polywog Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Yes, Rocket Those posts from G_G and S&A are right on!!! Seriously, make a point of doing something to celebrate this weekend!! Maybe we could all sit in front of our computers at an appointed time and all toast your success together! I'm going out now to get a 6 pack. Link to post Share on other sites
Ripples Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 What i meant was that when the inevitable happens and we somehow have contact (it WILL happen, just trust me on this, no "dont worry about what hasnt happened" answers please), shes likely to have a mardy about me ignoring her. I wanted a bulletproof answer which will go down well in her immature, self-centered, ignorant head, and leave no room for misinterpretation. The only thing she needs to be thinking after it is either, "fair enough" or "i need to make an effort". Ah, cool. Link to post Share on other sites
shockandawed Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 LOL... so um "eloquently" stated .... Sorry to offend you GG!!! I guess I flunked toastmasters, LOL Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 LOL... so um "eloquently" stated .... Sorry to offend you GG!!! I guess I flunked toastmasters, LOL hehehe... I wasn't offended... but yea, if you had to give a toast at work, you would have been "sacked".... lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author RocketMan2 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Share Posted February 17, 2007 Why would she wind me up like this? My thoughts have completely shifted back from just trying to forget about her to "is she coming back?". FFS what a set back I've found myself reading the "how to win someone back" threads again. Im planning what to do, what to say, what situations are going to occurr... She isn't coming back and I don't want her back. Yes i do. No i dont. God I miss her. I miss her so much. Im blaming myself too I can see exactly where things went wrong. How did i let things go so downhill and not do anything???? Even though she maybe turned out not to be, i thought she was the girl of my dreams and i let this happen. I let it. What does that say about me? Why would i do such a thing? To myself?! Im such a state again What if she does want to try again? What if she doesnt know how to approach me? Yes she should make a massive effort if she wants me back, but its unrealistic to think it will happen out of the blue. I want to thank everyone for their fantastic support, its been brilliant. Sometimes though i feel like its rather one sided. You guys are being great supporting me, but noone has ever posted any counter-views, you know? Is that because you really dont see any other possibilities, or are we being too narrow minded here? I dont want to regret missing an glaringly obvious opportunity just because i was being stubborn. I really wish i text back asking what she wanted to talk about, to see if yeah it was just her wanting to make herself feel better, or something else. She text me on VDay ffs, I mean, am i being really really dense here by taking the negative route? "oh shes only doing it to make herself feel better". You cant deny theres the possibility she wanted to try... If i miss an opportunity ill hate myself for ever. Rocket Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 RM2, If she has not made any other effort to contact you except on that "glorified" holiday, it is what it was... she wasn't trying to get back with you, she was trying to stroke her own ego. Please don't try to read any more into it than that. I know you want us to say something different, but if you really want to get back with someone, you don't reach out just once. Going back and rereading your original post, she's 18 and if I do my math right, you guys started dating when she was 16. She really hasn't dated a lot. Now she's in college and she's trying to find herself. She's exploring new adventures and new choices in her life. It's a new scary time, first venture out for her, exploring options and then there is the stress with classes and the like... I think she called only because she was lonely and she wanted to feel wanted... to her, you may be that security blanket, she knows you will be there, but do you want to be her back up plan? I'm afraid that you will still be waiting while she's moving on. I really think, as much as you love her, you need to let her go for your own sanity. It's hard and it hurts, I know... stay strong... you will make it... Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 That's great advice, G_G. And Rocket, just keep remembering that if she really wants to get back together (don't count on it) she'll make more serious efforts to contact you. Anyhow, you are feeling crappy right now, but you'll really truly get through this, I know it because I have been there, as have all the posters you're hearing from. Hang in there Rocket, and do something nice for yourself today. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 Rocket! It is about growing some balls, hardening your sack, "manning up" as gunny would say. Whatever you want to call it. Don't let this girl mess with you. No matter what the interaction you have with her will be it will always end with a kick in the balls. And I am sure that most of us men will agree that we would rather avoid having our nuts smashed. Don't worry about running into her. If and when it happens just do what you already know and what has already been stated. Nice, friendly but busy and no time to really hear what she has to say. "Hi, nice to see you, you look great, well I have to be somewhere in a few minutes so take care...." And then walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
shockandawed Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 Rocket, GG, Poly and love are so right... Nothing I can add. You are doing so well and not making the same stupid mistakes I made just weeks ago. I know what you are going through. Just go back and read some of my threads. The rollercoaster sucks big time. But I finally got to the point of being p#$ssed about it and am doing so much better. Look how just two weeks ago, she made me dump a girl on the third date because she kept texting me, then wanted to get back together, only to completely change her tune the next day. Don't go there my friend. I was actually telling a friend last night at the watering hole about you. How I get to watch someone have the same situations as me, yet handle them properly. I like the NC, but if it is eating at you, I still think a simple "thanks for the txt other night, hope all is well" will be ok. It might open that door you think she wants opened. I dont think so, but it might put your mind at ease. Just promise me if you do it, it will stop there for now. Her guessing is a good thing. GG-I might of gotten sacked, but I think I would have "rolled" into something else. Link to post Share on other sites
