Porn addiction causing me not able to get an erection with my grilfriend

[JohnSmith]

Hi.. I've been viewing porn since I was 16.. first it when to softcore porn would get me off easily.. then I started looking at it all the time every day and looking at more hardcore stuff that would turn me on even more. I've had girlfriends all the way up to 20 and I would get erections while kissing them all the time or anything little type of foreplay..

 

Then I didnt date anyone for a year and looked at porn pretty much every day and masturbated to it all the time.. Now I got a girlfriend and I'm 21 and I cant get an erection when I'm making out with her.. It makes me not wanna move on or go further into our relationship sexually because of this problem.. So I have a few questions:

 

How long do I have to stop watching porn before I get my sexual drive or erections back when I kiss my girlfriend?

 

Do I have to stop masturbating too because I set my brain to getting aroused to my hand for a year?

 

I am only 21 years old and this shouldn't be a problem and I know my penis is fine because of previous relationships where I would just be hard 24/7 around my girlfriends.. I was wondering if anyone else had this sort of problem and fixed it and could help me out please.

[JackJack]

Its not surprising that men who masterbate to alot of porn will enventually become desencitized to the point to where they can't get an erection or maintain one with their partner. I would say you need to give up porn period and masterbation for a while. I can't say how long, because I don't know. You just need to try to determine how long it should be once you start to maintain erections again with your g/f. If you feel porn has been a real problem for you, which is sounds like it might be, you might want to look into getting some help. Especially if you feel you can not stop.

[outofdarkness]

Hi.. I've been viewing porn since I was 16.. first it when to softcore porn would get me off easily.. then I started looking at it all the time every day and looking at more hardcore stuff that would turn me on even more. I've had girlfriends all the way up to 20 and I would get erections while kissing them all the time or anything little type of foreplay..

 

Then I didnt date anyone for a year and looked at porn pretty much every day and masturbated to it all the time.. Now I got a girlfriend and I'm 21 and I cant get an erection when I'm making out with her.. It makes me not wanna move on or go further into our relationship sexually because of this problem.. So I have a few questions:

 

How long do I have to stop watching porn before I get my sexual drive or erections back when I kiss my girlfriend?

 

Do I have to stop masturbating too because I set my brain to getting aroused to my hand for a year?

 

I am only 21 years old and this shouldn't be a problem and I know my penis is fine because of previous relationships where I would just be hard 24/7 around my girlfriends.. I was wondering if anyone else had this sort of problem and fixed it and could help me out please.

My H had this problem and turned out he really had a "problem" if you know what I mean. Yes, it could be the reason and it can be addictive...the porn I mean...I hate even writing about this stuff, b/c it's embarrassing, but if I can help someone, I will. My H goes to meetings now, and yes, there are guys your age at these meetings too. Anything of a s-----nature will take away from your drive when you've with your G friend...I mean, you're only human, you know? Let me know if I can help w/ out getting too graphic...Hope this little bit helps. My H started out w/ porn when we were in college and it only got worst...

[Dadaal]

I already mentioned in previous thread that NUMBER one factor for men's inability for sex is related to porn and masturbation. In addition to that, they treat women as they don't exist sexually. I never had any addictions of that sort but I woud just give you a good example that will work for you and if it doesn't .. Im a big liar.

 

1. Stop watching porno and masturbating for 3 days ONLY

2. you and your girlfriend should sleep in different rooms....I know it is hard but ry to convince her ( this case applies if she is living with you). The more the couple sleep together in the same men, the less sex drive.

3. exercise alot.

 

Good luck

[portableversion]

uh heem i am the original portableversion

Holy cow man you are in a world of pain. I remember being 16 and a buddy had recorded many many hours of porn off the satellite like 24hrs i think. so we watched it for 8hrs me and the fellas. It did get tiring but noone had the motivation to actually get up a leave to enjoy the great weather inspite of some saying we should go and do something else. Another friend commented it was strange since we were a bunch of guys getting excited together while watching. That really got my mind off the movies and I started think.

 

My buddy who brought the porn over worked out and the ladies were always eyeing him. I knew some girls and they would go on an on about how hot he was. Yet he had the hardest time dating. So right there in my room I thought there is something wrong here he's hot and can't get a girl but obviously likes the idea of sex with girls cause well i figured it out from the videos and comments made. I thought not me how can i be satisfied watching people do on tv what I want to do in my life.. maybe the porn steals away energy needed to seduce women. I said dude's lets get out of here and try to get some girls this is retarded we know we want the ladies lets go now!!

