spent in their bed?

 

Based only on the small amount you've posted here, you sound like a fragile individual. A bit of bravado could maybe motivate you into starting a confrontation with this guy's wife, but it sounds as though the inevitably aggressive response from her would send you straight back into your vale of tears. You'd really do better to concentrate on just accepting your role in this sorry business instead of portraying yourself as a helpless "he done me wrong" victim . Learn from it, and put it behind you.

 

You are right, I dont know what I feel and who I am. I am swinging between anger at him (but not her) and confusion, and yes, I am scared, and yes I want to hurt him as he is now hurting me. He told me they never had sex, and he was preparing himself to leave. I swallowed those lies because I loved him.

 

I am glad it ended this way, so I wont be pining for him, and wondering what if. If she does come here, I wont tell her anything. I have a feeling she has said her piece. I dont pretend to be blamesless. I am not proud of the one time we stopped by his house to get something, and he asked me to come in, and then persuaded me to go to their bedroom. He got more of a kick out of it than I did. I hate myself and him right now.

[frannie]

Oh of course. The husband tells the wife a bunch of bull about how he was disgusted by the site of the ow's jelly chest & raisin butt. It sure didn't bother him though when he was all up in it. Now did it? That's just too funny:lmao:

He tells the wife all that stuff just to gain her trust again. Husband gets over on the wife & shortly after will see the ow again.

Geez.

 

These were my thoughts too.

 

You didn't hear from him, you heard from his W, as a result of his a$$-saving exercise with her. He doesn't necessarily 'love her more' than you, or anyone else for that matter. The letter means nothing about his relationship with his wife, or his thoughts or feelings about you. He's just doing what he needs to do in the moment, and so is she. His W found out about the affair, he has to tell her what she needs to know/believe in order that he doesn't get thrown out of his home.

 

You can probably put money on it that he'll come back to you sooner or later, as soon as the dust has settled and she stops checking up on him.

 

What you do then, and what you believe then, is up to you.

[frannie]

Both women have the right to be pissed.

 

Obviously, BW has every reason to feel that way. She had every right to send you that nasty letter. Put yourself in her shoes. What would you do? I know I would'nt let it fly.

 

OW has a right to be pissed at MM. If he told his W for whatever reason if he ever cared for her at all he would've let her know, told her they were through, and never left her hangin wondering WTF happened.

 

This guy sounds not only like a liar but a big wienie too.

 

I bet this hurts. Like a SOB. And I'm sure it will for a while. You will make it through and realize he was a piece of crap.

 

I completely agree with this too.

 

BOTH women have a right/reason to be angry and hurt by this man's actions. He's the one feeding everyone b-s and getting off scott free. What a guy.

[Audero]

Guest, I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. My ex, a MM, did something similar after he got caught, telling his W a bunch of things about me. She attacked through emails, etc. Frankly, from where she stood, I deserved it. (she doesn't realize he lied to me in the beginning & I had no idea he was with her) As a W, she wants to protect her family, and that is understandable. I took what she dished out, and never "returned fire" so to speak.

 

I too wanted a bit of revenge. I think it's human nature. So, I told the W about meetings she didn't know about, and other things he hadn't told her. Not to hurt her, but to get the truth out, and hurt him. Did I feel better afterword? Not so much. She took him back, still hated me, and nothing really changed.

 

As for why the MM did this, as others have said, he did it to save his own ass. He obviously wants to stay married, and has joined forces with his wife, against you. (too bad the prick didn't feel that unity BEFORE he cheated) But, the here & now is quite obvious: he chose her,and shut down all avenues of communication with you.

 

Mourn, get support from friends, and move on. Hopefully you have learned something from this, and have a better life from here on out.

[Blue Phoenix]

--"Are you serious?? Any OW who gets involved with a MM has to take responsibility for her actions and part in the affair. Yes, he is the one who lied to his wife and cheated on her, but the OW helped him cheat on his wife. She isn't so innocent here......It takes TWO to create an affair."-- Yep im serious seamed from the way the wife was talking about the H in the letter. I personaly got the feeling that she was not excepting the fact that her belloved H had anything to do with it. after all like other posters have said its much easer to hate a stranger!! --" She isn't so innocent here..... It takes TWO to create an affair"-- I agree it cirtinly dose I belive I said something exactly along those lines in my post as well. I was simply saying that I think its wrong for the wife to demonize the OW the way she did with out doing the same to her H after all it dose take TWO dosent it??

[whichwayisup]

Uh, noone knows what goes on behind closed doors, I'm sure her husband IS in the doghouse and having to deal with alot! Just because his wife didn't display her anger in the letter towards her husband, doesn't mean that he is innocent and off the hook. Why would the BS vent her anger about her husband TO the OW. It's none of the OW's business what happens now behind closed doors between MM and his wife. His wife's anger, what she feels towards him, their conversations, all of it does not concern the OW, so why on earth would his wife share what she feels about her husbands choice in the affair?

[Blue Phoenix]

Yes I agree no one can compleatly see whats going on behind closed doors. How ever read what shes saying closely stuff like --"He tells me you turned to him for "comfort" when your own marriage ended"-- And the comment about him being happy to kick her to the curb or something along those lines. Suggests to me at least that maybe shes fully beliveing everything hes telling her!! If I was realy pissed at them bouth I wouldent be quoteing my H in a letter to the OW. Thats just me tho I dont know how else to explain it to you..

[Salicious Crumb]

So if I am hearing you all correctly...its wrong for the BS to tell off the OW?

 

Karma is a b!itch isn't it?