wildfire7698 Posted November 1, 2002 Share Posted November 1, 2002 I saw your site today online and I was hoping you can help me with this....one of my male friends had to get married earlier this year, he got his girlfriend at the time pregnant and married her because it was the right thing to do....He says he is happy with her and the baby but I don't know. There is a girl he has had a huge history with who came back into his life and wanted to go back out with him. He told her no, but the way he said it is what gets me. He said "Right now, I am married so probably not." I have a feeling that he often feels trapped in his life, but he did help make that baby. Does that means he doesn't see his marriage as a forever thing, because he has admitted to having feelings for the girl in his past. Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 1, 2002 Share Posted November 1, 2002 The first thing I wondered is what your motivation is for posting for us to speculate on the life of your friend...seems a little odd. My advice to you is to butt out of his marriage and personal affairs and just be a nice, supportive friend. There is no way we can interpret what he meant by his remark but he made the right decision not to get involved with somebody while he is married. Furthermore, I think anybody who would try to pry a man away from his wife and child is a total tramp. That being said, there are a lot of people who feel trapped in their lives. If they don't do something about it, shame on them. Your friend knew well in advance that when he pulled out his penis he could be asking for a lifetime of trouble. If he was still going to be guided by his sex organs instead of good, common sense then he deserves everything he's getting. I hope you will take your focus off this guy and go for some real, genuine happiness for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted November 2, 2002 Share Posted November 2, 2002 The situation has absolutely nothing to do with you, so it really doesn't matter what his motivation is. Unless he is YOUR husband...or you are the girl. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted November 2, 2002 Share Posted November 2, 2002 I wonder, are you perhaps the girl for whom he still has feelings? Otherwise, how did you come to know about this, and why does it concern you so much ... I used to be the queen of reading between the lines. If someone said something that could be interpreted the way I wanted things to go, even if many other things contradicted that perspective I would think, "well, maybe he meant [insert what I wanted him to be thinking/feeling] and he just isn't sure, or hasn't figured it out himself, or needs some positive feedback from me." Needless to say, that just bought me a lot of headaches. And heartaches. When someone says one thing, but is doing something that indicates their words aren't true, or at least are not very significant -- chances are very good that what they've said isn't true, or isn't very significant. Maybe the guy does still have feelings for the girl in question. But he has made other choices. Feelings don't evaporate just because one has committed to another path. The reality, for him, is his wife and child. They aren't going to go away just because he has some lingering feelings for someone else. Or because she has feelings for him. If he's still talking about his feelings for this girl, my advice to her would be to get out of there fast. She would be doing everyone, above all herself, a favor. If this really was a mistake on his part, he needs to deal with it by extricating himself from the marriage and setting up a reasonable and fair sharing of the child-raising obligations and expenses. Until he does that, he has no business filling his head with angst about lingering feelings for someone else -- or filling that someone else's heart with hope for a future together. If he doesn't deal fairly and honestly with his wife, it would be extremely foolish to think that he would be any different with another woman. Chances are that expression of feeling was a remnant from the past, as this guy orients himself to his new life as husband and father. A bit of looking over his shoulder before he steps into the unknown world of familial responsibility. Unless you hear about a divorce, I wouldn't place any more significance than that on what he has said. And if he keeps saying it, I would stop listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted November 2, 2002 Share Posted November 2, 2002 odd... what guy would name himself "wildfire*" Somehow I do think you ARE that girl. You may be trying to find a way to get this guy back. Just be straight with us, and we can help more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wildfire7698 Posted November 3, 2002 Author Share Posted November 3, 2002 I am a girl...... , but I am the girl in question, I just am desperately confused....I was afraid to admit it, because I thought I 'd get more ridicule than help.... Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted November 3, 2002 Share Posted November 3, 2002 Right now there is nothing you can do. He is really gone. He's married now. He knew that he could get her pregnant, and he still went with it. Now he is married to her. You can't expect him to leave his new wife and child. There are a lot of guys out there searching for someone, and you stick to the guy that already has someone. I believe you can find someone else if you look around. Yes, it's tough losing someone you've had a past with, I know that all too well, but you need to realize that it is gone and won't ever come back. It was most likely never meant to be. You just turned 24 two days ago, you still have a lot of time to find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted November 4, 2002 Share Posted November 4, 2002 We all figured you were the girl in question. Next time, just be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
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