Gunny376 Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I'm going to give it to you straight ~ the only difference I see between your marriage and the Titantic is the Titantic had a band playing as she went under! There's nothing "New Age" about your wife ~ being a sorry ass has been around for as long as there's being human beings, and neither gender got the market cornered. I'd be getting some counsling alrlight ~ from a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 QR, How are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quiet Robert Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 MG, I am doing pretty good today. Trying to keep my mind on other things. My dad and I are planning a project for me to do in a few weeks and I have withdrawn from school for the semester (was working on my master's) so I have some time to do some things for me. I just bought a new book (have not read for leisure in years), and a friend (who luckily has a 17 year old daughter who happens to LOVE my kids and ASKS to watch then and I think has a crush on me as well) has asked me to go running with her after work while her daughter watches the kids. Again, just try not to think about it. Thinking about it must makes me mad and I am tired of being mad. Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 QR, I'm glad you're taking time for yourself. Good for you! The more time you take for yourself, the better you'll feel, the greater your self-esteem will grow. It must be flattering that a 17-year-old girl has a crush on you. See, you must have something going for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 in years), and a friend (who luckily has a 17 year old daughter who happens to LOVE my kids and ASKS to watch then and I think has a crush on me as well) has asked me to go running with her after work while her daughter watches the kids. Be very careful here Robert- your love bank is pretty low and this is how affairs start. Not saying you would cheat but if this "friend" shows you positive attention it may lead things in the wrong direction. You need to focus on you right now- not another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Hi Robert, How are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 Robert I think it's safe to say we are all pulling for you on this end. That being said, your wife has some serious issues she needs to address. I must admit you have a lot more patience than I do. If my wife told me she wanted to F**k some other guys, I'd pack her bags, escort her off the property, and tell her good luck. But, it's obvious you love your wife deeply. However, I, (and I may be in the minority here), think some tough love on your end is needed in order to show her you are serious and mean business. I'd do a face to face with her, explaining without arguing, how her actions make you feel, and that if she loves you, her disrespectful behavior needs to cease and she needs to resume being a wife and mother. If she doesn't want to change, and by reading your latest posts it seems she doesn't, then she needs a change of scenery, (someplace else to live). Do not move out, make her. Then withdrawl all monies from your financial accounts. It's going to be hard for everyone, but since she's emotionally smacked you in the face with her unwifely actions and F**k other guys comments, there comes a time when you need to smack back. God Bless and Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 Robert.. I'm going to be blunt here.. You need to gain some balls. She has ZERO respect for you because you have ZERO respect for yourself. When she barks you are just rolling over and piddling. She has become the teenager and you have become her father. If my wife came to me and told me she wanted to **** some other dude, I would hand her, her walking papers. Reminds me of my friend, who is very beautiful and fun loving. This jerk she is dating actually points out the chicks he ****ed while we goto bars/clubs. Not soon after she found out he has cheated on her. That is something you should never tolerate. Continue what you are doing and it will only get worse. Don't excerise because of her, do it for yourself. Make her FACE consequences for her actions and stop TOLERATING it. If she wants to stay with you she needs to complete certain things such as counseling, attitude adjustment, cleaning up around the house, helping with the kids and give a timeline. If she doesn't, then leave. Women love confidence and right now you aren't showing any of it. This is not a marriage, by any means. Don't be afraid to walk out on her and take those kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quiet Robert Posted February 27, 2007 Author Share Posted February 27, 2007 Sorry I have been away for a few days. I have had one crazy weekend. Here is an update to the situation... The other day (Thursday or Friday) I called my wife on the way home and she told me that she found this board and read the posts. I was a little upset that she did not just move on thinking it was mine and I would have shared it with her if I wanted to. However, it is a public forum and who is to say she would not have found it anyway. Point is, she read the posts. I want to thank you all because she is scared. The things that were said on this board scared her straight as it were. She cooked dinner and said that she finally realizes how upset I really am about everything. I have tried to have a talk with her, but she still won't. I am still waiting for her to "feel pretty" enough to actually acknowledge her V-Day gift. Things are getting a LITTLE better. We still have an issue with her spending too damn much money. We go for out first counseling sessions (hopefully) tonight. Our son just had ear tubes put in yesterday and she is not sure we can leave him for an hour, but we will see. She has stopped talking about the guy for the most part. Keeping it to information related to her day, he is her teacher and if I ask her how her day was he is going to come up. The kids were at the grandparents Saturday night and I thought we would have some time to talk and maybe re-connect a bit, but she went to sleep. I have a getaway planned for Easter weekend. My parents are taking the kids and we are going out of town for the entire weekend just us. Not sure if it will change anything or not, but we are going to try. Hopefully with a month of regular counseling behind us this trip will help get things back on track. Link to post Share on other sites
