Littlelady1977 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 My husband is out of town working and we have had so far a good marriage. Yesterday in his email I found (on a dating site) his profile his "matches" etc. In his profile he does list that hes not looking to date just looking for a female to hang out with. Under status where he would say if he was married or whatnot his says "not single not looking" but didnt say married. Now Im mad, I will not talk to him. If hes ahppy with me and loves me why would he be looking for any female to hang out with? Link to post Share on other sites
KT_E_M Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Has he ever mentioned anything like this to you before? Because if not, I would say that just makes things even more suspicious. Either way though.. I would be very displeased with him if I were you. Try not to get yourself too worked up or angry with him before he gets back, because you'll probably want to confront him about it while you are both calm and in a good mood. Personally, I would be feeling very betrayed, jealous, and hurt right if i were you. Are you not enough for him anymore? Why does he need more female companionship? Maybe there's more going on.. maybe there's not... but for the sake of your marriage.. I'd be talking to him about this a.s.a.p. Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 If I was you, I would be mad. I once caught my H on an escort site, he said he was just looking at the pictures, but I have a hard time trusting him because of it. I would be worried that by him looking for a "companion" he is really looking to have an affair. I would talk to him, but be preared that he will deny it and try to make it seem like a small matter. This is your life, you decide how you want to live it and if trust is important to you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I'd definitely be mad! A married man does not need to go searching on the internet for a new female friend. That sounds like bad news to me, especially since he wasn't forthright with you. I'd say he has some major explaining to do, and it better be good!!! Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Yes, I'd be really mad. But... I think what I would do is curb my desire to whack him over the head and ask him non-confrontationally, why he is on that site. Yes, I know, maybe I sound nuts, but it could open up a dialogue about your marriage. Like, maybe he feels lonely or distant from you in some way that you are unaware of. Who knows. If he feels like he can talk about it with you without being punished, maybe you will both be able to work on things. Maybe I'm nuts. But that's what I'd do. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
LaughMachine Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I believe you have the biggest reason to be mad. Maybe, incase of you ever finding this site, he put " not looking for a relationship". You have everyright to be mad..this is very shady and sneaky...... He didn't put he was married, there for he doesn't want this other lady to know hes married. If he just wanted a friend to talk to , he woulden't feel afraid to put married.// Link to post Share on other sites
Littlelady1977 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I feel like I am not exagerating, I keep having to reassure myself. Im convinced he doesnt really love me, because if he did why would he need to have a female friend, and why wouldnt he indicate he was married. I guess hes ashamed to be married to me. I know this sounds bad, but right now in this moment of time I dont want to be married to him. After this situation its going to take a lot to stay married to him, right now I want a divorce. If this is the beginning of things to come then I want out while I still have my sanity. Before we were married he did some shady stuff, but I chose to trust him and get past it, now I want to kick myself for marrying him at all. Someone give me a big kick in the butt! We have 2 little girls and one on the way, just the other night he told our 5 year old daughter that he was never going anywhere and that he loves her and he and mommy will always be together. He shouldnt make promises he cant keep. I havent spoken to him today and I dont care to at all. Maybe I need to seek some serious legal advice.. I have soon to be 3 kids to take care of. Link to post Share on other sites
Madea Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 The man you are married to is on a dating site looking for other females. YES, you DO have a right to be angry. Link to post Share on other sites
CynicalP Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Maybe your hubby finds you a very dull and boring person but doesnt have the heart to tell you this? How many hobbies and common interests do you share with him? I suspect that he is not being stimulated mentally or emotionally in the relationship. Not to excuse his sneaking around but that could explain his behavior. Also I suspect that while he may not have the same intense feelings for you as he once did I am sure that he very muchs loves his children. Perhaps instead of giving him the silent treatment confront him with your discovery and have him explain his behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 If hes ahppy with me and loves me why would he be looking for any female to hang out with?Good point! He is definitely looking for a female on a dating site, whatever the reason. Believe me, if I wanted to cheat on my husband, I would put my profile on a dating site and state that I am only looking for friends, because I know that if someone likes me, he will contact me anyway. The statement "looking for friends only" on the dating site would be a good alibi in case someone saw my profile there and told my husband. It just works perfectly. He is after an affair, trust me. Confront him with it and don't buy his BS. So now that you know he is willing to cheat on you, can you stay with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I'd be SO ANGRY I couldn't see straight. To me, there is NO excuse - he should get all he wants from hanging out with me - there is NO REASON for another woman. My husband knows he would be expecting WRATH if anything ever approached anything like this - just the way I am