ok, now I'm really messed up

[thecount]

Hey folks, After all the nonsense that my ex has put me through for the past 8 months, the calling of the ex b/f, seeing her ex b/f, breaking up with me Christmas eve, then calling me back Christmas day, and me finally saying I had enough,after she started going to a shrink, and promised never to contacted her ex again, but then she did...

 

She came to my house tonight with 2 balloons that say I love you, she made a huge valentines day lunch for me for tomorrow, baked a cake, got me a card, Came over while we're in a snow storm over here. What the F**K?

 

I made it a point not to see her again. full out NC. She's the one that said she doesn't see a future with us. I said well that's it. I'm done. Now she comes and says I love you, and I miss you? Is she for real here? I don't kow what to think anymore. Can she really be trying to make an effort, or is this effort going to go in vain?

 

Somebody help me out here.

[thecount]

...and oh one more thing. She asked if she could come by tomorrow night, so that we can have valentine's Day together. What the hell do I do now? The ball is in my court now, and I don't like it. She really messed me up in the head tonight. what a shock.

[loveratud]

Don't overthink it. Do what feels right to you. If you want to be with her, try hard to make that happen.

[D-Lish]

A some point my sweet count, instead of asking yourself how she can keep doing this to you- you may want to ask yourself why you allow her to do this to you.

 

It's all about choices- on both your parts. If she's proven over and over that she's untrustworthy, unstable, flighty... then by letting her back into your life... YOU are the one making the choice to open yourself up to her and her issues.

 

Loving her is one thing- it's the only thing you don't have control over. But letting her come around again after she's hurt you- accepting her words, bowing to her charm... well those are things you can control. Choice my friend- choose to allow someone who's proven unworthy, someone that is capable of lying and hurting you, or choose to deny that cycle and move on with out her.

 

Recognizing you have a choice might just help you to regain some of the power she has sucked out of you with her disrespect and manipulations.

DO you see what I'm getting at here?

 

People don't change after a little bit of therapy- it takes a lot of introspection and a whole lot of work. I doubt she's made life changing progress in the past couple months. It's simply not enough time to pull things together on her end.

 

So start asking different questions of yourself. Start admitting that by taking her back, you are accepting the drama and heartache back into your life again.

 

You do have the power to say no- you do have the choice to deny her entry back into your life. Be strong, think about what's best for you.

[garnet]

Based on the little that I know about your situation, I would be skeptical about these advances. From your post it sounds like her words and actions have been unreliable in the past. Try not to get swept up into the whole "Valentines" thing. Take a step back and listen to your gut.

[thecount]

I left this out. She showed up uninvited. Rang the bell, and there she was with balloons. It was like out of a movie. Everything she does is over the top.

 

I'll admit this, It felt more like she was checking up on me more then anything else.

 

It did feel good to see her though, and you're right d-lish. I can't control my love for her. I do still love her, can't deny that, but the whole trust thing... She really would have to prove to me that she has changed.

[D-Lish]

Well, unfortunately, proof of change takes more than showing up with balloons.

 

Just never forget that you have power in this situation.

Love is a feeling that is seperate from choice. In the past, I've had to make the hard choice of leaving someone I loved, but ultimately knew wasn't good for me. Just never forget you have that choice available to you too.

 

You need an apology and proof of change and progress.

An apology is easy- but progress isn't.

 

Just protect yourself, try and look at this from an objective perspective. Feelings have a way of clouding judgement.

 

I just don't want to see you get hurt again.

I know what you've been through, and I don't want to see you go through it all again.

 

Do you trust that she has changed?

What does your gut say?

D

[Guest]

balloons are nothing to heart pain. She's playing her cards and you're falling for it! You're asking all these questions because you feel conforted by her 'love show'... we're humans and we don't like to be hurt, we don't like pain, so we do whatever it takes to avoid it.

 

You burnt your hand on a stove before and it HUUUURT. Now it's a snow storm and it's coooold... are you gonna just resist and be patient till the storm goes and the sun comes up or are you gonna put your hand on the stove to warm up again? Remember, it HUUURTS.

 

It's ok to be alone it's ok to be sad, it's ok to lose confidence, it's ok to feel low once in a while. The best of us go through phases like that.

[thecount]

D-Lish, I know that balloons are not going to meke it all better, and everything is not ok. I'm still hurt by all the crap she put me through. It's not right. I know I didn't deserve any of it.

 

This is why I'm taking it easy. I'm looking at everything from a far. If she does change I will see it. Right now, there isn't a change in sight. She has way too much going on in her life.

 

She needs to fix herself. Her low selfesteem. Looking for work, Grandfather doesn't have too much time. This will all come ahead real soon. Who knows what she's capable of doing next.

 

I am a very forgiving guy as you know. It's just my nature, but I can't forget the pain, humiliation she put me through. She has apologized. It's doesn't mean anything to me. Actions, I want actions. Her therapist said. What is it that he wants? Are you kidding me? A therapist can't tell her what it is I'm looking for? I don't buy it.