AHIWON Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Wow, this is really twisted. It reminds me of my SO, doesn't matter what I say or do, she just won't listen, doesn't get it. If she hears it from someone else, she might believe it. Your wife is worse than my SO but there are some striking similarities. Link to post Share on other sites
AHIWON Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Here is another similarity: The very first issue I saw as serious trust issue happened about 8 or 9 years ago. We were at a bar with several friends. A brother of one friend accompanied us. I have never seen him before that point. He is talking with SO. The music is loud so I assume they thought I couldn't hear what they were saying. I was talking to someone else but very close by. I wasn't even paying attention to her conversation with the other guy, I overheard a few key words that got my attention so I started to listen. He was talking about absolutely filthy sexual things he would like to do with her. This went on for a good 4 or 5 minutes. That in it's self didn't bother me, her reaction to it is what bothered me. She participated in the conversation with a huge smile on her face the entire time. Not the reaction I would expect at all. Most women I know of would not tolerate that at all and call him a disgusting pervert. Most women would want to get away from him. SO was delighted with it. I was furious. She would never talk about that incident and I've brought it up many times. The only comment I ever got from it was recently in December of last year. She said she was just having fun and couldn't understand why she wasn't allowed have fun. That still bothers me to this day since it has not been resolved. I am left thinking if she can do this right in front of me, what would she do behind my back. Creepy, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Sorry I have been away for a few days. I have had one crazy weekend. Here is an update to the situation... The other day (Thursday or Friday) I called my wife on the way home and she told me that she found this board and read the posts. I was a little upset that she did not just move on thinking it was mine and I would have shared it with her if I wanted to. However, it is a public forum and who is to say she would not have found it anyway. Point is, she read the posts. I want to thank you all because she is scared. The things that were said on this board scared her straight as it were. She cooked dinner and said that she finally realizes how upset I really am about everything. I have tried to have a talk with her, but she still won't. I am still waiting for her to "feel pretty" enough to actually acknowledge her V-Day gift. Things are getting a LITTLE better. We still have an issue with her spending too damn much money. We go for out first counseling sessions (hopefully) tonight. Our son just had ear tubes put in yesterday and she is not sure we can leave him for an hour, but we will see. She has stopped talking about the guy for the most part. Keeping it to information related to her day, he is her teacher and if I ask her how her day was he is going to come up. The kids were at the grandparents Saturday night and I thought we would have some time to talk and maybe re-connect a bit, but she went to sleep. I have a getaway planned for Easter weekend. My parents are taking the kids and we are going out of town for the entire weekend just us. Not sure if it will change anything or not, but we are going to try. Hopefully with a month of regular counseling behind us this trip will help get things back on track. Robert, this goes beyond the v-tines gift. My only suggestion would be to continue counseling, it will take weeks for you both to 'see the light'. You really both need to make each other a priority here and I am sure you haven't been perfect in this relationship as well. I'm glad she has stumbled upon this board and if she wishes she can post here or even PM me as others have. Anything she writes to me will be private and would not even be disclosed to you. Though I am no professional if she needs someone to talk to I am here, just as many others are here too. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 She won't listen because she's in withdrawal from you. Check out marriagebuilders- the three stages of marriage. It's very very telling. Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Hi Robert, I agree with Mz. Pixie. Your wife needs to read much of what's posted on www.marriagebuilders.com. She needs to wake up and start taking her marriage seriously. I am all for personal time - I make sure I have time away from my kids. I take a pottery class. BUT I put my family FIRST. I slaved away in school when I had an infant and an abusive husband (and was pregnant too...argh)...and I managed to find a way to support myself and my kids by getting a great job. Playtime (i.e. drama club) is for children. I am not trying to be mean, I am being realistic. If money is a problem for your family, then your wife should GET A JOB and help support the family. I'm glad your wife has read our posts (maybe it'll wake her up???), but I am afraid that you will no longer feel free to come to LS for support. Feel free to PM me privately and I will write you back. I hope your weekend away together goes well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quiet Robert Posted February 28, 2007 Author Share Posted February 28, 2007 We went to counseling last night and it went well. We are off to a slow start, but I think it will be good. She said that she does not want to give up without a fight. She said that if we do end it she wants to know that we exhausted every possible resource to prevent it. Not going to go into much detail about the session. I think it might be counter productive at this point. Nothing else to update or say, just that we have started regular counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
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