Letter from W

[silktricks]

--"It would be a GREAT topic!! regardless of sharks"-- I realy think the name calling has to end on bouth sides no?? Were is it getting every one no weres!! This one calles that one a name then they go back at them in reltalliation common people smarten up.. Respect is given when its gotten least thats how it should be..

 

yup, I sure do - the comment, BTW, was based on the thread titled: Sharks. The Sharks referrenced in that thread were not OW.

[Blue Phoenix]

Oh ok I wasent realy trying to point you out for saying it silktricks I kinda meant every one around here in genral..

[pricillia]

re:

 

 

 

 

When the point came where "later" happened -it offered an opportunity, a pivotal point of change.

 

Like our beloved, and prolific BellaBabyGirl -who clung desperately for weeks here before the truth came to light, claiming she just simply did not know the man she was sleeping with was married -I close only with a half-hearted smile and the disbelief that truly intelligent, educated and instinctive women do not know the marital status of their loosely-termed partner well *before* the love sets in.

 

 

-Rio

 

 

You know Rio there is truth to this, I had strong suspisions about him being married or not and turns out he was.

 

I said to myself ok that is it, I am done and I was done... but then it continued. It is true I fell in love with him...and I care about him very much and one would think that hey if he cared about me just as much then why would he lie about things?

 

Is it that men and women think differently about relationships in general, and no, I am not saying that all men are cheaters... at all, but they justify thier actions differently then we do, that is what I think.

 

It is frustrating to say the least.

[norajane]

You know Rio there is truth to this, I had strong suspisions about him being married or not and turns out he was.

 

I said to myself ok that is it, I am done and I was done... but then it continued. It is true I fell in love with him...and I care about him very much and one would think that hey if he cared about me just as much then why would he lie about things?

 

Is it that men and women think differently about relationships in general, and no, I am not saying that all men are cheaters... at all, but they justify thier actions differently then we do, that is what I think.

 

It is frustrating to say the least.

 

I think when a man deliberately lies about being married in order to date other women, then yes, he does think differently about relationships. Not only is he careless with his marriage and his wife's love, but he's also careless with the other woman he's targeted. He didn't give a damn if you fell in love and truly cared about him - he deliberately put you in a situation where you were guaranteed to get hurt.

[pricillia]

I think when a man deliberately lies about being married in order to date other women, then yes, he does think differently about relationships. Not only is he careless with his marriage and his wife's love, but he's also careless with the other woman he's targeted. He didn't give a damn if you fell in love and truly cared about him - he deliberately put you in a situation where you were guaranteed to get hurt.

 

 

I can definatley see your point her NJ... who knows anymore because I sure don't.

[frannie]

You know Rio there is truth to this, I had strong suspisions about him being married or not and turns out he was.

 

I said to myself ok that is it, I am done and I was done... but then it continued. It is true I fell in love with him...and I care about him very much and one would think that hey if he cared about me just as much then why would he lie about things?

 

Is it that men and women think differently about relationships in general, and no, I am not saying that all men are cheaters... at all, but they justify thier actions differently then we do, that is what I think.

 

It is frustrating to say the least.

 

I don't think it's about being men or women.

 

If I remember correctly, ratingsguy said that his MW didn't tell him she was married at first either.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Pricilla: " You know Rio there is truth to this, I had strong suspisions about him being married or not and turns out he was.

 

I said to myself ok that is it, I am done and I was done... but then it continued. It is true I fell in love with him...and I care about him very much and one would think that hey if he cared about me just as much then why would he lie about things?

 

Is it that men and women think differently about relationships in general, and no, I am not saying that all men are cheaters... at all, but they justify thier actions differently then we do, that is what I think.

 

It is frustrating to say the least."

 

(Smile)

 

Pricilla, I think one of the most important things this forum can do is hold open that door that leads to the truths that have been so difficult to face-for as long as it takes- for someone who *might* just walk through it.

 

It takes *time* to muster up the courage to even get near it, much less be expected to just start back-paddeling from the affair, suddenly.

 

Introducing matter-of-fact truths and statements about morality is like throwing tabby into the pond, though it may offer just the right kind of awakening to change, at times, and when appropriate, in regards to "coming clean" in viewing the circumstances from someone else's perspective.

 

It's excruciating to rip someone you *want* -and perhaps, love- from your life as well as have to face the humiliation of admitting that it *is/ was*, certainly -wrong to have the affair (and especially so) the second you knew your partner was married, *or* the second you *suspected* and didn't follow through to find out on your gut suspicion, and followed your desires to have the affair, anyway.

 

I realize that, by the time they arrive here, some women have been emotionally "conditioned" by the affair in regards to having been involved in the drama for so long.

 

There's so little of their former self there to recogize, anymore.

 

Given their willingness to finally bring it to a "discussion point", I think there's enough indication that they have begun to question the whole quality issue of living their lives in such turmoil and open-endedness.

