GoldPenny Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 How do you deal with the conversational inquiry that concerns the parts of the past that you'd rather keep a secret (assuming it does/will not hurt anyone you're with)? I'm not talking about the parts of the past that is an absolute must on job applications, but the horrid high school events, the disfiguring accident, the lack of social life, etc.? Stuff that would be brought up in street convos, love affairs, etc. Should I lie since it isn't necessary for them to know? Change my name, say I got my high school diploma from the documented school but attended elsewhere the previous years, etc.? Everyone has secrets, right? Or should I just grin and bare by telling the truth? I'm generally an honest person and tell the truth when it will protect or help another, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Wow. I don't know if I follow but it sure sounds like you have some skeletons in your closet. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Tell what you're comfortable with, and omit the rest. There's no rule that says you have to tell everyone absolutely everything. Frankly, most people aren't even all that interested...they'd rather talk about themselves. In love affairs or with other close friendships, you'll find that the more you trust a person, the less concerned you are about telling about painful or embarrassing things in your past. Often, they even help you see them in a different light - as adversity that you were brave to overcome, or as something to laugh about. Easing up on your fears takes time, but again, you're not required to tell people everything, and certainly not on the first few dates or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Should I lie since it isn't necessary for them to know? Change my name, say I got my high school diploma from the documented school but attended elsewhere the previous years, etc.? Just move to another city. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldPenny Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Tell what you're comfortable with, and omit the rest. There's no rule that says you have to tell everyone absolutely everything. Frankly, most people aren't even all that interested...they'd rather talk about themselves. In love affairs or with other close friendships, you'll find that the more you trust a person, the less concerned you are about telling about painful or embarrassing things in your past. Often, they even help you see them in a different light - as adversity that you were brave to overcome, or as something to laugh about. Easing up on your fears takes time, but again, you're not required to tell people everything, and certainly not on the first few dates or anything. This was the most helpful. Big thanks. Yeah, I'll definitely omit such details and may get more and more comfortable but in the meantime, what about direct questions like, "What high school did you attend?" Now, I have a diploma from [blank] school and had attended that school for all four years; should I say I moved around to Yorktown, Leesburg, yada, yada [blank] school...before getting my diploma from the indicated school? Lol... I had the worst four years but I've changed my ways for permanence. I guess it's just all up to me, but I'd rather repress those years if they have nothing to do with the other person's well-being. I hate to lie, and I do tell bad parts of my past that are useful for advice or that I'm not as ashamed of. As for the third responder, yeah I could move to another city; I was planning on doing that anyway, but there are people whom I've already met or are strangers that will bump into me and then could try to relive my past, and then what do I tell them? That's my point. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Who cares what high school you went to? I don't get it. What do you think people are going to do with that information? What are you afraid of? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldPenny Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Who cares what high school you went to? I don't get it. What do you think people are going to do with that information? What are you afraid of? It goes back to the reputation. Some people are hypersensitive to reputation even when it was in the past and no longer present of the person. There are those who just won't let things go and try to pull you back into the old mold that you were. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Who are these people? Personally, I don't think I've ever asked anyone what high school they went to. And even if I did, what am I going to do? Try to find people who knew him and see what kind of reputation they had? Do you live in a small town, and are afraid people are going to find out you were a "slut" in high school if they start talking to other people who went to your school? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldPenny Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Well, you are one of those who may not ask such questions and try such endeavors, but there are others who may. Who knows... I did not live in a small town, and I may be too paranoid, but such encounters may happen. I did commit some vandalism (which is something that's not even what I would do at all as I have much more morality than that), was the oddball, some people thought of me as gay, and much of other stuff I wouldn't like to mention. But, I've changed *a lot* and have a much better reputation than ever in my later years in college. It's been ongoing and I'm getting better, but I would not like to have some people use some parts of my past against me, see me differently than they did before, think I'm going to become how I was before, etc. You see? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Like I said, people really don't care that much, especially about high school. You think everyone you meet has a sterling past? Not likely. They all have stuff they're embarrassed about, but it really never comes up. I don't think it matters what you tell them about where you went to high school. Link to post Share on other sites
alextop30 Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 try to run away from conversations about that kind of things, I use to have low conversational skills but I read books like crasy and I changed now I can navigate conversations but my accent still sucks and I had very bad and misserable time in highschool and now in college first year I cannot say it is good. When I talk to girls I like and could be potential date I always run away from converasations like that. In a realationship I still would not ever tell them something like that because I am the kind of person that keeps the bad in me and trys to make the day better with jokes acting as the goof, just project happy person. But as I said keep them for youself when the conversation comes up just coldly move away from it - this way you project your unwilingness to talk about it and that is an area that is reserved only for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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