taylor Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 RM2, I have been reading your posts but have not replied to any of them until now. What compelled me to respond was your desire to hear a counter-view to how other the majority of other LS'ers perceive your situation. I reread all of your posts, trying to "see" a counter-view to your situation. Unfortunately, I do not see one. And perhaps that is why no one has offered one to you, either. The LS'ers who have responded to your posts are right-on with their perception of your situation and with their advice. No Contact is not a negative thing. It's a positive thing. Its purpose is to give you a good and effective way to cope with loss and to heal your broken heart. Sure, it hurts. It's like recovering from surgery. But it will get better. And now about your girlfriend contacting you. My 2 cents. Her phone call gave you false hope and set you back in your healing. Why do I say "false" hope? Because.. -At no time during her phone call did she say she made a mistake and realized she still loves you. -At no time did she tell you she misses your relationship and wants you back. -At no time did she tell you she is sorry for hurting you and wants you to give her a second chance. Your girlfriend knows how you feel about her and I would guess she knows you would take her back in a minute if she gave you half the chance. You don't need to tell her anything more. The ball is in her court now. If she wants you back, she will let you know loud and clear. Don't let her play games with you. Don't let her set you back in your healing. Continue NC. As hard as it is to do it, your are doing a great job. And continue to post here in moments of weakness. You have found a wonderful support system here to see you through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RocketMan2 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Share Posted February 17, 2007 Hey everyone! Wow, massive responses! Thanks! I'm not feeling quite so down now, I was just popping on here to let you all know, I didnt expect to see so many replies so quickly! Thankyou You're all right as usual. She wouldn't give up after 1 attempt if she was having serious doubts about ending it. I was just feeling really emotional earlier... Yeah she did give me some false hope by contacting me, and i got carried away with it. Im having such massive mood swings at the minute its unbelieveable! Why is it SOOO easy to make something out of nothing, but so difficult to make nothing out of something? guin_girl i think youre right Shocked, Love, Poly and Taylor, thanks for the encouragement (and everyone elses earlier advice) Rocket Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 Rocket, I think you need to go back and read what you wrote a few days ago...it speaks volumes about how you truly feel... I know I haven't let go yet, but what I have done is realise that I'm not actually holding onto what i thought i was. I can't see any way it could work in reality. Since she text me on VD and made me think there was a glimmer of hope, I've of course been thinking of getting-back-together plans. However, in my musings I've been thinking how things would actaully work. They wont. They cant. I could never feel the same happiness, there would always be the worry in my mind that she secretly wasnt happy, so then id be unhappy, we'd both not trust each other not to stray.. etc etc. Rocket Now, here's why I bring that up. You were thinking realistically and logically there. You were saying you knew you weren't healed, but you also knew the many reasons why you should let it go, because it wouldn't work. I understand where you are coming from, because I'm in a similar boat. Do you really want to get back together with someone only to have the same baggage you had? Do you want to have to worry about her actions? Wouldn't you rather go into something new with someone who is deserving of your love and support? I ask myself these things as often as I can. My ex, when we were together, I was constantly worried about his contact with other women, because well, he was still talking to them online, the phone, whatever. Dating me (for a year non-exclusively) and apparently looking for someone better but keeping me in his pocket so he wouldn't have to be all alone. I am in the same boat as you. He knew I loved him. He knew and acknowledged that I did 100000% to keep that relationship alive. He knew he didn't do squat to keep it alive. I, like you, would be a fool to just let him walk about and have me back. He isn't deserving of me just like she isn't deserving of you. And well, if she IS deserving of you, she'd be calling, writing, showing up at your door. She'd not be making 1 half assed attempt on Vday to contact you. You KNOW in your mind that it won't work out for you two, right now, or if ever. Your BEST action would be to keep at the NC. It will help you heal. We all need to learn to strive towards the life that we want and deserve, rather than look back at one that wasn't all that, just because it's safer. And I will read this post back to myself when I'm feeling like he's the only one for me... Good luck Rocket. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RocketMan2 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Share Posted February 17, 2007 Thanks Aria I stole these from another thread, but they really related to this thread so i thought id comment on them here... This is just superstition of course, but I believe that dumpers have a special "radar" that tells them when you are starting to move on, because that seems like the point at which they start contacting you again. I kid you not! How true is that!!!! I was just starting to feel better and move on a bit then wham!!! May I say not all dumpers get an ego rub. Sometimes you feel your hand is forced. Dumpers can feel more regret and pain then the dumpee. The problems and failure to address the problems should be villianized not the roles that people on the day one decides to leave. If its bad enough...the dumper misses the dumpee long before the breakup happens.... This kinda relates to me, whether or not it was the truth is a different matter, but my ex said she HAD to end it, and it was the hardest decision shed ever had to make. I was holding her down, she wished shed met me in a few years. But then the last point, "the dumper misses the dumpee long before it happens". Wow, yeah i guess that is true too. Can't be bothered to make any inferences, I just thought they were interesting views Rocket Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 hey RM2... I know how you feel with one stupid email... I just got one from "Mr wonderful'.... man has it thrown me for a loop!!!... I started a thread for help, but no one has "helped" me yet... it's amazing how one one-liner email can send you into a tizzy!!! I haven't responded.... and I'm trying to stay strong and not answer... Link to post Share on other sites
Author RocketMan2 Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 looks like me and shocked were already on it! Rocket Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 looks like me and shocked were already on it! Rocket Thanks guys... at least I know there are some good guys out there still... now I'm a friggin nervous wreck about the game and the official sighting... but I will continue that in my own thread... How are you hanging in there RM2? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RocketMan2 Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 Alright i s'pose I can tell im slowly starting to feel better. Two months its taken, Jesus. And thats only STARTING to feel better. Had a good day at work today for once too, maybe thats why im feeling happy, I haven't been depressed all day. Ive got a really crappy memory right, I honestly cant tell you what i did this morning. But lately I've been having loads of really detailed memories about stuff me an the ex did that I'd completely forgotten about. Theyre mainly from our holiday.... Wierd I've got to goto London next week for a course, so I'm gonna be feeling pretty lonely then I'm gonna see if any of my old Uni friends down there are available for a few drinks or something Rocket Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Well I'm glad that you are having more good days than bad days now... I know all about the memories... I've been tortured with reminders now... Maybe the change of scenery will be good for you? Link to post Share on other sites
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