I grew up with 3 sisters and I knew it would be tough to get it on with a girl(i overhreard their picky conversations and their fatigue with the endless requests) and I felt porn would steal the energy needed to get the courage, diminish shyness and deal with the men who want the same girl. I never looked at porn again. And I am glad.. I was right it makes the man too complacent and too weak to go and work for the real deal and you're young way to young and your johnson is broken when faced with the real deal you've been sabotaged with artficial images of sex unable to get it on for real. Quit the porn and never go back unless you want to get married to your computer and don't want flesh and blood.. too many fellas have lost the ability to live life and are confined to only having sex via images on an eltronic box called a monitor..

[JohnSmith]

Yeah I got pretty much the same problem. I've been working out and girls think I'm hot but I haven't had too many girlfriends. I haven't looked at porn for like 2 months now and I've probably only masturbated a few times within those 2 months. Which is a hugh improvement because I used to masturbate and look at porn videos every day. I pretty much just gave it all up.

 

I notice that I'm getting a little more aroused with girls but it's still pretty bad. I've been with a girl recently the past month and I wouldn't get erections while I made out with her and I got one like once or twice when I was feeling her up which made me happy. Once I get an erection I have no problem having sex and keeping the erection it's just getting it which is the problem. We just recently broke up though and I think it was mainly because of this problem. I get erections in my sleep and when I wake up in the mornings so I know it's not physical. So I know it was the porn videos from the past years every day that messed up my mind arousal to real life women.

 

I used to get erections by just making out with girls or them flashing me. Now it does nothing for me. Same for strip clubs, they do nothing for me and just don't turn me on. Does anyone know how long it takes before my sexual high becomes normal again? How many more months of non porn viewing does it take before I can get erections with girls normally again?

[JohnSmith]

Outofdarkness.. thanks for replying.. I would like to know what happened to your husband and if he's recovering. This issue used to embarrass me a lot but now I don't really care who knows because I wanna get back to normal badly. It's messing up my relationships and confidence when it comes to girls. I pretty much wanna just give up on dating until it's fixed.

[portableversion]

Original pv here

Man you are on your way from what I understand it can take quite awhile. My wife discovered this site http://www.no-porn.com. Its pretty rough stuff they have a section where the recovering fellas post and another section where the down trodden wives post. I haven't read much of it but it operates much like the loveshack and it has threads and all that.

Now personally I don't think masturbation is a problem but I was never addicted to porn; one thing I know about masturbation though is that once you stop it your body will retrain itself to have wetdreams!! The orgasm is unavoidable. I learned that from http://www.wetdreamforum.com. Beware I just mistyped it earlier and well I went to a raunchy site.. oops hope my pc didn't catch a virus! But anyway that's been something I've been experimenting with is trying to have wetdreams thats one hell of a trip i tell ya. good luck man go to that no porn site you'll see the wake of devastation.. broken homes and divorce oh and by the way I have stayed in touch with my buddy he's in his 30's now and his romantic life is awful just plain awful.

[outofdarkness]

Outofdarkness.. thanks for replying.. I would like to know what happened to your husband and if he's recovering. This issue used to embarrass me a lot but now I don't really care who knows because I wanna get back to normal badly. It's messing up my relationships and confidence when it comes to girls. I pretty much wanna just give up on dating until it's fixed.

Hi, My husband immediately started to attend regular SA meetings. Like AA except for sex...It's a 12 step program. He also went for short term inpatient treatment. It's pricey, but really got him on the road to recovery. It is still a day to day struggle, but he is now equipped w/ the tools necessary to stay on track and has a great support group of guys. If you want to private message me, I can give you more info, or you can just look online for chapters in your area. It's very secretive and anonymous. He only speaks of the guys rarely and only by first name. He has a couple of friends that he has really gotten to be good friends w/, otherwise, they are just known by their first names. Personal info is kept at a minimum...

 

I think it's great that you are reaching out for help. It is an embarrassing subject so alot of people; yes, it's a problem for women too, don't get the help they need. We were told by a therapist that specializes in this type of addiction, that the high that is experienced by this addiction is second only to heroin...Unlike alcoholism, there are triggers everywhere and you really have to be on your toes all of the time. Noone can be "cured" of the addiction, just control it. I want to let you know that there is hope and there are people who want to help.

 

We also have a teenage son, and we are currently struggling to make sure HE too doesn't get addicted. All addictions can be hereditary...It's so hard b/c with the internet and all...It's everywhere. I can't imagine being that age and having to deal with all of that...So, I am very sympathetic to your problem...Get on it right now so that it doesn't really prevent you from living your life to the fullest. At it's worst, an addiction of this kind causes job losses, financial ruin, divorce, etc...As I said, private message me once you have that capability, and I will try to give you more info...Take care..

