I don't understand, what kind of person is my husband?

[Guest]

I'm not sure where to start, and I hope this is not long. I'm at my wits end! I'm starting to think my husband of 10 years is a toxic person to be around. I hate feeling that way, but its true. I don't think I can take it anymore!

 

He anything anyone has to say. This is a man who has pretty much much always preceived things the way he wants them to be. I can say something, no matter how I say it, he takes it the wrong way. He thinks I intentionally try to hurt him with my words and actions. I don't know why, I haven't done anything to him. He doesn't take constructive critisism well at all, he thinks he is always right, he would rather be right than anything kind of person. He swears up and down I said something or meant something a certain way, when thats not how or what I said. Its like he doesn't want to hear certain things, like the truth, about anything.

 

I have watched him in a group pf people before while we were out, I saw people like friends tell him something about a certain subject we were talking about, what he wanted to hear, but the minute I say something or anyone for that matter, that might be different from what he wants to hear, he thinks they are mean and are trying to hurt him.

 

He is a grudge holder. He never lets anything go and seems to have alot of anger. He has even told lies to others about things they didn't even say. Things I know people did not say, but he rewords things or turns them around to fit the way he wants things to be. Its kind of like he enjoys playing a victim role or something.

 

He makes comments about how he thinks so and so thinks they are better than he is, when they have never said or come across to me as them being better, but in his mind he thinks they are. I friend of ours recently bought a new house, our friend was telling us about it, and he wasn't bragging either, he was just sharing about his new house etc. and my husband says to him in a pretty callous way, "Well guess you think you are better than us now huh?" Our friend looked taken back by what my husband said. Guess we probably lost that friend now.

 

I mentioned something to him about how I thought the dog had a skin disorder and we need to get it checked out because the dog didn't appear to have fleas right now, his comment to me, was, 'Well aren't we just a know it all." I don't get it, I didn't claim to be a know it all. This is not the first time he has said this either. He has made that comment to me before. I can tell him something that I THINK, and he says I'm a know it all.

 

 

What makes a person like this? He always takes things the wrong way, doesn't like to hear what others have to say, especially if its the truth about something. Turns things around that people did not say, to fit the way he thinks it should be. He is never wrong, always right.

 

Its a case of, if the sky is blue, he will say its purple and you better know that he is NOT wrong, it is purple, because he preceives it to be that way!

 

He wont go to counseling. He says he has no problem. Its wearing me out though. Its like a draining, toxic person that you just can't stand to be around anymore, because no matter what you do or say, they will rip it apart!

 

Advice please! Or at least give me some insight on what might cause a person to be like this.

[JackJack]

Wow, I'm sure theres a correct term for someone who displays this type of behavior. But not sure what it is, maybe someone else knows. He does sound pretty toxic though. Has he always been like this?

[Starman]

Your husband sounds similiar to my wife of 18 months, especially concerning the aspect of taking everything you say wrong, and twisting what you say to fit what they want to hear.

 

My wife has previously been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder before we ever met. You might want to read up on BPD and see if there are other aspects to your husband's behavior that could be attributed to BPD.

 

It is mindnumbing dealing with my wife sometimes and I wish I could get her to see someone to help it get better but even to bring it up could send her into a rage, fun for me.

 

Good luck.