and part of the reason he married me - I do not put up with any crap and can be The Ultimate B*tch. Serious girlfriend, I would be livid and there would be an immediate absolute discussion about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Littlelady1977 Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Im sitting here on valentines day and hes in florida for work. (supposedly) thinking maybe Its better we go our seperate ways, it certainly doesnt look like he loves me to much or wouldnt be doing this to me. He claims to our kids but this affects them too. if I leave him my 5 year old will hate both of us. She will never forgive either one of us. Why does loving someone have to hurt like this?? Love and marriage isnt worth hurting like this over. I didnt try to call him and he didnt try to call me at all yesterday, I think that after telling me I was f*in stupid and hanging up on me, he should feel bad. Why does someone act like they love you act like their happily married, only to lie about it?? Im noy sure how he can find me boring and dull, Im the farthest thing from either one!!! Im not trying to sound like Im giving up, but if he feels this way and wants to look at these women then maybe it is time to leave him, I just dont think I can take this again in the future. I want to be happily married with A husband that is proud to say hes married and doesnt look for a female to hang out with on dating sites, I want a husband that I dont have to second guess his actions!! he always seemed so happy, I just dont get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 That's tough Littlelady - The way I am I'd have had his stuff packed yesterday and in a storage unit today - but I tend to draw hard lines and, if in my mind I see anything that indicates the man wants someone else, my attitude has always been go ahead and go. Sometimes men need a wake up call and sometimes they just aren't in the marriage anymore. I don't have children, etc. yet and I know that makes these things more complicated. And yes, he should feel badly about saying you are f*in stupid and hanging up on you. Is this 'normal' behavior for him? Does he do this kind of thing a lot? I really understand how hard it must be with all that you have to deal with (kids, etc.). For the record - most professionals agree staying together for the kids doesn't actually help the kids at all. Certainly use this forum to vent and process. It could help you to have a place where you can put it all out there. I'm thinking of you today. Link to post Share on other sites
Madea Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I just don't understand how some women put up with that type of behavior. I've read here and on other sites of husbands being caught repeatedly on these sites and wonder why the wives stay with these men. I cannot be with someone I cannot trust, and a married man who made a vow to 'forsake all others' has no business prowling around a dating site. He's up to no good, you deserve better. Your children can tell when their parents are unhappy. My parents were miserable together and my siblings and I were relieved when they finally divorced and we were free from all the tension and fighting. That was our situation, others are different. I wish you the best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Great Gazoo Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Now Im mad, I will not talk to him. If hes ahppy with me and loves me why would he be looking for any female to hang out with? I don't know, did you ever ask him? You say you wont talk to him. Maybe he has reasons, if you wont talk to him then how will you ever find out what is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 I don't know, did you ever ask him? You say you wont talk to him. Maybe he has reasons, if you wont talk to him then how will you ever find out what is going on. Sorry Great Gazoo but there are no good reasons for a MM posting profiles to meet women. Link to post Share on other sites
Great Gazoo Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Sorry Great Gazoo but there are no good reasons for a MM posting profiles to meet women. I am not saying there are good reasons but maybe there is a reason, I don't know the guys story but I went through this myself not long ago and I had reasons. I am actually surprised by some of the responses. If he is a ass well then thats different, like I said I don't know the story. Link to post Share on other sites
Littlelady1977 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 He called tonite and said he wasnt going to let valentines day come and go and us not speak so he wished me a happy valentines and said my flowers should be here tommorow. To answer your question gazoo, I did confront him on the phone monday night, he was so mad at me that he wasnt doing anything but fighting, and because he was fighting with me I was fighting with him etc. Today he gives me his explanation he said that he was trying to promote our website, which we have recently built one together, he said that he had to post a profile in order to be able to write in the forums on this dating site, I did find his posts and verified the date and all that and he did mention me quite a bit and did mention he wasnt looking for anyone on there just wanted the people on this site to come and register to our site. I asked why he wrote man seeking woman for friendship, he said it sounded better than him putting man seeking woman for dating and be served with divorce papers when he got home. he said he also didnt want to put male seeking male because it sounded weird to him. I did see 2 people from our site there but I thought it was a coincidence to tell you the truth. I still am on my guard, I dont want to be the woman who buys any BS story that she hears. What he said did check out though. he also aked me why he would post it, and give this dating site his email that I have the password to. he was still upset that I didnt trust him and that he does everything he can to show me he is always going to be a good, loving, faithful husband. I asked him if he was satisfied with me, and he said yes he just wishes I would leave the thermostat at 70 degrees. (*haha) Link to post Share on other sites
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