MoonGirl Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I agree with Gunny and guin_girl. Sounds like your wife has a special friend. Link to post Share on other sites
kbah Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Borderline Personality Disorder Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 If I read this right, your kids are grown so there's nothing really to her "leaving you with her kids". On the other subject ~ I'd have to agree she's probably fooling around, or just doesn't want to come home. How can you babysit for someone, then go out to the pub with them when they get home? Wouldn't you then need to find another babysitter? Unless the friend has a SO that would then watch the kid(s).......interesting. good for you on doing laundry. Keep doing that kind of stuff ~ sounds like you need to practice for your own place here before too long. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Why would you babysit for someone, then leave the kid at the house to goto the pub with the kid's parent? Also your last post you have every right to be paranoid. Thing is, when someone is cheating they will often accuse the non-cheating spouse, be mean, say hurtful things, even believe this stuff to relieve their own conscious. They will lay 'blanket-statement', such as what your wife is doing to you. I went through the same thing with my wife only after a year of marriage. She had me convinced that I was paranoid and crazy to think she would be cheating on me. Your wife sounds like mine in terms of the immaturity factor. Even though she might be in her 40s, mentally she is not. I had to make my wife face the consequences before things changed, so you have to as well. Lay ultimatiums down, and lines that cannot be crossed. For MC, you have to give it time you won't find answers/happiness after the first session but you also need to find the truth. Check the cell phone bills, check your fiances, start communicating with her more. Sounds like the communication between you two has crumbled. You two both want the same thing, to be loved.. However the ways you two are going about it are wrong. Please check out my links in my signature. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nonameNY Posted March 18, 2007 Author Share Posted March 18, 2007 I figured I would update the status. I am still here, been a month since I posted. Still more of the same up to last weekend...she was still gone alot..went out a few times..still didn't talk much. Last Friday I got home at 9 pm...and she was not here...My son was here with a friend..I went to bed at 11pm. I woke up at 1:30 am and my son was freaking out..wheres mom? I said dude I really don't know...she is probably out with friends...I called she dosn't answer he said (still freaked out) I said she prob can't hear it..he was so worried about her..I wasn't...anyway I ended up staying up watching him play video games....and we talked ..I finally told him.. hey there I don't think we are going to stay together...and he seemed fine...he even asked me if I thought she was seeing a guy! I said I don't think so but she could be...she ended up calling it was about 2am then..said she was on the way and could not hear the phone...got there at 2:30 So that was it for me I told him... he seemed fine...I got up early saturday packed some stuff...woke her up told her I was done and moving out..she freaked a little bit...asked about telling our son...told her I did last night...she got really pissed cause we where going to do it together...I said you are never here to do it together....she said she has just been avoiding me...cause she knows I really dont want to be around her..which is true but I never said you have to disappear all the time... Anyway she asked me don't stay for her stay for him..she will leave me alone I can do what i want...The boy was up now and he seen all my packed clothes he started to freak out to a little...I said I thought you where OK with this? he just didn't think it was going to happen for real I guess...he was taking it all very bad...So I stayed for him..for now anyway.. I really don't know what the hell I am doing...the begining of last week was the same as it has been..until Thursday...a friend of mine called he noticed her Car 35 miles away at a little diner.at lunch time.. I hinted around about her lunch plans that night she didn't say anything about it... Friday...she asked me to go out to dinner...I said no....said I had plans... Last night (sat)she asked me to go to dinner with her again...I again said no...I was going to go out with a buddy ...but I didn't do that either..she got mad and left ended up calling me from her job that she works nights at...so I could see on the ID she was there..her words... She asked me what the hell I was trying to do? I thought we where going to work on it...I never said that...I stayed for him...I left today at lunch time with my buddy...I didn't tell her just left...she called about 30 mins later where are you? I told her getting lunch...why do you care? she got mad again..cause I am not working on it....I said hey I am just doing what you do...your never home....she said back to me...I have been home all weekend your the one that dosn't want anything to do with me.... I guess I just vented...really don't know what to do about anything... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 is a Marine, too. Awesome guy. Marines ARE SPARTIANS! Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Good luck with your situation. It has to be tough. It sounds like she just wants to stay married for convenience sake, it doesn't sound like there is love on either side. It looks like divorce is the next step, don't let her try to stop you. Good luck, you owe it to yourself to be happy and not have to live like that anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 From your previous posts you mentioned that you want out, that you are done with the marriage. If this is really the case then your best bet is to get ahold of a lawyer and see what your next step is. Leaving the house could be grounds for abandonment? Not sure, with the laws in NY. Good chance she has been cheating on you and is probably coming to terms on what she has been doing to you besides just the cheating since you really want to leave. Staying because of your kid is never a good idea, in the long run. You have to do what you think is best, since none of us are in your situation. Just seems like your wife has immaturity issues that are going to take a very long time to resolve. Thing is, your son is watching you with a magnifying glass, so for his sake please don't do what your wife has been doing to you. I'm not saying to roll over and piddle when you see her, but don't act like her. Try to be civil, and give her every reason in the world *not* to jump on you and yell at you. Do it for your son, so he can see what a man should do in these situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 So, who said your youngest has to stay and live with Mom? I would add that you don't have to be the one to leave the house but, since you are the one not wanting to keep the M, then you should be the one to leave. why not ask your boy who he'd like to live with? You don't need to go into detail with him as to what all is going on but kids his age are very smart and see a lot more than people think (I have 2 17 yr olds living with me), and hear more than they should sometimes. Sounds like she's starting to see the consequences of her actions and may be sincere in wanting to work things out. Or it could be that the shock of losing her comfort zone but she'll recover that pretty easily once you're gone. Listening to what you've written ~ you sound a lot like my ex, in some ways. And I know I acted like your W......getting mad about the little things and freaking out....In my own defense (which there was no excuse for my actions), my exH did Very little to help out, with the house, the yard, the kids ~ but it didn't mean I didn't love him (at the time) ~ yet he still said he'd had enough and we separated. HE would not, or could not, see that what he had not done in our M ~ if you ask today, he'd say that he did a lot.....well, if you look at the garage and his things as the main things in our lives, sure he did..... Guess what i'm trying to say ~ I still haven't heard your bad points in the M ~ and everyone has them. Until you look good and hard at what your failings have been, what you could have worked harder at ~ you won't learn from all this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nonameNY Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 Lor, you are right..I have stated I am not perfect. I am also sure I could do things different or better..my main problem is and has been her attitude. I know I could do more...I just have such a bad taste from all of it I don't care anymore. I don't let crap go around here..I have a good job and we have a nice house and car and all that..I do the yard work and you know the guy stuff. What I do wrong in her eyes might not bother you at all. She is like this to pretty much everyone..I am sure you know the type. Don't have a different opiuon then she has and you will be OK..you think like her or your againest her. Black and white is all she sees. The youngest doesn't want to go to live with my parents with me..ya know old people live there and school districts would change and I would leave that up to him if he wanted to do such a huge change besides just the D. Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 She is like this to pretty much everyone..I am sure you know the type. Don't have a different opiuon then she has and you will be OK..you think like her or your againest her. Black and white is all she sees. I don't understand people like this ~ although I know they are out there ~ I've met a few. Must be a NY thing ~ one of them I know moved here from there a few months ago. The youngest doesn't want to go to live with my parents with me..ya know old people live there and school districts would change and I would leave that up to him if he wanted to do such a huge change besides just the D. If you are dead set on a D, living with the parents is going to be very temporary, isn't it? I don't know how big the school district is but could you rent a place within the district, yet still far enough away from her to be comfortable? That way, if nothing else, he could still go to the same school and go back and forth between your place and hers? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nonameNY Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 since I have no idea what this will be like I plan on being pretty broke...the bills dont change just cause I don't live there. Houses and Apartments go for way more then they are worth because we have a shortage in this area....and it is very rural area, this district is small so there is not a big selection to begin with. So untill I meet the megarich 85 year old millionaire widow.... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 BS! Adapt Improvise! Overcome! Think, damnit! Think! And that's not BS! Link to post Share on other sites
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