[outofdarkness]

The link for SAA is http://www.saa.org...Also, there is a book called: "Don't call it Love" by Patrick Carnes. He also wrote: "Out of the Shadows"...another really good one.

[kimberlyk]

I highly commend you for what you are doing! You had/have nothing to be embarrassed of and I wish you the best, I only wish the man that I loved would have recognized that he had a problem, but most won't admit, they think it's normal behavior, time and time again I've been given the excuse that "every man looks at it and j*cks off to it all the time, whether they will admit to it or not". (See my post to read about the issue I had.) Someday you will make some woman very happy by trying to resolve your 'issues' before even bringing her into your life...I only wish I could have been spared the same grief as she.

 

You are definitely in touch with who you are for wanting to improve upon your thoughts, actions and future relationships, there should be more men out there like you!

 

The best of luck to you!

[outofdarkness]

To the original poster of this thread...Can you give us an update on how things are going? Do you still feel comfortable posting here? I've been thinking of you and wondering how things are going..

[JohnSmith]

Things are getting better.. I've been porn free for 2 1/2 months and try not to masturbate at all. I've been getting a lot more frequent erections during the day or when I wake up every morning. When I looked at porn and masturbated pretty much every day I would like never get random erections. Also you notice you aren't as picky when it comes to girls when you quit looking at porn and your brain is trying to go back to normal. At least in my case I'm looking at girls who I would actually go for now but if I looked at them within the last 3 years I wouldn't think twice about hooking up with them.

 

I notice my personality and attitude is changing a lot more to how it used to before I started looking at porn. I'm flirting a lot more with girls but it's still not as much as I used to. I really wanna get back to where I get erections while making out with girls again. But that will probably take a few more months. Once that happens I think I will feel sooo much better. I don't think counciling would really help me much. It's not like they can fix your brain and erase everything you've seen in porn. The only thing I really want to know is how long it takes to get back to normal but that's probably hard to answer since everyone is different and everyone has viewed a different amount of hardcore porn.

 

When I viewed porn at first I would just get aroused so fast.. but in the last 6 months or year of my porn viewing I would have to use my hand to get up or wouldnt even wait for my mind to get me aroused. So I think that's why I got so bad compared to other people who look at porn.

 

Outofdarkness.. when you're making love with your husband, does he get up fine by himself or do you have to actually physically touch his penis before he becomes aroused? I would like to know if that's not too personal. When I was with my girlfriend the past month I got aroused like twice by making out and her getting naked and the other times she would have to physically touch my penis before I got aroused. So that's why I'm wondering.

[outofdarkness]

Things are getting better.. I've been porn free for 2 1/2 months and try not to masturbate at all. I've been getting a lot more frequent erections during the day or when I wake up every morning. When I looked at porn and masturbated pretty much every day I would like never get random erections. Also you notice you aren't as picky when it comes to girls when you quit looking at porn and your brain is trying to go back to normal. At least in my case I'm looking at girls who I would actually go for now but if I looked at them within the last 3 years I wouldn't think twice about hooking up with them.

 

I notice my personality and attitude is changing a lot more to how it used to before I started looking at porn. I'm flirting a lot more with girls but it's still not as much as I used to. I really wanna get back to where I get erections while making out with girls again. But that will probably take a few more months. Once that happens I think I will feel sooo much better. I don't think counciling would really help me much. It's not like they can fix your brain and erase everything you've seen in porn. The only thing I really want to know is how long it takes to get back to normal but that's probably hard to answer since everyone is different and everyone has viewed a different amount of hardcore porn.

 

When I viewed porn at first I would just get aroused so fast.. but in the last 6 months or year of my porn viewing I would have to use my hand to get up or wouldnt even wait for my mind to get me aroused. So I think that's why I got so bad compared to other people who look at porn.

 

Outofdarkness.. when you're making love with your husband, does he get up fine by himself or do you have to actually physically touch his penis before he becomes aroused? I would like to know if that's not too personal. When I was with my girlfriend the past month I got aroused like twice by making out and her getting naked and the other times she would have to physically touch my penis before I got aroused. So that's why I'm wondering.

Yep, he does fine all on his own now, but that was not the case when he was still "in his addiction"...I admire you for confronting your problem head on and recognizing that you needed to make some changes. I sincerely hope that you stay on top of it so to speak and are able to stay on course. I can't get too personal on the forum, but hope I've helped...

[outofdarkness]

And...congrats on being "porn free" for 2.5 months! I'll bet you DO feel better! You will find that your relationships are much more healthy if you're able to stay away from porn. It's poison in my opinion...