HumbledByLove Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Your opinions please: I love my ex gf and I'm not letting her go. She broke up with me in the middle of a fight last month, through text messages, and I get the sense there's more to be had between us. She saving to take a trip this summer and picked up another job where she's working f/t on top of another job, and school part time. She did not leave me for someone else. Her new year's resolution was that this year was going to be about her...she made a lot of sacrafices to be with me (with no influence from me), and this year, she's focusing on achieving things she's wanted for the last few years. She wanted to stay friends, and I asked her if time could change our situation...she said it'd best to let time tell. Since then, I may have pushed a little hard...texting everyday...yadda ya. She's carried on like she's upset with me...In my mind, as long as she's upset with me, she's not over me. I was her first love and I know, unless she never truly cared in the first place, she's not just going to wake up and be over me. She's told me I shouldn't text her everyday..."once or twice a week is good" We work in the same mall, and so from time to time I see her pass my shop on her way home. She tries to focus her attention on other things as she walks past...and the other day we actually passed each other. She looked a little nervous, but mustered a wave. I waved back. All that no contact stuff---cool if there's really nothing left or if the relationship isn't going further benefit me. But there's more here. After the split, she was still looking at me like she's trying so very hard to keep from being attracted to me. Which brings me to my point. I think the walls she's putting up, I think the trying to pay me no mind as she passes, "text me once or twice a week"...I think it's all an effort to be strong and stay focused on what she's promised herself. She still wants to be with me. ...right???
MoonGirl Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Hmmm...how old is she and how old are you? If you are/were her first love, she might need to explore a bit. Otherwise she might always wonder who else is out there. I say cool it on the text messaging - you probably appear desperate to her and that's not attractive. Let her explore and keep in touch occasionally (like once a month). Maybe she'll come back and maybe she won't. If I were you, I wouldn't sit around waiting for her. There are many other gals who would likely give you the attention you're looking for.
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 No offense here but your post is all about you. If you love her then show her by respecting her wishes. You are not helping your situation.
notmakingsense Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Agreed. Don't loose respect in her eyes as a result of your hanging around hoping to get her back. She broke up with you -- you should take that news at face value and stop trying to read more in to it than is there. If she changes her mind, she knows how to get in touch with you -- and besides, your best chance at getting her back is giving her the space/time to miss you. And, the double benefit of that space/time is it will help you to get over her and maybe move on and date others, so by the time she does contact you again, you may not even care!
Author HumbledByLove Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 Yeah...I stopped texting her when she asked me to. That was 2 weeks ago. As for age I don't think that makes much difference...I mean, if we were 18, yes. But we're both adults!
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 She promised herself she'd work on herself, and you're doing everything within your power to defeat her goals. Your actions are all about what YOU want, but a relationship is not one sided. If I were her, everytime you contacted me I'd be pushing you farther and farther into the back of my mind. Sure, she may be attracted to you, but there's far more to a real relationship than attraction and hormones. But at 18 I guess I can't expect you to really understand that.
Author HumbledByLove Posted February 14, 2007 Author Posted February 14, 2007 While I agree that you are right about me not respecting her promise to herself, star gazer, I ask that you and anyone else who may post attack my argument, and not my character, or me as a person. Thanks! Also, I'm in no way doing everything in my power to defeat her goals... and I'm older than eighteen by a number of go rounds
MotherGooze Posted February 14, 2007 Posted February 14, 2007 Give her some space. Do NC for a while. If she really likes you she'll come back once she's had some time. Love is sometimes about patience. I guess I learned that when I got my second chance. I too pushed too hard, and almost lost him. Thanks to loveshack I realised I should give him some space; even if it was to give myself some rest and peace of mind.
Young&Sexy21 Posted February 15, 2007 Posted February 15, 2007 She wanted to stay friends with you...let her do her thing. She's set some goals for herself...think about it like this: she made sacrafices to be with you, now she's making sacrafices to go on that trip. You just happen to be one of those sacrafices. Give her space and give it time...you haven't seen the last of her!
Author HumbledByLove Posted February 19, 2007 Author Posted February 19, 2007 I did stop texting her. That was a while back. But I've got to know, does she HATE me??? Nothing is ever fair. I know that. But when you tell someone "There's nothing left for me" like that...what am I supposed to do????
MoonGirl Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 You're supposed to move on... Take care of your needs. Better yourself. Take a class. Work out. Read some books.
jmargel Posted February 21, 2007 Posted February 21, 2007 I did stop texting her. That was a while back. But I've got to know, does she HATE me??? Nothing is ever fair. I know that. But when you tell someone "There's nothing left for me" like that...what am I supposed to do???? You have focused your whole life around her and your self-worth. That is something you can't do, otherwise it will destroy any chance you have with her and make yourself miserable. If you love her, which she knows this.. then give her what she asks. Though it may be hard for you to do this, think of it as a gift you are giving her. There are no guarantee's in life and unfortunetly life doesn't come with an instruction manual so we really don't know what's on the next page. She may in time decide to try things again with you or she may not. That's something you just have to accept within' yourself. However if you push her I can guarantee that you will push her away and the chances of her coming back would be just about zero. I felt the same way with my first love, who I was engaged to. I just 'knew' she had something left for me and I was damned if I wouldn't leave every stone unturned. But, in the end it proved fruitless. She moved on emotionally and I just didn't want to accept it. I let things slide until I was in a depression and suicidal. Trust me, that is no place you want to be. I would recommend getting counseling to get you through this and to pre-occupy your mind with other things. I started working out and kickboxing. Getting myself involved in things. But it was rough, since she wasn't there to share all of this with me. It took about a year to get over all of it. Yes, I still think about her though I am married now to someone else. When a love such as this leaves, it's hard.. However it's something you must learn from and do some soul searching on what you can improve in your life.
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