big_girls_rock Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I have been really good friends with my current boyfriend for 8 yrs. We met on messenger when I was 14 and though we've lost touch off and on we always seem to reconnect. Just recently after being just friends he asked me out and I agreed under certain circumstances. I never thought that I would say this but I would date him under one condition, that we were to be in an open relationship. The reason I asked is because he lives in NY and I live in VA. I didn't want a commitment because the physical aspect would be pretty hard to pass up ( hooking up, but no intercourse ). AKA, ( I'm 21 and I want to continue to enjoy my life as a single woman, but! I would'nt mind being in a relationship with you, if you still let me do what I want ) So, that being said, he agreed to it because he understood that we are both older and we can't possibly be there physically all of the time for eachother. It turns out that he hasn't been much of a boyfriend. Communication wise, he hasn't called me on the phone in three long weeks. His excuse is working, and taking care of his Mother who had surgery recently. He works as a Dispatcher doing the graveyard shift so I know it can be hard but he is off Sunday-Monday, yet he never calls, and barely says anything to me online. I confronted him on this and though upset, he told me that he would try to contact me, yet, it hasn't happened. The thing is, why bf has been playing "ignore", girlfriend has found someone else who lives just 10 min. away and wants something long term. I'm kind of reluctant to jump into another relationship right away, but my bf and I have only been dating for a month and besides not having any contact, it seems like a penpal thing to me. I love my current bf but I feel that if I stay with him I will miss out on what's in front of me. I'm a little afraid to break up with him because I have before and though we remained friends after he didn't take it too well. The communication is most important, and its just non existant on his part, I feel bad though because he is working his ass of so that we can fly to eachother more often but whats a relationship if theres no communication. Just a call once a week would help sometime, he appologizes, but dosn't do anything about it and I'm tired of anitiating it. Should I take a chance at this new relationship thats within reach of me and break up with current bf, or should I stay in the relationship with current bf and wait for him to come to me? Thanks in advance for you responses. And HAPPY V DAY! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I don't think you should miss the opertunity that you have in front of you. I think its best to let it be known to the other guy that you do not beleive the relationship with one another is working out as he is not making an effort to contact you which makes you feel uncomfortable to be in this relationship with each other right now. Let it be known to him you treasure the friendship with him and want to continue being friends with him. If he does not want to be friends try not to be too upset. Put yourself in he's shoes, he cares deeply about you and if you end it and he can not handle being a friend still then you must respect that as he needs time to heal he's heart. Don't be scared to end it with him though as it is best to end it rather than staying in a relationship where you will be sad. Hope it all works out for you Link to post Share on other sites
thatmatt Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I think perhaps he is not in the place in his life right now where beginning a new relationship, although you've been friends for 8 years is feasable. It sounds like he wants to be in a relationship, but its really something he cannot handle at this point. There is a lot up in the air right now, which is usually the case when relationships begin, but in this case it is a bad thing, because it is holding at least 1 of you back. The term breaking up is very harsh, and will make him feel deserted, but I think you need to ask him whether or not a relationship, especially long distance, is doable at this point. Make sure he knows that if you do end it, you are not deserting him, you will always be there for him, and it's really just not the right circumstances to start a healthy relationship. He might not get it at first, but he will understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author big_girls_rock Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 Thanks so much for the replys. Yes, I do think its time to just end it. When I bring up the fact that I don't think he's ready, he always assures me that he is, yet he still does not communicate with me, nothing he does right now tells me that he is ready for a relationship so I'm gonna have to let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Please girlfriend! As much as anyone is saying "he is not ready for a relationship right now" -- I completely disagree. He wants you sitting around waiting for him -- you actually call yourself in a relationship when he hasn't called in 3 weeks? That is not a relationship - you don't have a relationship. What you have at most is a friendship and that is looking pretty shadey on his side right now that he could just treat you like a toy - when he wants to take you down and show you attention that's fine and then he puts you back up on the shelf -- NOT friendship behavior either. Go out with the guy you could actually have a REAL relationship with. See where it takes you and enjoy the fact you will be able to see each other often. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 It turns out that he hasn't been much of a boyfriend. why do you say that BGR??? I thought you didn't want a b/f?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author big_girls_rock Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 Porn Guy- I just wanted my cake and to eat it too, but after thinking about things, I guess I wanted to settle down. I felt like I was wasting time in that relationship, heck the communication we had may have been just friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author big_girls_rock Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 The Update- I decided to just give him a call and we talked a lot of things over. We both realized that we wern't ready to commit. I wanted to have my fun, he was just too busy and didn't want to admit that he didn't have time for our realtionship so we decided to break up and perhaps try again later. I havn't spoken to him since then, it has been another week but things feel no different to me, he wasn't speaking to me then, and not now. I know we will always have that friendship so things are good. Thankyou all for your help:o Link to post Share on other sites
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