Long Distance ..

[Guest]

Hi Everyone,

 

I have browsed these forums for quite some time. I finally decided to share my own personal situation hoping it might help me cope. Especially because a lot of you are similiar situations.

 

I have been with someone for 6 yrs now. One year has been long distance. He lives in the Midwest, me in the Southwest. We have seen each other 5 times since May of 06. I have been the one making the trips. One reason for this is I cannot go soo long without seeing him. So rather than wait for him to come see me, I make the move to go.

 

The last few mths I have been feeling down. Each time we see each other it gets harder to leave. I feel like I do not have the strength to go on this way anymore. I cry a lot and just feel unhappy. I have expressed my sadness to my boyfriend. He understands but yet there is not much he says he can do. Part of the problem is one I am willing to relocate to be with him. However, he is looking to move to Vegas in hopes of buying a home. He says this is his first priority. I understand but a part of me feels hurt. I feel like I'm unhappy and I can change it but then again I can't because I have to wait for him.

 

Another problem is there is no time frame really for when he wants to move. So I feel like I'm living this way and don't know when things will change and it scares me.

 

I guess I'm wondering if its fair to myself to stay and suffer. If he was as miserable as me I would move heaven and earth to be with him... I feel as though I'm being put aside.

 

Anyone willing to share any insight would be greatly appreciated.

[thatmatt]

what are the reasons he cannot come and visit you? I can't tell a lot from your post, but from this situation it's obvious you're doing all the legwork. It sounds like you have grown very dependant on him, which is okay. You've been together six years. The only thing that scares me is that he said HE is looking to move to vegas and HE is looking to buy a house. Is he going there for his job? It scares me because you are dependant on him, and doing all the legwork in this situation, yet you are not his first priority.

 

You two have been in a relationship for 6 years, and although I don't know why he moved away for a year (im assuming school or work), and if it is for something like school, then after the distance is over, plans should be about BOTH of you. Like I said, I don't really know a whole lot from your situation, but I just went through something similar with my ex, she moved out of state for college, and I did everything to make her happy, flew out to see her, everything, but was put aside. It exhausted me in every way to be in a relationship with her, and now I have the long task ahead of building myself back up. It sounds like you are an amazing girlfriend, who knows what commitment is all about, and as someone who has been there before, my advice is to look at your needs, and ask are they being fulfilled by him, and if not, why? good luck!

[Guest]

what are the reasons he cannot come and visit you? I can't tell a lot from your post, but from this situation it's obvious you're doing all the legwork. It sounds like you have grown very dependant on him, which is okay. You've been together six years. The only thing that scares me is that he said HE is looking to move to vegas and HE is looking to buy a house. Is he going there for his job? It scares me because you are dependant on him, and doing all the legwork in this situation, yet you are not his first priority.

 

You two have been in a relationship for 6 years, and although I don't know why he moved away for a year (im assuming school or work), and if it is for something like school, then after the distance is over, plans should be about BOTH of you. Like I said, I don't really know a whole lot from your situation, but I just went through something similar with my ex, she moved out of state for college, and I did everything to make her happy, flew out to see her, everything, but was put aside. It exhausted me in every way to be in a relationship with her, and now I have the long task ahead of building myself back up. It sounds like you are an amazing girlfriend, who knows what commitment is all about, and as someone who has been there before, my advice is to look at your needs, and ask are they being fulfilled by him, and if not, why? good luck!

 

 

The reason for him not coming to see me is he has been low on funds and is trying to save money for his move. he has chosen Vegas as his place to move bc he has a cousin there whom he can live with while he gets on his feet. i guess in my mind I believe two people who want to be together should work together. If you want to be with someone, you want to be with someone. You can have both.. He feels he needs to do this first before he and I can make plans to settle down.

 

what scares me is I don't know how long all this can possibly take. a year.. longer than a year? I want to be with him and do not want to live away from him any longer. I've told him this soo many times. but his response has been... "i need to accomplish this before I can make any big jumps with you". am i being selfish for only wanting to be with him?

 

thank you thatmatt for responding. this situation has been very exhausting to me. i have done everything on my part and feel in return I'm getting nothing. He cannot give me anything to look forward to and I just don't think it's fair ..