 

Despite that, while some of the statements fired back and forth, here, are highly volitile, vicious, and downright mean -I have seen enough, and read enough- to determine for myself, that most of the "OW" posters are nearing the point where they are simply fed up with being the "Other Woman" and are looking for a way to wind down, and ease out of the affair -and *someone* to hold open that "door" I mentioned before.

 

It takes just the "right" person to do that -not everyone should be the "door-holder".

 

Most of them have been so emotionally (and sometimes, physically) battered from being involved with a married man that they do not even feel like real women, anymore.

 

The loss of dignity, the loss of true power and control of their own lives, the humiliation of having to "abide" under the circumstances in order to be with the person they've chosen, and the feeling of being "lesser-than" or losing class is defeating, and takes its toll over time.

 

I think living in these circumstances is so damaging to a person's self-image that the only way to survive is to allow yourself to be transformed by the damages.

 

That means becoming more "thick-skinned", surpressing many important healthy emotions and reactions and seeing some not-so-great ones emerge, allowing your core bounderies having to do with personal standards and morals to be trampled, and creating a state of perpetual, constant defense of your choices.

 

What a miserable way to live, having to always be ready to defend, deflect, and fight for something you have strong secret doubts that will never be worthwhile.

 

But remember: the turning leaf always depends on the random factors of the strength of the breeze on its way towards it.

 

(Smile)

 

I think our statements in this forum should be comprehensive to the circumstances enough to inspire additional strength in that little breeze that's (obviously) already on its way.

 

So here's to turning leaves and breezes that awaken and change your life for the better.

 

The *best* of luck to you all.

 

(Smile again.)

 

-Rio

[NearlyThere]

re:

 

(Smile)

 

Pricilla, I think one of the most important things this forum can do is hold open that door that leads to the truths that have been so difficult to face-for as long as it takes- for someone who *might* just walk through it.

 

It takes *time* to muster up the courage to even get near it, much less be expected to just start back-paddeling from the affair, suddenly.

 

Introducing matter-of-fact truths and statements about morality is like throwing tabby into the pond, though it may offer just the right kind of encouragement, at times, and when appropriate, in regards to "coming clean" in viewing the circumstances from someone else's perspective.

 

It's excruciating to rip someone you *want*, and perhaps, love from your life as well as have to face the humiliation of admitting that is was, certainly -wrong to have the affair (and especially so) the second you knew your partner was married, *or* the second you *suspected* and didn't follow through to find out on your gut suspicion, and followed your desires to have the affair, anyway.

 

I realize that, by the time they arrive here, some women have been emotionally "conditioned" by the affair in regards to having been involved in the drama for so long.

 

There's so little of their former self there to recogize, anymore.

 

Given their willingness to finally bring it to a "discussion point", I think there's enough indication that they have begun to question the whole quality issue of living their lives in such turmoil and open-endedness.

 

Despite that, while some of the statements fired back and forth, here, are highly volitile, vicious, and downright mean -I have seen enough, and read enough- to determine for myself, that most of the "OW" posters are nearing the point where they are simply fed up with being the "Other Woman" and are looking for a way to wind down, and ease out of the affair -and *someone* to hold open that "door" I mentioned before.

 

It takes just the "right" person to do that -not everyone should be the "door-holder".

 

Most of them have been so emotionally (and sometimes, physically) battered from being involved with a married man that they do not even feel like real women, anymore.

 

The loss of dignity, the loss of true power and control of their own lives, the humiliation of having to "abide" under the circumstances, and the feeling of being "lesser-than" or losing class is defeating, and takes its toll over time.

 

I think living in these circumstances is so damaging to a person's self-image that the only way to survive is to allow yourself to be transformed by the damages.

 

That means becoming more "thick-skinned", surpressing many important healthy emotions and reactions, allowing your core bounderies having to do with personal standards and morals to be trampled, and creating a state of perpetual, constant defense of your choices.

 

What a miserable way to live, having to always be ready to defend, deflect, and fight for something you have strong secret doubts that will never be worthwhile.

 

But remember: the turning leaf always depends on the random factors of the strength of the breeze on its way towards it.

 

(Smile)

 

I think our statements in this forum should comprehensive to the circumstances enough to inspire additional strength in that little breeze that's (obviously) already on its way.

 

So here's to turning leaves and breezes that awaken your life.

 

The *best* of luck to you all.

 

(Smile again.)

 

-Rio

 

A really great post!!!

 

I know it was not addresed to me but for me it hit home. No matter what people might think, I don't come on here to flaunt my A at people, or to boast about it. I am trying to find a way out, its just these things are alot easier said than done. Thats why I came here to LS

 

Thanks

 

NT

[riobikini]

 

You're welcome....and it *was* for you and *anyone* else truly looking to end the hurt, damage, and drama.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio