He cheated and now everythings a mess

[Guest]

My man cheated on me a month ago and the trust thing has been so hard for me.Many things he has said have not helped with my insecurities.We have great days where I feel so inlove and happy then he will say something stupid things to make me feel insecure in the relationship.I feel he is gradually pulling away from me and now I am feeling so needy and emotional.

 

We have some huge arguements usually over things he says and then he doesn't reassure me that I am what he wants.Three nights ago now I cooked him a nice dinner as we had the house to ourselves,I put the candles out and it started off nicely until he started whining about my daughter that had called while we were in the middle of dinner.I got upset and walked outside to get some fresh air.....he ruined our night!He then went to call up his daughter and was speaking to his ex wife and I overheard him saying to her to have a Happy Valentines Day,he saw nothing wrong with this and commented that I must have been listening in on his conversation.Well things went from bad to worse and we ended up in a full blown arguement.He believed he was not in the wrong and I know he started everything that night so I ended up asking him to move out.

 

Later that night while he was on the couch I went to him and told him that I loved him very much and didn't want him to go,that I wanted to try and work things out.He was clearly upset and shed a few tears and hugged me but would not come to bed.

 

He left and went for work yesterday morning,I told him I didn't want him to move out (once again).He came home from work and everything started out fine until he said to me that he wanted to go away for the weekend!You see,we both were invited to a friends party which is being held a 6 hour drive away from here,I was looking forward to it but his excuse for going on his own was.....he wanted to clear his head,that he wanted to go to the party on his own as there would be many school buddies there and he is affraid I will start something.Remembering he did cheat on me and he is a big flirt when it comes to other women.I got very upset and could not see why he wanted to go on his own,that this is something we both planned,that if he had nothing to worry about then why would he even be wanting to go alone?Excuse after excuse...

 

I then asked him"are you more concerned about going away on your own then trying to fix us?"....he kept saying that I don't trust him and that I am suffocating him,that he cannot go anywhere with his friends without me getting upset.He started a new job just before he cheated on me and things were great between us before this...so I thought.He has made new friends since and they are mostly unattached guys that like to get out on their own....it was never a problem before but now he wants to get out with them.

 

It;s been 4 weeks since he cheated!I forgave him because I love him and believe he loves me and told him it is going to take time,that I am going to have to build up the trust again with him....yet he is turning this all around and blaming me and saying I wont let him do anything.Instead of trying to reassure me and build me back up he is saying things to make me feel worse then ever.Now I am feeling that he has some other alterior motive for going alone on this trip....that he is going to meet someone.The reason I feel this is because he does have a history of doing this in past relationships.

 

That he has been trusted to go away yet he has played up.

I love this guy but honestly feel I need to let him go and in saying that.....go completely out of my life.I feel he is not meeting my needs and by saying he wants to go away alone yet wants to work things out with me is a load of garbage.I am feeling so desperate and losing control of my life please help

[Madea]

Just curious, when he cheated on you was it a one night stand or an affair? Was it with someone you knew? Were you suspicious of him before he cheated? If he had never cheated, yes, I would say it sounds as if you suffocate him but given the circumstances, I don't blame you for being suspicious. He has to earn your trust back, and that does not happen overnight.