 

My gut hasn't said anything to me lately, Because I choosing not to think about her as much.

[thecount]

Well, unfortunately, proof of change takes more than showing up with balloons.

 

Just never forget that you have power in this situation.

Love is a feeling that is seperate from choice. In the past, I've had to make the hard choice of leaving someone I loved, but ultimately knew wasn't good for me. Just never forget you have that choice available to you too.

 

You need an apology and proof of change and progress.

An apology is easy- but progress isn't.

 

Just protect yourself, try and look at this from an objective perspective. Feelings have a way of clouding judgement.

 

I just don't want to see you get hurt again.

I know what you've been through, and I don't want to see you go through it all again.

 

Do you trust that she has changed?

What does your gut say?

D

D-Lish, I know that balloons are not going to meke it all better, and everything is not ok. I'm still hurt by all the crap she put me through. It's not right. I know I didn't deserve any of it.

 

This is why I'm taking it easy. I'm looking at everything from a far. If she does change I will see it. Right now, there isn't a change in sight. She has way too much going on in her life.

 

She needs to fix herself. Her low selfesteem. Looking for work, Grandfather doesn't have too much time. This will all come ahead real soon. Who knows what she's capable of doing next.

 

I am a very forgiving guy as you know. It's just my nature, but I can't forget the pain, humiliation she put me through. She has apologized. It's doesn't mean anything to me. Actions, I want actions. Her therapist said. What is it that he wants? Are you kidding me? A therapist can't tell her what it is I'm looking for? I don't buy it.

 

My gut hasn't said anything to me lately, Because I choosing not to think about her as much.

 

I have never left someone I loved. It's when they suck every inch of it out of it, and I just don't feel anything anymore. That's when I'm done.

[D-Lish]

It's sad to think of love that way.... having every last ounce of life sucked out of you. That's not what love is about. It's about reciprocity, equality, more good times than bad. If someone's sucking the life out of you and disappointing you on a regular basis... that's a very bad thing.

 

I wish you could realize you could be happy without her.

[thecount]

I agree with everything you say. I just don't give up too easy as you can see. Love isnt' about given up, it's about giving in. You have to give it your all. otherwise it was never love. You have to give it your all.

 

I've gone through lots of disappointment. ex-wife ( which I would love to forget lol) and numerous other relationships. So I havn't giving up on love, just the women that disappointed me.

 

I saw a movie last night "What Dreams May Come" (circa 1998) you have to really pay attention to that movie to appreciat it. There's a lesson to be learned.

[D-Lish]

I certainly know about being married and getting divorced...I've been there too.

 

I guess one thing I learned from that is that I deserve happiness, and am not going to settle.

 

I know you love this girl. And it also sounds as if you are very understanding and forgiving. Those are wonderful qualities. I just don't wish to see those great assets taken advantage of.

 

Everything you have said via all your posts have led me to believe that you have been hurt and manipulated by this person. It's just hard to hear you say you'd consider putting yourself in that position to be hurt again.

 

On the other hand, Only you can be the one to make the decision. You know this person best- so you are the one who can make a good decision for yourself based on the knowledge you have about her.

 

I wish you the best with this, and truly hope her intentions are good this time. Not everyone that does bad things is a bad person- we're all human.

 

:-)

D

[thecount]

She really does need to get her act together. Most of her friends that cared about her don't even talk to her anymore. They were disgusted by the way she's been acting. They even told me, it's not like her to act this way. They were friends with her ex b/f, and they were telling her not to go back to him, and to stop this whole thing because she was going to loose me. So they finally gave up, because she tried to get them involved.

 

Her other friends are something left to be desired. They have encouraged her to act this way, she's young, pretty, why does she have to be with only one guy? One is married and the first months she was married she cheated on her husband, the other friend sleeps with her fiance's brother. Sorry If I offend anyone, but that is acting like a slut. Who does things like that? If you want to act that way, don't get married, and don't commit yourself to someone. then you're ok to do whatever it is you want. because you're not hurting anyone.

 

I guess she saw that they were all getting away with it, and thought well... Still claims there wasnt any sex invovled.

 

The married one is no longer with her husband, and she wouldn't tell her own family, her husband found out everything, and she had the nerve to cry. Why did he leave me? She devastated. That takes a great pair of balls.

 

And then there's her other friend, This one is intresting. The fiance found out about the brother and her sleeping together, and so they're getting off on this threesome thing. Brothers??? I'm no prude when it comes to sex. But that is just gross.

 

Someone told me once that you are who you hang out with. How true is that?

[Trialbyfire]

Based on your posts, she appears to be the type of girl who desire men who appear to be emotionally unreachable. I could easily be wrong because I don't know her but take note that you're more interesting when you've stepped back from her.